What is going on here...should I go NC?

[confused321]

Hi I am new here, Ok so here is a long story short: I met this guy online in April and we hit it off great, and might I add it was rather unexpected. The only problem was that one of us lived in the Southeast and the other one lived in the Northeast. We got to know each other as friends but we also knew we were really into each other. We ended up meeting in person in August after over three months of talking on the phone and online and it went great as well. We did hook up several times (not sex though) as well. Of course when it was time for me to leave reality set in because we could not be together. We are both students and I pay for my own schooling. I figured well we can stay friends and see what happens in the future. He told me he had feelings for me and I did as well.

 

Well ever since I met him the phone calls stopped but we would always talk online EVERYNIGHT and we would both initiate the conversations equally. On October 3rd he called me asking me what are we I said I didnt know because we had never talked about what we were or being together. I told him I still had feelings for him and he said he did too but then he was like well I can't do this anymore because its draining him. It was having the same effect on me as well but I was just trying not to think about it. Then he goes on to tell me he met someone else and has been hooking up with them and he would like to see if goes anywhere with this new person. I told him I respected this and that we can't put our lives on hold for each other (I was really hurt but didn't know what to do or say since this was all rather unexpected). I (not him) told him we should stay friends since thats how we got to know each other and he said he didnt know because it would be too hard and he wanted to lay low (Im guessing he said this because he still had feelings for me and he wanted to move on). I told him I was going to lay low as well and that was that.

 

Ok so since that time we have continued to talk on AIM almost EVERYDAY, and we BOTH initiate the conversations EQUALLY!!! He has even gone as far as dropping hints (like we should talk on the phone, I am coming to Florida, we should come visit me, and the latest one I hope it wont be akward when we meet for the first time and you have to give me a lap dance) but I have brushed them off because I don't chase people, especially not now since I was kind of hurt that he had met/hooked up with someone so quickly after meeting me (we had been talking for 6 months). We really had/still have a strong connection but what can I do. Anyhow so I do not mind talking to him daily online but sometimes its weird because 2 weeks ago he imed me late at night drunk and he asked me if he could tell me something. I said yeah sure and he was like "I love you" and I said "lol, y" and he said he was not joking and that he had feelings for me and that he hated that we were so far away. Now mind you I couldn't believe this was being said, I was so happy! I broke down (because I was drunk) and told him I had strong feelings for him still and hate this situation we are in. Well even though we were both drunk I knew he was not lying (I was not) and plus for someone who was "drunk" he typed perfectly, not one mis spelled word. He sounded so sincere when he was telling me this and like he had been holding it in since he met this new person a few weeks prior. Well I decided to bring up the conversation just to see if he remembered it, nothing more, and he said no and got defensive on me. He was like I tell everyone when I'm drunk that I love them. I'm sorry but I was just joking, I was drunk and dont really remember what I said. I told him that when I'm drunk I dont lie and that to please not lie to me anymore about things like this. He apologized. Was this his pride talking for having admitted this to me while drunk?

 

Ok so what should I do? We only talk on AIM, never on the phone since Oct 3rd, so I don't know if this means he has moved on or what is going on. I really enjoy our friendship but at the same time I dont understand if these are games being played or what is going on. Should I go NC (we have never gone more than 2 days without talking in 7 months)? Did he really lie about not having feelings for me that night he was drunk, why does he always tease me? Btw I have not chased him at all, just have been friendly. Also he has never talked about this other person he is dating, could it be that its because he still likes me or its not serious with them or he is just being secretive. I really like this guy, there is just something about him I dunno. I have never been stuck on anyone and I am 22 years old. To tell you the truth I know I can live without him, I just don't want to because I have hopes we will reconnect again but I just wish he was more forward and not be dropping hints all the time. Even though we talk on aim for long periods nightly, I just feel like we are drifting apart because AIM is so impersonal to me. Why wont he call me?Any help/suggestions/anything please.

[CD111]

I can relate, I have also met a guy on the internet, we had a great connection talked on the phone often and online almost everyday. Distance was the problem as well. I am from the northwest and he in the southeast. We did meet in person twice, each of us flew out to see the other person once. Realistically, however, it was just not going to happen and that's just the way it was. I think he still has feelings for you, but is also playing you because he knows distance is a problem. I would just go NC and try to meet a guy you lives a bit closer.

