How's this for a good one

[stillafool]

Lizzie you took the words right out of my mouth. After 3 mos? Maybe he thinks you are too needy (not saying that you are) and may become a threat to his marriage. Or, he got something extra on the side and is now ready to go home for the holidays and act like a good little boy. Of course it could be that he's woeing another OW who's ready to get involved with him. I bet it isn't because of his kids. If he were that concerned about them he wouldn't have been out cheating on their Mom in the first place. No I'll bet anyting it's all about him and what he wants.

[GreenEyedLady]

I do too, AP.

 

God what is with this board?!!

 

I thought this was supposed to be a supportive place for "Other People" to come and tell their stories and get support, not a place for "Other People" to be heaped upon with criticisms, judgments, "I told ya so"'s that they're already heaping upon themselves.

 

There are some nice people here and I thank you for your insights.

 

And for the record, my back story is complex, so it's not logical or fair to just stereotype my situation without knowing all the details.

 

Also, I've never been involved with someone married before, so no there's no way I "should have known" what was going to happen, or what to expect.

 

Why are so many of you here so mean and judgmental to people you don't even know?

 

I am so sorry...I often wonder where all the OW have gone...I look at who has responded and there are very few who responded...

 

Put posters on ignore if you don't want to hear their bitter drivel...You can do that by clicking on their profile and adding to your ignore list...There's helpful posters here who will be supportive but sometimes you have to wade through all the bitterness...

 

I am sorry for your hurt...I wouldn't be surprised if he contacted you again later on...Just decide ahead of time what you want to do if he does...

 

(((HUGS)))

[Gwyneth]

Just got dumped because of the kids, not because of the wife.

 

Ah what a classic.

 

Kids (count 'em, four of 'em) are acting up and feeling neglected with the extreme little time MM and I spend together....and he just cleanly and neatly just cut me out.

 

I told him they're going to be hurt whether he leaves now or when they're all grown up.

 

I know he's doing the right thing, it just pisses me off that he didn't foresee this happening before we got together 3 months ago, so I could have been spared some hurt.

 

In a way I think this is good for the kids' sake, but upsetting for you which is totally understandable. My father's wife, whom he cheated with on my mother, was extremely jealous and would always fight with my father for spending too much time on my sister and I when we would visit and not their children together. If you and this man had a child together, and when his other children came over and he would spend more time with them since he would only see them weekends maybe, how would you feel? I think it's better it's ending now before it can get worse. I'd rather be left for the kids and not the wife. I also say that I'd rather be cheated on with another man than a woman..well, that's just me.

 

I am another woman by the way, or I should say, WAS OW, and I know the support around here is harsh, but hang in there and yeah, put the ones you do not like on Ignore. I tried that but didn't like it. Hang in there...you'll survive!!!

[JMC]

Thanks Marley guy, Cinabon (sweet name & person), GEL (very caring), and other nice respectful people. I guess I won't give up on this board just yet.

[White Flower]

Sorry, JMC, I shoulda posted sooner. I'm one of the nice ones.

 

I think most of these fine and dandy people are right. I think he either got cold feet and felt guilty, so backed out or he's onto another one. Chalk it up to experience and hopefully the next time you see that wedding band on a guy you'll go running and screaming.

 

My MM has adult children and doesn't want to hurt them. When I said they'll get over it, he said, "Yeah, but when?" I suppose he is old enough to die before they forgive him, but I am young enough to find someone worth the rest of my while.

 

Cheers.

[wizer]

My MM has adult children and doesn't want to hurt them. When I said they'll get over it,.

 

So because his children will get over their hurt, it's ok for you to break up the family because YOUR needs are met. Screw everyone else's. And you're one of the "nice ones".

[Lyssa]

Sorry, JMC, I shoulda posted sooner. I'm one of the nice ones.

 

I think most of these fine and dandy people are right. I think he either got cold feet and felt guilty, so backed out or he's onto another one. Chalk it up to experience and hopefully the next time you see that wedding band on a guy you'll go running and screaming.

 

My MM has adult children and doesn't want to hurt them. When I said they'll get over it, he said, "Yeah, but when?" I suppose he is old enough to die before they forgive him, but I am young enough to find someone worth the rest of my while.

 

Cheers.

 

Try and ignore the post's that annoy you. I understand what your saying, however everyone is entitled to their own option.

 

AP:)

 

JMC - you will learn just to ignore those certain posters.

 

I am so sorry...I often wonder where all the OW have gone...I look at who has responded and there are very few who responded...

 

Put posters on ignore if you don't want to hear their bitter drivel...You can do that by clicking on their profile and adding to your ignore list...There's helpful posters here who will be supportive but sometimes you have to wade through all the bitterness...

 

I am sorry for your hurt...I wouldn't be surprised if he contacted you again later on...Just decide ahead of time what you want to do if he does...

