Get rid of my neediness, insecurity and depression...

[RoseRen]

I'm currently working on my relationship with my husband (who is not living in the same country now). He had the following concerns:

 

1. I'm always depressed and crying when I'm communicating with him.

2. I'm needy - always wanting to talk to him, wanting him to mail me, etc.

3. I don't give him privacy - I want to know everything he did, said, experienced, etc etc. I want to be included in all his social networking site accounts.

4. (not his concern, but mine) He has betrayed me in the past. I want to let go of this, or else his next concern will be that I am nagging him with his past mistake.

 

I should admit to all this and more, though I'm ashamed to do so. But the interesting fact is only with my husband I am depressed and needy and insecure and possessive and nagging - because I think he is the only person I'm showing my "true colors". Even he is aware of this. So he had asked me to try and not talk to him for a fortnight or even a month to see if I change in his absence.

 

He is dealing with his own issues now, and I wanted to do this without his help for now. Is it possible?

 

As I go along, I'll let you know more about myself... but I think reading my other posts in other threads will give u an idea of the situation I'm currently in.

 

Could you suggest how I can improve myself?

[norajane]

But the interesting fact is only with my husband I am depressed and needy and insecure and possessive and nagging - because I think he is the only person I'm showing my "true colors".

Has he considered that it's HIM that is causing your depression and insecurity, because he - just ignored, I guess - your marriage and married someone else in another country?

 

It's not a 'past mistake' !! It's a present and very much current PROBLEM. How can he possibly expect you to just sweep it under the rug and not feel bad when talking to him???

 

And that he's turning this around and making you feel like your reaction to his behavior is wrong, and that he doesn't like it (that's what his 'concern' is about, right?) is very MANIPULATIVE and controlling of him. He screwed you over, and now he's blaming you for being upset about it!

 

It's not you showing him your true colors. It's him having shown you HIS true colors that's depressing you!

[RoseRen]

Has he considered that it's HIM that is causing your depression and insecurity, because he - just ignored, I guess - your marriage and married someone else in another country?

 

It's not a 'past mistake' !! It's a present and very much current PROBLEM. How can he possibly expect you to just sweep it under the rug and not feel bad when talking to him???

 

And that he's turning this around and making you feel like your reaction to his behavior is wrong, and that he doesn't like it (that's what his 'concern' is about, right?) is very MANIPULATIVE and controlling of him. He screwed you over, and now he's blaming you for being upset about it!

 

It's not you showing him your true colors. It's him having shown you HIS true colors that's depressing you!

 

You are absolutely right about why I am the way I am now. No matter what the reason is, it is not good for me, good for him, nor good for anyone who might end up with me. So don't you think its worth a try to change.

 

Let's just say my desire is to forget that he betrayed and even forget that he loved me, wihout having any bitterness against him. May be then I can make a decision with a fresher mind whether I need to be with him or not.

 

I am thinking of trying what he said - to not comminucate with him for a fortnight (to start with) and see if I change a little bit atleast.

 

And I would like to keep myself out of the divorce procedures anyway - and during this time he need space.

[bigheartkindsoul]

I'm currently working on my relationship with my husband (who is not living in the same country now). He had the following concerns:

 

1. I'm always depressed and crying when I'm communicating with him.

2. I'm needy - always wanting to talk to him, wanting him to mail me, etc.

3. I don't give him privacy - I want to know everything he did, said, experienced, etc etc. I want to be included in all his social networking site accounts.

4. (not his concern, but mine) He has betrayed me in the past. I want to let go of this, or else his next concern will be that I am nagging him with his past mistake.

 

I should admit to all this and more, though I'm ashamed to do so. But the interesting fact is only with my husband I am depressed and needy and insecure and possessive and nagging - because I think he is the only person I'm showing my "true colors". Even he is aware of this. So he had asked me to try and not talk to him for a fortnight or even a month to see if I change in his absence.

 

He is dealing with his own issues now, and I wanted to do this without his help for now. Is it possible?

 

As I go along, I'll let you know more about myself... but I think reading my other posts in other threads will give u an idea of the situation I'm currently in.

 

Could you suggest how I can improve myself?

 

I agree with the OP, I think he is being manipulative and ignore the issue which he has created or at least compounded.

 

I was in a similar position with my ex, he manipulated me yet it was he who told the lies and betrayed me. When it first happened I walked out walked away but gave into his pleas but said it would take alot of hard work to turn things around and would not be easy, he agreed to do EVERYTHING he could.

