Which Road to Take

[Freddy]

Hello Everyone,

 

Me and my girlfriend broke up 6 months ago. She had been acting very distant for months and I caught her in lies and deceits throughout our 4 yr relationshop. I finally kept hounding her and really wanted to sit down and talk. She asked space and I gave her a week before we sat down and talked. I told her to make a list things we didn't like about each other and I would do the same.

 

When I got to her place I was dressed for dinner and she was in her sweats. We both talked about are dislikes about each other and in the end I asked her is she wanted to work things out or not. Her answer was NO and she started crying. I said "OK I'm going to leave then, there's nothing left for me to say" She wanted me to stay but I said I have to go and gave her a little note that said Goodbye My Love I will miss you. Love Freddy.

 

I drove off with tears in my eyes and stopped at a park think about what just happened. I called my brother and told him it was over and they went and met me at a bar. The next morning she calls and tells me she was up crying all night, drank a whole bottle of wine and couldn't sleep. She agress to pickme up and brings our dog. We walk the dog and then we go have something for lunch. We ended up going back to her place, where I lived too and made love. I didn't stay too long and we both agreed it probably be best if I went ahead on a planned weekend fishing trip with my brothers and friends.

 

The first 3 months being broken up was like hell for me but we still kept in contact. One day I found a dozen pictures of her and another guy kissing and stuff on my computer and I just went numb. I knew this ugly old guy is why she didn't want to work things out. The 4th month but fell back into depression on the 5th month I started to do better again. This is the 6th month and I am doing well now and we pretty much talk a couple times a day, email and text too.

 

I do want her back but she hasn't said anything to me about getting back together or even hinting at the thought of it. I found LS last Sunday and cut back on talking to her all week. By noon Tuesday she IM me and ask what my deal was. I told her I had no deal and she told me that I was acting distant. She accussed me of being distant to get attention from her, so she could ask me what was wrong. I told her I was working on making myself a better person and she ask me why I just didn't tell her that.

 

I still love her and don't just want to be friends with her. We still share a connection nobody else shares and we still support each other emotionally without being a boyfriend and girlfriend. After reading some of the posting here, now I'm really confused. I find myself questioning myself as to whether I still love her after all she has done or do NO Contact and really piss her off. I've already limiting contact as of this week and don't really feel depressed, sad or lonely at all.

 

Let me know what you think I should do.

 

Thanks

[CD111]

Dude, I understand you care for this girl, but he totally cheated on you and even downloaded the pics onto YOUR computer. Talk about nerve of that girl. She doesn't sound like anything you should want back or wait for. I think you need some time without her in your life to figure out what you really want. She just wants you around because she needs the support, in reality currently she has her cake and is eating it too. She doesn't want to date you yet she wants you to be there for her. How fair is that? Unfortunately, that's pretty unfair for you. How are you supposed to move on with your life? She totally knows you still have feeling for her and is taking advantage of that. But that's just my opinion.

[Leia]

By noon Tuesday she IM me and ask what my deal was. I told her I had no deal and she told me that I was acting distant. She accussed me of being distant to get attention from her, so she could ask me what was wrong.

 

I've already limiting contact as of this week and don't really feel depressed, sad or lonely at all.

 

She accused you of that? That was funny. She asked what's wrong because she can't bare the thought of not having you around to support her emotionally. That's how I see it, anyway. Just my opinion.

 

You have limited your contacts with her and you said yourself that you're no longer depressed, sad or lonely. That is a good thing. You can still give her a second chance if you wanted to but I don't know if you should. She did after all, uploaded photos of her and that UOG onto your computer - what's up with that, anyway?!

[Freddy]

My ex came over to pick up our dog Friday night and we usually hug each other and do a small kiss on the lips. Well this time I just said I'll see you later and she said "fine then" and I walked into the garage and disappeared. I usually stand in the drive way and watch her leave.

 

I went out drinking that night, which is always a bad idea as I get emotional the next day. I had this crazy Idea and texted her I didn't need her anymore and that I deserve to be happy and found someone trustworthy. She texted me back and said she agrees and asked if I was done talking to her. I replied back "NO"

 

I started to feel really guilty cause I alluded to the fact I found somebody else trustworthy. I did the unimaginal and called her 30 mins after that. She doesn't pick up the phone but then calles be back an hour after that. She ask me why the text and then ask you seem to be acting normal now. I explain to her that that's how it is and I don't really need her anymore to be happy. Of course I'm lying but I didn't want her to know that. She says she's going to take a nap and I could tell she was still really upset.

 

I was still feeling like **** for making her feel bad so I text her again and asked if she wanted to watch a movie together tonight. She replies back "Maybe I dunno." 5 hrs go by and I text her to call me and 1 hr later she replies back she's been sick, throwing up ect.. and she would call me in a couple mins. She calls and I ask her about the movie and she says she's ot feeling well and she's just going to stay home tonight but ask if we could both go to the gym together the next day. I said yes and started to feel like she just turn the tables back on me.

