nellstar Posted November 23, 2007 Share Posted November 23, 2007 I was stupid enough to think that my BF could handle my interest in the same gender few years ago. It was about 7 years ago that I was sexually attracted to women but didn't have the courage to do anything about it. It was some sort of a fantasy but I know for a fact if given the opportunity (I was actually given quite a number of offers!) I wouldn't do it because it was just that - a fantasy. I told my BF because we were somewhat talking about threesome as in what he thought of it. Not his thing. He asked what I think of two men having sex with me - it has never been my thing so I told him so and proceeded by telling him that I used to find women attractive, sexually. It turned him off - completely!!!! I didn't think it would do that to him! Of course I didn't expect him to go 'alright!!!' or anything to that extend but to be completely turned off?? Now he isn't sure how to deal with it as he said no one goes through that phase. Well apparently, my friends and I went through that. I haven't had the desire or even get turn on by looking at women now. Like I said, it is something that I wouldn't pursue. I'm not sure where we stand right now seeing that he wish he could take it in a stride and be okay it. How can I make him see that it was just a phase? He is adamant that it isn't.... Thank you in advance! Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted November 23, 2007 Share Posted November 23, 2007 It seems like an awfully fearful and strident reaction from him, especially his certainty that his perspective about your experience is right, in spite of your current feelings about it... I have to wonder if there is some experience in his past, or something buried that this has triggered that has caused such a firm reaction on his part... Link to post Share on other sites
Author nellstar Posted November 23, 2007 Author Share Posted November 23, 2007 It seems like an awfully fearful and strident reaction from him, especially his certainty that his perspective about your experience is right, in spite of your current feelings about it... I have to wonder if there is some experience in his past, or something buried that this has triggered that has caused such a firm reaction on his part... I don't know if he had any history. I didn't ask and well, I wouldn't have said anything myself if I knew he was going to react that way! Is it not normal to call it a 'phase' as I see it that way. He said it is deep inside me - it must have been buried deep inside me and it could come out anytime which isn't true! I know myself and I am not turn on by women anymore. Not like it used to. Link to post Share on other sites
Tripper Posted November 23, 2007 Share Posted November 23, 2007 Now he isn't sure how to deal with it as he said no one goes through that phase. Well apparently, my friends and I went through that. I haven't had the desire or even get turn on by looking at women now. Like I said, it is something that I wouldn't pursue. You don't say how old you are but at some point in each individuals life they begin to explore and come to terms with their own sexuality. Possibly your bf hasn't done this or may even be afraid of doing so. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nellstar Posted November 23, 2007 Author Share Posted November 23, 2007 You don't say how old you are but at some point in each individuals life they begin to explore and come to terms with their own sexuality. Possibly your bf hasn't done this or may even be afraid of doing so. He's 37 and I am 29. Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted November 23, 2007 Share Posted November 23, 2007 How long have you been together? If you know him very well, you might know how to approach him with this matter. Tell him that it was all in the past and that you don't see it happening again. Only tell that to him if you're very sure that you have gotten passed that phase because I don't think he's going to let go of this issue so easily if he feels strongly against it. Some men can't deal with it whereby some can. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted November 23, 2007 Share Posted November 23, 2007 You don't say how old you are but at some point in each individuals life they begin to explore and come to terms with their own sexuality. Possibly your bf hasn't done this or may even be afraid of doing so. This is kind of what I was getting at... His reaction sounds a lot like fear; what is he afraid of? We all bring into our relationships curiosities about life, sex, attractions, ex-partners, etc, but at some point we have to look each other in the eye and say: I know myself, I love you, and I am committed to you. It sounds like he thinks he knows you better than you know yourself, and/or that he is unable to trust that your love for him is genuine. This is just a shot in the dark, but would you describe him as controlling, a control freak, or anything along those lines? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts