samsungxoxo Posted November 19, 2007 Share Posted November 19, 2007 Funny how many tend to say that you have to let go of those that hurt you. But see it also depending to what degree did they hurt you and how. Many times I can be easy going and forgiving. It depends, if it's a one time misunderstood or name calling, ok fine. But if it's those kids that been emotionally bullying you for years as a child, then screw them, they better have a good excuse to want to make peace with you. I know I would NEVER forgive my mother's sister in law (dad's bitchy sister). When my mom was about my age, she damn messed with her and insulted. I'm hearing she's feeling bad, ewww. **** if she dares step in one foot of our home, I'll either go mad and confront her about everything and rub it in her face or show indifference. Link to post Share on other sites
DutchGuy Posted November 19, 2007 Share Posted November 19, 2007 It is not the person that is forgiven that gaines something, it is the one that forgives. I do myself a favor for forgiving people because I'm no longer burdened with wrath. The one that is forgiven is humbled by the 'greatness' of the other, forgiveness allows you to become a 'martyr', flipping a bad situation into something that makes you stronger and the other weakened. The one that forgives is admired and the one that is forgiven looks even worse because their victim shows integrity. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted November 19, 2007 Share Posted November 19, 2007 People don't have to forgive, to let go. When you hold onto resentment towards another person, you end up giving them control over you, affecting your attitude and outlook on life. Sometimes I forgive, sometimes I ignore/flush the offending person. Is it worth your energy? Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 Honey, I don't know how to put this and not sound like a preacher, but I think you have some anger AND anger management issues. I think you're looking for holes through which you can let your rage out. Are you seeing a therapist? I can be very angry when someone hurts me, to the point where I can't control myself and can't stand the pain; but I let go of it as soon as the source is removed (except for the ex-step-monster who molested me). Despising your aunt and getting on her nerves whenever you can is OK, but feeling a burning desire to get vindictive and obsessing over it is destroying your mental peace. Your mom was old enough to defend herself. I am concerned about your aggressive defensiveness; you might get in trouble one of these days. Please, teach yourself to be in charge of your emotions and tame your temper. Link to post Share on other sites
Author samsungxoxo Posted November 20, 2007 Author Share Posted November 20, 2007 RecordProducer I'm actually doing better. As for my anger, yes it is under control. I'm not that much of a resentful person, not in comparing to my b/f, now he's one that never really forgives if you hurt him, he's worst than me. Link to post Share on other sites
magda Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 Well, by holding onto the rage you continue to give it power over you and give the person more energy than their actions prove they are worth. There are a couple people in this world I never want to see again, or think about, but I no longer think about them. I haven't forgotten it just doesn't do me any good to think about it. Of course, I wouldn't want to spend time with them, but it's not worth it to me to confront them, either. It would just bring everything back. Why keep reliving the past hurts? Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmasMuse Posted November 21, 2007 Share Posted November 21, 2007 I think by not forgiving it keeps you stuck in the past and makes you feel a resentful attachment to that person. NOT forgiving does nothing to the other person too. Just because you forgive someone doesn't mean you have to allow them back into your life, or continue where you left off etc. It just sets you free to be able to move on, from past hurts. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted November 21, 2007 Share Posted November 21, 2007 The thing is you don't HAVE to forgive her. but let's say you do, it doesn't mean that you are accepting this person in your life... you can forgive in your heart just for your own sanity...but not directly to her... some things are just impossible to forget and very hard to forgive. Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted November 21, 2007 Share Posted November 21, 2007 I can only speak for myself, but I think forgiving is important. I think its human nature to want to punish others who have hurt us, however we are the ones running the story over and over in our minds. Its foolish to want to punish ourselves in the present for what someone else did to us in the past. To release the past I knew I must be willing to forgive, even if I didn't know how. Forgiveness means giving up our hurtful feelings. I really felt that if I were in a state of nonforgivness, that it actually destroyed something within myself. The grudges and hurt we feel, has to do with forgiving yourself, not someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Lovegod Posted November 21, 2007 Share Posted November 21, 2007 My own philosophy is if the person acknowledges what they did wrong, then they are worthy of forgiveness. If they continue to deny what they did was wrong or even say that it never happened, then they get nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
PandorasBox Posted November 22, 2007 Share Posted November 22, 2007 "Some people don't deserve forgiveness." Does that apply to you as well, if you were to do or say something that someone esle couldn't seem to forgive you for? I'm not saying you have or will, but you never know when you might be in a situation where you do or say something (intentional or not) and someone else feels the same as you do about others not deserving to to be forgiven. Link to post Share on other sites
Author samsungxoxo Posted November 23, 2007 Author Share Posted November 23, 2007 "Some people don't deserve forgiveness." Does that apply to you as well, if you were to do or say something that someone esle couldn't seem to forgive you for? I'm not saying you have or will, but you never know when you might be in a situation where you do or say something (intentional or not) and someone else feels the same as you do about others not deserving to to be forgiven. Good point there. Yes I recall making my french teacher have a headache that she coulcn't sleep well one day, she went to the point of crying when she found out I cheated my way of getting more extra credit tickets (basially I did what she hated the most, borrowing from other people and taking some tickets away). Yea, bha, lol, she did say I hurted her a lot, but my expression was kinda like a ''Oh yea, whatever''. Thing is if I were to hurt someone with an act or say something, even if I knew I was terribly wrong and that person ends up not talking to me then I don't talk to him/her either. You see, I have a complicated issue, I'm waaayy too proud to admit I was worng. In fact I don't like apologizing to anyone. :confused:But the irony is I don't why I'm different with my b/f. I apology if I hurt him. Link to post Share on other sites
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