 

I turned insecure like you, wanting to talk to him all the time, he had me right in the palm of his hand, like a puppet on a string. I wish I'd walked away as it would have saved him then months down the line and after me making myself ill trying to work out our problems, him dumping me.

 

Tell him he can deal with his own issues but you have to have time to deal with yours, I would suggest play him at his own game and take time out but that of course is upto you.

 

I think you although its not good for you, have every right too feel the way you do after all he betrayed you.

 

He should be doing everything he can to put right his wrongs with no grumbles or moans.

 

However alot of men, just do not like relationships to be hard and hence why you H is acting like he is.

 

Say to him well if he isn't willing to work on it, then why the hell should you and put yourself through hell and back in the meantime!!

[norajane]

You are absolutely right about why I am the way I am now. No matter what the reason is, it is not good for me, good for him, nor good for anyone who might end up with me. So don't you think its worth a try to change.

 

Let's just say my desire is to forget that he betrayed and even forget that he loved me, wihout having any bitterness against him. May be then I can make a decision with a fresher mind whether I need to be with him or not.

 

I am thinking of trying what he said - to not comminucate with him for a fortnight (to start with) and see if I change a little bit atleast.

 

And I would like to keep myself out of the divorce procedures anyway - and during this time he need space.

 

You working on letting this guy go is what will help you stop being so depressed. Him telling you to stop being needy, nagging, whiny, depressed wife when he is the one who tossed you in the trash to marry another woman...you aren't going to be able to forget that. You may - one day - be able to forgive so that you can find peace within yourself by letting it go. But you will never forget what he did. How can you possibly forget that?

 

If you feel better after not talking to him for 2 weeks, that should tell you that you're better off without him. If you don't feel better, that should tell you that you haven't let anything go - you just put it on hold for 2 weeks.

[RoseRen]

I agree with both of u.

 

It is going to be very very difficult for me to do this, because we have been friends for a very very long time now (20+ years). And after a long time, this is the first day I have spend without talking to him or communicating with him. I feel hurt that he hasn't even left me an offline or even a mail.

 

But I am going to do what you girls suggested - try to get him off my mind. Once I am stable emotionally, then I can reconsider my decision unbiased on my emotions and feelings.

[RoseRen]

I miss talking to him. I'm not able to talk to anyone else like that. I'm trying my best to avoid calling him.

 

She called very early in the morning. My housemate picked up the call. She is in a state. They are having the divorce tomorrow.

 

I'm a bit hurt by the fact that my husband didn't try to contact me. I didn't tell him verbally that I wouldn't be talking to him. But when he asked me to try and stay away from him, he knew I wouldn't be keeping in touch with him for a while. I keep expecting atleast an offline message from him.

[RoseRen]

Like I mentioned earlier I get depressed only when I talkto him. But that doesn't mean I'm not sad otherwise. I tend to act jovial with others. Do I just do the same with him?

 

I know worse things would have happened to other people. What do you do to remain happy and not break into pieces?

[RoseRen]

I'm feeling a bit lonely in here as well...

 

I miss him like crazy. He's the only one person I could tell anything to... and now I feel like my comfort and support is gone. I am still hoping he misses me.

 

Day 2 seems to have gone OK. I had gone out for a party tonight and I missed him like anything.

 

I think I don't even want to continue living without him. Somehow it doesn't make any sense anymore. I can't any reason in life worth living for either. Not that I feel suicidal, but I just wish my life ended just like that.

[RoseRen]

The day has just started here, so I can't really say whether it will be a successful one or not, yet.

 

But I was sooooooo happy to see his message today. Then his wife had called. Today they are having the divorce. She spoke to me for sometime. She is concerned about her future and I feel bad for her.

 

She had had a conversation with him last night and he had mentioned that he knows he has wronged me and he want to make amends for that before it is too late. She asked me about that and I told "I don't know".

 

She was advising me not to go with him, and to let him suffer for what he had done to us. At the end of it she added something which flattered me. He had mentioned that he loved me and loves me still - because even after I knew he was married I was supportive.

 

I didn't know what to tell her. I told her I am trying to stay away from all of this because I am feeling bad. She told me I am not the one to blame anyway. She also told me she wont call and bother me anymore. And that was that!

[RoseRen]

The divorce is done.

