Theorem Posted November 23, 2007 Share Posted November 23, 2007 Well basically my EX gf for a couple months, who ive been friends with before for couple years ago as well, but on and off sexually most of the time we knew each other. This has always been like this...even if months go by somehow we continue the cycle after swearing it off...so it has never been plutonic when it should. Thing is i still have feelings for her, i believe she has some for me...but she has a BF anyway but thats not the point. my question. If we have always been sleeping together, does that mean thats what our relationship consists of? infatuation and lust...and minor friendship. The fact i still love her tells me im suppose to stay away otherwise id torture myself about it, which i do. Im just starting to think that maybe we cant be plutonic...like maybe underneath it all we have dont have much in common, and its the sexual part that tied us closer. If we dont talk for long enough...things become awkward for just that reason, theres a tension. I wish i didnt feel like i had to push her away to live my life presently. id just like a solid relationship what do you guys think...im not sure what to do Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted November 23, 2007 Share Posted November 23, 2007 If your friendship was plutonic, it's not surprising you ended up in bed together... Might I suggest the word platonic? If one person feels more strongly about the other person, it's never any fun. If you think about it, how well do you know her beyond the physical aspect? How does she feel about global warming or what's her favourite colour? Who's her best friend? I ask these questions because if you had more in common as friends, you could answer them. Link to post Share on other sites
mishy Posted November 23, 2007 Share Posted November 23, 2007 If your friendship was plutonic, it's not surprising you ended up in bed together... Might I suggest the word platonic? thats what I was thinking...... Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted November 23, 2007 Share Posted November 23, 2007 thats what I was thinking...... If it's that hot, you're going to get a volcanic reaction. Link to post Share on other sites
torranceshipman Posted November 23, 2007 Share Posted November 23, 2007 Haha, Beat me to it, I was going to say....'only if you're astronauts' (-; Link to post Share on other sites
Timberlane Posted November 23, 2007 Share Posted November 23, 2007 If your friendship was plutonic, it's not surprising you ended up in bed together... Yes, that would have been quite a hot romance. It could quite possibly have been intrusive and involved other (igneous) bodies. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted November 23, 2007 Share Posted November 23, 2007 Yes, that would have been quite a hot romance. It could quite possibly have been intrusive and involved other (igneous) bodies. Truly magmificent... Link to post Share on other sites
SuperFantastico Posted November 24, 2007 Share Posted November 24, 2007 WELL HELLO THERE. It seems that you posted at the exact right time. I am the exact right person to answer this Ok where was i(had a smoke :S ) oh ya, well you COULD be platonic friends but probably only under one condition, that you are BOTH in relationships. That takes the pressure of the sex out of the equasion and puts you both on an even playing field. See right now you are at a dissadvantage. She has a boyfriend whom she is having sex with and is in a relationship with. You are not. So you are ...**** how do i put this......reacting to the imballance ....or better yet, the hole(you no longer have someone who you can casually have sex with and hang out with without any commitment) thats left by filling the the space with thoughts of her. This is bad for a few reasons. First, when you do this(and i speak from GREAT experience on the subject, trust me) you tend to distort how much she actually ment to you and you to her. Its like putting lust and casual friendship on steriods. It turns into the hulk of obsession Two. By filling this hole up, you hid the ACTUAL problem which is you feeling lonely and not having that kind of emotional/physical intimacy with a person. Believe you me, that you can do this for a VERY long time. Hell i did it for 12 years So if you keep doing that, you are gonna be stuck in a kinda hell loop. And it is hell. You will torment yourself and worse yet, ignore other better suited opportunities that come along, in the form of better matching women. I did this TOO much. Big mistake. I had a three, but im tired and have been out of the advice game for too long. So solutions. Cutting her out completely is kind of an extreme measure. Its not really needed as of yet because this seems to have only been a real issue for a few months. Distancing yourself from her but still keeping in contact now and then is probably the best way. This way you still acknowledge the friendship and if she ever asks, just tell her the truth, that it bothers you to be around her too much when shes in a relationship. In the end she can respect this and you dont have to be a dick to her to try to kill the pain of that fact. Move on and go out with friends. Date casually BUT dont do it for her. Thats very important. Date cause its fun. After 6 months if you find a girl you like, date her(i mean in a relationship type way, you can have casual dates all you want before then). Doing it too soon will be more of a rebound type of thing. Get laid. Hope this helps. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Theorem Posted December 9, 2007 Author Share Posted December 9, 2007 i see what you mean, im still trying to get out of that routine but i believe at this point things will change. Although i was i was the one who made that choice first hand. We had slept together just the other day, but afterwards like few other times. i felt like i did something in the moment...and afterwards i felt like ****...Once she saw what my reaction was without really explaining it. I think she felt like she was hurting me and asked me to forgive her etc. At this point i think we wont be talking as often or seeing each other. Past few days we dont talk much or anything. I called her once and she texted me back saying shes busy right now...so i think its going into that direction for sure this time. I hope i can take the proper approach to deal with it since i still have no outlet for those feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
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