lone_simba Posted May 26, 2003 Share Posted May 26, 2003 Well i have a problem....for some reason its hard for me 2 love.when people who i love....hug me or show emotion towards me...i squint and get unconfortable and pushed them away...and they either get sad or ask me why i dont want them 2 hug me or w/e...and i dont know why...but when normal friends or w/e hug me i let them and sometimes hug them or kiss them on the cheek my self...i like 2...but when ppl i love come 2 terms...its hard...i dont want 2...when i ask my self...its like i feel like i dont know them(the ppl i love)...and like i cant show them love....cause like its wrong....and it hurts that i do that...i even do it 2 my parents...i want 2 love....but like i feel that the love ppl give isnt enough...i need more...im a single guy looking 4 love....but i cant find that either....every girl that passes by...i dont like...i bet if JLO passed by i prob wont like her...yes ill think shes cute...but thats all....i feel like...i need more....so yea i feel sad....and in a way...im afraid 2 love....like im scared 2.....i feel if i love ill get hurt...thats why even if i one day do find love with a girl...i feel like im gonna suck as a b/f and not love her......i dont want 2 do that...i really want 2 love...why cant i love....especially the ppl who love me:(... Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted May 26, 2003 Share Posted May 26, 2003 Well, you did a great job of answering the first half of your post in the second half so I won't bother trying to do a better job...you did GREAT!!! You need to explore why you are afraid of love. But that's a cop out....every love affair everywhere in the world ends in HURT...that's right HURT!!! Some last a month of two, some last a year or do...but even the one's that last a lifetime, unless both die at the same hour, one will be hurt...and the better the relationship had been the worse the hurt will be. So if you think you're going to get love without being hurt, you've been reading some goofy books or talking to some dumb people. Love is a risk. Do you not eat a delicious meal because it's only temporary and will end in 15 or 20 minutes? Why would you want to give up love because you can't predict its outcome. You need counselling. You may have some abandonment issues or you may associate love with pain because of previous experiences. Work on yourself or you will miss out on the greatest gift life has to offer. Meanwhile, go here and read this, about love, by Kahlil Gibran written in his book, The Prophet, many years ago...click here-----> http://www.columbia.edu/~gm84/gibran2.html Link to post Share on other sites
Author lone_simba Posted May 26, 2003 Author Share Posted May 26, 2003 yes yes i know that i need "counceling"....but i mean its far beyond then having love with a girl...or w/e ..but.. its hard for me 2 love.when people who i love....hug me or show emotion towards me...i squint and get unconfortable and pushed them away...and they either get sad or ask me why i dont want them 2 hug me or w/e...and i dont know why...but when normal friends or w/e hug me i let them and sometimes hug them or kiss them on the cheek my self...i like 2...but when ppl i love come 2 terms...its hard...i dont want 2...when i ask my self...its like i feel like i dont know them(the ppl i love)...and like i cant show them love....cause like its wrong....and it hurts that i do that...i even do it 2 my parents...i want 2 love....but like i feel that the love ppl give isnt enough...i need more...so im asking you what u think...whats ur opinion why...i need answers...yes i know ive answered it...but i need 2 know why i feel why i feel that...it sucks Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted May 26, 2003 Share Posted May 26, 2003 it sounds to me like u're saying that you cannot hug and kiss the people you love, not that you don't love them. so the question of "why can't i love" sounds odd. now, why can't you show affection? is that your question? were you raised in an affectionate family? [ I personally wasn't, there was never much hugging and no kisses on cheeks, and now i can easily hug friends but find it harder to do so with people closest to me.] -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Author lone_simba Posted May 27, 2003 Author Share Posted May 27, 2003 well the thing is that i can hug and kiss any other person but i dont feel anything 4 them....but when i start 2 feel love 4 someone...i get nervous...and like unconfortable...and i feel bad....so when my parents or other ppl i love try 3 hug me or kiss me or w/e...i pushed them away of like squint...and idk why...and the ppl i love...i dont love so much anymore...and 4 most of them now...i dont feel anything....same with my parents....idk why....ik that i do...but i cant express it...and when i see other ppl love one another....my heart hurts...and yes my parents and family have been very touchy with me...and loved me alot...but im starting 2 not love...like im afraid....so it pushes into girls....i try 2 like a girl...and i cant...i cant even like a girl...i know i want 2 love and fall in love...but i cant.... (answer everything plz....dont just answer the girl part lol) Link to post Share on other sites