 

1 hr later I text her and we just kept things short. The next hour I call her back and she doesn't pick up. I was getting a strange feeling that she lied to me and went out or something. I text her again but no reply back. 2 hrs later she texts me saying she couldn't talk tonight cause she was still sick and that hopefully she feels better tomorrow.

 

I text her this morning and she calls me back and we are going to head to the gym. I'm going to see if she wants to hang out a bit after that and see if I can find out any information on how she is feeling for me.

[heartoutside]

I wouldn't hang out afterwards. I wouldn't even go to the gym with her. But you are. Just go to the gym with her and leave afterwards...make it short.

 

You need to do 2 things right now if you intend to make things ever work again. 1: Focus on yourself, your confidence, your state of mind....you need a clear head because even though you are a few months out from the actual break up, you still aren't thinking with a clear mind. The more you hang out with her, the more your mind will continue to be fogged with thoughts and questions. 2: Get some space, both of you. She won't be able to know what she has done or given up if you continue to hang out with her, and you won't be able to clear your head and figure out what went wrong in the relationship if something in fact did go wrong. But most importantly you won't be able to clear your mind.

 

The reason that clearing your head and getting space is so important is because there is no way you 2 can get back in a relationship if both of you are still in a mental state of turmoil, her's being confussion (maybe) and yours being a lack of trust and honesty.

 

For example in my situation, if my ex and I were to get back together, it isn't something that would happen next week....I would say it would be several months of us talking and working on things......but that's for her to decide....as for now the only thing I can control are my actions and how they affect me. Thus NC....

[Freddy]

Ok here's the update. Sorry Heart I didn't get your message.

 

We went to the gym and everything seem good and normal there. When we were finished I asked her if she wanted to hangout a little and talk. She said yes and we ended up going to lunch. I asked her what was on her mind and she basically said she feels guilty for the situation I'm in. I'm wondering why is she feeling guilty, did she go and see or hangout with another guy or something? She also said she feels guilty about thinking about all the stuff we could be doing and have done in the past. Other than that she said sometimes she thinks it's a bad idea for us to see each other cause she says the next day I change into somebody else.

 

I didn't tell I change because I using the knowledge and advice I get here on LS. I told I'm doing great and that I've never been in a better mood. Of course this is all true. I then told her that I don't want our relationship to be the same as it was and that I want things to change for the better. I told her she already knows how I feel and that I'm not going to wait for somebody that doesn't feel the same way. I said we can be friends and evaluate the situation in 6 months and then at 1 yr. She basically agreed with all the points I said.

 

Right before she dropped me off she said no kissing on the lips anymore then but the cheek is ok. I didn't know how to take that and gave her a hug and kiss on the cheeks and smiled at her and kissed her on the lips anyways. Then she repeats it over, no kissing on the lips, it's all or nothing. That part just had me confused. Does she want me to kiss her or does she not want me to kiss her?

 

Other than that things went great but I'm still not sure what I'll do next. I know you guys want me to do NC all the way and all I can say that for me it can't be done. I always been able to communicate to her in a deeper level and that's one thing going that no other guy can do.

 

My whole point is to get her back but I only want to get her back if we both can change for the better. I never asked her to come back to me and she has not done the same so let see what happens next.

[Freddy]

Leia: You have limited your contacts with her and you said yourself that you're no longer depressed, sad or lonely. That is a good thing. You can still give her a second chance if you wanted to but I don't know if you should. She did after all, uploaded photos of her and that UOG onto your computer - what's up with that, anyway?!

 

 

We lived together and this summer I still had a lot of my stuff at her place. I would still go to her place for lunch everyday and let our dog in the house after we broke up. When I was over there I would snoop around and and check for evidence that she left me for somebody else and that's how I found the pictures. I have since got my laptop and the pictures were gone. I still have a key and garage opener to her place but she has not asked for the items back and understands I have those items so I can pickup or drop off the dog.

[Freddy]

I wrote an email to my ex today to share what emotions she was feeling this weekend and why she was down. Here's parts of it if someone wants to help decifer it.

I just get nostalgic, like I'll be cooking dinner and I'll break down crying thinking you used to cook for me and take care of that while I worked out and how that was your way you showed you cared and it just kills me to know you don't even get to really cook anymore, like all that for you has gone away and I miss your damn food a lot - no one cooks the way you do, you should know that. And sometimes when Eddie does something funny I think you would have laughed at it. Or when I think about going somewhere to eat and trying new places, you would do that with me. I don't even get to try new places much anymore because I can't afford to or no time and no one to go with. I sometimes feel like there's a part of my life that's gone now, like I can't be that person I was with you with anyone else and you're the only one I showed that side to. Then I remember that I have to be strong and that I'm okay and that life goes on, but I definitely have those moments where I just think, "Freddy would have understood." And I miss the TV and our movie nights. Eddie still hates movie night, just so you know. He goes outside the second I turn on the tv and turn off the lights like 'oh great, I have to be quiet now. Screw this.'

 

Okay enough for now or I will make myself cry at work. I am ok, really. It's just another Monday. Hope you are doing good!

