I don't think it will work!

[Curmudgeon]

I was shocked when I saw the original post.

 

(Yeah, me too)

 

...I let my mind even start off in that direction, much less developed it further. Not usual for me, even in the worst of times.

[Ariadne]

...I let my mind even start off in that direction, much less developed it further. Not usual for me, even in the worst of times.

 

(I told you you were fantasizing )

[Ariadne]

It's very sad!

 

(Yikes! Poor your ex wife)

[Curmudgeon]

It's very sad!

 

(Yikes! Poor your ex wife)

 

It's certainly nothing I would ever have wished for her but she's destroyed those relationships herself, much as she did ours. The children have tried. She's just too "superior" to listen or change.

[RecordProducer]

Curm, do you have children with your first and/or second wife?

...I let my mind even start off in that direction, much less developed it further. Not usual for me, even in the worst of times.

 

(I told you you were fantasizing )

I think he made a typo and meant "I don't let my mind even start off in that direction..."

[Ariadne]

No,

 

I think he made a typo and meant "I don't let my mind even start off in that direction..."

 

He wrote the beginning of the sentence in the topic:

 

I'm rather shocked......I let my mind even start off in that direction, much less developed it further. Not usual for me, even in the worst of times.

 

Ariadne

[Curmudgeon]

Curm, do you have children with your first and/or second wife?

 

I have five children, RP, ranging in age from 20 to 38. All are with the ex. My wife and I were 48 and 50, respectively, when we married. Children were not only not wanted but not an option either.

 

I also have two adult stepdaughters, four grandchildren with another due next month and three stepgrandchildren, although we don't differentiate. I'm merely Grandpa to all seven of the grands just as my wife is Grandma.

[RecordProducer]

...I let my mind even start off in that direction, much less developed it further. Not usual for me, even in the worst of times.

 

(I told you you were fantasizing )

 

Five kids, wow! I guess with five kids no income is enough. You need a million dollars just for college! I'd tell them to get loans.

 

Can you please clarify the opposing opinions that Ariadne and I have? Was that a typo?

[4whatItsWorth]

Sorry to hear all this...I don't think your W will be happier without you...sometimes I think I'd be happier alone but I know I wouldn't. Perhaps your W is too lost in her past to see straight right now...perhaps a separation try-out would made her realise she can't go back in time unless she invents a time machine? (If she does...can I plz have one too? )

 

Either way - it's never too late for love!

[amaysngrace]

I'm sorry C.

 

I hope it all works out for you no matter which way it goes.

 

Did you ever think that maybe your Ws esteem has taken a hit because you are advancing your career while she isn't doing much to better herself? So she's feeling down on herself? Hence her comments.

 

I don't know...it's just a thought...

 

Anyway I'm sad to hear that your marriage is in trouble. But that's life. There are ups and downs. You have to take the bad with the good unfortunately.

 

I don't really have much to say or know what to say. I just hope you are okay.

[Curmudgeon]

Thanks. I'm fine. Some things you just have to learn to life with and maneuver around. This appears to be one of them.

[Curmudgeon]

I don't think she would be either and I don't believe she would want to try.

 

Guess I'll just leave her to her fantasy and hope that, one day, she opens her eyes and realizes she is more loved, better provided for and much better off now than at any other time in her life. Now she has a future to lok forward to. She never had a real one before.

[Curmudgeon]

...it began with the subject line, "I'm rather shocked..." so you can take it from there.

[Kasan]

...it began with the subject line, "I'm rather shocked..." so you can take it from there.

 

Wow! That is all that I can come up with, and to say how shocked I was to read your thread. Simply stunned, but I guess you never truly know what goes on at the other end of the computer.

 

As someone who is a little younger than you and your wife, I can relate with your wife on a couple of issues.

 

My husband could retire anytime that he wants as he has put his twenty years (not military) in and we talk about it a lot. We have also discussed moving south as the winters are killing us! I was certainly all for this move, but the past couple of years I have had serious reservations about moving. As a wife who went wherever he went without complaint, I find myself not wanting to pack-up and move. I just don't want to be that far away from our kids. I have lived my married life with my family being (minimum) three hours away and I just don't want to do it anymore.

 

I feel so strongly about this, that I have made a decision (he doesn't know how serious I am) that I am not going to move. It is simply too important to me. Am I being selfish, most likely, but I hope that he will be willing to make this concession to me as I feel I have made many for him. If he can't, c'est la vie....I will survive and so will he. Perhaps we can buy a vacation home and that will solve the issue.

 

I guess what I am trying to say is, I can understand how your wife feels about her children.

 

I have had the opportunity to know some midwives, and they are an amazing bunch of women. They are fearless, capable of making instant decisions, competing in a field where doctors gave them no respect, especially in the 70s. They fought hard to gain their voices. I can see where your wife would miss these days. There is something heady about being with women who collectively changed the health care system.

 

I find myself waxing nostalgic for the old days. By that I mean, when I was younger, I was a lot more fearless than I am know. I miss taking the great risks, whereas then, failure was never an option, now I think of what could happen. Essentially, I play it safer now, but sometimes, I miss flying by the seat of my pants.

 

I want you to know how much I am pulling for you, and I am hoping that this is just a bump in the proverbial marriage road, because I think of you as one of the good guys. I am also wondering why it's not possible for her to resume her midwife career on a part-time basis.

[Curmudgeon]

I want you to know how much I am pulling for you, and I am hoping that this is just a bump in the proverbial marriage road, because I think of you as one of the good guys. I am also wondering why it's not possible for her to resume her midwife career on a part-time basis.

