Snooping-Should I Ask?

[JackhammerGemma]

Last week when my bf left me alone for a while at his house, I looked at his cell phone bill from September (yes, very bad, I know I know.) I don't do that kind of thing unless I feel there is a reason. I found this one number on there several times. Some of the calls were long and some were short, at different times of the day. And there were texts, and picture messages (from and to the same phone.)

 

Now-he did have the bill laying for a few days on his entertainment system, in plain sight practically. While he was gone that night I started cleaning up his DVDs and then looked at the phone bill. A few minutes after he came back I noticed the phone bill was gone. I asked him what he did with it & he said he put it with other stuff to be shredded. Later I said "Is there anything in that phone bill you wouldn't want me to see?" He said no, that the phone bill had been laying there for days and he could have gotten rid of it sooner if that were the case.

 

I wrote down the number I kept seeing on there, but haven't tried calling it or asking him about it. I know I invaded his privacy by even looking at the phone bill, even if it was in plain sight, but it's really bothering me not knowing who that is that he's been talking to and texting and picture messaging.

 

I know they say don't ask a question you're not prepared to hear the answer for, but do I even have the right to ask him whose number that is?

I told myself I should just let it go but it just plagues me. Should I ask?

 

[allina]

Uhmm is he not allowed to have friends and family he calls? I don't get it. You have all his friends phone numbers memorized?

[Lizzie60]

npthing wrong in asking... but if he thinks you're suspecting something, he will make sure you don't catch anything anymore... he will hide his bills, etc. and he will lie about it.

 

So if I were you, I would let it go... but keep your eyes-ears opened. He might have something to hide.

[JackhammerGemma]

It's not that he's not allowed to have friends and family...it's just that the number is on the bill a *lot*, the same number, with texts and picture messages. All that's running through my mind is he was probably sending some girl dirty picture messages back and forth. I know he will hide everything from me if I tell him about it, which I would deserve. People need their privacy and there are calls and texts on my bill he would probably question as well...but mine are explainable, whereas I'm not so sure his are.

[allina]

It's not that he's not allowed to have friends and family...it's just that the number is on the bill a *lot*, the same number, with texts and picture messages. All that's running through my mind is he was probably sending some girl dirty picture messages back and forth. I know he will hide everything from me if I tell him about it, which I would deserve. People need their privacy and there are calls and texts on my bill he would probably question as well...but mine are explainable, whereas I'm not so sure his are.

 

I just think this philosophy is crazy. If I looked at my bf's phone bill and saw a number over and over I would think "that must be his parents" or "that must be 'name of best friend' number"

 

I'm sorry I just don't get it, do you have major reasons to believe he's cheating?

[JackhammerGemma]

Actually yes, I do have reasons to believe he is...or at least that something is going on, not sure if cheating or just flirting. Half of it is my insecurity and the other half is just things here and there that put my antennas up. Don't get me wrong, he is allowed to have friends and so am I..I too have long calls on my phone bill...to and from my best friend who is a guy. But my bf never really talks about friends or having talked to them, whereas I mention my friends once in a while ("I talked to Kevin tonight, he says..blah blah blah"). So unless this one particular number is a family member I think it's weird he would never mention a person he texts and calls constantly. For the record, Reverse Lookups says it's a land line number.

[allina]

Actually yes, I do have reasons to believe he is...or at least that something is going on, not sure if cheating or just flirting. Half of it is my insecurity and the other half is just things here and there that put my antennas up. Don't get me wrong, he is allowed to have friends and so am I..I too have long calls on my phone bill...to and from my best friend who is a guy. But my bf never really talks about friends or having talked to them, whereas I mention my friends once in a while ("I talked to Kevin tonight, he says..blah blah blah"). So unless this one particular number is a family member I think it's weird he would never mention a person he texts and calls constantly. For the record, Reverse Lookups says it's a land line number.

 

So how is he texting messages and pics to a land line?

 

I don't know what else is going on in your relationship but maybe you should concentrate on addressing any issues you guys are having instead of the number.

