shadowplay Posted November 21, 2007 Share Posted November 21, 2007 I had plannned to ride down with my parents to my grandparents' house in NY for Thanksgiving. It wasn't something I had wanted to do because I'm swamped in schoolwork (I have to submit an application and portfolio by December 1st). I never get any work done when I'm there. I also just visited them two months ago. A few days ago I told my mother that I was considering staying in Boston to finish my work, and taking up my boyfriend on his offer to have Thanksgiving with his family. She yelled at me and said "you can't do this to me!" Basically she guilt-tripped me into coming. This morning I realized just how dire my work situation was, and I told her I really needed to stay behind. I called my grandparents and politely declined the invitation. My grandmother was fine with it but my mother completely lost it. She called me a terrible person and said she wouldn't talk to me for a month. She also threatened to take five hundred dollars out of my bank account (my own earned money, but she has access to it). Am I in the wrong here or is she overreacting? The thing is I've come for every other holiday when my brother hasn't showed for the last two years (he lives in California, but still). My grandparents are also expecting a large group of people (20+) and one fewer person will hardly inconvenience them. What do you guys think? Link to post Share on other sites
dutchie Posted November 21, 2007 Share Posted November 21, 2007 It does sound like your mother is overreacting. Take 500 bucks out of your bank??? What? That is unnecessary. But who knows, maybe she doesn't want to be without you AND your brother this year. Holidays can make people stressed and weird. But I think if you can't go, then, ya can't go. It is your choice. Happy Turkey Day anyways! Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted November 21, 2007 Share Posted November 21, 2007 1. change the passcode on your banking account, or better yet, open up a new account and completely restrict access to it (except for yourself, of course). That way there's no worry about people withdrawing funds without your permission. If your family deposits money in your account, leave them a couple of deposit slips so they can do that with no problem. Because you definitely don't need the headache that your mother is giving you with her threats to take your money from you. Silly woman. 2. if you've got projects that *must* be seen to, then they take priority, plain and simple. It's not like you're ditching the family just because you're trying to prove a point – your schooling has the same value a job does. It IS your job, so to speak. Don't give into your mom's threats, especially if you've already given your regrets to the dinner's host (Granny) ... sometimes you'll have to make unpopular decisions, but that's how it goes, you know? Especially if you've really looked at your options and have come to the conclusion that your school work must take priority. Your mother will get over it. If she doesn't ... well, that doesn't speak well of her flexibility or maturity level. just be sure to phone your granny to wish her and the rest of the family a Happy Turkey Day, and let them know you miss them, but plan to see them soon (if that's the case). Don't allow anyone to guilt you into making unwise decisions! Link to post Share on other sites
huh Posted November 22, 2007 Share Posted November 22, 2007 Just a guess on my part, but maybe your mom's stressed about seeing her parents (or inlaws, I'm not sure which?) and she was using you as a buffer. That would explain the freak out. How is her relationship with your grandparents? Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted November 22, 2007 Share Posted November 22, 2007 Okay, that's an over-reaction if I've ever seen one. You're an adult now shadowplay. Your mother can't control you like that and... what a strange way to consider control. I would leave the account you have open and open up a new one at a different bank. Drain most of the funds from your existing one and deposit it to your new account. This way, no changes of PIN or accounts are necessary for you and your family. Also, whenever your family fuels the existing account, drain it again and deposit it to your new account. Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted November 22, 2007 Share Posted November 22, 2007 I agree with everyone. That's a very strange reaction to have! And to threaten to take your money that you earnt and paid in? As everyone else said, firstly get a new account that she doesn't have access to! Why does she have access to your money anyway? Secondly does she realise how important your schoolwork is? I find it shocking that she can't appreicate her child putting their schooling first in their priorities. Does she often react like this to things? Link to post Share on other sites
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