ok,,, now I'm crazy

[J and S]

13 years ago, I left the club life, playing in bands etc. for a timid country girl. She became pregnant and I left Metrpolis to live in the woods(her land) I found it quite hard to make money from this area and went into advertising which of course required travel. After our second was born, we for got ourselves and it was all about kids. Both with heart conditionns and complications but for the most part, they're fine. Just more effort than the normal raising of kids. I bought a house in the woods and all was well. One day, she came to me saying a guy keeps stopping by her work bothering her,,, I said, I know how you feel about me and you know how I feel about you. Two years later, out of the blue, she left me and moved into a shack about a quarter mile from our house. She wasn't interested in the kids, IE to take them but being a small area, people would talk and she realized,,, kids=money. I cannot make anyone love me or stay so off she goes. I work mostly on the weekend and have the kids all week. She started keeping the kids more and more as to introduce them to this guy she left me for. The guy with no job or vehicle. As I rearranged my life I threw away Victoria's Secret catalogs finding bank statements. I found I paid 12 thousand to live where I live for one month. I own this place, no mortgage, cars paid for as well so the only bills,,, utilities. I use cash for everything. I opened other statements in the catalogs. Not much better. She left with an Acura I modified and anything else good. I sat waiting for my kids more and more and being in the woods with all my friends and family out of state,,, I met some locals and moved in with a new friend about an hour away from my house. I wasn't alone and my new friend was at least someone to talk to face to face. All her friends became my friends which became awkward for them so I said nothing. She started keeping kids from me 3 and 7 at the time which felt like,,, for ransom. I never gave in and knew the new guy only wanted her. I moved into an apartment about an hour away. My house has been robbed and I haven't been there since March. She hold the kids more and more from me and especially now since my youngest knows how to communicate. Seems the new guy does not like him and choked him because he would not be quiet. Of course he was babysitting, no job but there were other stories before and I warned her. I am at my wits end. Forget the fact the pidder padder of feet in the morning are gone, I freak out when I see a swingset or other families on the holidays, commercials conveying perfect families. I am ready to kill someone. It's been 7 weeks now and she knows I know and anytime I call, yep,,, that guy answers. It is all I can do to not go there and make big mistakes. I just sit here and wonder if my kids are ok. I wake alone, go to work, yeah, I am so popular. If any of my co-workers knew. My brief story. I wish people would try to work things out for the sake of kids instead of thinking of themselves. My kids never want to go home and cry. They are now 8 and 4 and the holidays are the hardest. I need some help, advice, something. I am dying.

[figleaf]

J and S,

 

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Is there any legal recourse you can take? Did you have a formal divorce and was there a custody agreement that she is violating by keeping the kids from you? I know that isn't the most desirable route for some people, but you deserve time with your kids (and sounds like they need time with you and away from a guy who is choking them).

 

Also, remember to take care of yourself. I understand what it's like to fill your life with work (that's me too!) but take time to socialize - ideally with people who don't know her but don't stop meeting up with your mutual friends if that is all you have (just avoid the gossip trap, which it sounds like you try to do).

 

My guess is that your kids really want to spend time with you too! Good luck.

[J and S]

Basically,,, I was always the popular one that everyone wanted to meet. In the area I live now,,, I am just some guy. There are no people here and I do not hunt, or fish, or snowmobile. I am a city person in the country.

So being social is not going to work out.

 

The women I meet seem desperate and for the most part are complete lunatics. Or,,, are wounded and size me up as a potential suitor when all I wanted was a conversation.

 

Our mutual friends were hers first, including brothers. It is awkward for all parties so I stay and moved away.

I quit my job in advertising. My job allowed me to work from home M-Thursday, sometimes Friday, so I had kids while X worked her 6 dollar an hour job. Sitting without them made me go back to the times when I was a younger. Construction. Not too lucrative. I now work as a sub-contractor but babysit grownups for the contractors and clients I work with.

 

We never married.

All of her family is here so I never see the kids on or around the holidays.

My friends and family are all out of state.

 

Basically I am just depressed because of this situation.