 

If you must know look in his phone to see what name is attached to the number.

[LivA79]

If you don't say anything, it's going to eat at you. Bring it up casually like, "Hey, have you ever sent dirty pictures on your phone?" or "Do you like to have phone sex?" Something that you know you guys don't ever do that would give you a hint he has been doing other stuff.

[JackhammerGemma]

Wow Allina's totally right, how are there texts and pics to/from a land line. Guess it must be wrong information. I thought of one other thing-it could be his mom's cell phone number but the city given for the number doesn't match, it's a neighboring city though, so if it is her maybe she bought her phone in that city, I dunno. I guess I could ask him for his mom's cell "just in case" anything ever happens to him. I think I haven't done that yet because I'm afraid he will give me her number and it won't be the one I'm hoping it is. What a mess my head is. I'm afraid to ask because he will probably never trust me not to snoop again, and will get mad at me for not trusting him. But I'm afraid to let it go and turn a blind eye or however that expression goes.

 

By the way I can't look in his phone because he locks it up. Says he has privacy issues (last girlfriend was a constant snooper who even used his social security number to set up his cell phone billing online so she could see his bills.) I too have had snooping jealous boyfriends before cell phones were common. I'd probably lock mine up too if I had one then, simply for the sake of privacy.

[Lyssa]

By the way I can't look in his phone because he locks it up. Says he has privacy issues (last girlfriend was a constant snooper who even used his social security number to set up his cell phone billing online so she could see his bills.) I too have had snooping jealous boyfriends before cell phones were common. I'd probably lock mine up too if I had one then, simply for the sake of privacy.

 

See... that's the thing about snooping around. It gets you all worked up. I don't know what to tell you because I personally think snooping around is a big NO-NO! It gets to you and when your SO finds out you snooped around - it will be hard to get that trust back.

 

I'm sure there is another way to find out if he is cheating on you or not but really, snooping isn't one of it. Talking should be the first thing to do. Asking.. talking.. whatever.

[Zona76]

If you do this once, you'll do it again and again.

Don't go there.

If you cherish what you have today. It's gone tomorrow if you mess with this kind of crap.

Stop being insecure and grow up.

[White Flower]

So how is he texting messages and pics to a land line?

 

I don't know what else is going on in your relationship but maybe you should concentrate on addressing any issues you guys are having instead of the number.

 

If you must know look in his phone to see what name is attached to the number.

The texts can be going to an email address on a computer which is a land line.

[White Flower]

Last week when my bf left me alone for a while at his house, I looked at his cell phone bill from September (yes, very bad, I know I know.) I don't do that kind of thing unless I feel there is a reason. I found this one number on there several times. Some of the calls were long and some were short, at different times of the day. And there were texts, and picture messages (from and to the same phone.)

 

Now-he did have the bill laying for a few days on his entertainment system, in plain sight practically. While he was gone that night I started cleaning up his DVDs and then looked at the phone bill. A few minutes after he came back I noticed the phone bill was gone. I asked him what he did with it & he said he put it with other stuff to be shredded. Later I said "Is there anything in that phone bill you wouldn't want me to see?" He said no, that the phone bill had been laying there for days and he could have gotten rid of it sooner if that were the case.

 

I wrote down the number I kept seeing on there, but haven't tried calling it or asking him about it. I know I invaded his privacy by even looking at the phone bill, even if it was in plain sight, but it's really bothering me not knowing who that is that he's been talking to and texting and picture messaging.

 

I know they say don't ask a question you're not prepared to hear the answer for, but do I even have the right to ask him whose number that is?

I told myself I should just let it go but it just plagues me. Should I ask?

 

I think the moving of the cell phone bill after he knew you saw it was very telling. There is also a little confusion about the number being a landline because even though you can text to an email addy, it would show the addy on the phone and not a phone number, really. And if you read the OW/OM boards, you see these things happen a lot.:confused:Not saying it is happening to you, though. I might call that number from a private line and see who answers or whose voicemail comes up. Or do as Allina suggests and try to read the name attached to the number. But this may not be substancial--I used to put a different name to my MM in my phone.

