I can't stop obsessing over him looking at women in movies and tv i am too jealous

[shadowofman]

That is so funny! I wish my H would do that lol! For me, it's like a trigger that makes me think, "Oh I bet he wishes I looked like her." Even though I know he doesn't. I seriously just have to get over it. That's all there is to it.

This isn't going to help probably, but just a statement.

I have never, ever, once, thought, "I wish my girl looked like" anything.

It's always, "I wish my girl and that girl were doing me right now."

Big difference!

[Advent]

Dear armywife

 

Jealousy is not a problem it is a diseases. It is something thats needs to be cured.

I am exactly like your H I love looking at women because they are beautiful species and nice to look at and admire. However looking at hotbabes and naked women on the silver screen does not make me think any lesser of my wife and no i do not wish that my W looks like them. She is 63KGs and 5'3 so you can imagine.

 

I told my wife when we were dating that 90% of my friends are women and she has a problem with it. But i know my boundries. I said to my wife i am a people watcher i will look when she is with me or not. I do it in the open as my concience is clear. You should be greatfull that you H only looks at them and not out looking FOR them.

 

The think is i did not marry my W because of physical attractions and good looks are not good enough for me the reason i married her is because she is extraordinary that's what i look for and when i make love to her it is just me and her no one else in mind.

 

As for you i am sure the reason he picked you out of the billions and trillions of women out there is not just the big hips it is because you are extraordinary to him and no drop dead gorgeous looking gal on or off the silver screen will ever change that. And from your posts that i have read he seem to be an honorable man with principals and dignity that you may not know about who keeps reassuring you over and over again. You need to learn to let go and not make assumptions on his behalf of what he thinks of you when he looks at NAKED WOMEN.

 

If you need to really know what he really thinks why don't you confront him and ask him what he thinks instead of deciding for him.

 

And remmember that you are extraordinary to him and thats why he picked you in the first place.

[bish]

Dear armywife

 

Jealousy is not a problem it is a diseases. It is something thats needs to be cured..

 

Poppycock...a little jealousy is a healthy thing...not just raving lunatic jealousy, which armywife is not displaying.

 

If my SO didn't get just a little jealous, I'd think she didn't give a crap.

[Trialbyfire]

Poppycock...a little jealousy is a healthy thing...not just raving lunatic jealousy, which armywife is not displaying.

 

If my SO didn't get just a little jealous, I'd think she didn't give a crap.

I agree, although the term territorial is more fitting, I think.

 

I'm more than willing to admit I don't share and that if I don't feel territorial over someone, it means I don't value them as being someone worth coveting, by another.

[armywife915]

wow i think saying its a disease is pretty harsh and i said i was getting a lot better. thanks for sticking up for me bish

[bish]

wow i think saying its a disease is pretty harsh and i said i was getting a lot better. thanks for sticking up for me bish

 

No problem..like I said...I think a little jealousy is healthy...otherwise I wouldn't think they cared.

 

It also gives me an opportunity...an opportunity to show my SO just how much she means to me when she has doubts.

 

If a woman expresses a little jealousy and concern over something, it should be viewed as an opportunity by the man to look at her and say, "oh honey..you have nothing to be jealous about"...give her some soft kisses and a nice firm warm hug.

 

and if the man says something like, "get off my case" or "you just being stupid", then you'll know he doesn't value your feelings and isn't worth 2 squirts of p!ss.

[PerfectLee]

I loved all of Bish's posts, by the way.

 

It's just like a trigger when I see women on tv I think he will want me to look like them. I just don't know how to not think that way.

It's funny because I "sometimes" have this problem, it's actually refreshing to hear that someone else out there besides me goes through this. I know where my trigger comes from though, maybe it's different for you. I'm 30 yrs old, I've been in 3 serious relationships and many not-so-serious. But I cared for all of them and was deeply hurt whenever it was over. I've been cheated on in every long and short-term relationship I've been in. I was left for another woman, whether she was more attractive wasn't the question, the bottom line was that I was left for someone else.

 

In my current relationship, my girlfriend (I'm gay) looks occasionally but I don't react like I used to. Knowing that she loves me deeply & I have tons of self confidence in myself, knowing that my with ex's "They lost me, I didn't lose them" type of thinking has helped, she comes to bed with me at night, crawls into my arms, and during those times I'm 100% sure she's not thinking of anyone else. You just gotta know that your H is all about you, with men, they can't even remember it anymore 2-3 seconds after they see an attractive woman. My GF touches my hand or pulls me in closer to her if we see a naked woman in a movie, it's her way of saying "C'mon...don't even go there. She's not as hot as you." Given that we're both girls, sometimes we're attracted to the same type of girls. No jealousy there though...it fades after a few seconds, just like with men.

