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Landing heavily once more

MattyTee

By MattyTee,
in Coping

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MattyTee

MattyTee

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Things had been going so well and then this morning I come home to find my ex has commented on my blog. Crunch, landed right on my behind ...

 

I'm feeling miserable as sin now. I guess it's time to look at some of my own advice but for now I'm going to bed to cry ....

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bigheartkindsoul

bigheartkindsoul

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can you delete it? And tell her too mind her own.

 

have a good cry and get it out your system, nothing wrong with that hun {{{{hugs}}}}

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Jmina

Jmina

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Hey Matty Tee,

 

offering you lots of support.

 

why did she comment you? what was it that she wrote if you dont mind me asking.

 

i hope that this bump.....pot hole...annoying detour in the road passes and that you find strength from it.

 

its how we get stronger, not by magically being zapped with a strength wand but being given opportunites to find it.

 

thinking of you

 

Jmina

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reboot

reboot

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you dont have to get mad to get over someone who broke your heart...
Yes but she didn't just break his heart and move on. She continues to break his heart. Anger is a powerful emotion.
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Jmina

Jmina

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i get what your saying, but getting angry isnt in his benefit. not in the long run.

 

i refused to become bitter and angry even after i was heartbroken over and over. and i have overcome it, and i have an open heart and baggage free like when i started.

 

i agree do what works for you, but anger aint always the solution.

 

this is a lesson learnt for matty t. its nothing to do with her anymore. this is all about matty.

 

hopefully you will now delete her from your blog so she cant comment?

 

how wonderful for matty t to find the one who is meant for him one day and for her to experience a wise sensitive guy that he is who hasnt held any bitterness or anger for her to take on or watch him be eaten away by.

 

stay strong matty t. delete her. concentrate on you. you can be angry of course, but dont use it as your fuel for too long. it will burn out eventually and you will have gotten nowhere.

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sedgwick

sedgwick

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Matty, you strike me as a man with a tremendous amount of love to give, and a great amount of insight as well. I personally think any woman would be lucky to have you, and if your ex can't figure that out -- HER PROBLEM! What did she say to you that made you feel so awful?

 

And Jmina, is that you in your avatar? If so, damn, you're GORGEOUS!!!!

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reboot

reboot

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Uhmmmm.... I meant mad as in, mad enough to think of himself, mad enough to get past this. I wasn't suggesting he go on a killing spree. :confused:

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Jmina

Jmina

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i agree sedgwick matty t is a very loving guy with a huge heart and i hope he knows it and owns it.

 

thanks sedg for the compliment! :o

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Jmina

Jmina

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i wasnt suggesting that you were suggesting a killing spree. i know exactly what you were suggesting, and from my experiences im am offering matty t a different opinion.

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reboot

reboot

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from my experiences im am offering matty t a different opinion.
And your advice is every bit as valuable as my advice. But I didn't argue about yours.....
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Jmina

Jmina

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matty t will decide how he will deal with his healing. us arguing about it wont get anyone anywhere.

 

sorry to upset you reboot. it is something i feel strongly about is all. it was nothing against you personally.

 

and i never suggested or thought for a second that you were encouraging matty t to go to the extremes of a killing spree, so dont feel that i think what you wrote for matty t was pointless.

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birdie

birdie

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Things had been going so well and then this morning I come home to find my ex has commented on my blog. Crunch, landed right on my behind ...

 

I'm feeling miserable as sin now. I guess it's time to look at some of my own advice but for now I'm going to bed to cry ....

 

ask her specifically not to contact you again. don't just ignore what she says, tell her you don't want to hear from her. I know it isn't helping with how you are feeling right now but at least you can avoid her contacting you again.

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funkybassplayer

funkybassplayer

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i agree sedgwick matty t is a very loving guy with a huge heart and i hope he knows it and owns it.

 

thanks sedg for the compliment! :o

 

 

I was wondering if you were a girl! well now thats settleled, you are very sexy!

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frd150

frd150

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Hey Matty,

 

I read your advice alot on here so I know you know what to do or at least you will when your head clears. Im having a bit of a setback today myself. Its been along time since Ive had one of these. Whats different about this setback is I know full well whats on the other side of it,that its possible to be happy for real with no effort. I/we you and me just have to jump the fence again.

 

Wow Jmina Beauty and Brains. How could she leave you? Your gonna be just fine,heck we all are:)

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Art_Critic

Art_Critic

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Why has your ex had the ability to comment, look at or snoop on your blog ?..

 

WFT dude ?..Self defeating for sure...

You must've wanted her to contact you if you left that door open.. then why ?

