Jmina Posted November 19, 2007 Share Posted November 19, 2007 Something i would like opinions on would be how my ex and i tried to explain why we became an item, almost trying to give ourselves excuses to why wanted each other and felt for each other instead of just accepting it for what it was. My ex and i ALWAYS spoke about our connection and attraction before we became a couple, during our relationship and after also. we always brought things up like following: "Im very attracted to you and get turned on by the idea of being with you" "I feel a huge connection to you spiritually and emotionally" "We have so much in common its like one mind." So i guess what i am trying to work out why my ex also said things like "i was with you because i was attracted to you and got confused because of our connection. i thought it meant we should be girlfriends" is she picking it all apart because she wasnt comfortable yet with the idea of being in a girl relationship? I mean what we had is ideal for relationships arent they? it is like saying to your new boyfriend i am sexually attracted to you, and i feel connected and extremely comfortable with you i love you deeply, and all these feelings made me confused so that is why i became your girlfriend.... It confuses me. Is it possible to feel these things seperatly and not feel like they are entwined with each other? the attraction the connection the love she was attracted, we do have a connection and there was definetly a lot of love involved. But for some reason the attraction wouldnt go hand in hand with the love even though the love was very deep and strong and she felt in love. we both did.and to this day says i was her first love. I guess she loved me very much, more than i could ask for, and she was extremely attracted to me also but she felt them seperatly like something was keeping them apart. and what i couldnt ask for was her to commit to me when she couldnt just accept them and let them mix. maybe she couldnt mix them from fear. the fear of staying with a girl because it has be drilled into her that its not normal. so she kept them apart from fear. instead of letting her feelings just happen and to go with the flow. actually now that i think about it, she stopped going with the flow fairly soon into the relationship and started panicing, but her actions did match up to her words. she did love me and i felt very loved by her. and then i dont know if the combination of her looking after her nanna and then grieving for her nanna and having no job or car or a place of our own (she got upset about this a lot) as we lived with my parents for the time being put any stress her and made her panic instead of relaxing and going with the flow. The reason i am trying to figure this out is to try and get some reality. she might not have felt the way i thought she did and if i can accept this, then the hope i have of reconciliation might disolve! This is the first time i am trying to express and understand this, so im not sure if it reads extrememly confusing or not but any help would be so much appreciated! also slightly off topic, do you belive that people can end relationships because of timing and not because of love? say because they feel they have unfinished business before they settle even though they love somebody and is heart broken to leave? Jmina x Link to post Share on other sites
funkybassplayer Posted November 19, 2007 Share Posted November 19, 2007 If you want my opinon, dont even try to figure it out, at the end of the day its over, and the healing process has to come from you inside, no matter what the reason was. If you dont know the answers, and you were with her, chances are nobody here can read what is in the exs mind. The more you try to figure it out, the lower you will fall, the harder it will be to heal. Link to post Share on other sites
Spinderella Posted November 19, 2007 Share Posted November 19, 2007 Jmina, from all that you understand about life, then you must know that the greatest obstacle to love is fear. Love and fear battle in almost every aspect of life, and within us all as the fear that blocks the faith. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jmina Posted November 19, 2007 Author Share Posted November 19, 2007 i guess it doesnt matter anyway... i know she loved me, so thats all i really needed to know and i already knew that. i guess i was trying to figure out if she really did love me, so i could use it as a way to let her go. Im having trouble letting her go, i'm not willing yet. I am happy and comfortable that she still brings me some happiness jsut from thinking about her and what she can achieve. i think thats going to be my next step, i can kind of see it in the horizon. - letting go. its going to take a lot of effort and control, i guess i will know when i am ready? i dont know if i can ever let go of my fond feelings and love i had though... like spind said i am holding on to all of it. the good and the bad, the lessons and the memories, and i am learning from it all and embracing it all. it has made me who i am an im not willing to let that go, and create another jmina yet. i think that is what i am fearing.... heck just worked it out. oh my it just became so much more personal...this is totally 100 % about me. did i just let her go??? just by working out my fear... i dont want to jump the gun but i feel different... Link to post Share on other sites
Spinderella Posted November 19, 2007 Share Posted November 19, 2007 Jmina :), there is ALWAYS a reason we are hanging on to something. I know you know this. If you can get to the source of that reason, then you dissolve it, simply by seeing it. The trick is, to understand, and then let it go. Link to post Share on other sites
funkybassplayer Posted November 19, 2007 Share Posted November 19, 2007 or let it go, and then you will understand as you work on yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jmina Posted November 19, 2007 Author Share Posted November 19, 2007 Spindy! i think i understand what has stopped me from letting her go... i dont want to say for sure and then feel down all over again sometime soon but i really do feel different...kind of like shes gone...like shes seperate. i have been afraid to let her go because that would mean creating me again when i didnt realise i needed more creating to do seperate from her... well i thought i knew this, ive told this kind of thing to a million other people. just not myself. i feel like a goob! i have been v. comfortable with her in my thoughts, keeping her close, even though sometimes its painful it has been my comfort box.. I no longer fear what i never acknowledged that i feared! if thats makes sense! hurrah! i hope this stays!!! if not, well i guess i will gladly jump back on the healing wagon. Link to post Share on other sites
