Asking a girl "friend" to be my girl friend...

[Rise Against]

Hello there!

Well I'm a student in high school grade 12 and it's my last year heading to university. Just as background information, im asian while she is caucasian (not that race usually matters).

 

However, my high school dilemma is that I like this girl very much, and we are always talking to each other (and are friends ). My situation is that I really want her to be my girlfriend but the only problem is that I think she likes someone else. Whenever someone asks that if she likes the someone she likes, she never admits it and blushes I believe. As a side note, she always (I mean always) says that she would want to date an asian guy to everyone, but I believe it's only a joke. The interesting thing is that the someone she likes is somewhat my friend and I believe he likes someone else, not the one who I like. Anyways, this girl always hangs out with me, and we're always helping each other in many situations (homework, projects, extracurricular activities, etc.) She is indeed a very busy person, but comes to me whenever she has a problem. Although she is very busy, she told me that she wanted me to go to a party with me probably that's because she's never seen me go to one . It's funny how she would go to see me at a party but she is always busy. We also have the same work ethic, personality and are opinions are very similar. My purpose is to try an take our relationship to the next level, but I don't want to hurt our friendship nor be too pushy. And I am not interested of using her as an object, although she is really good-looking:love:, but to have her accompany me. Her personality is that she is a very nice person and is very smart such as getting an interview at the Loran merit awards for scholarships. She always implies that I'm very smart and look very smart too lol (Not that I'm a geek, but I'm very popular at high school and also smart). We always confort each other and compliment each other as well. The interesting thing is that we have all the same classes in high school together including spares and I do plan to go to the university as her if I can.

 

From my perspective, it seems that she is only interested in me as a friend , but I want to take this a step further if possible. My point is that I'm afraid if I ask her to take this commitment I may lose her as a friend,and that is the last thing I want.

 

If it's possible, are there any ways I can do this - To ask her to be my girlfriend? Oh I'm also the shy side of guy..

[Rise Against]

Anyone going to put some points? Thanks

[jerbear]

if she is interested as friends, well time to grow up and take a step back from her. Don't be friends with her if you want more.

 

Can't have a genuine friendship when one of the two wants more.

 

While you get your degree, there will be MORE women than her. Take some accounting, economics, english classes and ask some of them out. Don't worry about rejection, just ask first, reject later!

[Rise Against]

if she is interested as friends, well time to grow up and take a step back from her. Don't be friends with her if you want more.

 

Can't have a genuine friendship when one of the two wants more.

 

While you get your degree, there will be MORE women than her. Take some accounting, economics, english classes and ask some of them out. Don't worry about rejection, just ask first, reject later!

 

Thanks!

Why is it that I can't be friends with her? What purpose does that do?

 

And are there any more points?

[jerbear]

Thanks!

Why is it that I can't be friends with her? What purpose does that do?

 

And are there any more points?

 

You can try to be friends but is it a real genuine friendship without motives?

 

It is ok to try and see what happens, never know till you try? Either way the relationship will have to change, you would have to take a step back when she does get a bf, finance, husband.

 

Keeping the current relationship just keeps your hopes up.

[Rise Against]

So your overall point to try not to be with her too-too much? And yes I do have withdrawal symptoms from her haha!

[Phateless]

So your overall point to try not to be with her too-too much? And yes I do have withdrawal symptoms from her haha!

 

Basically, if you can't have her, hanging out with her only messes with your head and kills your confidence in your ability to attract women, which in turn, kills your actual ability to attract women. Does that make sense? The relationship has to change somehow. The status-quo is BAD FOR YOU! So if the status quo has to change anyway, why not try for the relationship before you back off? Nothing to lose...

 

I guarantee you that if you had plenty of other options as dates you would not be so fixated on this one woman. You, my good friend, have what's known as "one-itis". Do a google search for that term and you will find your salvation.

