I told a man I had an affair with that I went to bed with one of his good friends. I need advice!

[Lost Laura]

I really need your advice here guys!!

 

This guy I had an affair with "Jim" (married) a while back recently saw me and we realized the attraction was still there even though we hadn't seen each other or been in contact for a long time.

 

Anyhow, in the beginning he sort of treated the affair as just a one-night-stand and I got the impression he didn't want anything more, even though at the time I would have been satisfied for "more".

 

A few months later just by coincidence I met one of Jim's good friends "Mark" who was really attracted to me, but I didn't really feel the same thing back. I was kind of down about the affair with Jim, so I ended up confiding in Mark about the whole thing. Mark tried to persuade me to let go of Jim and forget about him because he obviously wasn't chasing me. This discussion occured at a restaurant over dinner. Mark accompanied me back to my appartment after dinner, but I had lost my keys. Since it was too late to

 

ring the neighbors for the extra set, I ended up having to stay over at Mark's place. He kept begging me to do things with him, and I kept telling him I didn't want to (I was still attracted to Jim), but in the end I did it because I felt sorry for Mark. It was not a very pleasant experience and I wouldn't do it again. After Mark promised he wouldn't say anything about it to Jim and I left, feeling so strange for having gone to bed with a man I wasn't attracted to. (Of coure he used protection!)

 

When I saw Jim this last time the chemistry was really strong. The only thing is that when we started talking I joked and told him I wanted to be "mistress number 15" to which he replied, "Ah! You know me well. I have lots of other women!"

 

This is when I decided to make my confession about his friend Mark. Apparently Jim only knew the story about me having lost my keys, but didn't know anything about what else had happened, but I told him and stressed the fact that I had not wanted to do it.

 

" but you didn't have to do it" he replied almost in an upset tone

 

" I know, but he kept begging me," I answered.

 

" How was it?" he asked.

 

" I didn't like it," I replied.

 

We were still physically close, but I'm not sure if this was necessary to have told Jim. Do you think Jim now sees me in a different light? Was it necessary to have told him

 

about Mark? Or, do you think this could have "turned him on"? After all, I don't see why he should use this against me when he certainly hasn't been faithful himself!!

[Annie]

It sounds as if you told him becasue you may have thought that Mark had told him anyway? I guess we all want the men in our lives to think we are purer than we really are..but he may well have a problem with this as Mark is his friend. Lockeroom talk and all that stuff. What happened after you told him? Where is the relationship now? Have you spoken with him again? The fact that he is married and has messed around doesn't bode well - let alone his 'off the cuff' remark about lots of women. Comments like that are normally just bs - but we tend to hone in on them and think they are true cos we are so focused on this whole thing.

 

I guess the best you can do is to wait and see if he calls you - if he doesn't then you might perhaps send him an e-Mail or a message about 'Hi how RU?' etc - and back off again.

 

The ball is in his court - and remember - never never go to bed with someone cos you feel sorry for them. Tha's just nuts.

 

Good luck.

I really need your advice here guys!! This guy I had an affair with "Jim" (married) a while back recently saw me and we realized the attraction was still there even though we hadn't seen each other or been in contact for a long time. Anyhow, in the beginning he sort of treated the affair as just a one-night-stand and I got the impression he didn't want anything more, even though at the time I would have been satisfied for "more". A few months later just by coincidence I met one of Jim's good friends "Mark" who was really attracted to me, but I didn't really feel the same thing back. I was kind of down about the affair with Jim, so I ended up confiding in Mark about the whole thing. Mark tried to persuade me to let go of Jim and forget about him because he obviously wasn't chasing me. This discussion occured at a restaurant over dinner. Mark accompanied me back to my appartment after dinner, but I had lost my keys. Since it was too late to ring the neighbors for the extra set, I ended up having to stay over at Mark's place. He kept begging me to do things with him, and I kept telling him I didn't want to (I was still attracted to Jim), but in the end I did it because I felt sorry for Mark. It was not a very pleasant experience and I wouldn't do it again. After Mark promised he wouldn't say anything about it to Jim and I left, feeling so strange for having gone to bed with a man I wasn't attracted to. (Of coure he used protection!) When I saw Jim this last time the chemistry was really strong. The only thing is that when we started talking I joked and told him I wanted to be "mistress number 15" to which he replied, "Ah! You know me well. I have lots of other women!" This is when I decided to make my confession about his friend Mark. Apparently Jim only knew the story about me having lost my keys, but didn't know anything about what else had happened, but I told him and stressed the fact that I had not wanted to do it. " but you didn't have to do it" he replied almost in an upset tone " I know, but he kept begging me," I answered. " How was it?" he asked. " I didn't like it," I replied.

 

We were still physically close, but I'm not sure if this was necessary to have told Jim. Do you think Jim now sees me in a different light? Was it necessary to have told him about Mark? Or, do you think this could have "turned him on"? After all, I don't see why he should use this against me when he certainly hasn't been faithful himself!!