White Flower Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 There's no "meanness" or drivel in ANY post on this thread, and I don't see anything that qualifies as "bitterness" either. All I see is good advice, that most people who cheat with married men don't want to hear because they want to be "supported" and they want their actions and decisions validated. You want bitter? Here's bitter: Any woman that has sex with a married man is a whore that deserves whatever she has coming to her. A whore gets paid. I gave myself willingly and freely. And I only look for validation on the reasons I need to end it. There are many here on your side of the fence who have helped me in my quest who were much kinder and less vulgar than you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JMC Posted November 20, 2007 Author Share Posted November 20, 2007 Ughhh!!! That particular poster that posted that about OW disgusts me - all I had to do was look at his avatar and know what I was dealing with - so I haven't even looked at his threads. Then when I caught a glimpse of his quote in WF's post, I just laughed because of how ridiculous it was. So no harm done here. Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 Ughhh!!! That particular poster that posted that about OW disgusts me - all I had to do was look at his avatar and know what I was dealing with - so I haven't even looked at his threads. Then when I caught a glimpse of his quote in WF's post, I just laughed because of how ridiculous it was. So no harm done here. He did go over the top and was insulting, for sure. But really. Bitter? Just because some don't just spoon feed you the things you would prefer to hear? The things that only another OW willingly locked in her own fantasy world knows you want to hear? You do need to hear all sides so you can make a decision about how you want to spend (or waste) years of your life. Link to post Share on other sites
bigheartkindsoul Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 I agree ^^^ however like you said name calling is not right of fair, especially when directed at just OW rather than OM or MM etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 I'd say that you'd probably do much better for yourself if you stop trying to decipher the "why" he left, and focused instead on recovering yourself from the failed relationship. If you don't have it, you should build a support network that DOES NOT include MM. Friends, family, etc... Focus on yourself...and let the relationship with him go. While you don't want to face it (and most OP don't), it was very, very likely a limited time relationship anyway. Affairs almost never end up in long term, healthy relationships. What hobbies did you USED to do? Start them up again. Start a new one. Hit the gym (best remedy for depression and stress there is!). Rebuild your life...WITHOUT him. Don't worry about the why anymore...its irrelevent. Instead, focus on the YOU. Link to post Share on other sites
4whatItsWorth Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 Perhaps your MM should've done what my dad (MM) did...he spent the vacations and "late evenings at work" with the OW and the other time with me and my bro...we were never neglected "time-wise"...only my mom was. I'm interested in how little time he spent for you to think he had a bad excuse wanting to spend more time with his kids? Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 Why are so many of you here so mean and judgmental to people you don't even know? why? because people like you come to this board with this "me me me...its all about me" attitude.....everyone involved in your affair is at fault except you...its that attitude that gets people steamed. This MM you hooked up with didn't give a shiit about his wife and kids....and neither did you. But then its all about you isn't it. Thats why. Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 JMC - you will learn just to ignore those certain posters. this is true....especially the ones that speak the truth. Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 Thanks Marley guy, Cinabon (sweet name & person), GEL (very caring), and other nice respectful people. . respectful? And do you think you were respectful to his wife and kids? Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 I am staying out of this - or am trying to - and havent read the whole thread - but I find that statement to be very very harsh, unecessary and offensive. he was giving an example...it wasn't what he was thinking. Why always blame the OW/OM when they are not the ones who have taken their vows? I just dont get it. nobody is blaming the OW in this case. what she is blamed for is her "me" attitude like she should be given compassion when she didn't extend it to the wife and kids of this man. She may not be directly responsible for what this MM did, but she is an accomplice only thinking of herself. Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 only reason you don't see those is because the OM aren't really on here on the board...sure there are a small handful...but they tend not to post their stories.....Yeah, for some reason, they typically get treated much worse than OW do. Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 Yeah, for some reason, they typically get treated much worse than OW do. And it would be no different from me. despicable behavior is just that...regardless if its a man or woman. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 Yeah, for some reason, they typically get treated much worse than OW do. What, MM get called philanderer, cake-eater, repeat cheater? We get called whore and worse. Link to post Share on other sites