 

He sent me a very long mail in detail. He also added that I had loved him for who he was, so now he was ready to love me for who I am. He requested me to attend his call for once. But I want to try and see if I really can be less needy and dependent on him. Now atleast I know he misses me.

 

My parents and his dad had also called me to "yell at me". She had called, and I persume it was either his or her parents who had called me. I've not been attending any other calls other than my parents and my dad-in-law.

 

I recently had changed my nuber, but I think changing my number again will do me good, because everytime I attend these calls I feel depressed.

 

One of my friends forwarded me an e-book "How to Reverse Your Breakup"

by Marius Panzarella. It's mainly for the guys, but then it is an interesting read. And the first step suggested by the author to "reverse the breakup" is to cut all connections with the partner for a month.

 

Now, the reason why I was doing this (staying aloof for sometime) is different, but then I thought I should try what Marius tells and see if it works. The author is got a point about lack of attraction in our relationship. Lets see how it goes.

 

Anyone else has read this book by the way? How do you feel about it?

[RecordProducer]

Has he considered that it's HIM that is causing your depression and insecurity, because he - just ignored, I guess - your marriage and married someone else in another country?

 

It's not a 'past mistake' !! It's a present and very much current PROBLEM. How can he possibly expect you to just sweep it under the rug and not feel bad when talking to him???

 

And that he's turning this around and making you feel like your reaction to his behavior is wrong, and that he doesn't like it (that's what his 'concern' is about, right?) is very MANIPULATIVE and controlling of him. He screwed you over, and now he's blaming you for being upset about it!

 

It's not you showing him your true colors. It's him having shown you HIS true colors that's depressing you!

Great post!

 

Rose, the "faults" you mentioned are part of every human being. There is no person in this world who is not jealous or angry or insecure or depressed sometimes. But when these features take charge of our personality, it's time to change our lives.

Some people bring the worst in us. I can't believe he wants a month off! Sounds like an excuse to ditch you. Is this the man of your dreams, the love of your life? A man who tells you he doesn't want to hear from you for a month?

 

He doesn't deserve privacy after he betrayed you. You have every right to show interest in his life and everything he does. Can't you see this mentality of considering a woman a second-class citizen? You're Christian, you live in the UK! He has two wives and tells you he wants privacy.

 

You can't see what a bad catch he is because you're blinded by love. It's not that he is necessarily a bad person, but he is from a different world.

 

May I ask, what's your occupation?

[RoseRen]

Great post!

 

Rose, the "faults" you mentioned are part of every human being. There is no person in this world who is not jealous or angry or insecure or depressed sometimes. But when these features take charge of our personality, it's time to change our lives.

Some people bring the worst in us. I can't believe he wants a month off! Sounds like an excuse to ditch you. Is this the man of your dreams, the love of your life? A man who tells you he doesn't want to hear from you for a month?

 

He doesn't deserve privacy after he betrayed you. You have every right to show interest in his life and everything he does. Can't you see this mentality of considering a woman a second-class citizen? You're Christian, you live in the UK! He has two wives and tells you he wants privacy.

 

You can't see what a bad catch he is because you're blinded by love. It's not that he is necessarily a bad person, but he is from a different world.

 

May I ask, what's your occupation?

 

I have seen similar things mentioned as "faults" in LS itself. So if your attempt is to make me feel better about it, Thanks RP. But I need to amend myself rather than believe that I am the ultimate lovable W anyone can have.

 

When my H mentioned these faults to me, it wasn't his idea to criticize me and make me feel bad. We were just discussing what caused us to distance. My first post is a bit misleading - it sounds like one fine morning he came and gave me this list of faults to rectify.

 

I have had my say, as well. And I believe he is working on them. Him being honest with his new wife and family and picking up the courage to tell them that he loved me, married me and still loves me, is in itself is a good sign.

 

I'm undecided about my future RP. I love him enough to be with him for the rest of my life, but don't want to hurt him in the future by bringing all this up again. I know he wronged me, but I think irrespective of whether he is going to be with me or not, I need to forgive and forget what happened. Isn't that what moving on is all about? The 30 days break will do me good as well. That is what I am hoping for.

 

Now, even if I have to move on and find a new love, I can't go ahead with a "jealous, possessive, depressed mindset". Can I? And if I am going to carry bitterness for a person whom I have loved for 20+ years, I don't think I can love anyone else ever.

[RoseRen]

Another day without communication. I feel a bit stuck without talking to him. I think I'm probably addicted to talking to him. Today there was no messages or offlines from his end either.