 

(((HUGS)))

 

In a way I think this is good for the kids' sake, but upsetting for you which is totally understandable. My father's wife, whom he cheated with on my mother, was extremely jealous and would always fight with my father for spending too much time on my sister and I when we would visit and not their children together. If you and this man had a child together, and when his other children came over and he would spend more time with them since he would only see them weekends maybe, how would you feel? I think it's better it's ending now before it can get worse. I'd rather be left for the kids and not the wife. I also say that I'd rather be cheated on with another man than a woman..well, that's just me.

 

I am another woman by the way, or I should say, WAS OW, and I know the support around here is harsh, but hang in there and yeah, put the ones you do not like on Ignore. I tried that but didn't like it. Hang in there...you'll survive!!!

 

Thanks Marley guy, Cinabon (sweet name & person), GEL (very caring), and other nice respectful people. I guess I won't give up on this board just yet.

 

Hi JMC... sorry for what he's putting you through. These people I quoted, they are the ones with more experiences and I would look out for their posts/insights. Hope you're coping well.

 

[[[JMC]]]

[justice]

Maybe, you should think about his kids instead of yourself. Yes, I realize this hurts, but you knew, going into an affair with a mm could end up in nothing but pain. It sounds as if he is trying to do the right thing, respect his wishes. If he doesn't come back you didn't want him in the first place, if he does, you'll know that you were his second choice. Try to think about this on a larger scale than just yourself.

[justice]

You will find support here at LS, what you won't find are sugar coated answers to your problem. It isn't about what you want to hear. It's about you asking and people telling you their honest opinion. Even though it may NOT be what you wanted to hear. It all boils down to your actions, right is right and wrong is wrong. Adultery is wrong.

[luvmy2ns]

Hi JMC... sorry for what he's putting you through. These people I quoted, they are the ones with more experiences and I would look out for their posts/insights. Hope you're coping well.

 

[[[JMC]]]

 

???!!!!

 

You know, if you only listen to the young, inexperienced folks on this board who tell you exactly what you want to hear, then that's the kind of results you're going to get. Totally one-sided and NOT helpful to life's real struggles. It is completely up to you how you live your life. If you want to be an OW forever, hanging onto lies a MM tells you (who is cheating on his wife AND his family, BTW), you'll get nothing but heartache. There are very few OW whose MM has left the W and became theirs and only theirs. Do you want to share a man and only get the leftovers from his "real" life? The option is yours. Take it or leave it. Bitter? No, I'm not bitter. Just because I don't live in a fantasy world where men who are cheating with you on their wives and children never lie doesn't mean I'm bitter. Realistic? Yeah. You betcha.

[child_of_isis]

It is a false reality.

 

Evidently, we are supposed to help MM in maintaining his entrapment of OW in said false reality.

 

Those who do not..are "bitter".

 

I am having a hard time wrapping my head around this logic.

???!!!!

 

You know, if you only listen to the young, inexperienced folks on this board who tell you exactly what you want to hear, then that's the kind of results you're going to get. Totally one-sided and NOT helpful to life's real struggles. It is completely up to you how you live your life. If you want to be an OW forever, hanging onto lies a MM tells you (who is cheating on his wife AND his family, BTW), you'll get nothing but heartache. There are very few OW whose MM has left the W and became theirs and only theirs. Do you want to share a man and only get the leftovers from his "real" life? The option is yours. Take it or leave it. Bitter? No, I'm not bitter. Just because I don't live in a fantasy world where men who are cheating with you on their wives and children never lie doesn't mean I'm bitter. Realistic? Yeah. You betcha.

[Cinabon]

JMC - you will learn overtime. That some posters you just scan over their reponses or use the ignore feature. Pointless in going round and round with them.

 

Keep your head up high in the meantime.

[reboot]

JMC - you will learn overtime. That some posters you just scan over their reponses or use the ignore feature. Pointless in going round and round with them.

 

Keep your head up high in the meantime.

I disagree to a point. I realize there are those on here that are just bitter and mean, and give no real useful advice, but there's another group who will tell you, if you don't LIKE the advice, just ignore that poster. In other words, stick your head in the sand and only listen to those people who are willing to coddle you and tell you how everything is going to be ok. Don't REALLY think about what's best for you, just think about what you want. Those posters are just as wrong as the first group I described, IMO.

 

You get a lot of very good advice here that isn't necessarily what you want to hear. That doesn't make it bad advice.

[Cinabon]

I disagree to a point. I realize there are those on here that are just bitter and mean, and give no real useful advice, but there's another group who will tell you, if you don't LIKE the advice, just ignore that poster. In other words, stick your head in the sand and only listen to those people who are willing to coddle you and tell you how everything is going to be ok. Don't REALLY think about what's best for you, just think about what you want. Those posters are just as wrong as the first group I described, IMO.

 

You get a lot of very good advice here that isn't necessarily what you want to hear. That doesn't make it bad advice.

 

 

My post was directed to the posters who are mean , bitter and nasty. When you have been on this forum long enough you will know which posters give advice and those who love to kick someone when they are down.

