IS SHE TIRED OR TIRED OF ME

[TL]

Hi totally confussed.

 

Well...I found out from a friend that when she was married 3 years ago, she just packed up and moved for two weeks to LA and called her husband and told him she can't take it anymore. I knew about this but now that I heard this it tells me that I need to end this. She has done this weird kind of running twice with me. And I need to stop wanting what pulls away from but won't leave me.

 

She called me Monday to ask about my new puppy and wanted to know my schedule so we can get food on Thursday for the party and on Saturday, she asked that we're not going out so we can work on things for the party.

 

I think I need to address this head on and call it off. While I believe she likes me, its not as strong. She is a little off and not a fan of conflict.

 

All I can do is tell her this : "We planned on having a super bowl party as more then freinds. Butthings have changed very fast. Yes its only been 2 months but what is going on? Is it someone else, I can tell the feelings aren't as strong. This is not the type of relationship I want to have. I am glad we shared a gift together and I hope, maybe our dogs can play together one day. I had fun and will miss you."

[TL]

Well this is weird...I had the talk and layed out some things. I told her its OK that she doesn't feel as strong about me and this is not the type of relationship I want to have. I did not push or was mean I just simply laid it out. She says that she is depressed. She noticed recently that she has this during this time each year. She told me how she did this when she was dating someone at the same time last year (1 year relationship)and it effected her then and the relationship.(there was also some other problems) She doesn't want to talk or hang out with here friends really at all and she stays home alot.

 

I asked her if there is anything I could do and she thanked me but said no. She said she thinks of me and she wants to have fun again like we did but I can tell she's in this funk. (This wasn't an excuse for her, for her to tell me this is out of character from the BS she fronts).

 

I'm going to leave it alone and just do my own thing.

Hi totally confussed. Well...I found out from a friend that when she was married 3 years ago, she just packed up and moved for two weeks to LA and called her husband and told him she can't take it anymore. I knew about this but now that I heard this it tells me that I need to end this. She has done this weird kind of running twice with me. And I need to stop wanting what pulls away from but won't leave me. She called me Monday to ask about my new puppy and wanted to know my schedule so we can get food on Thursday for the party and on Saturday, she asked that we're not going out so we can work on things for the party. I think I need to address this head on and call it off. While I believe she likes me, its not as strong. She is a little off and not a fan of conflict. All I can do is tell her this : "We planned on having a super bowl party as more then freinds. Butthings have changed very fast. Yes its only been 2 months but what is going on? Is it someone else, I can tell the feelings aren't as strong. This is not the type of relationship I want to have. I am glad we shared a gift together and I hope, maybe our dogs can play together one day. I had fun and will miss you."

[Totally Confused]

I don't know if you saw it...but look back about 5 postings from this one..and you'll see that I sent you something titled "TL: Is she tired or tired of me".

 

Anyway, I'm sorry I didn't get back to you sooner and I hope the superbowl party went well.

 

I know you don't want to look at any answer she has given you as just excuses, but that's just what they are. She may even turn on the tears, but she's holding on to you for a reason. When she cries, it's because she is sad - but it's because she doesn't want to be alone. You are asking straight and direct questions and wanting straight and direct answers...you're getting the runaround. She's going to give you just enough hope to hang on to...so that you won't leave her, until she's ready for you to go. She wants to be the one to decide...not you. If you decide and leave her before she's ready...she'll be sad and lonely. But eventually she'll leave either when she makes a decision that she's done and can't take it anymore (it's easier to be with someone you don't like fully than to be alone - only for so long) or when she finds someone else. By the way, she's not with someone else, because you wouldn't be hearing from her if she was. The fact that she claims depression and gets that way every time this year is another excuse. I bet she's not treating her friends and family as poorly as she's treating you. I tend to run to my family, friends and significant others when I'm depressed...most people do.

 

This is all getting too emotionally complicated and I think it's time you cut this one loose for your sanity. You may actually be better now, since I haven't spoken, and maybe you guys had a great time at the party. But all I know is judging from the past 2 mo., it's too soon to have this many problems. If you let go now, yes it will hurt, but by spring you'll be fine and by summer, you'll be set to date someone new, who is better for you. Don't hold on, just so you don't have to be alone. It's better to be alone, so that you can prepare yourself for someone worth while. You don't want to meet someone worthwhile with all this excess baggage attached. This baggage will make you bitter toward relationships and it will give you what is called "relationship burnout" ...and relationships aren't bad. Just relationships with people you aren't compatiable with or who aren't good to you... are bad. Take a step back and breathe for a while. Figure out what you really want and be true to those feelings..