Spinderella Posted November 19, 2007 Share Posted November 19, 2007 or let it go, and then you will understand as you work on yourself. or that too. Whatever way round, observing your own self is the most important part. Link to post Share on other sites
Spinderella Posted November 19, 2007 Share Posted November 19, 2007 Whoops, double posted! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jmina Posted November 19, 2007 Author Share Posted November 19, 2007 it said i double posted but i only see one post... thanks guys. i think i just took a HUGE step tonight. ding dong the witch is dead just started playing in my head and i feel freeee. XD Link to post Share on other sites
Spinderella Posted November 19, 2007 Share Posted November 19, 2007 i have been afraid to let her go because that would mean creating me again when i didnt realise i needed more creating to do seperate from her... well i thought i knew this, ive told this kind of thing to a million other people. just not myself. i feel like a goob! Lol. Jmina, you are not a goob! Creating, is a continual process, and also, it is far better not to make too much of an identity from what happens to us, good or bad. Link to post Share on other sites
Spinderella Posted November 19, 2007 Share Posted November 19, 2007 it said i double posted but i only see one post... thanks guys. i think i just took a HUGE step tonight. ding dong the witch is dead just started playing in my head and i feel freeee. XD Lol Jmina. Well done for freeing yourself. :) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jmina Posted November 19, 2007 Author Share Posted November 19, 2007 i know im not really a goob, i just felt a bit silly for a minute. i feel like singing from the hills. or something i need to do something... :eek:what should i do! i shall dance. you guys are a big part of this happiness. thankyou. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jmina Posted November 19, 2007 Author Share Posted November 19, 2007 hey isnt now the time she is meant to make contact? when youve let them go? like some sort of test. ahhhh well. i am so greatful for this site, and for the people on it. i would NEVER have gotten this far if it wasnt for LS. not within 6 months anyway. i think if i hadnt have found LS i would be in a worse off shape. flowers to Spinderella Funkybaseman carrot matty t tony t bigheartkindsoul and anyone else who has helped me. and flowers to me too.... i like lillies i hope you guys can be happy for me when times are hard for you too because you helped me alot. i will continue to do my best to help you guys also. and who knows she might turn up at my door step and il be back on LS in tears lol! i hope not.. Link to post Share on other sites
Spinderella Posted November 19, 2007 Share Posted November 19, 2007 Thankyou for the flowers. Have some lillies. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jmina Posted November 19, 2007 Author Share Posted November 19, 2007 You deserve em! Link to post Share on other sites
sedgwick Posted November 19, 2007 Share Posted November 19, 2007 Jmina, you are an inspiration. Why this girl didn't want to stay with you is beyond me!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jmina Posted November 19, 2007 Author Share Posted November 19, 2007 maybe because i dont own a penis.. lol. grass is greener on the otherside? i think not. wish i could see her reaction Link to post Share on other sites
Spinderella Posted November 19, 2007 Share Posted November 19, 2007 Lol Jmina. And your positivity is really having a good effect on me, and Sedge is right, you are really pretty. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jmina Posted November 19, 2007 Author Share Posted November 19, 2007 Lol. you have had a positive ffect on me also spind! and sedgwick you have warmed my heart. i really enjoy talking with you guys. ... girls. Link to post Share on other sites
bigheartkindsoul Posted November 19, 2007 Share Posted November 19, 2007 Hey sweetie, don't think too much about the OP just think about yourself now and what you think and need. From all of my faults with these break up blips (lol) one I haven't done since about week 3 or 4 was too think about what he is thinking, whats the point? But then I don't like him very much so might be easier for me. Don't try and figure someone elses thoughts out, you'll never know and just end up driving yourself mad and around in circles coming to the same conclusion - I don't know what she is thinking/doing/wanting. There is only ONE person in this world who you know what they are thinking at any given moment sweets and that is your lovely good self. You can do this, we can all do this. Sending positive vibes down the PC to everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
sedgwick Posted November 19, 2007 Share Posted November 19, 2007 Jmina, I'm assuming she was the one who broke up? You were here before me so I haven't read your initial thread, so fill me in on some details. How long were you together? How did you meet? Were you her first lesbian relationship? Did she say she wasn't attracted to you? If it was her first time being with a woman, I can understand how intense that may have been for her. I had my first gf at 23, after only dating men. (Although the first person I ever really kissed was a girl, and it turned me on far more than kissing boys!) But it was tough being with my first girlfriend. I felt very unsure of myself and uncertain how to act sometimes, because she had known her whole life she was gay and had never been with a man. Ultimately that's not why we broke up (we broke up because I was insane with grad school and she was insane with...well, her coke habit.) Link to post Share on other sites
MattyTee Posted November 19, 2007 Share Posted November 19, 2007 maybe because i dont own a penis.. I can sell you mine, I very much doubt I'll be needing it Link to post Share on other sites
Spinderella Posted November 19, 2007 Share Posted November 19, 2007 I can sell you mine, I very much doubt I'll be needing it LOL Big heart, thats some good advice. Link to post Share on other sites
MattyTee Posted November 19, 2007 Share Posted November 19, 2007 And thank you for the flowers! You helped a lot with my outburst earlier A lot of you did! So many thanks! Flowers all round!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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