 

She had continued trying to call me. I don't even know what to talk to her. I don't hate her or anything. I feel so sympathetic to her, but nothing I say or do can comfort her or change her life for the better. I don't even know if she is calling to check on what my plans or rather our plans are.

[sb129]

Can you please clarify for me just what the F*** your H is up to by divorcing another woman?

I am very very confused. How can he be married to both of you?

 

is it possible if the two women are in different countries?

But I need to amend myself rather than believe that I am the ultimate lovable W anyone can have.

 

This is utter BS. Your H's behaviour would cause ANYONE to have poor self esteem, and be miserable, needy and depressed.

Sorry to be harsh, but you know what? I read an article today and I thought I might get someone to read this out at my wedding next year

 

"Love comes in two parts: receiving and giving. Love is seeing another person as they are (rather than as we want them to be) And it is allowing ourselves to be truly seen- all flaws and frailties forgiven."

 

Your "husband" is a selfish piece of work who GIVES you nothing but grief. I can't believe he has the gall to take you to task over behaviour which is ultimately HIS doing.

[RoseRen]

Can you please clarify for me just what the F*** your H is up to by divorcing another woman?

I am very very confused. How can he be married to both of you?

is it possible if the two women are in different countries?

This is utter BS. Your H's behaviour would cause ANYONE to have poor self esteem, and be miserable, needy and depressed.

Sorry to be harsh, but you know what? I read an article today and I thought I might get someone to read this out at my wedding next year

"Love comes in two parts: receiving and giving. Love is seeing another person as they are (rather than as we want them to be) And it is allowing ourselves to be truly seen- all flaws and frailties forgiven."

Your "husband" is a selfish piece of work who GIVES you nothing but grief. I can't believe he has the gall to take you to task over behaviour which is ultimately HIS doing.

 

It's a long complicated story SB. You can read more about it here...http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=132107&page=3

I don't want to retype the story and then relive those events again.

Nice quote and I think that is exactly what I am trying to do - trying to forgive what happened. It would be unfair on my part if I said -"You dumped me so I'm gonna dump you."

Whatever happened has happened. I just want to forgive him for what happened and move on. I'm not the forgiving type. But I want to do this one time. It's a challenge. And I want to change. Me being needy and depressed and unforgiving won't help anyone... would it?

[norajane]

Nice quote and I think that is exactly what I am trying to do - trying to forgive what happened. It would be unfair on my part if I said -"You dumped me so I'm gonna dump you."

Whatever happened has happened. I just want to forgive him for what happened and move on. I'm not the forgiving type. But I want to do this one time. It's a challenge. And I want to change. Me being needy and depressed and unforgiving won't help anyone... would it?

 

Aaghhh! You totally mistook that quote!

 

The giving part was referring to your lousy two-timing husband - what has he been giving to you? All I see is he's been giving you sh*t to eat and then whining when you aren't accepting it with a smile. Marrying another woman and then telling you about it later is hardly a loving, giving act!

 

You don't need to forgive him. You need to forgive yourself for falling for such a loser who gets married to another woman while married to you!

 

It's not about fair. He married another woman! You aren't dumping him now - you've been dumped and now he's trying to get you back. There is NO REASON you should take him back. And that is more than FAIR. He should have thought about that before he went and married someone else behind your back!

 

There is something very, very wrong with you thinking that you are needy and unforgiving when you've been treated like crap. Have you seen a counselor? Because your thinking is all backwards!

[RoseRen]

Another lengthy mail from him - all about his confusions and his dad's arguments with him and his running around for money.

 

I think he is using me as a LS forum. I would suggest this forum to him - but then I don't want him to come in here and see posts by me like - http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=1407313&postcount=53 (Did I post that?!? OMG!!!)

 

Jokes apart, I know he is in a terrible state. Everyone blames him. He can't talk to anyone neither can he find a solution to all this confusion.

 

His parents were the people who forced him to get married - like I mentioned they knew we were married, and they didn't even know we has some relationship issues, inspite of that they forced him and emotionally blackmailed him to marry. And now they sort of disown him because of the divorce. They are acting as if they didn't even know he was married to me. I feel so much of anger towards his parents at times.

 

I think most people are selfish - including me. It was in my control to stop the divorce of his new wife from happening. Ask me how? All I had to do was not even bother him after he got married. But then I still went ahead and CHOSE to be with him and talk to him.

