Kinda drivin me nuts

[James4768]

I have known a girl for about a year. We are great friends we both have kids I have a little girl she has a boy who is about 5. They are great friends. The problem is I love this girl. she will sometimes act like she has feelings for me ( laying together on her bed and watching movies, calling me honey) she. I have tried to kiss her she wasn't down with it (way to early into our relationship). She tells me she loves me but does not want the kids to stop seeing each other if things don't work out.In the mean time I have blown off girls who wanted to date me because I love this girl so whats the point of dting other people. I'm a good looking guy who has no problem meeting women. I feel like I should remove myself from this friendship before I get too attached to her son and to her, I don't want to have my heart broke. I have tried to tell her how I feel and she just clams up. But when I started dating someone a couple of months ago she got mad. What do you make of this mess?

[Elyssa]

So if I understand this correctly, you've known this girl for some time and tried to kiss her early in the relationship but since then, there have been no further attempts?

 

From how she acts, I'd say she either has developed feelings for you or she merely enjoys the no-strings-attached attention you give her and she's using you as an ego boost.

 

It's time you tell her how you feel. If she clams up, that's fine, just make sure she's listening.

 

She needs to understand this situation can't go on forever. If she doesn't want to be with you, you have the right to be with someone else and she can't be jealous about that because she rejected you. You need to find out how she feels so that you can get out of the current situation one way or another.

 

Don't give her any ultimatums or mention the word "love" (because it can be a little overwhelming), but be firm and assertive. Don't let her avoid the subject again or things are only going to get worse for you.

 

If all this fails, put a little distance between you and her. Don't call her all the time or agree to meet her whenever she calls. Go out and date. It doesn't mean you have to marry the next girl you have dinner with. Take the opportunity to meet new people and have fun.

 

If she has feelings for you, she will most likely come around and realize her true feelings for you once you're not so readily available anymore.

 

Hope this helps. Let us know how things go.

 

-E

[Elyssa]

Oh, also...

 

It could also be that she has developed feelings for you since you tried to kiss her and now might be more willing but doesn't know how to go about that. She might not feel comfortable taking the first step or talking about it. If that's the case, try to kiss her again and see how she reacts. If she doesn't turn you down... well, problem solved.

[SuperFantastico]

'In the mean time I have blown off girls who wanted to date me because I love this girl so whats the point of dting other people.'

 

ahem. why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free.

 

I should just put that as my quote. See the problem here is that you give her all that sweet gooey emotional attention that women need, but you arnt getting the sweet gooey.......er....attention you need.

 

You are putting in more then you are getting back. Think of a relationship as a buisness investment(**** i cant spell). Would you put 10000 into a something that you were only gonna get 8000 back. No so why are you doing that here.

 

She is scared of losing you i get it, but what she dosnt realise and what you HAVE to make her realise is that by not giving you a better return on your investment, you are going to invest elsewhere. As in put up or shut up.

 

So i say start dating other women. If you want to give her a mild ultimatum first as in 'i like you and i want to be with you, but if you arnt willing to risk having a relationship with me, whether it works out or not, im going to date other women'

 

And dont date other women to get her. That wont work. Date other women to date other women. Theres lots out there. Lots of great ones just as good as her. Dont be to scared or lazy to go find them. Hell i did that for years. Didnt work out well.

 

Cheers.