Cheater parading you in front of lover

[spooty]

when i first read the post my initial thought was it was that it was out of spite and for excitement. some cheaters really get off on the excitement, and i can imagine them giggling later "oh my god he had no idea!!" if she cheated because she resented you, then this is a likely reason. she could have also sort have wanted you to find out and confront her, just for the reason to leave.

but the suggestion that it was to make you feel more comfortable with the other guy and see him as less of a threat makes some sense. personally i would never think that way, because if you're hiding something it's a lot easier to hide it from someone who knows nothing than to set yourself up to tell half-truths.

[dropdeadlegs]

RD,

 

All of the responses make sense in a strange way. I can't really speak for men, but I think it is very common for women to want their "amore" to be within their social circle for many reasons. Having him around when she cannot act produces an anticipation that probably cannot compare if he's a secret, or readily available. Many "act later in the evening, later the party is over and the H is sleeping. She may also want him to seem less threating by including him in social affairs involving her SO. "Parading" him so openly may give her some sort of satisfaction that she is pulling something off behind your back and that you too "dumb" to even notice.

 

I think most commonly she wants him to be a part of her life in every way before she is willing to make the breaks necessary to be with him full time.

 

That is sad and wrong, but most likely true.

[lindya]

I've had the same thing done to me by a boyfriend, so it's certainly not an exclusively female behaviour. I tend to go with LB's explanation. It rings a bell for the situation I was in. There was a real sense of "nothing to hide here....she and I are just good mates. Look - I'm giving her a big friendly bear-hug. Nothing to see here..." which didn't remove my doubts about the friendship (doubts which proved to be correct) but did make it more difficult for me to address them without sounding childish and paranoid. Like someone who was too insecure, unevolved and unsophisticated to accept the notion of men and women just being platonic friends. Pair of bastards!

 

Sorry to hear you've had this done to you more than once. It's not pleasant, that's for sure.

[RamChops]

In my experience, I met the H because it would have appeared abnormal for me to have constantly avoided him ... especially after his WS talked about me so frequently at home. It was pretty hard to face him, I was ashamed and didn't wish to do so. MW met my ex-GF (who I had cheated on with her) on the same day I first met MW's H, that was perhaps the most awkward, gut-wrenching moment of my life ever ... felt so disgusted with myself.

[Leia]

Part of it is the idea that they think if they bring the guy around you and bring him up as a 'friend', you are less likely to think something is going on since they aren't trying to 'hide' anything.

 

That was exactly what one of my ex-es did. He introduced to me a couple of girls to me, we all hung out at the same place, go to the same gigs etc. One actually befriended me and advised me about my relationship with him so in some ways, I actually thought she was nice! I feel sooo stupid when I found out they were f***ing each other behind my back!

[Rooster_DAR]

That was exactly what one of my ex-es did. He introduced to me a couple of girls to me, we all hung out at the same place, go to the same gigs etc. One actually befriended me and advised me about my relationship with him so in some ways, I actually thought she was nice! I feel sooo stupid when I found out they were f***ing each other behind my back!

 

 

That sucks.

 

Yeah, I'm just really done with relationships I don't think I was cut out to put up with all the crap they entail.

 

If I need someone to share my life 24x7 with I will just get a dog, they seem to love you unconditionally.

 

Cheers!

[Leia]

That sucks.

 

Yeah, I'm just really done with relationships I don't think I was cut out to put up with all the crap they entail.

 

If I need someone to share my life 24x7 with I will just get a dog, they seem to love you unconditionally.

 

Cheers!

 

Sucks big time!

 

Why do you think I have 3 cats?!

[Rooster_DAR]

Sucks big time!

 

Why do you think I have 3 cats?!

 

:laugh:

 

Yeah, I sometimes see single people around my condo's walking their pets and think to myself, WTF am I thinking? That's the way to do it.

 

LOL

[Leia]

:laugh:

 

Yeah, I sometimes see single people around my condo's walking their pets and think to myself, WTF am I thinking? That's the way to do it.

 

LOL

 

ROFL! Yes instead of going out to bars or clubs to meet people, might be a better idea to walk our pets... there might be a cute girl or guy (whichever you prefer ) at the park!

[Rooster_DAR]

ROFL! Yes instead of going out to bars or clubs to meet people, might be a better idea to walk our pets... there might be a cute girl or guy (whichever you prefer ) at the park!

 

 

Cool, maybe I can get her to scrape the doggie cr**p off my shoes, that would be a good opener huh?

 

[oppath]

What am I supposed to do? I am allergic to cats and dogs .

 

Just kidding. Yeah, it is humiliating that they would do that, but as it is said over and over again, it is their character flaw.

[Pyro]

Snakes are excellent companions.

[oppath]

Snakes are excellent companions.

 

But I'm scared of snakes, ever since I lived in Florida as a kid and killed one that was endangered and my parents repeated over and over "if you see one run away."

 

Spiders are fine though, but come on. I imagine a grown man having a pet spide would be odd to the plethora of women coming to my apartment. They have a difficult enough time with the fact that I own two bikes: a mountain bike and a road bike. After I explain that the bikes are different, they still ask "but why do you have two bikes? It doesn't make sense!" I really don't want to explain a spider.

[Leia]

They have a difficult enough time with the fact that I own two bikes: a mountain bike and a road bike. After I explain that the bikes are different, they still ask "but why do you have two bikes? It doesn't make sense!" I really don't want to explain a spider.

 

Are you serious?? Women actually ask you that? What kinda women do you bring home anyway??

[blindsidedagain]

I learned of the affair 6 weeks ago.

It had been going on for 6 months or so.

Several months ago, she took me to the company picnic and he was there.

Of course, I did not know about the affair at the time.

She would normally not go to a company picnic.

Also, as the picnic was dying out, she still wanted to stay.

In fact, I asked her if we could leave, but she wanted to stay.

Looking back at this now, I am really pissed because I gave her an out to leave.

Yes, I can relate and I think it is a sick thing to do.

Where was her conscience at that time, why didn't she feel guilty?

[milvushina]

I have a spider. Honestly, everyone loves him, even girls who are afraid of spiders love to watch him eat.

 

For a short time before my separation/divorce I was seeing someone else. I didn't want my (now ex) husband to find out but I did mention him as I would mention a friend because it was impossible to never, ever talk about him. I could have "accidentally" run into him but never did ... I don't know what I would have done if that happened. The only reason I can think someone would is that they just like the excitement of very high tension emotional drama which most of us would rather avoid.