wizer Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 Of course it's ok for the OM to get away with it. Thats one of the good things about being a guy. We aren't held accountable for our actions. We don't have periods, we don't have to shave our legs, we can piss standing up (and miss), no 9 months of having to carry a baby and then push the thing out...all we have to do is (when we get divorced), give her the house, the car, the kids, child/spousal support, pay her legal bills, and any other creative ideas that she and her attorney can think of. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 Of course it's ok for the OM to get away with it. Thats one of the good things about being a guy. We aren't held accountable for our actions. We don't have periods, we don't have to shave our legs, we can piss standing up (and miss), no 9 months of having to carry a baby and then push the thing out...all we have to do is (when we get divorced), give her the house, the car, the kids, child/spousal support, pay her legal bills, and any other creative ideas that she and her attorney can think of. Well I don't know what state you live in, but in mine everything gets cut in half. And my H would make sure I got less. The kids choose who they want to live with (already told me they would choose me). No creativity here. Just the formula. So, it really sucks to be a woman if you want to compare. But I'm not complaining about the physical differences between a man and a woman; just the snide remarks women suffer. Among all the other crap you so eloquently brought up. Link to post Share on other sites
wizer Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 Well I don't know what state you live in, but in mine everything gets cut in half. NY. She's not working although she's a licensed nurse She's living in our house worth close to a million bucks on a wooded acre while I live in a small apartment over my office She has full access to the children, sees them every day and every night She's driving a brand new car She's receiving in excess of 5k a month and living in a house with no mortgage She filed a motion for me to pay property taxes, her car insurance and all nonreimbursed medical (in addition to the health insurance that I am paying) I'll probably have to pay her legal fees too I could go on...but those are the highlights. She'll end up a wealthy woman and not have to work, while I'll have to suck it up for another 15-20 years and pay support and put the kids through college, even though they barely talk to me. In NY it's not even a choice. You pay whether you want to or not. Being the monied spouse (usually but not always the guy) is a ticket to getting the "shaft". The judge might as well save us a lot of trouble and just tell me to drop my pants, and **** me in the ass right there in the courtroom. Link to post Share on other sites
Gwyneth Posted November 21, 2007 Share Posted November 21, 2007 In this thread, I bite my tongue...only three more days of probation. Don't let the meanies get to you--it's not worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted November 21, 2007 Share Posted November 21, 2007 Originally posted by Wizer> NY. She's not working although she's a licensed nurse She's living in our house worth close to a million bucks on a wooded acre while I live in a small apartment over my office She has full access to the children, sees them every day and every night She's driving a brand new car She's receiving in excess of 5k a month and living in a house with no mortgage She filed a motion for me to pay property taxes, her car insurance and all nonreimbursed medical (in addition to the health insurance that I am paying) I'll probably have to pay her legal fees too I could go on...but those are the highlights. She'll end up a wealthy woman and not have to work, while I'll have to suck it up for another 15-20 years and pay support and put the kids through college, even though they barely talk to me. In NY it's not even a choice. You pay whether you want to or not. Being the monied spouse (usually but not always the guy) is a ticket to getting the "shaft". The judge might as well save us a lot of trouble and just tell me to drop my pants, and **** me in the ass right there in the courtroom. ______________________________________________________________ Wow, Wizer, I'm sorry to hear about all that. That does sound pretty crummy. I don't know the particulars of your split, but I feel bad for ya, mean as you are. Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted November 21, 2007 Share Posted November 21, 2007 ???!!!! You know, if you only listen to the young, inexperienced folks on this board who tell you exactly what you want to hear, then that's the kind of results you're going to get. Totally one-sided and NOT helpful to life's real struggles. It is completely up to you how you live your life. If you want to be an OW forever, hanging onto lies a MM tells you (who is cheating on his wife AND his family, BTW), you'll get nothing but heartache. There are very few OW whose MM has left the W and became theirs and only theirs. Do you want to share a man and only get the leftovers from his "real" life? The option is yours. Take it or leave it. Bitter? No, I'm not bitter. Just because I don't live in a fantasy world where men who are cheating with you on their wives and children never lie doesn't mean I'm bitter. Realistic? Yeah. You betcha. What I meant as they are more experienced is that, they are older than me. They went through a lot more than I did - I don't have much to say to OP. The ones I quoted helped me see things clearly as do other Ws/Bws on this forum. I am no longer with a MM so I see things quite differently now. I quoted them because OP might want some views from those who have more experience. That's all. Link to post Share on other sites
wizer Posted November 21, 2007 Share Posted November 21, 2007 Wow, Wizer, I'm sorry to hear about all that. That does sound pretty crummy. I don't know the particulars of your split, but I feel bad for ya, mean as you are. How bad DO you feel, White Flower? I'm going to be unmarried very soon...<wink>. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted November 21, 2007 Share Posted November 21, 2007 How bad DO you feel, White Flower? I'm going to be unmarried very soon...<wink>. You just made me laugh. You know how dangerous that is... Link to post Share on other sites
wizer Posted November 21, 2007 Share Posted November 21, 2007 You just made me laugh. You know how dangerous that is... Laughter..It's a beautiful thing. Now we're friends and I can't pick on you anymore... Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted November 22, 2007 Share Posted November 22, 2007 Originally posted by Wizer> Laughter..It's a beautiful thing. Now we're friends and I can't pick on you anymore... Awwww:p Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted November 22, 2007 Share Posted November 22, 2007 What, MM get called philanderer, cake-eater, repeat cheater? We get called whore and worse. Wrong...I'd tell you what I call an OM..but unlike everyone else on this board...I'd get put in the doghouse by Tony for saying it. Link to post Share on other sites
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