Shygirl15 Posted November 21, 2007 Share Posted November 21, 2007 Hi Guys, Need your advice/opinions on this. Apparently I have a big crush on this guy who is 6 years younger than me (he's 25 and I'm 31). We work in different units so barely see each other. I always make an effort to see him daily by passing by his desk pretending to go God-knows-where. He always seems happy to see me and would make small talk about how his evening studies is going, or his sick aunt or his girlfriend. I have noticed that everytime I talk to him he has to mention something about his girlfriend. I wonder if that could be 'I'm taken' hint?? Though sometimes he mentions bad thing about her such as being over posessive and mean. OK, so I'm also seeing signs of interest from him; sometimes he would mention that if he meets a lovely older woman he would not mind dating her. And of course he always gives me that long, penetrating stare. However he does not go any further; no asking for telephone numbers nor dates nor anything. And me being a shy woman, I just keep waiting hoping he'll do something about it. Or hope the crush will go away, but unfortunately it's getting bigger and bigger. A couple of things could be blocking his way too; 1. I'm in a long-distance marriage with one child (he knows) 2. Our company has a strong policy on sexual harrassment. However maybe I'm in denial and this guy just takes me as his BIG SIS. What can you see from your point of view? Any advice would help. Link to post Share on other sites
Tripper Posted November 21, 2007 Share Posted November 21, 2007 It's sounds like there's interest on his part for a fling but is that what you really want? Moral issues aside, if you enter into an A you will need to live with the guilt. You may have a long distance M but it will still be there. I know... been there.. Personally I have a "don't fish off the company pier" policy. I've seen too many workplace romances go sour and the fallout afterwards is very difficult to deal with. My two cents worth.. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted November 21, 2007 Share Posted November 21, 2007 I'm a tad confused. He's got a g/f and you're married with a child. What part of this is romantic? Don't you feel you have an obligation to your husband and child to not proceed with your crush? If nothing else, consider your professionalism and that your job provides your paycheque, which I assume you use to support yourself and your child. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted November 21, 2007 Share Posted November 21, 2007 Hey, Yes, the "my gf this and that" is a red flag: back off I'm taken. He is probably telling you the gf is mean and possessive to scare you away too. He is just flirting and doesn't want anything to do (like most guys). Besides, when guys have a gf they are happy campers and don't usually break up with them. It's the gf's that break up with the guys. Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted November 21, 2007 Share Posted November 21, 2007 Oh, And this: sometimes he would mention that if he meets a lovely older woman he would not mind dating her Is not to make you feel bad. He knows you are desperate (going to his desk all the time etc). Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shygirl15 Posted November 26, 2007 Author Share Posted November 26, 2007 OK, so I'll keep my head straight and push him out of my mind. Not easy job though, he's just so cute.. Sorry guys, I'm only human:) Link to post Share on other sites
bestadvisor Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 I just keep waiting hoping he'll do something about it. I'm in a long-distance marriage with one child (he knows) You should be ashamed of yourself. What would your husband think of this? Ofcourse, you didn't tell him anything, because you wanted to cheat on him. Link to post Share on other sites
snowman Posted November 27, 2007 Share Posted November 27, 2007 I think he likes you, I just think hes kinda shy though. maybe he feels weird asking you out thats what I think. try flirting with him letting him know you like him, see how that goes. Link to post Share on other sites
Ocean-Blue Posted November 27, 2007 Share Posted November 27, 2007 Hi Guys, Need your advice/opinions on this. Apparently I have a big crush on this guy who is 6 years younger than me (he's 28 and I'm 34). We work in different units so barely see each other. I always make an effort to see him daily by passing by his desk pretending to go God-knows-where. He always seems happy to see me and would make small talk about how his evening studies is going, or his sick aunt or his girlfriend. I have noticed that everytime I talk to him he has to mention something about his girlfriend. I wonder if that could be 'I'm taken' hint?? Though sometimes he mentions bad thing about her such as being over posessive and mean. OK, so I'm also seeing signs of interest from him; sometimes he would mention that if he meets a lovely older woman he would not mind dating her. And of course he always gives me that long, penetrating stare. However he does not go any further; no asking for telephone numbers nor dates nor anything. And me being a shy woman, I just keep waiting hoping he'll do something about it. Or hope the