[Meaplus3]

My post was directed to the posters who are mean , bitter and nasty. When you have been on this forum long enough you will know which posters give advice and those who love to kick someone when they are down.

 

Exactly Cinabon well put!

 

AP:)

[reboot]

Ok, well, I've seen people called "bitter and nasty" who were doing nothing more than giving unpopular advice.

 

I'm sure some of these types of relationships have happy endings. But the fact of the matter is most of them don't. You can believe whatever gets you through the day, but sticking your head in the sand so you can't see it coming isn't very smart.

[child_of_isis]

There are also some that are so straightforward and blunt, I think they scare some people.

 

But, I don't see them as mean.

 

I think it is all about perspective.

 

Ok, well, I've seen people called "bitter and nasty" who were doing nothing more than giving unpopular advice.

 

I'm sure some of these types of relationships have happy endings. But the fact of the matter is most of them don't. You can believe whatever gets you through the day, but sticking your head in the sand so you can't see it coming isn't very smart.

[whichwayisup]

The question is, would you really want a man who had no trouble walking away from his own flesh and blood to be with you, knowing that his FOUR young children would HATE him, not want anything to do with him? For him to have a rocky relationship with them? If your answer is yes, then just know (hypothecially speaking here) IF he HAD walked away, he's capable of doing to YOU and any future children you have with him, what he's done to his present family.

[wizer]

Put posters on ignore if you don't want to hear their bitter drivel..There's helpful posters here who will be supportive but sometimes you have to wade through all the bitterness...

 

 

IDK, really. Maybe his "spice of life" is starting to taste the same and he needs to shop for a new flavor. Keep on eye out and see if you can catch him doing this. I'd be curious to see what you find out. No reflection on you, just that some are merely cheating scum and nothing more.

 

Sorry if you found my post "mean," but please note I did say "no reflection on you."

 

I just think the guy is moving on to another OW. What's wrong with someone having an opinion, just because it differs from yours?

 

There's no "meanness" or drivel in ANY post on this thread, and I don't see anything that qualifies as "bitterness" either. All I see is good advice, that most people who cheat with married men don't want to hear because they want to be "supported" and they want their actions and decisions validated.

[nadiaj2727]

..there's another group who will tell you, if you don't LIKE the advice, just ignore that poster. In other words, stick your head in the sand and only listen to those people who are willing to coddle you and tell you how everything is going to be ok. Don't REALLY think about what's best for you, just think about what you want. Those posters are just as wrong as the first group I described, IMO.

 

You get a lot of very good advice here that isn't necessarily what you want to hear. That doesn't make it bad advice.

 

I agree, Reboot, and this is what I was trying to say on another thread. To me the best part of a forum and asking for advice is hearing perspectives from all kinds of different people -- those who agree with you, those who don't, etc. I have experience as an OW and I now caution other women from being OWs. Some people, such as some of those quoted above, have experience as an OW and do not caution other women from being OWs. In my opinion, OP, you should carefully think about all the advice you're getting from all sources and see how it applies to your own personal situation and whether or not you agree with it.

 

I am sorry that you are going through this JMC. I'm just not sure what kind of advice you would like? He is a scumbag. I'm sorry he hurt you. Please let me know how you would like me to support you further? Because I feel that some people are just giving you their honest opinion and yet you're calling them "mean and bitter" and other people have agreed with you. I agree with Wizer that there was nothing mean and bitter on this thread (UNTIL he said that very very mean comment, which there is no excuse for).

[imstunned]

 

You want bitter? Here's bitter: Any woman that has sex with a married man is a whore that deserves whatever she has coming to her.

 

I am staying out of this - or am trying to - and havent read the whole thread - but I find that statement to be very very harsh, unecessary and offensive. Why always blame the OW/OM when they are not the ones who have taken their vows? I just dont get it.

[wizer]

I am staying out of this - or am trying to - and havent read the whole thread - but I find that statement to be very very harsh, unecessary and offensive. Why always blame the OW/OM when they are not the ones who have taken their vows? I just dont get it.

 

Read the posts that say that well meaning posters are being "mean" and "bitter" and writing "drivel" and should be "ignored" because they are giving advice that the OP and those who do as she does do not want to hear it because they are really only looking for validation of something that will never be justifiable.

[bigheartkindsoul]

So what names do we get to call MM or a man having an affair with a married women then???

 

Or do we just pat them on the back and say well done my son!

[whichwayisup]

Why always blame the OW/OM when they are not the ones who have taken their vows? I just dont get it.

 

Ofcourse the married person who has cheated IS the one who is at fault, but the OW/OM who are the affair partner and has to take some of the blame too seeing as (most) know that they are involving themselves with a MP.

[White Flower]

So because his children will get over their hurt, it's ok for you to break up the family because YOUR needs are met. Screw everyone else's. And you're one of the "nice ones".

Never asked him to and never would. Why? Because I am nice. It just came up once in a conversation once in a round about way. Believe it or not, some OW have a lot of compassion. But I understand your need to lump everyone into the same pile. You have selfish needs, too.