I can't stop obsessing over him looking at women in movies and tv i am too jealous

[armywife915]

So my husband downloaded the movie Eyes Wide Shut. Honestly, it should be considered a porn, but I heard it was really good. However, I know that there is naked women in it and it drives me completely crazy knowing that he is looking at these naked women.

 

I know that I am being stupid and irrational about it but I always get jealous about things like this. I can't even watch the movie myself because all I think about is that he wishes I look like them. Dumb thing is he tells me all the time how much he loves me and how beautiful I am. Guys hit on me at the bars all the time, so I really don't know why I can't get over this. It is uncontrollable.

 

Please help me get over this ridiculous jealousy over artificial women.

[Curmudgeon]

Please help me get over this ridiculous jealousy over artificial women.

 

1) He's with you and will be long after the movie ends.

 

2) If he didn't admire other attractive women, he wouldn't be admiring you either.

 

3) All signs point to the fact that he isn't gay.

 

4) It sounds reasonably safe since he watches them with you.

 

5) Too much jealousy can bring about the end of a relationship just as fast as not caring one way or the other can.

[michaelk]

I know that I am being stupid and irrational about it but I always get jealous about things like this. ..... It is uncontrollable.

 

Why do you feel insecure in your marriage? It seems you have a fear that your H is going to leave you, despite his compliments and reassurances. Is there something he does or says (other than looking at women in movies) that makes you believe he'd leave you? Is this a symptom of low self-esteem on your part?

[shadowofman]

I think you need to redefine.

Are you jealous of the naked girls he is looking at?

Are you possessive of him, that you don't want him looking at other girls?

If your jealous of the girls, this is self-esteem and you really should try to get over it.

If your just being possessive of him, then you probably don't want to change. You should take possession of him and tell him what he cannot do. He may leave you for it, but that may just be how you need the relationship to work. For your sanity.

[armywife915]

I actually don't have a fear of him leaving at all. See, that's the thing. I know I am insecure with myself, but I know he would never leave me or hurt me. It's just like a trigger when I see women on tv I think he will want me to look like them. I just don't know how to not think that way.

 

I am not possesive at all. I let him go out with his friends with no problem at all. I am getting ready for him to be deployed to Iraq and I have come to terms with that as well. I just don't know how to get over it and realize he is not looking at these women wishing I looked like them.

[Cobra_X30]

I actually don't have a fear of him leaving at all. See, that's the thing. I know I am insecure with myself, but I know he would never leave me or hurt me. It's just like a trigger when I see women on tv I think he will want me to look like them. I just don't know how to not think that way.

 

I am not possesive at all. I let him go out with his friends with no problem at all. I am getting ready for him to be deployed to Iraq and I have come to terms with that as well. I just don't know how to get over it and realize he is not looking at these women wishing I looked like them.

 

? Do you wish that you looked like them?

[armywife915]

yeah i guess i do sometimes. i have days where i am really happy with my body and days where i am not. i am 5' 117lbs so it's not like i am fat but i have big hips so i feel very unproportioned

[Lizzie60]

yeah i guess i do sometimes. i have days where i am really happy with my body and days where i am not. i am 5' 117lbs so it's not like i am fat but i have big hips so i feel very unproportioned

 

 

Hummm... methink that it's those big hips that attracted him in the first place.

 

You have to stop this nonsense... It will destroy your life.... Maybe a few sessions with a therapist would help...

 

You got to stop cause you might eventually drive him nuts with this jealousy.

[armywife915]

yeah that is what attracted him. therapy would be great but i can't afford it. so i am at a loss.

[shadowofman]

As a man, I could never counsel a woman on how to feel better about herself. All I can tell you is that 5' 117 lbs. IS attractive.

I wish I was taller and had a bigger penis, but I have come to accept the way I am built. Now I just appreciate taller, better hung guys.

I try to eat well and stay fit, I do ok, but I'm also not willing to put the time into getting a six pack or anything.