 

 

If you must try with her, don't ask her to be your girlfriend. Instead, take her on a date and make a move. Invite her to do something date-like, and if she balks, you have a pretty clear signal of where she stands. If all seems go, keep pushing until you get shot down.

 

You will hate yourself longer if you never try than if you try and fail.

[Rise Against]

Basically, if you can't have her, hanging out with her only messes with your head and kills your confidence in your ability to attract women, which in turn, kills your actual ability to attract women. Does that make sense? The relationship has to change somehow. The status-quo is BAD FOR YOU! So if the status quo has to change anyway, why not try for the relationship before you back off? Nothing to lose...

 

I guarantee you that if you had plenty of other options as dates you would not be so fixated on this one woman. You, my good friend, have what's known as "one-itis". Do a google search for that term and you will find your salvation.

 

 

If you must try with her, don't ask her to be your girlfriend. Instead, take her on a date and make a move. Invite her to do something date-like, and if she balks, you have a pretty clear signal of where she stands. If all seems go, keep pushing until you get shot down.

 

You will hate yourself longer if you never try than if you try and fail.

 

Wow thanks alot for your help!

You just discovered my whole situation. And Yes I am sort of uncertain about what to say to her to take her out maybe to the movies or something?

 

But also, if I was rejected wouldn't I lose her as a friend?

[Rise Against]

So any one got ideas any ideas what I should say? Something that will not wreck our friendship?

[Rise Against]

Anymore points?

[Phateless]

Wow thanks alot for your help!

You just discovered my whole situation. And Yes I am sort of uncertain about what to say to her to take her out maybe to the movies or something?

 

But also, if I was rejected wouldn't I lose her as a friend?

 

You're welcome! I don't think HOW you do it is so important as THAT you do it. I think the significant fact is that you are attempting to remove yourself from the friend-zone. If she's interested, it won't matter what you suggest, she'll be down. One other poster suggested in another thread that perhaps the best way may not be to ask her permission, but rather to wait for an opportune moment and then plant one on her?

 

As far as losing her friendship... not necessarily. And furthermore, at the moment her friendship is doing you more than harm than good, to put it bluntly.

[shewasthesun]

Maybe you need a female's opinion.

Stay friends with her. If you try backing off, she'll notice and think you hate her or something.

 

At the same time, don't act like a best friend. When she comes to you with problems, just listen, don't try to help (that's what best friends do, try everything they can to help) If she comes to you upset, don't tell her everything will get better. Do something daring. Hold her hand. That's all you have to do. She might get a rush from that. Might start an attraction towards you. If she hugs you, don't hug too tight. Just put your arms around her and stroke her back with your fingers. It could be a major turn on. Do little things. Touch often. Touch sends sparks. She'll soon see you in a whole new light.

[Phateless]

Maybe you need a female's opinion.

Stay friends with her. If you try backing off, she'll notice and think you hate her or something.

 

At the same time, don't act like a best friend. When she comes to you with problems, just listen, don't try to help (that's what best friends do, try everything they can to help) If she comes to you upset, don't tell her everything will get better. Do something daring. Hold her hand. That's all you have to do. She might get a rush from that. Might start an attraction towards you. If she hugs you, don't hug too tight. Just put your arms around her and stroke her back with your fingers. It could be a major turn on. Do little things. Touch often. Touch sends sparks. She'll soon see you in a whole new light.

 

That's very good advice. This is the first time I've heard this perspective offered... I'm impressed.

[Rise Against]

Wouldn't she feel very uncomfortable if I just randomly hold her hands when she asks for help?

[Phateless]

Wouldn't she feel very uncomfortable if I just randomly hold her hands when she asks for help?

 

If she did that to you, would you feel uncomfortable? If she likes you, she won't. If you do it in a smooth way so it feels natural, that helps too. If you already know on some level that she'd be uncomfortable if you held her hand, you may already know on that same level that she's not interested. But still, there's only one way to find out.

