BritishChic Posted November 22, 2007 Share Posted November 22, 2007 I tried many times to post this under 'Other Man/Other Woman', but for some reason my new account would not let me, so I thought this would be the closest catagory for me to seek help! Wow, where to begin. At first, I was a little skeptical about reading these blogs. I have been battling the after effects of an emotional affair by myself for the past two years and due to the complicated series of events and the dismissal that it 'wasn't a real affair' by co-workers and friends, I've always beat myself up thinking I am a 'loser' for not just 'getting over it' The truth is I am in alot of unbearable pain and I just don't know what to do anymore. Starting from the beginning...I had an emotional affair with my married boss for over two years. We worked in the restaurant business which provided a very stressful intimate working environment and our relationship mainly consisted of phone calls, text messages, looking at one another for long periods of time, and lunch dates when his wife was at work. Our relationship was not consistent. He would fall out of my life for two or three months and then call as if everything was normal. We fought, made up, fought again, made up. At the time I thought I was madly in love but I was too afraid to admit to the feelings or say anything because I come from a family of high morals and values with parents that have been happily married for 26 years. I literally bullied myself everyday for being such a 'horrible person' for having these feelings for a married man. What didn't help was his aloof attitude towards his wife. Which in my weak mind at the time justified why he was seeking attention from me. I kept thinking he was going to leave her, have some time for himself and come find me. I thought this would be okay..so I waited and waited and waited. Our last conversation was 2 years ago in which he told me 'he had to start thinking about her'. I didn't leave my room for days, I was a mess. I was consumed. I took a transfer from our store and started fresh. I made new friends and I was doing great, until I decided to move to another state to further my fresh start. The day of my move, I found out through a friend that his wife was expecting their first baby. I remember falling to ground and sobbing. I thought I was doing okay, but I felt the pain all over again. The fact of the matter is, is that she has just had the baby, its been 9 months, but I am stuck in this sadness and I can't move on. I cry all the time, I am moody and I now fully resent the aspects of having a child even though its something I desire more than anything in life. When I see babies I get angry, and when I see newborns I feel bitter. I find these negative feelings unbearable, but I really feel as if he was given a chance to start over and get away with everything and I was left in ruins. What makes it worse in my mind, is that through all the pain I took responsibility for my actions and apologized to him for our behavior, hoping he would be mature and do the same. He did not. How can I deal with all of this? Help! Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted November 22, 2007 Share Posted November 22, 2007 Argh, When I see babies I get angry, and when I see newborns I feel bitter. I find these negative feelings unbearable, but I really feel as if he was given a chance to start over and get away with everything and I was left in ruins. Crap! I can imagine... Yet another guy that loves to flirt with people he doesn't want to get involved with. I have no idea why guys love to do this. Hopefully with time you'll feel better since you were feeling better at the new job. You probably got set back bad with the news. Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
Author BritishChic Posted November 23, 2007 Author Share Posted November 23, 2007 For some reason, for every good day I have, I'll have two sad ones that follow. I'll have a strong day and feel optimistic and then hear his name or see something that reminds me of him and I fall hard into this depressive state. I don't want to talk to people sometimes, no one I just want to shut the world out and other times I am calling any friend that I can simply just cry to. Its gotten to the point where I've become desperate, wanting so desperately to get rid of this sadness; I'll think about getting in my car and driving driving and driving. I don't want to be sad about this anymore, but I don't know how to overcome. I loved this man for 5 years, and now I'll never see him again. Not that I want to, I just feel like a part of me, a big chunk of me is like a void Link to post Share on other sites
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