If your not attracted to women, then I guess you can't just try and appreciate them, but do you do anything to make yourself feel more attractive? Do you treat yourself to anything? Does he treat you to anything?

[Trialbyfire]

Grrrr...I hate self-image issues. Something tells me you're probably very attractive and yet you're worried about your hips. Why? Do you expect yourself to be perfect? What causes you to doubt yourself? A pair of hips that you wish to be a little narrower? Read this. Doesn't it sound ridiculous to you? It does to me.

 

Really, really look in the mirror. What do you see? Now have your husband stand behind you and look at you, in the mirror. What do you see in his eyes? He's with you for a reason and believes you're beautiful. This is all that matters.

[armywife915]

I don't exercise yet, but a friend from work is burning me some dvd's so I am going to start. I don't really eat bad. I try to treat myself once in awhile and he does too, it's just hard with him leaving we have to save some money.

 

A lot of you guys have helped me see how stupid I really am being. Especially the last poster. I know part of my problem is my insecurities which resulted from my childhood. However, there comes a time where you can't use that as an excuse anymore and you need to realize what you've got. And me getting jealous is not being very thankful to my husband. Thank you all for your wonderful advice!

[bish]

armywife,

you know its funny...I am dating someone right now, and if we go see a movie and there is a naked female in it, I actually feel guilty...even though that isn't why I'm watching the movie...but it just kind of makes me feel funny. I guess I just don't want it to bother her that I am seeing another woman with her clothes off. I know I know...its just a movie...but I wonder if she wonders what i'm thinking and wonder if she is insecure about it.

 

So when nudity comes on the screen, once I said, "I'm thirsty, you want a Pepsi?" and got up to go get one...LOL.

 

I guess I just don't want to make her feel uncomfortable...even though I didn't put the boobs up on screen.

[babyboo82]

i did the same and now my ex is still doing it-you cant stop him and if you try you may lose him as i did-and a comment for a previous answer"stop getting jealous by artificial women"if he can get aroused by "artificial women"then why is she not allowed to get jealous two of the deadliest sins mate-jealousy and lust

[armywife915]

armywife,

you know its funny...I am dating someone right now, and if we go see a movie and there is a naked female in it, I actually feel guilty...even though that isn't why I'm watching the movie...but it just kind of makes me feel funny. I guess I just don't want it to bother her that I am seeing another woman with her clothes off. I know I know...its just a movie...but I wonder if she wonders what i'm thinking and wonder if she is insecure about it.

 

So when nudity comes on the screen, once I said, "I'm thirsty, you want a Pepsi?" and got up to go get one...LOL.

 

I guess I just don't want to make her feel uncomfortable...even though I didn't put the boobs up on screen.

 

 

That is so funny! I wish my H would do that lol! For me, it's like a trigger that makes me think, "Oh I bet he wishes I looked like her." Even though I know he doesn't. I seriously just have to get over it. That's all there is to it.

[bish]

That is so funny! I wish my H would do that lol! For me, it's like a trigger that makes me think, "Oh I bet he wishes I looked like her." Even though I know he doesn't. I seriously just have to get over it. That's all there is to it.

 

Well then there is the flip side, a man, or woman, that will see someone and just go gaga over them...not taking into account their SO's feelings at all.

 

One of my rules is, if a woman doesn't consider my feelings enough to keep from showing her unbridled desire for someone else in front of me....I don't stick around. If someone is that insensitive, why bother with them?

Its been my experience that behavior of that nature is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to a long string of undesirable behaviors in a potential mate.

 

I'm not saying people are not going to be attracted to other people...thats natural...but have the decency to shut up about it and keep it to yourself.

[armywife915]

Well then there is the flip side, a man, or woman, that will see someone and just go gaga over them...not taking into account their SO's feelings at all.

 

One of my rules is, if a woman doesn't consider my feelings enough to keep from showing her unbridled desire for someone else in front of me....I don't stick around. If someone is that insensitive, why bother with them?

Its been my experience that behavior of that nature is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to a long string of undesirable behaviors in a potential mate.