 

His parents were selfish too. They only thought about their financial situation. I was married to their son, but wasn't providing any monetary benefits to them. Getting their son married to his new wife meant buying a golden-egg laying goose. Even my H did find that enticing I assume.

 

But after all that happened the most unhappy people scarred for life was his new wife. I can't tell she had any selfish motive to marry my H. She hadn't even spoken to him before their marriage. She didn't even know him well, then. All she was doing was being obedient to her parents when they found my H as a prospective bridegroom for her. I wish her the best in her life (--- but still she can't have my H?!? )

[RoseRen]

Aaghhh! You totally mistook that quote!

 

The giving part was referring to your lousy two-timing husband - what has he been giving to you? All I see is he's been giving you sh*t to eat and then whining when you aren't accepting it with a smile. Marrying another woman and then telling you about it later is hardly a loving, giving act!

 

You don't need to forgive him. You need to forgive yourself for falling for such a loser who gets married to another woman while married to you!

 

It's not about fair. He married another woman! You aren't dumping him now - you've been dumped and now he's trying to get you back. There is NO REASON you should take him back. And that is more than FAIR. He should have thought about that before he went and married someone else behind your back!

 

There is something very, very wrong with you thinking that you are needy and unforgiving when you've been treated like crap. Have you seen a counselor? Because your thinking is all backwards!

 

Are u seriously thinking I am crazy? (just kidding) I am planning to go to a counsellor, but can't afford one for now. For now, LS will do.

 

I think the "anger" phase when I felt all that you just mentioned is over. May be now I've sort of calmed down, because I've realised there is no point in being angry and bitter. I wonder when I'll realise that there is no point hanging on to a man who may not actually love u at all.

[sb129]

It's a long complicated story SB. You can read more about it here...http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=132107&page=3

I don't want to retype the story and then relive those events again.

Nice quote and I think that is exactly what I am trying to do - trying to forgive what happened. It would be unfair on my part if I said -"You dumped me so I'm gonna dump you."

Whatever happened has happened. I just want to forgive him for what happened and move on. I'm not the forgiving type. But I want to do this one time. It's a challenge. And I want to change. Me being needy and depressed and unforgiving won't help anyone... would it?

 

I read the story. And that is NOT what I meant by quoting that!

 

I meant EXACTLY what NJ says here: (and I am reposting it because I want you to read it again and again and again.

 

Aaghhh! You totally mistook that quote!

 

The giving part was referring to your lousy two-timing husband - what has he been giving to you? All I see is he's been giving you sh*t to eat and then whining when you aren't accepting it with a smile. Marrying another woman and then telling you about it later is hardly a loving, giving act!

 

You don't need to forgive him. You need to forgive yourself for falling for such a loser who gets married to another woman while married to you!

 

It's not about fair. He married another woman! You aren't dumping him now - you've been dumped and now he's trying to get you back. There is NO REASON you should take him back. And that is more than FAIR. He should have thought about that before he went and married someone else behind your back!

 

There is something very, very wrong with you thinking that you are needy and unforgiving when you've been treated like crap. Have you seen a counselor? Because your thinking is all backwards!

 

You definitely need a counsellor RoseRen, I can't really add anything to what NJ has said.

 

Please get some professional help, I don't know what to say to convince you that your "husband" is a sh**.

[RoseRen]

I read the story. And that is NOT what I meant by quoting that!

 

I meant EXACTLY what NJ says here: (and I am reposting it because I want you to read it again and again and again.

 

You definitely need a counsellor RoseRen, I can't really add anything to what NJ has said.

 

Please get some professional help, I don't know what to say to convince you that your "husband" is a sh**.

 

I understand what you are trying to tell. I am not convinced that my husband is bad, because I don't believe people are bad. I believe that good people do bad things.

 

I am not going to make a decision as to whether we'll get back together or not - that depends on both of us. But forgiving him needs only my choice. I have seen a lot of bitter women in my life and here in LS. I can believe that my H was a terrible person and only worthy of hatred and move on. But can you honsetly tell me, if I move on like that wil I ever be happy?

 

I am not talking about getting back with him tomorrow or the next week or the next month. I just want to forget all that happened, and keep the love for him in my heart as it was. Love as in not the "romantic-sexual-marital-love", I am talking about the warmth his memories bring and the friendship we shared once.

 

Please can someone encourage me for that and show me the way.