[sperlj]

[COLOR=black]Go to 411.com or Anywho.com and do a Reverse phone number lookup. You may get a name and address if it's a land line. If it's a cell# you probably will not get much info except maybe the cell co. name. [/COLOR]

[COLOR=black]Hang on to the number and if things get weird call the number from a public phone or some where other then your cell or home#. Ask for some made up name and then ask who this is. [/COLOR]

[COLOR=black]I had some of this type of #'s from my wife's cell statement a while back. I held on to them for a while as they did come up as other guys #'s called frequently through out the day and lengthy. At one point I just stopped snooping and threw the #'s out. Wish I still had them cause of some recent suspicions. See my thread "divorce or not after 27 years".[/COLOR]

[COLOR=black]Hope you find it's just family or something so you can just forget it. But ya never know.[/COLOR]

[LakesideDream]

I caught a more casual date I was going to cook dinner for going through my cell phone memory (and posted about it here). That was it for me. After that dinner I never asked her out again.

 

She asked for an explaination a couple of times via email. I finally answered her that reason was her snooping in my cell phone. She asked via email who "Kim" was, and who "Mhome" was.. and who "Daisy" was. She wasn't real happy when I replied my daughter, niece and 88 year old mother! I'm sure she didn't believe me.

 

I'm sorry but that "snooping" behavior is unacceptable to me. The amount of technology around today is staggering. Web history, Cell phones, all leave their evidence. The temptation to snoop must be much greater now than just ten years ago. My advice, overcome the temptation.

[ladykatie]

I'm a snooper too, so I understand what you are feeling...

 

Have you tried calling the number from a payphone or something?

 

I did this with some messages my bf was sending. One number turned out to be his brother and I felt like an idiot.

 

The other number wasn't as innocent, and here I am now...but I know how it can eat you up until you know for sure.

 

It's true...snooping is bad, but sometimes you just know there is something wrong. I can guarantee you that he won't admit to anything unless you are specific. I used to say what you say to him "is there something you don't want me to see." Well of course he is going to say no. Ask him, "do you know a girl named XYZ," and then see how he reacts...

[daisydufas22]

Personally, I would call the number.....from a pay phone (as mentioned above). If you have doubts, then call but just one question......Do you really want the truth? If so, call! If not, forget it!

 

Good luck!

[zilverenvlinder]

Call the number from your phone, but dial *67 before you dial and wait for the ringtone. If you're calling from a cellphone, if the number is, say 555-1234, type in *675551234 and it will be from a "Private Number".

 

If you get a voicemail, good for you! You will know who it is. If you don't, and someone picks up, ask for someone else, and say, "Oh, Anne isn't there? This isn't Anne?"

 

And they will most likely say, "No, this is ____".

 

So either way, you will have their name.

 

Good luck.

[hippiechick]

Personally I would call the number. I have actually done this before when I found a # I didn't know on our cell phone bill.

 

I personally don't think anything is wrong with snooping, especially if you have a suspicion. People don't always tell the truth when asked probing questions or they are confronted with something.

 

I think the fact that he locks up his cell phone is wierd and shredding the statement?????

[jessica2007]

I would call the number first on my own,block yours of course.See what happens.IF you feel you need anything more than that ask him about it.But be prepared at the possibilty that its just a really close friend and hell know that you dont fully trust him.Wether its an actual threat or not things will change if you pursue further knowledge

[KenzieAbsolutely]

 

I'm sure there is another way to find out if he is cheating on you or not but really, snooping isn't one of it. Talking should be the first thing to do. Asking.. talking.. whatever.

 

that's true, snooping is usually a bad idea, but since when do people who are cheating and lying to you always tell you the truth in these 'asking and talking' sessions?

 

i agree snooping can be bad, but it is vindicated when something is found. innocent people have a right to be mad when someone snoops on them for no reason and finds nothing, sure. but if you snoop and find something shady, then the person who got caught (was snooped on) looks kinda stupid saying "how dare you" when they're trying to hide something from you in the first place.