You're not going to agree with me but we're all losers here

[Lunar Sonata]

Wow...

 

I come here to try and help others during my valuable free time when I feel good about myself.

 

I didn't know that made me a loser. That sucks. I'm gonna head over there to cut myself now.

[marlena]

Some people are born ugly like you and me and nothing is going to change that.

 

 

Now, why on earth, would you think we are all ugly in here?

[Numerouno]

I reckon the thing is that you haven't identified a suitable reward that gets you motivated enough to want to change.

 

Eg........... The chick across the street, the milf at the mall (mmmm yummeee), the ol' gal down the road, whatever. You gotta find something (a reward) that motivates you. Then you do stuff to increase your chances of getting the reward that YOU want.

 

Eg..........

You do some pushups.

You get a haircut (or grow it longer.)

You get up to date on world events/movies/music etc (things that interest you and possibly others.)

You get some new clothes.

You eat healthier.

You read stuff about what women want (I know, I know... That's a crazy suggestion!)

You develop your personality.

You jog.

You continue to read the posts here and on other threads.

You etc

You etc

 

The thing is while you are doing this stuff, you gotta keep your brain tuned in to the reward! Assume you'll get her. Fantasize about her. Imagine yourself interacting with her (no weirdo stuff!) Think of different scenarios. Think of scenarios where you do get her. Think of scenarios where she rings and asks you out. Just keep thinking about the reward!!!

 

Download some photos of women you find attractive from the net, put 'em on your desktop, print 'em out, stick 'em on the wall. Cut out photos from magazines... Just get that reward/woman staring at you every day and you'll be more inclined to do something about your situation.

 

Good luck.

[finalf72]

i agree. i might end up just killin myself one day.... my "best friends" ignore me, no one answers my IMs, when i sign on to AIM, they sign off. whenever i talk to em on phone they have to go. they dont care about me. they dont wana spend time with me. and i cant blame them, im just a monotonous stupid retard thorn in their side they are only friends with out of pity and feeling sorry for me.

 

i see them/her roll their eyes when i talk.

 

but i cant blame them.

 

im away from home. military. i spend all week waiting for the weekend so i can drink myself silly, sinkin down lower than i ever sank

 

i look like crap, and i just dont care anymore. whats the point

 

i want to go home on leave but im terrified to, cuz i know no one would wana see me, and if they did, it would be akward from how ****in akward i am

 

i dont belong anywhere. sometimes i just dont feel like livin anymore because theres no more hope.

 

 

 

so i agree. i am just, in the end, a piece of ****. it always turns out that way. i love, just find out it meant nothing, and if it did, i lost. cuz of my stupididity retardation and paranoia and jealousy.

 

then i get better, learn to forget about those friends or that girl, just do it all over again and lose and be forgotten again.

[mental_traveller]

Like many other posts, those ideas are based on fantasy. Things don't work like that in the real world.

 

You can get rejected 3, 4, 10 times by girls but you reach a stage when you know you're being rejected for a reason.

 

Yeah, and not everyone's high school band becomes famous, not every college athlete gets into the NFL. In fact almost none do. Most people are not ultra-successful, yet for the 99.9% of us that don't make superstar status, life goes on and people manage. They even get to have sex, fall in love, party and have fun. Most ugly guys may not get with supermodels but most ugly guys (assuming you are even ugly, not just average or a bit below) also get girlfriends, have sex and eventually get married if that's what they want.

 

For every guy who is overweight and unattractive, there is a woman exactly the same. Do you think fat plain girls are gonna bag George Clooney millionaire types? On average no they won't. Most people end up with partners of similar looks, give or take a little. So even if you are in the bottom 10% of looks, you can still go for people of similar attractiveness, or try to find someone who is not so much bothered by physical attraction.

[mental_traveller]

Like many other posts, those ideas are based on fantasy. Things don't work like that in the real world.

 

You can get rejected 3, 4, 10 times by girls but you reach a stage when you know you're being rejected for a reason.

 

Yeah, and not everyone's high school band becomes famous, not every college athlete gets into the NFL. In fact almost none do. Most people are not ultra-successful, yet for the 99.9% of us that don't make superstar status, life goes on and people manage. They even get to have sex, fall in love, party and have fun. Most ugly guys may not get with supermodels but most ugly guys (assuming you are even ugly, not just average or a bit below) also get girlfriends, have sex and eventually get married if that's what they want.

 

For every guy who is overweight and unattractive, there is a woman exactly the same. Do you think fat plain girls are gonna bag George Clooney millionaire types? On average no they won't. Most people end up with partners of similar looks, give or take a little. So even if you are in the bottom 10% of looks, you can still go for people of similar attractiveness, or try to find someone who is not so much bothered by physical attraction.

 

So for every guy that gets rejected 10 times, there is a woman who never gets approached. If you are refusing to consider that woman, you can't complain if other women refuse to consider you.

[mental_traveller]

noobs

 

Hah, that word cracks me up. Especially the phrase "Cry more, noob". Which kinda sums this thread up.

[AHIWON]

losers?

 

Perhaps the OP is the biggest loser here. Sucks to be you, Him/her started the thread. I didn't find this forum looking for losers's There is more knowledge here on relationship advice than the OP could ever mass in a lifetime. Perhaps the OP is so smart and we will all bow in their wisdom. Who is the loser now?

 

 

Spit it out now. What is your ideal of relationships OP?

[sveltskye]

Well, in my sociology class we learned that most people tend to gravitate to people of their same "level" of attractiveness. So, its not that ugly people aren't getting any, its just that they are generally ending up with other uglies. Besides, its not like there's an "ugly" bracket and a "georgious" bracket- it's all a continuum. You just usually end up with people who at a similar place on the continuum.

Besides, its not unnatural for people to people to want to watch beautiful things... and that just happens to include porn and the hot girl at the bar. There have been studies that show that babies will instinctively look towards a symmetrical face as opposed to a less attractive (less symmetrical) one. You'd rather look at a nice healthy looking blooming flower than a sickly, disfigured one, wouldn't you? Of course, its not as drastic as that with people usually, but the principle still applies. And there's plenty of guys/girls who like looking at Playboy models or Chippendale's guys but are perfectly happy snuggling up to their less genetically gifted honey who's still attractive in their eyes.

And that's not to say that there aren't georgious people who break the bell curve and marry people way less attractive than them. There's something to say for good heartedness and just plain charisma.

When I met my boyfriend, I honestly wasn't very attracted to him. But after getting to know him, it was like he completely changed in my eyes- like he wasn't even the same person. And now, even though he's not a Calvin Clien model, I happen to think he's a total hottie... its in his adorable smile, his dimples, lots of little things. And when he started doing his hair better, that helped too- those kind of things can really make a difference in a person's appearance. Getting to know someone can make a world of difference and open you up to seeing people in a different light that perhaps you wouldn't have given a chance before.

 

Edit: Kudos to Mental Traveller's post(s)- pretty much what I was trying to say. Hopefully I didn't repeat it too much.

Edited January 7, 2008 by sveltskye