Being in a place I do not belong or fit.

I as well as the kids will never be able to be a family.

Especially me. It isn't like I can run out at my age and start a family.

No open house, first day of school, homework, etc.

The holidays and birthdays were always so magical.

I made them that way.

Now I celebrate Christmas in June and July.

My friends from the past invite me to their holidays but all are so far away and don't wish to be that far from my kids.

So.

I am stuck, secretly depressed.

Choking...

With my kids there was no spanking. We talked things out when they were less emotional. They are smart for this but the guy my X is with, spanks, screams and I don't think really bargained for X with kids and especially, the wild and curious side of my son. He now cries, runs and hides anytime he spills something or knocks a guitar over.

X is keeping kids from me now because she knows I know about the choking. So I have talked to a friend that works for the city and instead of logical actions I may be able to take, the conversation was leaning more toward gathering a lynch mob nonsense.

Again,,, a direct reflection of the area in which I live.

 

 

I do not know how to be, not daddy.

[elaina]

Seems the new guy does not like him and choked him because he would not be quiet. Of course he was babysitting, no job but there were other stories before and I warned her. I am at my wits end. Forget the fact the pidder padder of feet in the morning are gone, I freak out when I see a swingset or other families on the holidays, commercials conveying perfect families. I am ready to kill someone. It's been 7 weeks now and she knows I know and anytime I call, yep,,, that guy answers. It is all I can do to not go there and make big mistakes. I just sit here and wonder if my kids are ok. I wake alone, go to work, yeah, I am so popular. If any of my co-workers knew. My brief story. I wish people would try to work things out for the sake of kids instead of thinking of themselves. My kids never want to go home and cry. They are now 8 and 4 and the holidays are the hardest. I need some help, advice, something. I am dying.

 

 

J and C I am so sorry. The above in your post is really very concerning about that guy babysitting the children and almost choking the youngest. One thing too that worries me is that there are a lot of people (and I don't know about this guy) but there are a lot of really bad guys out there in the world who hurt little kids and it breaks my heart and many of these kind of guys who hurt kids seem to gravitate to moms who have hurts/issues in their lives that aren't straightened out and that have a hard time with self-esteem. I do not know if this guy is like that or not but it does concern me while reading your post and it is scary.

 

Please is there a way where you can see about getting full custody of your kids? They need their Daddy and even if they want to live with Mom too it seems like Mom is going through issues of her own and really I don't know how anybody can fall in love with somebody who would hurt their child by almost choking them is that really true? Does she know that or doesn't believe it or what? That is so scary I think you should talk with the people at your children's school/daycare and get a lawyer if needed for the children's sake.

 

I hope that the Mom stops this relationship if that guy is no good. Ideally it would be wonderful if this sad tragedy had never happened and also it would be great if she and you could work things out but it's not good to try to force anybody. Hopefully she will get into a relationship with a man who loves her and the kids but it might take a lot of time cause she seems like she has some hurts she is going through in her life.

 

I wonder please, you seem like a very good provider, but did you know any needs of hers that you did not provide? Like being sweet to her and stuff? I am not meaning to judge you or anything as to why she left, but maybe she did not feel like you loved her, cause everybody has different ways of expressing love and maybe she did not understand all you gave up and did for her was because of love? Maybe if you wrote her a letter saying that you are sorry for anything you did or didn't do that didn't show her love?

 

Anyways I am so sorry and yes please see about getting full custody of the kids and yes that would hurt her but please tell her that you don't want to hurt her that you love your children and only concerned about your children's safety and that you as their Dad want to protect and provide for them, and that you care for her too and she needs to know she is special and wonderful and shouldn't let anybody treat her or her kids like that.

[curiousnycgirl]

You do not need to have been married to take legal action to protect your kids! That is absurd. Stop being the victim here, your kids are the victims. You need to hire an attorney and get those kids away from that guy! NOW

[Cobra_X30]

Choking...

