I can't stop obsessing over him looking at women in movies and tv i am too jealous

[Trialbyfire]

here's the thing, if a H said, "we have financial issues and consequently I just can't be comfortable with your shopping."

 

I think we would all agree that this is a request that should be given reasonable consideration.

 

still, shopping is not sexual. and sexual experiences are far more expected to be an issue of mutual agreement in a marriage then any old interest like golf or some other random activity. this analogy doesn't really work for me.

Why is sexuality so taboo, as long as it doesn't go too far? Why does a woman need more than one pair of black shoes?

[ElvenPriestess]

I don't understand how something so intimate and personal can be compared to shopping for shoes or anything else.

[Phateless]

to discuss your point, lets take an example of jealousy that doesn't involve love/sex. a friend of mine recently enjoyed the fortune of a career acheivement which caused me to feel: happiness, pride, admiration and jealousy all sincerely and concurrently. I didn't fear losing anything. I was extremely happy about the occurrence, and I was jealous in a good and healthy way.

 

Now this point is only to say that your statement of what jealousy means, is way too simplistic. the point of the OP's story, IMO is that I don't think it has to mean she's insecure for feeling what she feels. maybe it does mean that, or maybe it just means, this is not within her personal definition of a loving relationship. there's lots of different rights.

 

As for your description of how you'd like a woman to respond to you admiring a naked woman on a screen, etc. that's fine, but how we would idealy like our SO's to respond to any and everything we might do is NOT the standard for what is the only right and reasonble response.

 

My issue is not with jealousy at all.. A LITTLE BIT is normal and probably healthy. I feel the same way when a friend has something good in their life, but it doesn't rattle me, nor do I hold it against them. That's what I'm saying. To react that strongly about a little bit of on-screen nudity shows pretty serious insecurity.

 

TBF - thank for helping me to illustrate my point. I can always count on you to back me up, or call me on my BS, depending on what I'm saying, lol.

[Trialbyfire]

I don't understand how something so intimate and personal can be compared to shopping for shoes or anything else.

Envy and greed are sins too. These are elements in wanting that 10th pair of black shoes.

 

Edit: No probs Phateless, next thread I'll be calling you out.

[norajane]

to discuss your point, lets take an example of jealousy that doesn't involve love/sex. a friend of mine recently enjoyed the fortune of a career acheivement which caused me to feel: happiness, pride, admiration and jealousy all sincerely and concurrently. I didn't fear losing anything. I was extremely happy about the occurrence, and I was jealous in a good and healthy way.

 

Now this point is only to say that your statement of what jealousy means, is way too simplistic.

 

Popey, what you're describing is not jealousy, it's envy. Envy is when you wish you had something (career achievement) that someone else has. Jealousy IS when you have a fear of losing something.

[Phateless]

Envy and greed are sins too. These are elements in wanting that 10th pair of black shoes.

 

Edit: No probs Phateless, next thread I'll be calling you out.

 

lol, in all likelihood you will. I was being kind of an ass in a few threads recently...

[armywife915]

It's so great reading these posts because when I started it I was going through an insane period of jealousy and now I have realized that it is my insecurities. Maybe that's not the case with every woman but it definitely is with me. I realized this because when I see a girl on tv my first thought is, "damn, I wish I looked like her." Then it switches to, "he probably wishes I looked like her." Which is definitely not fair to him. I know he is not intentionally looking because he thinks I am beautiful in every way. Now, if I could learn to see that and agree, maybe this wouldn't be a problem. I am not saying hey honey go look at naked women in porn, but in a regular movie if a flash of tits are shown, I would like to be ok with that. I am getting there and now that he understands that it's not him and it's my self esteem, we haven't fought about it. I thank you all, I absolutely love this site.

[popey]

TBF- I definitely don't think sexuality is taboo. I do think that it is a specific thing in most SO relationships, about which there are expectations and committments to agree upon your indulgence in it. under your argument, why can't he have sex with whomever he wants too? he's not telling her she can't have another pair of shoes, who is she to tell him he can't have two lovers?

[Trialbyfire]

TBF- I definitely don't think sexuality is taboo. I do think that it is a specific thing in most SO relationships, about which there are expectations and committments to agree upon your indulgence in it. under your argument, why can't he have sex with whomever he wants too? he's not telling her she can't have another pair of shoes, who is she to tell him he can't have two lovers?

Not the same argument. Watching a few nude scenes in the context of a movie, during prime time TV or even at the theatre, isn't a big deal.

 

By your logic, it should then be open season on the next Bally shoe sale and she can mortgage the house again, to pay for her 1000 pairs of shoes.

 

Admiring something briefly, isn't a sin, unless you covet it. I have far more faith in men, that they can control their animal urges, that a brief flash of breasts, isn't going to make them stalk the actresses, to have carnal sex with them.

[ElvenPriestess]

These "sins" are completely different, and I don't thing can truly be related. The only thing we're putting them to have in common is being a sin. But really, they have nothing else in common. It truly isn't fair to try and relate the two. One is a woman's obsessive nature with shopping, and one is the very fabric of intimacy.

[Trialbyfire]

These "sins" are completely different, and I don't thing can truly be related. The only thing we're putting them to have in common is being a sin. But really, they have nothing else in common. It truly isn't fair to try and relate the two. One is a woman's obsessive nature with shopping, and one is the very fabric of intimacy.

You might want to discuss that with the big guy at the pearly gates. A sin is a sin.