NEONINK Posted May 29, 2003 Share Posted May 29, 2003 you can't make yourself love someone. perhaps the girls you've tried to love on, haven't been right for you. and as far as other people hugging and kissing on me... i usually don't share my space with someone other than my lover. that's just me though, everyone is different, but my boundaries usually exclude a lot of physical touch with people not in my home. i'm still not sure about your post though. is it physical touch or emotional love that you are having the problem with? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lone_simba Posted May 30, 2003 Author Share Posted May 30, 2003 well like i siad its like people who i love...its hard to show love physical and emotional..like my cousin....she says she loves me and im like her big brother...and she is real touchy and she tries 2 hug me and like sometimes without noticing i push her away...and she always ask me why i do that and if i dont love her...and i never answer the question ...cause i dont love her...its real hard for me to love someone...and like when i was a lil boy...my parents were real lovy dovy with me and i was their "baby"...and like now...i feel unconfortable when they hug me or kiss me...same goes with family....and i try 2 love them...and i dont...i just care for them...when i think about love...it hurts...and like i feel its wrong..idk why......but when friends or like people i know come along....i can hug them and kiss them...no sweat...i actually want to and like my friends who are girls...ill make them hug me or kiss me lol....but idk...when i think about love....im real afraid....like i siad ...i really want to fall in love....but im afraid ill mess up....i never had a g/f...so its not like ive fallen in love...except once with a girl who i did fell in love with...but she broke my heart...so i guess that didnt really count...so i want 2 love but im afraid 2 love...idk why....and im pushing the ppl i love away and bringing the strangers closer.... Link to post Share on other sites
NEONINK Posted May 30, 2003 Share Posted May 30, 2003 Well, I don't believe in kissing cousins... Personally... You are a guy and she is a girl. It sounds like you are a little too old to be too cuddley with her. So, you are right in your feelings there. As far as first girlfriends go. Remember when you started riding a bike. It was hard at first. You were scared, and you probably fell off the bike a few times. But you picked yourself up and rode on. That's what it is like. Talking to someone is scary at first. Calling them the first time is a big deal, but you do it. Then you get to hang out or email or whatever... It may work out, it may not. But, I'm sure you will feel the physical responses are nothing like being around your family. You will want to hold their hand, and touching and hugging will feel natural. I'm sure there are some other people online here that have studied all the adolescent stages and changes that can give you insight here. Anybody? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lone_simba Posted May 30, 2003 Author Share Posted May 30, 2003 yea but my big deal is that i dunno how 2 love...like with my parents...i dont love them...yes i worry 4 them and care about them...but i dont feele love...and like i feel i shouldnt with anyone...and the thing with girls...like if i like a girl...i try 2 go up 2 her...then out of no where something stops me...and like i tell my self or something tells me...it aint her...and then puff...i dont like her anymore..the longest ive liked a girl is like a day thats it...but i swear 2 u...if JLO passed by me...ill just be like yea shes cute...thats it....i want 2 love so bad...but its not in my heart...and it upsets ppl Link to post Share on other sites
NEONINK Posted May 30, 2003 Share Posted May 30, 2003 your feelings are changing for your family because they are supposed to. you are cutting the umbilical cords. that's very healthy. you will grow to love them more later in life, as you understand them more and grow into an adult. as far as girls. some of that could be negative self talk within yourself. as soon as you get a negative thought, stop it. thoughts turn to feelings. listen to the talk going on in your own head! if it's negative, stop right there, end that thought. keep the positive ones going. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lone_simba Posted May 30, 2003 Author Share Posted May 30, 2003 well the thoughts dont feel negative....it feels right....idunno im just confused.... Link to post Share on other sites
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