The inner world of "just another guy"

[ICS]

A year now, that's how long it's been since I broke up with my ex of 5 years.

Since then, I lost my best friend/girlfriend from that. Well, realistically, I lost the only companionship that I had, because most of my friends have headed new lives and joined new social circles after we parted from high school.

I don't think about my ex much anymore; from time to time we have frivolous conversations exclusively over the internet, and our conversations have been basic, without any mention of the past.

 

But I feel so lonely.

 

After leaving the relationship, I signed up for some dating sites. Having fun and taking it lightly was what I first had in mind when I joined last year, but little by little, I began to realize that it was completely futile for me. The high points was that I ended up chatting with a few girls, but none of them cared to maintain any lasting friendships that carried off to the real world. I remember a girl whom I chatted with for 2 months almost everday (emails back and forth), but one day she just dissappeared from the site, and that was the end of her.

 

Dissapointed, I stopped using those sites for some months.

 

In my daily life now my busy schedule and my circumstances have made it difficult to mingle with others. This is a revelation that became especially prominent in the past months, as I began to see myself as completely isolated from the world, devoid of friends or any type of companionship.

 

Out of desperation, I recently tried the online dating route again, but with an emphasis on making new friends. Surprisingly though, it catered to none of my needs, and instead kept decreasing my self-confidence and self-worth realizing that almost no one has checked my profile(despite logging in everyday and sending occasional messages). Worse than that though, was that none of my emails have been returned. As I sit here and reflect on the experience, I feel like I am sinking deeper and deeper into the water, there's just no hope. Why can people not see me for who I am? What am I doing wrong? Ironically, i remember my ex once telling me that friends are forever, and that "guys just come and go".