Am I sending mixed signals?

[saiveca]

I'm a 32 year old female, married with a 3 year old daughter.

 

I recently went out for drinks with a male client of mine. He's from out of town and this was the first time we ever had a chance to sit down and talk. The conversation was very relaxed (mostly personal) and I had a good time. I'm not sure what I was thinking but I proposed that we meet up for dinner next time he's in town. He called me a week later and mentioned he'd be back in a few days and proposed that we meet at a nice restaurant for dinner.

 

Do you think this man thinks I asked him out on a date? Or should I assume he wants to be friends since he knows I'm married?

 

Caroline

[Tony T]

I'm a 32 year old female, married with a 3 year old daughter.

 

I recently went out for drinks with a male client of mine. He's from out of town and this was the first time we ever had a chance to sit down and talk. The conversation was very relaxed (mostly personal) and I had a good time. I'm not sure what I was thinking but I proposed that we meet up for dinner next time he's in town. He called me a week later and mentioned he'd be back in a few days and proposed that we meet at a nice restaurant for dinner.

 

Do you think this man thinks I asked him out on a date? Or should I assume he wants to be friends since he knows I'm married?

 

Caroline

 

Unless you have specific business related to your work to discuss with this man, it is inappropriate to schedule dinner with him. Unless what you have to discuss with him can't be done at lunchtime, it is inappropriate to schedule dinner with him.

 

Yes, I can almost guarantee he's feeling you are flirting with him. I don't think he sees this as a date but more of an exploratory meeting to see if the two of you can go on to another level. He may take it very slow and be coy, if he's smart, or he may make his moves very quickly. A decent man would not go to dinner with a woman he knows is married simply for social reasons, even if they are great friends. They would invite the husband along in that case. In your case here, there is just no reason for it to take place at all.

 

If you're having problems with your marriage or if you're bored in it, please get counseling or simply end it. But having dinner with a man, without the knowledge of your husband, in the name of business when it is mostly personal is just something that shouldn't take place...unless you are specifically looking for an emotional or physical escapade.

 

It's pretty obvious that you have an interest in this man if you discussed mostly "personal" matters with him in your very first chance to sit and talk. I can understand some of that, surely, but not all. Additionally, very few parties to a "business" meeting come out of it describing that they "had a good time" as you did.

 

So exactly how do you want this man, I mean client, to see this next get together?

[saiveca]

So exactly how do you want this man, I mean client, to see this next get together?

 

Thanks for your insight, Tony.

 

Before I got married, I had a lot of male friends. I always got along better with men. With the baby I didn't go out much in the past few years. When I met with my client, the conversation was really nice and I enjoyed catching up with him.

 

I realize what I'm doing is not entirely appropriate. Since this man is my client and since I had the brilliant idea of proposing dinner, would I risk losing him as a client if I change my mind about dinner? On the other hand, I really feel like seeing him and I told my hubby that I have a business dinner next week.

 

Caroline