[RoseRen]

Just imagine a 50-year old mother came here and posted this:

 

"I had a daughter who was very playful and naughty but very close to my heart. When she turned 18 she fell in love with a guy and wanted to marry him. Since he was from a different religion, we were against her marriage. Six years later they eloped and got married. They did come back to us, but then we couldn't accept them into our family.

 

My mother showed contempt on me for not bringing up my daughter with the necessary values - that she had the morality to elope with a guy and get married. My husband and me criticised each other for our lack of love, which might have forced her make that move. We had a tough time answering our relatives questions about her whereabouts.

 

But we wished them the best. Two years later her husband dumped her. My daughter is all alone now. Should I accept her back into the family?"

 

If you answer "YES" to that, you are telling forgiveness is necessary. If you answer "NO" to that, well then that daughter in the above story is ME.

 

If I can't forgive my husband for one small mistake he made, then I don't deserve the forgiveness from my parents whom I hurt so much. I don't deserve forgiveness from his new wife - who ended up in that position partially because of me.

 

I am not trying to convince you. Everyone is entitled to their opinions. But I think people are thinking that I'm doing this because I want to be stuck in a loveless marriage.

 

For me it is all about forgiving and making myself lovable to him. Whether we will be stuck in the marriage or not, is a question that can be answered only after I change and only after he changes (if he does).

[norajane]

RoseRen - let me put it another way. You cannot heal yourself of the cancer that is causing you pain until you excise the cancer from your life.

You are saying why shouldn't you forgive your husband 'one small mistake'? SMALL? You consider marrying another woman behind your back a SMALL mistake?

 

I understand you want to heal and move on. And you can certainly make the choice to forgive and keep your memories. However, you cannot begin the healing process until you get rid of the cancer. Otherwise, he will continue to poison you, and your thoughts of him will continue to poison you.

 

Forgiveness does not mean accepting what he did. It just means finding peace within yourself. That does not mean condoning his actions, or continuing to have contact with him.

 

And forgiveness does not mean MAKING YOURSELF LOVABLE to him!!!!

 

He didn't marry someone else because you weren't lovable - he married someone else because he's a spineless, selfish pig. This is why you need to seek therapy immediately. You don't get it that it wasn't your fault - it's ALL on him and the choices he made.

[RoseRen]

RoseRen - let me put it another way. You cannot heal yourself of the cancer that is causing you pain until you excise the cancer from your life.

 

You are saying why shouldn't you forgive your husband 'one small mistake'? SMALL? You consider marrying another woman behind your back a SMALL mistake?

 

I understand you want to heal and move on. And you can certainly make the choice to forgive and keep your memories. However, you cannot begin the healing process until you get rid of the cancer. Otherwise, he will continue to poison you, and your thoughts of him will continue to poison you.

 

Forgiveness does not mean accepting what he did. It just means finding peace within yourself. That does not mean condoning his actions, or continuing to have contact with him.

 

And forgiveness does not mean MAKING YOURSELF LOVABLE to him!!!!

 

He didn't marry someone else because you weren't lovable - he married someone else because he's a spineless, selfish pig. This is why you need to seek therapy immediately. You don't get it that it wasn't your fault - it's ALL on him and the choices he made.

 

Agreed.

What now?

[sb129]

The two examples in the story are totally different. A mother should always (in 99%) of cases forgive her child, that kind of love is unconditional. Bonds between family shouldn't be broken over something like that IMO.

 

The thing I find so frustrating with you, RoseRen, is that sure, if your H was prepared to move mountains and lay down at your feet begging YOU for forgiveness to prove that he was sorry then maybe you could consider giving him another chance. (A loooong shot IMO, and I wouldn't personally, but..)

 

But he isn't- he is making YOU do all the chasing and hard work, and basically convincing you that YOU have to change for him to come back to you, which is wrong.

He is in the luxurious postion of having two women begging to be with him- he is in a win-win situation as long as both have this mind set.

 

I don't believe my ex is a terrible person. I hated him for a while, now I actually feel sorry for him, because while he still refuses to acknowledge his faults and is continuing to have unsuccessful Rs, I have learned from the experience. Thanks to him, I realised my OWN self worth, and that I deserved to be treated better than he treated me. His crappy behaviour helped me appreciate how wonderful my next BF (now my fiance) is, and our R has been just amazing.

 

RoseRen, you can't love someone else and be loved respectfully in return until you realise you are loveable JUST AS YOU ARE.