Block her.. ban her, remove her from your friends list.. or whatever..

You will never move on unless you take hold of your life and run with it without her tagging along..

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MattyTee

MattyTee

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Hey guys,

 

And thank you all for responding :)

 

I spent the afternoon curled up in bed having a good old sob. In actual fact it was a good release and I'm feeling clearer, still a bit sensitive, but clearer nonetheless.

 

I want to thank you all for the lovely things you've said about me, even if I don't fully believe them it never hurts to hear it ;)

 

In actual fact the comment was a lovely comment from her. She said that my writing was beautiful and that I should keep with it. She told me to take care. I'm not bitter, I'm not angry. I never really thought she would read my blog, she's always known it would be there - and for a few months she hasn't read it.

 

I'm not 100% sure why it made me so sad. The past few days had felt a little bit darker but when I saw her comment it just all caught up with me. Personally I don't see this as self-defeating or anything to make me angry. It's another challenge and I shall meet with it head on. Tomorrow I shall feel stronger, then the next day and so forth. When I posted earlier it was literally just after I had read the comment and I was emotional and tearful, but it made me feel very cared for to see all your responses - so thank you!! :)

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reboot

reboot

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Matty... that was completely unfair. We thought she'd said something hurtful to you and we got all up in arms! :)

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MattyTee

MattyTee

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*lol* I'm sorry, it was like the cavalry arriving - I have to say I was shocked (in a nice way).

 

When I read it I literally exploded in tears (what a thought) - I think if she'd said something horrible I could have coped. I was a big furry wet mass of snot and blubbering for like 3 hours. I'm at work now and look like crap but no one seems to have noticed.

 

I still don't understand why she said anything at all. I do miss her though!

 

Thanks again folks, from the bottom of my heart and I'm sorry if I was misleading :)

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funkybassplayer

funkybassplayer

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Be it a good or bad comment, it did make you feel low, or rather brought up things which are still deep in you. not her fault that you fewlt like this, but its just another step in your healing. However, if hearing anything from her is causing you distress which it clearly is, it may not be a bad thing to block her, just for now. Personally i think a blog can be a cry for help.

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Art_Critic

Art_Critic

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Matty.. you have to take control of this or it will pull you under..

 

You get strength from having control.. Well right now she has had and still controls you..

 

You need to take the step of blocking her and making sure she can no longer contact you..

That is taking the power back from her..

 

Her contact albeit wasn't a sleight was also inappropriate..She did it to get a reaction from you and that was the only reason she posted it..

 

Please take the step to remove her from contacting you and also from viewing your blog, You will feel so much better.

 

By the way.. the fact that you know she hasn't viewed it since you have been broken up means you check the logs and look for her....you yearn for the contact

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MattyTee

MattyTee

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Funky - In actual fact writing has been one of the main things keeping me going through all of this :) I write both an online and offline journal - one is obviously a bit more personal for things I don't want to share. I read two books recently that have heavily influenced the way I've been going through this - The Zahir by Paulo Coehlo and Journey to Ixtlan by Carlos Castenada. The beauty of writing is that it is helping me live in the present, and my past (and each day) become a story of a person called Matt. When I re-read what I have written (sometimes I can't remember) the lessons I've learned and the progress I've made are clear and I find that I am learning a great deal about myself. I'd be happy to discuss this in more detail with anyone that is interested. It's been a _massive_ help to me to write.

 

Art, I hear what you are saying but this isn't about control. The one and only thing I can control is me. I walked away from her not because I was angry or bitter or felt she held control over me but because I loved her and I respected the fact that it was hurting me too much being close. I still love her, hold no anger or bitterness at all.

 

I'm sorry but I think you are wrong about why she posted. She posted because she is a loving soul who wanted to reach out and let me know what she thought of my writing. My rational mind went bonkers at first trying to read into why she posted - what could it mean, is she thinking about me blah blah blah... but I spent some time crying, I slept a little and I'm here at work now doing alright.

 

It is as simple as this. She posted. I read. I cried. I'm okay :) I can't change what happened, it's a part of my story and a part of me growing.

 

You are absolutely right about me checking the logs. I did hope that maybe she would read it. I also believed that she never would, in fact it never occurred to me that she would until someone told me that without a shadow of a doubt she would be reading it.

 

The blog isn't about her, it's about me and my own personal journey. I'm not begging her to come back. I'm thoroughly excited about discovering myself. I was surprised that she did read it, more surprised that she commented and I cried - there's nothing wrong with that. It was most therapeutic.

 

I may well block her IP but I'm going to see how I feel about it over the next few days. But thank you for sharing insight with me :)

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