[armywife915]

That is so cute that she does that for you. I also think women are a little more sensitive to other women because they know how the hormones can be. I just had a long talk with my H about it tonight while we were at the mall because I tried on some jeans and just felt gross. I explained to him that my self-esteem just sucks and it's not his fault and that I am working on improving that. I also asked him what he thought when he sees women on tv that are half naked. He said he just thinks about how good the movie is. Also, we went to see Hitman last night which rocked but of course there was a half naked girl in it. He said all he thought about seeing that was how he wanted to be a hitman so he could just kill people. It was kind of funny and I really needed to hear that. He has been telling me very positive things too the past few days, more than what he was. I think he gets it that I am not really jealous of him, I just need to build my self-esteem.

[ElvenPriestess]

I think I'm going to say something that may disagree with the rest of you, but it's how I think. I tend to get irritated with nudity in movies, and I don't like watching my husband watch those women. You know what though? Why should I like it? Why should any wife be accepting of her husband looking at movies with naked women. My feeling is he's MY husband, and when we share our intimate life it's special, a bond with just us. This includes being naked.

 

And lust is a sin, and naked women bring lustful thoughts. I don't think it's appropriate for husbands to stare at a naked woman in a movie and justify it with "it's just a movie." And I LOVE the way some of the men replying have dealt with this issue. I recently had an experience with the movie Good Luck Chuck. A friend asked me and my husband to see it. I looked up the content rating and said "There's no way." For anyone who doesn't know, that movie was rated as borderline softporn.

 

All I'm saying is, why is it us wives who have to feel bad for not wanting our own husband to look at only us naked? There is nothing wrong with wanting that. I get sick of hearing men justify that smut with "it's just a movie." And lastly, it's not your feelings of insecurity or jealousy that are wrong, armywife, it's how you respond to those feelings.

[Phateless]

I think I'm going to say something that may disagree with the rest of you, but it's how I think. I tend to get irritated with nudity in movies, and I don't like watching my husband watch those women. You know what though? Why should I like it? Why should any wife be accepting of her husband looking at movies with naked women. My feeling is he's MY husband, and when we share our intimate life it's special, a bond with just us. This includes being naked.

 

And lust is a sin, and naked women bring lustful thoughts. I don't think it's appropriate for husbands to stare at a naked woman in a movie and justify it with "it's just a movie." And I LOVE the way some of the men replying have dealt with this issue. I recently had an experience with the movie Good Luck Chuck. A friend asked me and my husband to see it. I looked up the content rating and said "There's no way." For anyone who doesn't know, that movie was rated as borderline softporn.

 

All I'm saying is, why is it us wives who have to feel bad for not wanting our own husband to look at only us naked? There is nothing wrong with wanting that. I get sick of hearing men justify that smut with "it's just a movie." And lastly, it's not your feelings of insecurity or jealousy that are wrong, armywife, it's how you respond to those feelings.

 

There's a huge dividing line between a brief scene of nudity in a feature movie and a porn flick. Are you telling me that you never glance at a picture of a shirtless Calvin Klein model on a billboard? Personally, I think you're being melodramatic. Just because he happens to be looking at the screen when there is a topless scene does NOT mean that he's going out of his way to look at other women naked. It has nothing to do with you. Don't be so insecure.

[armywife915]

I think I'm going to say something that may disagree with the rest of you, but it's how I think. I tend to get irritated with nudity in movies, and I don't like watching my husband watch those women. You know what though? Why should I like it? Why should any wife be accepting of her husband looking at movies with naked women. My feeling is he's MY husband, and when we share our intimate life it's special, a bond with just us. This includes being naked.

 

And lust is a sin, and naked women bring lustful thoughts. I don't think it's appropriate for husbands to stare at a naked woman in a movie and justify it with "it's just a movie." And I LOVE the way some of the men replying have dealt with this issue. I recently had an experience with the movie Good Luck Chuck. A friend asked me and my husband to see it. I looked up the content rating and said "There's no way." For anyone who doesn't know, that movie was rated as borderline softporn.

 

All I'm saying is, why is it us wives who have to feel bad for not wanting our own husband to look at only us naked? There is nothing wrong with wanting that. I get sick of hearing men justify that smut with "it's just a movie." And lastly, it's not your feelings of insecurity or jealousy that are wrong, armywife, it's how you respond to those feelings.

 

I am so happy to hear that because I thought I was going crazy being the only woman to feel this way. I can't stand movies of these days because every single one has to have that perfect skinny bimbo with big tits and even if I would have a "perfect" body it still doesn't make me feel good. I don't even get mad at my H anymore I get mad at the movie makers.