crush will go away, but unfortunately it's getting bigger and bigger. A couple of things could be blocking his way too; 1. I'm in a long-distance marriage with one child (he knows) 2. Our company has a strong policy on sexual harrassment. However maybe I'm in denial and this guy just takes me as his BIG SIS. What can you see from your point of view? Any advice would help. The fact that he keeps mentioning his gf means he has a gf. This means STAY AWAY until he is single. You are wasting your time worrying whether a taken man likes you. Move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted November 27, 2007 Share Posted November 27, 2007 Hi Guys, Need your advice/opinions on this. Apparently I have a big crush on this guy who is 6 years younger than me (he's 28 and I'm 34). We work in different units so barely see each other. I always make an effort to see him daily by passing by his desk pretending to go God-knows-where. He always seems happy to see me and would make small talk about how his evening studies is going, or his sick aunt or his girlfriend. I have noticed that everytime I talk to him he has to mention something about his girlfriend. I wonder if that could be 'I'm taken' hint?? Though sometimes he mentions bad thing about her such as being over posessive and mean. OK, so I'm also seeing signs of interest from him; sometimes he would mention that if he meets a lovely older woman he would not mind dating her. And of course he always gives me that long, penetrating stare. However he does not go any further; no asking for telephone numbers nor dates nor anything. And me being a shy woman, I just keep waiting hoping he'll do something about it. Or hope the crush will go away, but unfortunately it's getting bigger and bigger. A couple of things could be blocking his way too; 1. I'm in a long-distance marriage with one child (he knows) 2. Our company has a strong policy on sexual harrassment. However maybe I'm in denial and this guy just takes me as his BIG SIS. What can you see from your point of view? Any advice would help. Hmmm..... What I see here is a guy who has a GF, so he's not available to you. I would not waste one more ounce of time on him! AP:) Link to post Share on other sites
Summer_guy_uk Posted November 27, 2007 Share Posted November 27, 2007 A lot to lose and just some sex to gain. Just imagine him with a really hairy body and a tiny willy or whatever it takes for you to go off him! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shygirl15 Posted November 29, 2007 Author Share Posted November 29, 2007 Suprisingly yesterday, he sent me an email saying he'd like to spend some time with me out of office therefore we should have drinks after work sometime. So I said I'll let him know when I'm free. I hope I'll have the courage not to go. Thanks for all your valuable inputs, I will hopefully stay away (I've already stopped the visits to his desk). However I do not feel I should be ashamed of anything, I'm a normal human being with feelings, married or not. I'm glad I asked for views before I did anything foolish, so for that, I'm actually PROUD of myself. Thanks a lot guys. Link to post Share on other sites
Racquel Colette Posted November 29, 2007 Share Posted November 29, 2007 Suprisingly yesterday, he sent me an email saying he'd like to spend some time with me out of office therefore we should have drinks after work sometime. So I said I'll let him know when I'm free. I hope I'll have the courage not to go. Thanks for all your valuable inputs, I will hopefully stay away (I've already stopped the visits to his desk). However I do not feel I should be ashamed of anything, I'm a normal human being with feelings, married or not. I'm glad I asked for views before I did anything foolish, so for that, I'm actually PROUD of myself. Thanks a lot guys. Hey, if you weren't married, I would say cool. As far as him having a girlfriend, guess what, they aren't married, I would proceed as if she didn't exist. The girlfriend is his problem to get rid of if he fell in love with you. However, you are married with a child (or are you in the process of a divorce?) so that means you should get a divorce or at least separated before you go on a date with this guy. Link to post Share on other sites
atlantis Posted December 21, 2007 Share Posted December 21, 2007 Ask him if he has any cute friends he can hook you up with "since he is taken". He might jump at the chance since you are actively looking for someone. Link to post Share on other sites