[KrZyJLyn]

I agree with shewasthesun. You have to reach out and show those little things of affection covertly and see how she reacts.

 

If there's a dating activity that could get your arms around her, it might help; ice-skating or put-put are good (I'm bad at both). If you're decent at something like that, you could help her put, or make sure she doesn't fall *unfortunately you do have to be at least slightly better than her at them, and sometimes that isn't possible.*

 

It gives you an excuse to give her a hug or a helping hand without just doing it. A female will really light up with a warm glow if she feels even slightly more than friendship; I know I can't help but get a big goofy smile and blush.

 

My best friend and I were like this, and subsequently, have remained friends for about 10 years. He and I have always had chemistry, but refused to make an attempt. I wish I would have, or he would have. We both liked each other more than friends in the beginning (and thought we didn't have a shot with the other). Now we're afraid to ruin the best parts of our lives. Its gotten to a point where I think we both realize we still have an incredible connection, but things have gotten much more complicated.

 

Take the chance while you can. If it doesn't work out, move on. If you stay friends, that's great if you can both handle it (sometimes its an emotional train wreck, other times its a mutual feeling). But there are always more opportunities in life if you let your self stumble into them.

[Phateless]

I agree with shewasthesun. You have to reach out and show those little things of affection covertly and see how she reacts.

 

If there's a dating activity that could get your arms around her, it might help; ice-skating or put-put are good (I'm bad at both). If you're decent at something like that, you could help her put, or make sure she doesn't fall *unfortunately you do have to be at least slightly better than her at them, and sometimes that isn't possible.*

 

It gives you an excuse to give her a hug or a helping hand without just doing it. A female will really light up with a warm glow if she feels even slightly more than friendship; I know I can't help but get a big goofy smile and blush.

 

My best friend and I were like this, and subsequently, have remained friends for about 10 years. He and I have always had chemistry, but refused to make an attempt. I wish I would have, or he would have. We both liked each other more than friends in the beginning (and thought we didn't have a shot with the other). Now we're afraid to ruin the best parts of our lives. Its gotten to a point where I think we both realize we still have an incredible connection, but things have gotten much more complicated.

 

Take the chance while you can. If it doesn't work out, move on. If you stay friends, that's great if you can both handle it (sometimes its an emotional train wreck, other times its a mutual feeling). But there are always more opportunities in life if you let your self stumble into them.

 

Watch When Harry Met Sally with him over a bottle of wine. If that doesn't push you guys in the right direction, I don't know what will.

[KrZyJLyn]

Watch When Harry Met Sally with him over a bottle of wine. If that doesn't push you guys in the right direction, I don't know what will.

 

*Sigh* I doubt it, but maybe. I'll attempt to try in any case. Our relationship is just a bit like nothing I've ever seen before and it makes things more difficult than not.

[Phateless]

*Sigh* I doubt it, but maybe. I'll attempt to try in any case. Our relationship is just a bit like nothing I've ever seen before and it makes things more difficult than not.

 

I know what you mean. It's weird being ridiculously close with someone yet feeling like there's a sharp barrier from going any further.

 

There's a song by Jurassic 5 Featuring Nelly Furtado - Thin Line - that describes this situation perfectly.

[KrZyJLyn]

It's tough, no lie, but at the same time, I almost want to start everything again fresh and just let things be the way they've always been. I know that I can live the way things are, I just wish I could figure out a way to give my emotions and relationship processes a jump start... they've kinda died down. I've been single for about a year and I've begun to realize more and more (mostly about my self). I just feel like there are too many walls and not enough doors...

[Trialbyfire]

Every girl/woman is different. It sounds like you might be in the close friends zone, rather than the friends zone. For me, that means never-never land but for some, it might not.

 

Have you considered asking her out? Better to date first before asking someone to be your g/f. For all you know, you might not enjoy her company, as a romantic interest. People relax with friends and sometimes get uptight when they're dating. There's also different expectations for friends, rather than love interests.