[armywife915]

There's a huge dividing line between a brief scene of nudity in a feature movie and a porn flick. Are you telling me that you never glance at a picture of a shirtless Calvin Klein model on a billboard? Personally, I think you're being melodramatic. Just because he happens to be looking at the screen when there is a topless scene does NOT mean that he's going out of his way to look at other women naked. It has nothing to do with you. Don't be so insecure.

 

Actually I don't look at guy models because I am not attracted to those kind of guys. Plus, IMO a woman with her shirt off and a guy with their shirt off are two completely different things.

[Phateless]

Actually I don't look at guy models because I am not attracted to those kind of guys. Plus, IMO a woman with her shirt off and a guy with their shirt off are two completely different things.

 

Valid point. But I firmly believe that a woman not wanting her man to see a movie because of a topless scene due to her own jealousy is an unhealthy level of controlling. That much jealousy is not normal.

 

If a girl forbade me to a see a movie because there was a topless scene, I would consider that a major red flag and wonder how else she would try to control me, get jealous, etc.

 

edit - just in case anyone's going to get on my case about this, i believe the opposite case is just as true. me freaking about a girl i'm dating seeing naked men on tv is ridiculous.

[Trialbyfire]

I also find this controlling, ladies and I'm a woman. While I personally find porn more comical, than erotic, a little nudity in films or on TV, is no big deal. I also don't care if the guy I'm with is discreet about looking at other women. I look at men too. It's human to find someone else visually attractive, as long as you don't cross the line of aggressively flirting or going beyond that.

 

Keep in mind that I went through a divorce earlier this year, from a husband who cheated on me. No doubt I'll be watching for red flags but there's no way in hell, I'm going to allow this type of issue to erode on my self-esteem.

 

You ladies need to make a concerted effort to not allow this kind of meaningless visual stimuli, to impact on your enjoyment of your relationship with your SO. You can't live your life as the thought police. It's not healthy.

[armywife915]

Valid point. But I firmly believe that a woman not wanting her man to see a movie because of a topless scene due to her own jealousy is an unhealthy level of controlling. That much jealousy is not normal.

 

If a girl forbade me to a see a movie because there was a topless scene, I would consider that a major red flag and wonder how else she would try to control me, get jealous, etc.

 

edit - just in case anyone's going to get on my case about this, i believe the opposite case is just as true. me freaking about a girl i'm dating seeing naked men on tv is ridiculous.

 

Now I never said I forbade him to watch it. We watch movies together all the time. It's just like a trigger in my brain but it's really not about him looking at girls. It's about my self esteem and how idiotic I can be about jealousy. I know I shouldn't feel this way and that is why I am working out now and trying to feel better about myself so I don't act like that. I am in no way controlling, I would never tell him he couldn't watch a movie.

[armywife915]

I also find this controlling, ladies and I'm a woman. While I personally find porn more comical, than erotic, a little nudity in films or on TV, is no big deal. I also don't care if the guy I'm with is discreet about looking at other women. I look at men too. It's human to find someone else visually attractive, as long as you don't cross the line of aggressively flirting or going beyond that.

 

Keep in mind that I went through a divorce earlier this year, from a husband who cheated on me. No doubt I'll be watching for red flags but there's no way in hell, I'm going to allow this type of issue to erode on my self-esteem.

 

You ladies need to make a concerted effort to not allow this kind of meaningless visual stimuli, to impact on your enjoyment of your relationship with your SO. You can't live your life as the thought police. It's not healthy.

 

Trust me, I know it's not healthy that is why I am trying to improve my self esteem. BTW I do not like your avatar...I have a mouse in my house!!! LOL

[Trialbyfire]

Trust me, I know it's not healthy that is why I am trying to improve my self esteem. BTW I do not like your avatar...I have a mouse in my house!!! LOL

I think my mouse is cute, not that I want one running around in my place.

 

Good. As you mentioned before, self-improve but only for you. Work-out, memorize some Edgar Allen Poe.

[Phateless]

Now I never said I forbade him to watch it. We watch movies together all the time. It's just like a trigger in my brain but it's really not about him looking at girls. It's about my self esteem and how idiotic I can be about jealousy. I know I shouldn't feel this way and that is why I am working out now and trying to feel better about myself so I don't act like that. I am in no way controlling, I would never tell him he couldn't watch a movie.

 

Ok that's good that you're trying to work on it. I thought you were saying that's how things should be, lol. Knowing that about yourself is the first step to improving. At least you can consciously make the right choice in spite of your feelings, and over time, they start to lose their power. I've done it myself. We're here to help however we can.

[popey]

just read through this thread. a few thoughts....