With my kids there was no spanking. We talked things out when they were less emotional. They are smart for this but the guy my X is with, spanks, screams and I don't think really bargained for X with kids and especially, the wild and curious side of my son. He now cries, runs and hides anytime he spills something or knocks a guitar over.

X is keeping kids from me now because she knows I know about the choking. So I have talked to a friend that works for the city and instead of logical actions I may be able to take, the conversation was leaning more toward gathering a lynch mob nonsense.

Again,,, a direct reflection of the area in which I live.

 

I do not know how to be, not daddy.

 

You need to walk over pick up a phone and call Child Protective Services right bloody now!

[Xed]

I agree with Cobra: call Child Protective Services immediately. Take care of your kids first, then take care of yourself: find some kind of counseling or advice. Hang in there; your kids need you.

[J and S]

From what I can gather,,, his X is a proffesional and kept him until the kids went off to college. Then he was let go and living in a boarding house in the small town near my house. This is the classic case of, uh oh,,, I am 30,what am I doing. Prince Charming I'm sure was sweet as could be as he had nothing. This is something that gets lost when raising kids. Intimacy. The relationship between Mom and Dad gets pushed aside to take care of kids and house. My X isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer and I warned her about men and people in general. I took her to Colorado, Washington DC, Miami, Atlantic City and to live. My stomping grounds. She always cried and missed her parents. So,,, when she became pregnant, I thought I'd make her happy and buy a house in the country near her parents. That's how I ended up here.

Child Protective Services.

If something is to be done with kids it would have to be instantly removing them.

This guy is not normal.

X looked drugged everytime I saw her, more than smitten and things she said and did, are not her. She suffered panic attacks soon after and couldn't drive the 1/4 mile to her job.

Examples.

She took him to all the places I showed her. Watched the stars at night to see something more than satellites. Turned him on to all the music I showed her. Brought his paintings over to show me.

Meanwhile, this guy, would enter my house, (she still has keys) so he would drive my car over knowing I wasn't there and do strange things. Move furniture, he stole all my underwear and T-shirts and brought them back the next day, left a lemon wedge on my bathroom counter. The list is endless. To this day, he still stalks me.

Almost everyday, I get a ' hey sexy on my IM.

I know it's him.

My dog died mysteriously a month after she left.

I spent the weekend out of town working. She was a healthy dog.

Recently under his care, my son managed to launch a canoe in a pond and fell in.

My daughter saved him.

I don't know where he was.

The choking story is the last I heard.

We went to the Bloomsburg Fair( late September) and on the way, he told me the story.

He was playing outside and was too loud, was asked to go inside. He was too loud inside and told to go to his room. He was too loud in there and voila, choked and told to be quiet.

When X was with me...

He told X he cried when he mentioned her to his mother as she was with someone else.

How do I know? She told me.

Love is blind.

He is playing her.

So I am afraid of what would happen if nothing was done immediately.

Everyone in the area in which I fled is connected. It's almost like incest because of the area being so small.

population 84 the nearest town.

Geez, she even held kids because she wanted my appliances.

WTF is that?

It's all driving me crazy.

Like Mugato or whatever his name was on Zoolander.

I feel like I am on crazy pills, or,,, everyone else is.

[J and S]

Also thanks for all the comments.

The past called me and needs me out of town so I will be in Waterloo Fri Sat Sun. I swore I would never take out of state jobs anymore but for the money offered...... Hmmmmmm. If I don't get back online between now and then, Have a great Thanksgiving everyone.

[J and S]

My IM is advilmartini on YIM if you wish to contact me. Thanks again.

[elaina]

It sounds like you're very busy but please don't forget your kids? They need you and I wish you could take them with you wherever you're going and get them settled into a healthy and secure environment where that crazy guy isn't.

 

About childcare protective services, it would be good I think if you called them but you're right one has to move super duper quick to remove them, and you need to make sure that the childcare protective services know that you are the father and you will take care of them so they don't put them into foster care (unless you don't mind them being put in foster care but it would be wonderful if they could be with you, or if you don't mind my asking can your Mom help with them?

