iwonderwhyme Posted November 23, 2007 Share Posted November 23, 2007 To make things short... I have a LONG history with a guy from my past. We have known each other for 20 years (most of our young lives) and started hooking up in high school occasionally, but that all kind of faded when we went off to college but he never dissappeared from my mind. Lately (we have both graduated college at this point) things have gotten a lot more complicated.... I helped him recover from a breakup and one thing led to another and we wound up having sex. It was supposed to be a one time thing, however, at this point, it has been going on for almost a year and its getting a lot more difficult emotionally, at least for me. We are supposed to be friends with benefits and it is just to the point where the line is so blurred..... We'll have sex here and there, and about every 2 or 3 times he'll tell me that he thinks that should be our last time, but then after about a 2 week period, things are right back to where they were before, and he's calling wanting to see me. It is so confusing because he will hold my hand while we are having sex and kiss my forehead and my nose (which to me are more intimate things.... things you would not necessarily do with a friend with benefits... but what do i know?) And recently he told me that he loves me. I just dont know if he means it in a friend way or if he means more. The sex is good and very intimate for both of us, but when we are done it is weird because we both kind of have to take a step back and figure out where we stand... and he is not one of those guys who will exactly tell you what he's feeling or thinking. This has gone on for so long... and i need other peoples opinions... especially guys..... on what is going on here and maybe what he's thinking. Is he just using me??? Or do those other actions that I find to be more intimate.... holding hands, kissing the tip of my nose and my forehead.... indicate that he wants something more? He's just so shy, I doubt he would tell me how he really felt if i asked him. I think he's scared and so am I. I am really confused!!!!! :-( Please help! Link to post Share on other sites
SuperFantastico Posted November 24, 2007 Share Posted November 24, 2007 Forgive the saying 'why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free' But that is whats going on here. He is getting all the good things from you without having to commit to you AT ALL! He gets the sex, he gets the intimacy and then he walks away. 2 weeks later when hes in the mood for a fix, he comes back to you. Im a very touchy feely guy. And i was raised on romance movies. When i have sex with a girl, i love to hold her hand and kiss her forhead and explore and touch everything. Its very sensual and sexual. The act of sex can be a VERY powerful experience. Its almost spiritual sometimes. You are becoming one with someone(as close as is possible) mind, body and soul. Thats making love over having sex. And thats what i do. I make love to women BUT and thats a big but, i dont have to love them. I can totally see where you are coming from and why you are so confused. Part of the reason is that certain things signify more powerful things for you then they do for him. The hand holding for instance. What you have to realise is that what you want you cant get from him under these circumstances. You have to either a) put your foot down and say NO until he commits(while risking losing him) b) keep doing what your doing but get into the mindset that it isnt love, its romance and keep your distance emotionally. c)break it off completely and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iwonderwhyme Posted November 24, 2007 Author Share Posted November 24, 2007 great advice. Thank you!!! Any more out there from anyone else? I'll take all I can get! Link to post Share on other sites
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