torranceshipman Posted November 18, 2007 Share Posted November 18, 2007 Hi guys, I'd appreciate your thoughts on this. I was previously dating a great guy, we were only together for 2.5months-ish - all going really great and felt like it could get pretty serious, but then he suffered a really hard bereavement, and broke up with me immediately- but always insisted on us being close friends, which we were for a bit. But in the end, I needed space before being comfortable with a proper friendship so I could move on, so I asked him for space. After a few months, he got back in touch (in the meantime he'd started dating someone) and called and emailed, was being very sweet, very flirty, and really to the point where I had to say to him - stop, as you hve a girlfriend now and this is NOT right. He continued but after I really really told him off, he stopped and apologised...he admitted he still likes me, and said he felt that he was in a bad place (understandably) when we were together - but agreed it was totally inappropriate to act like this with me now, when he has a girlfriend-but that if we are in the situation where he is single, that is the time we should tackle this. I'm glad he said that - I was relieved - as he was being honest and respectful. What do you guys think - is he trying to show me he is interested now he feels a bit morelike himself again, after the awful bereavement he went through? Or is this just him being a bit random? He doesnt strike me as the type that would mess around for fun or to be an ass, etc, and I know he has a lot of respect for me, so I dont know why he's acting like this really? Link to post Share on other sites
sedgwick Posted November 18, 2007 Share Posted November 18, 2007 I would say that as long as he has a girlfriend, you're doing the right thing by reminding him that it's disrespectful to be calling you and flirting. Does it make you want him less, seeing him behave this way? Also, best username ever. Be! Aggressive! Be, be aggressive! Link to post Share on other sites
thelegend Posted November 18, 2007 Share Posted November 18, 2007 I think being with another woman made him miss you. It's the grass isn't greener on the other side syndrome. I think he really likes you and can't help himself. But the question is do you want him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author torranceshipman Posted November 18, 2007 Author Share Posted November 18, 2007 Hey Sedgwick, thanks, it rocks, hey, haha (-; You are right that it did make me think less of him for acting this way...for one thing, it was killing our chance to be friends, and I was pretty let down that he'd treat his girlfriend like that, but now he's stopped I'm quite relieved! Plus, I do admit I still quite the like the guy, but agreed - I don't want any part of it unless he is single. And thanks, Legend - what you say makes sense...in an ideal world he'd decide to be single, then we could act on this (because I do still like him), but he isn't - so we can't! Link to post Share on other sites
thelegend Posted November 18, 2007 Share Posted November 18, 2007 I agree you can't wait for him to decide what he wants. I'm going through a similar thing with my ex. She has a man matter of fact the same guy she left me for and yet she can't leave me alone and i still want her. But i'm going out with other people. It's cute to see her jealous Link to post Share on other sites
Author torranceshipman Posted November 20, 2007 Author Share Posted November 20, 2007 Agh whyyyy did this guy do this? Now I'm thinking about him way more than I should be, lol...maybe thats why he did it? BTW, I read on this forum that some guys say its bad for a guy to be in the 'friend zone' witha girl they like....but does it work the other way round, i.e. a girl being friends with a guy she likes? I'd have thought me and this guy staying in touch as friends (but with a flirting ban) would make him think of me a bit more than if we weren't in touch? But then what do I know, if I was an expert I guess we'd still be dating, lol! (-; Link to post Share on other sites
sedgwick Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 I'm glad you're not just running back to him in spite of him having a new gf. A lot of people do that, as if they have some claim on the person because they're an ex and they were there first. I've learned the hard way that if he cheats to be with you, he'll cheat ON you. Every time!! *drops spirit stick* Link to post Share on other sites
Lee725 Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 Hi, It is a little scary that he is expressing all this to you while he does have a GF. Sedgwick is spot on that if he cheats to be with you he will cheat on you. The definition of cheating does vary from person to person, but i know that if my BF was expressing his affections to his ex, i would make a run for it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author torranceshipman Posted November 21, 2007 Author Share Posted November 21, 2007 Hey Sedgwick, Yep this sitch is definitely a dropped spirit stick kinda thing-not good! (-; Lee, I agree, I'd dump a guy if I found out he'd been acting like this with an ex - I'd be mortified! He assured me that he'd never acted like this when he was with me, but thats hardly relevant now! There's no chance I'd ever consider being involved with him, unless he's single...so that's not an issue for me.. But I just can't understand why he'd do this, and its a pain, as I do still like him quite a bit - its made me miss him again and (unfortunately) wish he was single again-and wonder how he feels about me-agh! I need to find a new cutie to take my mind off this, i think (-; Link to post Share on other sites
Sw3etdev1L Posted November 22, 2007 Share Posted November 22, 2007 Really I don't know why you stay in touch with him if it tortures you. I mean you like the guy, he has a girlfriend...Would he cheat his girlfriend to be with you and then go back to his girlfriend?? that's lame. Why do you want a person like that in your life? He didn't appreciate you when he should've appreciated you, why give him a second chance?? he doesn't deserve you. Really. single and single go together, couple and single don't. have you ever thought, while he was with you did he like his ex girlfriend?? that would be so lame too. would you really confide in him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author torranceshipman Posted November 22, 2007 Author Share Posted November 22, 2007 Hey SweetDevil, Did you even read my post?! I got really angry at the guy for getting back in touch with me and being flirty (when I'm the one that asked for space so we could be friends eventually when enough time had passed) - it was ME that really railed at him for flirting and being inappropriate when he had a girlfriend - he subsequently apologised. I found his behaviour really stupid (you'll see that from my post) - I haven't confided with him about anything at all - he is also acting 100% like a regular friend now-as a result of my having a big go at him, which I find acceptable - as he knows I wont speak to him otherwise. And for your cheating comment - I think I made it clear in my post that I'd never have any interest in the guy unless he is 100% single, so re read before you start calling people lame for no reason! I'm pretty proud of how I acted actually (-; Link to post Share on other sites
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