 

About your children's Mom, when you're not busy if you can think of something please... if you have this attitude of oh I did this and that for her, that doesn't really show her that you care for her cause you are focusing on "I" not so much "her." Do you see what I mean please? Sure it's wonderful all the things you did for her and yet there's something in her soul that seems to missing and hurting her. I don't know her but I think maybe she has low self esteem not because of you but hearing all the wonderful things you do and what a wonderful person you are sorta can make someone with low self esteem feel inferior and not with all that much to offer and a burden. Do you see what I mean please? And how people think about themselves is does tend to show through how they act, and she is acting like she is not worth you and I think maybe she might be thinking that I don't know though.

 

Hopefully she isn't on drugs cause it takes a lot of willpower to get out of addictions, but I wonder, if you do have a lot of money would you offer to pay for counseling for her, especially parent counseling? Don't make it sound like I this I that though but like "You are important to me and this is how I can show that you and the kids are important to me."

 

Also, there's this organization called Parents as Teachers that's really good that is free I think that you might want to look up when you have time and get involved in that and get your children involved because they will help too I think, and they are trained to help parents and they are trained to help the children so yeah look it up please please please? Even if your kids and this lady lives far away, I'm sure if you were urgent sounding, they would make a trip out there. The parent as teacher lady I know is a grandmotherly lady who really loves and cares about people.

 

Here's the website and even if your kids are older than 5 still I would recommend calling cause they are childcare professionals and they can help you, and I'm sure they can give you good counsel.

 

http://www.parentsasteachers.org/site/pp.asp?c=ekIRLcMZJxE&b=272119

 

"As a PAT family, you receive:

• Personal visits -- during which your parent educator will share age-appropriate child development and parenting information, help you learn to observe your child, and address your parenting concerns.
  
• Parent group meetings -- which are opportunities to share information about parenting issues and child development. Parents learn and support each other, observe their children with other children and practice parenting skills.
  
• Screenings -- to assess your child's overall development as well as health, hearing and vision.
  
• Resource network -- that links your family to other community services.

More about Parents as Teachers

Thousands of Parents as Teachers sites can be found nationwide...local programs working with parents to provide them with parenting support and information on their developing child. Parents as Teachers is designed to foster strong, loving relationships between parents and their children.

You and your baby deserve the support Parents as Teachers offers. Give your child the best possible start in life because your baby was born to learn! To find a program near you, access the "[COLOR=#693d5e]Find a Program[/COLOR]" section on this Web site or contact the National Center at 1-866-PAT4YOU (1-866-728-4968) or [COLOR=#693d5e][email protected].[/COLOR]"

 

Even if you do not have a child under 5 i think it's still good to call and explain your situation because they have a lot of experience in helping children and parents.

 

Heres' childcare protective services info

"Information on Reporting Child Abuse or Neglect

Report Abuse or Neglect of children, the elderly, or people with disabilities.

 

To report an emergency, call 911. To report child abuse or neglect, call 1-800-252-5400.

For situations that do not require a response within 24 hours you may report through our secure web site: [COLOR=#0000ff]https://www.txabusehotline.org[/COLOR]

We cannot accept e-mail reports of suspected abuse or neglect."

 

Please keep us updated please cause we do care and we do want you and your children and even their Mom to be ok and happy. Thanks.

[J and S]

Low self esteem... yeah,,, once upon a time. I helped her with that in the real world. She was jealous oof my dog and wore my clothes looking down and always. I bought her a bunch of girly clothes often and took pictures of her to show her how pretty she is and exclaimed,,, not everyone will like you, especially armed with your personality. She is a goof and is happy always. There are many people that do not like this. I warned her. She went to tanning sessions with her Mom and I think that all went to her head. She was working as a cashier in a country store and all the guys noticed.

My mother lives in Miami.

She once called two three, sometimes every night.

It's been 5 months since our last conversation.

I am no longer the guy with all the answers.

Just some guy.

Busy...

yes,,, as busy as I can be, otherwise, I will kill myself with all these emotions.

Family of X is large.

I would never want to take them from what they know.

Enough has been done already.

[J and S]

thanks for the info and links