 

I'm not saying people are not going to be attracted to other people...thats natural...but have the decency to shut up about it and keep it to yourself.

 

Well, luckily he doesn't say things like, "Oh wow she is sexy" or anything to that affect. So that's why I feel like I am being stupid. He does nothing for me to be so jealous.

[bish]

Well, luckily he doesn't say things like, "Oh wow she is sexy" or anything to that affect. So that's why I feel like I am being stupid. He does nothing for me to be so jealous.

 

well keep in mind, he can't help what is on the screen...that is unless he just popped in a porn DVD.

[Phateless]

So my husband downloaded the movie Eyes Wide Shut. Honestly, it should be considered a porn, but I heard it was really good. However, I know that there is naked women in it and it drives me completely crazy knowing that he is looking at these naked women.

 

I know that I am being stupid and irrational about it but I always get jealous about things like this. I can't even watch the movie myself because all I think about is that he wishes I look like them. Dumb thing is he tells me all the time how much he loves me and how beautiful I am. Guys hit on me at the bars all the time, so I really don't know why I can't get over this. It is uncontrollable.

 

Please help me get over this ridiculous jealousy over artificial women.

 

See a therapist. With all due respect, you have serious emotional baggage that you need to deal with. These problems are merely symptoms of your own insecurities. This is not normal. We can get you started but it's going to take a lot of introspection and heavy work on self improvement to deal with this. Good luck.

[bish]

See a therapist. With all due respect, you have serious emotional baggage that you need to deal with. These problems are merely symptoms of your own insecurities. This is not normal. We can get you started but it's going to take a lot of introspection and heavy work on self improvement to deal with this. Good luck.

 

Oh, I don't think its quite that serious to have to see a therapist. She realizes she may just be being oversensitive.

 

Now if she was so bothered by this where she couldn't eat, sleep, and carry on a normal day...then ya. but I don't think its quite that serious.

[Phateless]

Oh, I don't think its quite that serious to have to see a therapist. She realizes she may just be being oversensitive.

 

Now if she was so bothered by this where she couldn't eat, sleep, and carry on a normal day...then ya. but I don't think its quite that serious.

 

It's serious enough that it's affecting her relationship. That's where they draw the threshold in terms of alcoholism and stuff like that. If it bothers her that much, she's pretty damn insecure! We can get her started, but this is going to be a long time to fix.

[armywife915]

It doesn't really affect my relationship. I pretty much keep it to myself. Last night though it was ok we saw some beautiful girls on tv and I was fine. And I know he is not looking at them and thinking those things. Thank you for the advice on seeing a therapist though, but it's not quite that bad. I am going to start working out and that will help me a lot with my self-esteem.

[Trialbyfire]

It doesn't really affect my relationship. I pretty much keep it to myself. Last night though it was ok we saw some beautiful girls on tv and I was fine. And I know he is not looking at them and thinking those things. Thank you for the advice on seeing a therapist though, but it's not quite that bad. I am going to start working out and that will help me a lot with my self-esteem.

Maybe all you needed was some "give your head a shake" advice, which is always offered freely on LS.

 

We all go through issues that seem to be insurmountable in our own heads, due to emotions. Then we air them on LS and get advice from many perspectives, including some very common sense ones.

 

Now off to the gym you go, if this is something you want to do for yourself. Never do it for someone else or you won't stick to the regime.

 

Good luck.

[Phateless]

It doesn't really affect my relationship. I pretty much keep it to myself. Last night though it was ok we saw some beautiful girls on tv and I was fine. And I know he is not looking at them and thinking those things. Thank you for the advice on seeing a therapist though, but it's not quite that bad. I am going to start working out and that will help me a lot with my self-esteem.

 

Good girl, keep us posted. Let me know if you need me to verbally smack you around some more.

[armywife915]

Good girl, keep us posted. Let me know if you need me to verbally smack you around some more.

 

lol no problem and i will be sure to return the favor sometime:D