[ElvenPriestess]

Not the same argument. Watching a few nude scenes in the context of a movie, during prime time TV or even at the theatre, isn't a big deal.

 

By your logic, it should then be open season on the next Bally shoe sale and she can mortgage the house again, to pay for her 1000 pairs of shoes.

 

Admiring something briefly, isn't a sin, unless you covet it. I have far more faith in men, that they can control their animal urges, that a brief flash of breasts, isn't going to make them stalk the actresses, to have carnal sex with them.

 

It is the lusting of that is the sin, and the enjoyment with your eyes (not you personally) is lustful in nature and that IS a sin.

[Phateless]

It's so great reading these posts because when I started it I was going through an insane period of jealousy and now I have realized that it is my insecurities. Maybe that's not the case with every woman but it definitely is with me. I realized this because when I see a girl on tv my first thought is, "damn, I wish I looked like her." Then it switches to, "he probably wishes I looked like her." Which is definitely not fair to him. I know he is not intentionally looking because he thinks I am beautiful in every way. Now, if I could learn to see that and agree, maybe this wouldn't be a problem. I am not saying hey honey go look at naked women in porn, but in a regular movie if a flash of tits are shown, I would like to be ok with that. I am getting there and now that he understands that it's not him and it's my self esteem, we haven't fought about it. I thank you all, I absolutely love this site.

 

Good for you, ArmyWife!! Now you can start to kill them... when those thoughts and feelings flash into your head, they will already have less power than before because you will know not to take them seriously, or dignify them with any kind of action.

 

He's with YOU for a reason, and one of them is that he thinks you're beautiful!

 

popey - you need to look inside and ask yourself WHY you feel so strongly about this. What's driving that? You have to trust him. He probably goes to work and out into the world every day, and sometimes women will flirt with him. He comes home to you because he loves you. Seeing other women on the screen and other women flirting with him have nothing to do with you. He loves YOU. You should trust that.

[Trialbyfire]

It is the lusting of that is the sin, and the enjoyment with your eyes (not you personally) is lustful in nature and that IS a sin.

So is envy and greed. Stop looking at the glamour mags and other types of shopping advertising vehicles or you might find yourself envying models and their attire.

[Phateless]

It is the lusting of that is the sin, and the enjoyment with your eyes (not you personally) is lustful in nature and that IS a sin.

 

Ah ha... now we get down to it. Religion.

 

TBF, we're arguing a lost cause here...

[ElvenPriestess]

So is envy and greed. Stop looking at the glamour mags and other types of shopping advertising vehicles or you might find yourself envying models and their attire.

 

Yes, you're right that COULD happen. But me envying someone else's property is my own sin, and it effects no one else. However, a man lusting is also his own sin, but is effecting his mate. That's the difference I'm refering to.

[Trialbyfire]

Ah ha... now we get down to it. Religion.

 

TBF, we're arguing a lost cause here...

Refer to my arguments Phateless. They are religiously based. There are no sins less or more deadly. They are all equal.

[ElvenPriestess]

Ah ha... now we get down to it. Religion.

 

TBF, we're arguing a lost cause here...

 

You're right, this has gotten towards the religious, and it's probably not a good idea, it would take this into a different turn with potential discomforts to others. )But if anyone wants to talk about it OUTSIDE the thread, I'm more than willing)

[Phateless]

Yes, you're right that COULD happen. But me envying someone else's property is my own sin, and it effects no one else. However, a man lusting is also his own sin, but is effecting his mate. That's the difference I'm refering to.

 

See, but YOU are assuming he's lusting. How do you know he even is?! Him seeing those images only affects the relationship because of your over-reaction. He probably forgets about them moments after he sees them!

[Trialbyfire]

Yes, you're right that COULD happen. But me envying someone else's property is my own sin, and it effects no one else. However, a man lusting is also his own sin, but is effecting his mate. That's the difference I'm refering to.

The only way it is affecting his mate is through her insecurities.

[Phateless]

Refer to my arguments Phateless. They are religiously based. There are no sins less or more deadly. They are all equal.

 

And here would be the example of me being an ass and you calling me on it!

[Trialbyfire]

And here would be the example of me being an ass and you calling me on it!

You have a sense of humour about it. I can respect that. I also know that you would call me out too. Don't worry, I have my moments too.

[ElvenPriestess]

See, but YOU are assuming he's lusting. How do you know he even is?! Him seeing those images only affects the relationship because of your over-reaction. He probably forgets about them moments after he sees them!

 

Ok, please be calm, as I said earlier these things effect different people differently. It effects the relationship in the first place because of the discomfort on the part of the female. Now I'm not saying that puts him in the wrong, but simply, it must be addressed. I am sorry if I made my last statement a stereotype.

[popey]

TBF- fair enough. I'm just saying that I don't think that matters of sex and romance are expected in most relationships to be treated exactly like any other thought and activity. It is more specific to relationships. I get that seeing some boobs in a movie is not a violative act. Just don't think its fair to comparing veiwing the opposite sex to shopping as a general line of thought.

 

but yes- if her husband said, I don't want you to go to the museum anymore because it makes me think you wish I had a penus like David... that would sound pretty cooky.

[ElvenPriestess]

The only way it is affecting his mate is through her insecurities.

 

You have to remember too that sometimes it's the way a person was brought up. For example if a wife was raised by her parents that the indulgence in nudity is a sin, then her husband sees that in a movie, she would respond with that instinct she was raised with.