ElvenPriestess Posted December 21, 2007 Share Posted December 21, 2007 Being that you are married, long distance or not, you HAVE GOT to forget about him. He's in a relationship, that's enough to keep it under wraps, but you are married. BIG no- no. Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetgurl Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 couple of thoughts: I would first ask myself what issues or why you might be attracted to him? Second, being married i would sort personal maritial issues, seek couselling etc. Talk to your husband, do not ditch him behind his back. If things do not go well with hubby,then only i would pursue this guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Lionblade Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 How about working on your marriage to make it better instead of seeking romance elsewhere? It's perfectly fine to have have an attraction or feeling for someone else even in marriage. You're only human. What's wrong is trying or acting on it. He has a gf and he has repeated it numerously and you have a husband along with a child so unless you're both single, just drop it. Why do people on this forum encourage cheating by the way? For some reason, it's perfectly fine to cheat with someone unless they're married according to some. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 Why do people on this forum encourage cheating by the way? For some reason, it's perfectly fine to cheat with someone unless they're married according to some. Where do you get that? Of the 17 posts in this thread so far, I see only 2 that encourage any forward movement at all (and one of those is obviously sarcastic...) and the others pretty much uniformly point out her marriage and his gf. Other than that, I agree with your comments: work on the marriage, you're only human, feelings are natural, but you control your behavior... Good stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
Lionblade Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 Where do you get that? Of the 17 posts in this thread so far, I see only 2 that encourage any forward movement at all (and one of those is obviously sarcastic...) and the others pretty much uniformly point out her marriage and his gf. Other than that, I agree with your comments: work on the marriage, you're only human, feelings are natural, but you control your behavior... Good stuff. I was referring to Racquel Colette's post as well as others I've seen around the forum since I joined. Kind of hard to detect sarcasm online though... Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 I was referring to Racquel Colette's post as well as others I've seen around the forum since I joined. I thought she was pretty clear: Hey, if you weren't married, I would say cool. As far as him having a girlfriend, guess what, they aren't married, I would proceed as if she didn't exist. The girlfriend is his problem to get rid of if he fell in love with you. However, you are married with a child (or are you in the process of a divorce?) so that means you should get a divorce or at least separated before you go on a date with this guy. The middle statements I took to be in the context of "if you weren't married." Kind of hard to detect sarcasm online though... I was actually talking about atlantis' post, with the "since you are actively looking..." kicker at the end. Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Bean Posted December 31, 2007 Share Posted December 31, 2007 This is a train wreck waiting to happen. 1 - you are married 2 - he has a gf 3 - you are coworkers 4 - you are in a superior position, and therefore have more to lose professionally when this goes south Hon, if you are that itchy to have an affair and cheat, do two things, please. 1 - find someone who is single 2 - find someone who does not work with you Lastly, please be aware of all of the fallout that comes from cheating on a spouse. Read the cheating forum, and you will see how much pain is caused by momentary pleasure... Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted December 31, 2007 Share Posted December 31, 2007 I will hopefully stay away (I've already stopped the visits to his desk). However I do not feel I should be ashamed of anything, I'm a normal human being with feelings, married or not. Hey, feelings are indeed normal. Behavior, though, is a choice. Have you honestly evaluated how close you were to executing this behavior, and honestly asked yourself what kind of a state your marriage is in that you were that close to a marriage-changing choice, except for having been talked out of it here? Link to post Share on other sites
BentSpine Posted January 1, 2008 Share Posted January 1, 2008 Shygirl, if you haven't done yet, do try the Other Man/Other Woman forum here on loveshack. It is a place for support for us with feelings for someone already in a relationship. And try not to let judgemental newbies get to you. They have not been in a similar situation as you and can, like all humans, not accurately predict how they would act themselves once in the situation. In the Infidelity forum, on the other hand, you will find the perspective of the betrayed partner. I would say the posters biggest lesson to learn is about emotional needs and the difficulty we all have in becoming concious about them. What exact needs we, as individuals, have. The lesson is that regardless of any 'shoulds', in the end we fall in love with the one who fills our most important needs. Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted January 2, 2008 Share Posted January 2, 2008 every one knows mentioning a gf can only turn girls on, they love men who are taken and posibly showing indiference to them... & that might be why he mentions his gf to u so much... women do the strange out of place bring up of the bf to ward off unwanted men Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 What is a Long Distance Marraige ? Link to post Share on other sites
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