so done with sister, how to deal during holidays?

[4givrnt4gtr]

Very very long story, which im not about to write out, but bassically, I have an older sister, who for one reason or the other feels we (everyone in my family, including my parents) owe her everything we have. We have long ago realized she is not really all "there" according to the things she says, so we put up with it as best as we can.

 

Anyway her behavior has been terrible for the past ten years, she yells at everyone, including my mom. She once got all up in my dad's face, yelling at him, literally foaming at the mouth, completely out of control to the point that he slapped her (she is about 35 btw). At some point or the other all of us have had to slap her so she can regain control. When i did it, I was about 13 or 14 and was because she was threatening her mother in law of killing her. she ended up dragging me by the hair all the way out to the living room

 

Anyway those are I guess some ideas of how she is. The worst part is that after she goes crazy she comes back like nothing happen. Unfortunately we are used to it and let it all slide.

 

However...and this is where my real point begins..a few weeks ago we had a very very important meeting with a lawyer. She came and pick me and my mom up and she went absolutely crazy bc my skirt was "too short". Mind you I was wearing a business suit. I was also driving my own car so all i could see was her waiving her arms wildly, running red lights and hitting herself while screaming. I tried calling my mom so she could get out of the car and get in my car but she wouldnt pick up. After a while my sister called me, like nothing, saying that my mom had gone "histerical" and got off the car. I had to drive all over trying to find my mom.

I found her on the side of the road, crying histerically because my sister had yelled horrible things at her, among them that she (my sister)was going to kill both her and my mom right then crashing.

 

After all this I called her and told her I never wanted to hear from her again. I didnt want her anywhere near my mom, or me.

 

Unfortunately, a mother's love knows no boundaries, and she told me today that she wanted all of us to have thanksgiving dinner together.

I couldnt believe my ears....after all that happen, she still wants to keep going back for more...

I told her I was most definitely not going to put myself thru that. But now im wondering how im going to deal with the rest of the holidays. I dont my mom to have to choose between her and me, but at the same time, I really do not want to spend holidays with her, pretending, as usual everything is perfect and having to accept her gifts (which she gives all the time).

I really dont know how to handle this....

 

Any ideas?

[Angelina Nisse]

It's not that complicated. Just tell your mom that for obvious reasons, you don't want to be around your sister at holiday time, but that you don't want to tell her (your Mom) what to do, or not do - and that if she wants to invite your sister over, that is fine, but that you will choose a time to come over when sister won't be there.

Or, you can host your Mother at your home.

[huh]

I got tired of family screamfests, so I spend my holidays with the more normal part of the family (great aunt & cousins). It's a lot less stressful than dealing with the drama.

[4givrnt4gtr]

Or, you can host your Mother at your home.

 

my mom lives with me so that's actually part of the problem...and Id leave, but I feel really guilty leaving her alone, and much more if she ends up living with my sister.