[confused321]

I can relate, I have also met a guy on the internet, we had a great connection talked on the phone often and online almost everyday. Distance was the problem as well. I am from the northwest and he in the southeast. We did meet in person twice, each of us flew out to see the other person once. Realistically, however, it was just not going to happen and that's just the way it was. I think he still has feelings for you, but is also playing you because he knows distance is a problem. I would just go NC and try to meet a guy you lives a bit closer.

 

did you go no contact? how did things pan out with the guy you met?

[confused321]

so what do other people think? I need more opinions/advice please

[CD111]

Don't get me wrong, he was a great guy; however, I never planned to move cross country am still in school, so I wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. Well we basically just quit talking. On one hand it really sucks because we really communicated well, but on the other I think it's for the best.

[confused321]

If they never call/text you anymore but they only message you online does this mean that they dont really care anymore?

[niceguy27]

Hey CD111, just curious, but what happened to your ex? Didnt he contact you recently or you thought you two may be working things out?

 

Sorry...didnt mean to hijack your post

[niceguy27]

Oh geez....sorry confused! I though CD started the thread! My bad!

[confused321]

Oh geez....sorry confused! I though CD started the thread! My bad!

 

its ok...so what is your take on all of this?

[thelegend]

i think you should just leave him alone. It's not like a whole lot can come of this. If all you are doing is talking on AIM then there isn't much to the NC as far as i can see because like you said it's impersonal you can go NC if you want but it will not really solve anything

[niceguy27]

so i take it you guys have only realy seen each other physically a few times? well...thats whats so hard with a ldr. i personally couldnt do it. i need that physical connection like being around them to hold and touch.i think what happened with you guys was that yes, there was something there but you guys could never express that physically on a daily or weekly basis.

 

once he realized that i think he just detached himself from you. there was no face to face it was all in front of a screen. if he really wanted to make things work i think he should of tried a little harder. i mean you guys were emotionally involved for 6 months or more. that should say something right there. until you guys (mostly him) are ready to make more of a committment it would really be best to just lay low. go lc then slolwly go nc.

 

if you two stay in touch then down the road there may be another shot for you two.

[pit]

Not trying to be mean, but do you know for fact he isn't married? I ask because you guys talk at night?

When you met him , where did you meet him at? I don't know why, but I feel that he has something more he isn't saying.

 

If you feel in your heart you need to tell him, you want to come see him, I would do so. But I wouldn't go without letting him know your coming first!!!

[confused321]

pit you are right, I have felt as if he has been hiding something but I dont know what. I know he is not married however, he is only 22 (like me).

 

I realized last night that this is all partly my fault. When things arose that I found fishy I did not say anything or I brushed them off simply because I did not want to be paranoid and I "trusted" him. Also I never really expressed myself fully (my feelings) because I have never been in this distance situation before and I was having doubts. Maybe he got the impression that I wasn't as interested or that I didnt know what I wanted so he decided to move on (he did the same to be but I feel as though I am way more mature than him and I should have made the first move). I have finally accepted that all we can ever be is friends and I know I can live my life without him as a lover...

 

...ok so here is my question to you all...I want to let him know that I have known all along what I wanted (unlike what I told him originally) but that my guard has been high up and that I am now getting over my pride and want him to know that I have feelings for him and that ideally I would have liked to have made things work out but what is done is done now. (basically I feel as though I never fought for us and I know its kinda late now but not only does he need to know how I really feel but I also need to get this out so I wont regret him never knowing--he is the first guy I have ever had these kind of feelings for and I feel as I have been watching out more for him than myself by aggreeing with things he says just so things wouldnt be weird). I simply just want closure now and continue to be friends if that is possible. Should I bother telling him this? (I just want to be blunt/honest about my feelings even though I am sure he knows I have feelings for him--also this is not a plea to "get him back" this is just for my own closure and so he knows how I have felt all along.)

[CD111]

I would say, tell the guy how you feel. Really what do you have to loose? nothing, write him a letter, send him an email or whatever. If it will make you feel better and you will have closure go for it. About a month ago I did the same thing with my ex, wrote him a letter and to tell you the truth it totally helped me. I felt the same way as you do now, that if I didn't write/say anything I would regret it later.

[pit]

I would write a letter too and tell him what your thoughts are but don't send him a letter.

 

If you know for (FACT) he isn't married. Call him.

 

You didn't mention where you guys met at?

I am 41, I have been married since I was 16 to the same man. I have seen allot in my time and trust me, if someone don't want you to know their married, they can hide it. It happens all the time.

 

It makes perfect since to say after your gone a week or so, to say I have found another that I have been dateing since no one knew the difference anyway.

Not saying this is what he has done, but it does make since for one to do such things.

 

I would call him....