 

Interestingly enough, my wife and I met 16 years ago because of our common profession as legislative, public policy and political analysts for our state. Prior to coming to work for the state and while still practicing midwifery, my wife was the primary proponent of and largely instrumental in pushing forward legislation which resulted in state licensure for lay midwives. She also ended up writing most of the licensing exam. This was over strong opposition from the medical lobby which had been hounding midwives, my wife and her midwife partner especially, with threats of prosecution for practicing medicine without a license.

 

I feel as you do about the prospective move but from the opposite side. I will make it regardless of whether or not my wife follows me. I will purchase a house and she will always be welcome to join me s we can live out our lives together. However, she will also be responsible for wholly supporting herself with her pension and Social Security if it comes to that because I will not support two households (my retirement will be much greater than hers) when one will do.

 

I wish my wife would go back to practicing part-time. Ironically, however, she did not get licensed and she could have been grandfatherred in at the time. She has looked into challenging the now required coursework and taking the exam but to date, hasn't followed-up on it. If she did I think she'd be much happier and more fulfilled but I can push just so hard.

 

Thanks for the kind words and your valuable insight.

[Ariadne]

Curm,

 

I will make it regardless of whether or not my wife follows me.

 

Where do you want to move to? And why?

 

I will purchase a house and she will always be welcome to join me s we can live out our lives together.

 

Lol, and you'd be lonely and miserable all alone in the retirement house and asking for her to come back, and keeping that house as a vacation house.

 

Ariadne

[Curmudgeon]

I may be older but wth any amount of luck, the retirement home is at least 25-30 years in the future and by that time there's a 50% chance I'll have Alzheimer's and will neither know nor care.

 

I have said since before we married that when I retire it will be ABC -- Anywhere But California. I'm a native (born in San Diego) and of late can't stand the place. However, since I work for the state I'm kinda stuck here for another couple of years.

 

Beyond that, I lost half my retirement fund in divorce so even though I'll retire at about 100% of current net income I want to move somewhere with a significantly lower cost of living. I'm looking at the South (NOT southern California). I've lived in Alabama, twice in North Carolina, twice in Virginia, Kentucky and Georgia. I love the slower pace and their senses and preservation of history and traditions that this state has become lacking in. Oh yeah! I've also lived in Texas twice but I want to remain in this country!

 

Simplistically, I want to move back to America!

[Ariadne]

Oh,

 

I love the slower pace and their senses and preservation of history and traditions that this state has become lacking in.

 

Yeah. It's pretty over there and you'll make more of your money.

 

Did you ever consider San Luis Obispo, Santa Barbara, or even Palm Springs?

 

It's slower paced there too. But expensive.

 

Oh, and you are still young, I thought you were 75 or some, like my father.

 

Ariadne

[Curmudgeon]

Did you ever consider San Luis Obispo, Santa Barbara, or even Palm Springs?

 

It's slower paced there too. But expensive.

 

Oh, and you are still young, I thought you were 75 or some, like my father.

 

I love the ocean (grew up on the shore), hate the desert. Way too expensive for a government retiree unless you purchased a home in any of them 30 years ago which I didn't.

 

Nope! I'm just a youngster of 61. Don't rush me. I'll be your father's age soon enough, but not too soon. The older you get the faster time flies. It's like it wants you to hurry up and finish your life.

[Ariadne]

Ah,

 

I love the ocean (grew up on the shore), hate the desert. Way too expensive for a government retiree unless you purchased a home in any of them 30 years ago which I didn't.

 

Yeah, that makes sense.

 

I remember one time I thought of renting an apt "right in front of the beach" (in LA) and they were some 3,000 to 4,000 dollars a month (I drove around the area). It's crazy.

 

And it probably wasn't even a unit with ocean views, forget that, those must impossible to find.

 

Well, good luck with it all.

 

Ariadne

[Curmudgeon]

I remember one time I thought of renting an apt "right in front of the beach" (in LA) and they were some 3,000 to 4,000 dollars a month (I drove around the area). It's crazy.

 

And it probably wasn't even a unit with ocean views, forget that, those must impossible to find.

 

In the areas I'm looking you can purchase a three bedroom, two bath, 1,400+ sq. feet home on five wooded acres with water on property (spring, pond, stream, etc.) or property on water (lake or river) for about $200K or less.

 

My wife and I started from ground-zero financially when we married (my divorce and child and spousal support payments, her single motherhood and total lack of support from her daughters' father) and right when we were ready to buy the market shot up so far we decided that although we could afford it, we didn't want to be house poor.

 

However, we have been saving and investing and will be able to either purchase a house outright when we move or pay at least 50% or more down on one with money left over for upgrades, maintenance, etc. We'll also be bringing in more in retirement funds than we'll need to live so travel and other pleasures will be easy for us.

 

It's no contest! California loses two (my wife is one also) natives.

[Ariadne]

Awww......

 

{{{{Curm}}}}

 

Sounds awesome Curmudgeon...

 

I want a house like that too... just like that!

 

Ariadne

[Curmudgeon]

Me too, and I'm going to have it, alone or otherwise. I want to live in and with nature, not have to drive to it and battle hordes of people to get there.

 

I want the peace, quiet and beauty of wildlife in it's own environment in which I'll be a non-intrusive, resident guest.

 

Two and a half years and counting!

[Mz. Pixie]

Awwww C. I'm just broken hearted about this. I hope things get better.

 

Does she know what a prize she is taking a chance on losing??

[Curmudgeon]

Awwww C. I'm just broken hearted about this. I hope things get better.

 

Does she know what a prize she is taking a chance on losing??

 

How do I answer that question without sounding conceited?

 

Thanks, Pix. They'll likely get better. Sounding off and receiving the support I have here has helped tremendously, yours included.

 

If she was asked I think my wife would likely say that I'm who and what she waited and hoped for over the course of many years. I know she appreciates how I treat her, have valued her, as well as what I can provide. She is practical after all.