 

1. Jealousy as a feeling is not IMO a disease to be corrected. I think some people are wired that way, and some are not. then experiences contribute to that in one direction or the other.

 

2. Wether or not it is cool with someone if there SO should or should not indulge in viewing others naked, I think can be simply a personal feeling about what you want/feel, and not necessarily automaticly a symptom of insecurity.

[Phateless]

just read through this thread. a few thoughts....

 

1. Jealousy as a feeling is not IMO a disease to be corrected. I think some people are wired that way, and some are not. then experiences contribute to that in one direction or the other.

 

2. Whether or not it is cool with someone if there SO should or should not indulge in viewing others naked, I think can be simply a personal feeling about what you want/feel, and not necessarily automaticly a symptom of insecurity.

 

What other reason could possibly bring on such intense jealousy? Jealousy IS the fear that the object of your jealousy will be taken away from you. It's one thing if it's chronic, such as porn addiction or something, but I would expect a confident, secure girl to simply make fun of me or elbow me if she catches me looking at another woman or enjoying a nude scene. She'd make a smart remark and I'd feel sheepish and we'd both laugh and I'd love her more for it.

 

Principles are one thing, but that strong of an emotional reaction just seems overkill to me.

[ElvenPriestess]

Well put popey. It's about how you feel about something, it doesn't make a person insecure. And I'm not trying to be controlling or overly dramatic Phateless, I am merely trying to show that it is natural and normal to have these feelings, and again it is the action there after that makes it right or wrong. And I think there is a fine line in movies. How far is too far, how much is too much? Some of us just have different standards and tolerance levels wouldn't you agree? And there are a lot of us out there who simply aren't comfortable with the subject entering our loving relationship. Please don't misunderstand me, I just also think that that stuff effects different people differently. Some guys can look at a movie with nudity and think nothing of it. Some it has a deeper impact on. I just think that men need took take their wife's feelings into consideration in this matter.

[Phateless]

Well put popey. It's about how you feel about something, it doesn't make a person insecure. And I'm not trying to be controlling or overly dramatic Phateless, I am merely trying to show that it is natural and normal to have these feelings, and again it is the action there after that makes it right or wrong. And I think there is a fine line in movies. How far is too far, how much is too much? Some of us just have different standards and tolerance levels wouldn't you agree? And there are a lot of us out there who simply aren't comfortable with the subject entering our loving relationship. Please don't misunderstand me, I just also think that that stuff effects different people differently. Some guys can look at a movie with nudity and think nothing of it. Some it has a deeper impact on. I just think that men need took take their wife's feelings into consideration in this matter.

 

I agree, but it's give and take. Everything within reason. I will respect a girl's feelings, but I expect her to have some perspective. I won't humor every unreasonable demand on her part. What's next, being forbidden to have female friends? It just seems ridiculous to me...

[popey]

What other reason could possibly bring on such intense jealousy? Jealousy IS the fear that the object of your jealousy will be taken away from you. It's one thing if it's chronic, such as porn addiction or something, but I would expect a confident, secure girl to simply make fun of me or elbow me if she catches me looking at another woman or enjoying a nude scene. She'd make a smart remark and I'd feel sheepish and we'd both laugh and I'd love her more for it.

 

Principles are one thing, but that strong of an emotional reaction just seems overkill to me.

 

to discuss your point, lets take an example of jealousy that doesn't involve love/sex. a friend of mine recently enjoyed the fortune of a career acheivement which caused me to feel: happiness, pride, admiration and jealousy all sincerely and concurrently. I didn't fear losing anything. I was extremely happy about the occurrence, and I was jealous in a good and healthy way.

 

Now this point is only to say that your statement of what jealousy means, is way too simplistic. the point of the OP's story, IMO is that I don't think it has to mean she's insecure for feeling what she feels. maybe it does mean that, or maybe it just means, this is not within her personal definition of a loving relationship. there's lots of different rights.

 

As for your description of how you'd like a woman to respond to you admiring a naked woman on a screen, etc. that's fine, but how we would idealy like our SO's to respond to any and everything we might do is NOT the standard for what is the only right and reasonble response.

[Trialbyfire]

Since it's pretty common for most women to enjoy shopping, what if your husband forbade you to shop?

[popey]

Since it's pretty common for most women to enjoy shopping, what if your husband forbade you to shop?

 

here's the thing, if a H said, "we have financial issues and consequently I just can't be comfortable with your shopping."

 

I think we would all agree that this is a request that should be given reasonable consideration.

 

still, shopping is not sexual. and sexual experiences are far more expected to be an issue of mutual agreement in a marriage then any old interest like golf or some other random activity. this analogy doesn't really work for me.