 

I know she's been feeling like this but I don't see her coming back anytime soon. What do you guys think?

[heartoutside]

I don't know if this is an email you think she will write to you, or an email she did write to you, or an email you want to send. I'm kind of confused? If it is an email you want to send to her, DON"T SEND IT! The more you put this kind of pressure on her the more she will pull away......just let her be for now.

[Leia]

That email was sent by his ex

[Freddy]

Sorry for the confusion, yes that is one part of the email she sent back to me today.

[vivrantflo]

I am sorry for your pain, as I am sure this situation must be horrible for you. In my humble opinion, I think that the best way for you to handle this situation is to go No Contact for sure.

 

She doesnt appear interested in starting the relationship again, so you need to take this time to heal from the break up, and better yourself. Her email may seem sentimental, and im sure she does miss you.. but unless you hear from her that she wants you back, and wants to work on things, you two will stay broken up.

 

Let her realize what she's doing. Let her miss you. Finalize her decision. Only then, will she think about what she's losing. Go no contact, and heal from this situation.. I know it's easier said than done.. but it would be more painful hanging on to her, when right now, she's not interested in building back the relationship.

 

And by the way, has she stopped seeing that guy you saw in the pictures?? Do you think she's spending time with him? Especially during those times when you try to call her?? Im not trying to freak you out, but anything is possible...

[Freddy]

And by the way, has she stopped seeing that guy you saw in the pictures?? Do you think she's spending time with him? Especially during those times when you try to call her?? Im not trying to freak you out, but anything is possible...

 

vivrantoflo:

 

Thanks for the advice but I at this point in time I don't think No Contact will work for me. We share a dog(Eddie) and she's not going to take him away from me and I don't wish to do that either. So we do talk a lot about the dog. I don't think she's seeing that guy anymore either or any other guy. I know her schedule and she doesn't even have the time to do much except for study.

 

I started to see a change in her 3 months ago after summer was over. I guess the grass wasn't greener on the other side. She's stubborn and probably wouldn't ever admit to wanting to getting back together. She likes being chased(those how I got her before) I stole her away from her boyfriend of 5 years after 7 months of courting her. I guess what goes around comes around, I'll never steal a girl from another guy again.

 

My gut feeling is that I'll have a serious shot in the next 6 months but just have to play the cards right. Thanks for the advice, if waste this 6 months then I'll go no contact for sure.

[Freddy]

I just read page 12 of CONFUZD. I hope this doesn't happened to me.

 

I ask the ex again to go to a movie with me on Saturday night and she said maybe. I'm not expecting much so we'll see it happends or not.

[vivrantflo]

Find out if she is still seeing the other guy. I know you can't see her doing that, but believe me.. NO woman who ends a relationship is incapable of finding a guy VERY soon after. As much as it hurts thinking about it, it's very possible.. look at Confuzed's story.. and he was MARRIED... I'd ask her. Don't assume that her schedule wouldn't allow her to spend time with someone.. if she wants to do it, she'll find the time.. find out man.....

[thelegend]

I agree with vivrantflo I had tears in my eyes when my ex broke up with me and I asked her teary eyed if it was another guy she promised to God it wasn't another guy. And it was and it hasn't lasted. But the fact is the thought of going to someone else after you have been everything to her should put you in the right mindset. I'm sorry brother Freddy but this woman has some things she needs to work out. If she loved you like you loved her do you think she would have left? Of course not she knows where you stand and that's all that matters. I think both of you are using the innocent dog to keep tabs on each other. I wouldn't say go NC if you don't think it will work for you but the more you keep yourself in the loop and the more she knows she can get to you using emails and texts the more she knows you aren't likely to go anywhere. Think of yourself as the old faithful car. And she gets a new car. Of course in the beginning you drive the new car all the time because of the newness you never think nothing will break down and it smells good it feels good and you show it off to everybody. While you the old faithful car sits in the drive way until something does happen to the new car and it breaks down. While it's in the shop (dog house) she'll drive you and remember all the good times she had with you. When the new car is ready she'll drive it again. You go back to the garage until needed. It's only until she sells you (breaks up and tells you she doesn't want you anymore) and her new car is totaled or stolen or is broken down beyond repair that she realizes just how good and dependable and how valuble to her you really were all this time. I know it sounds crazy but disappearing is the best way to get her back.

[Freddy]

Yesterday we exchange a couple of emails, we usually do this every day. She tells me she likes my new attitude(something I learned here on LS). When she gets off work she calls my cell phone and I don't pick up, I instead go and take a shower. 30 mins later my ex calls again and this time I pickup. She ask why I didn't pick up my phone and I tell her I was taking a shower. She jokingly ask "why do you have a hot date" and respond back jokingly "yes I do have a hot date" and we talk for about a minute and then I got dressed and went out with my brother. For some reason I wanted her to think I had a date, to see if there was some kind of reaction.

 

2 hrs later she texted me about how cold it was outside walking our dog. I wait 15mins and text her back that I would talk to her tomorrow and to have a good night. She usually texts back goodnight but she didn't, so this had me thinking she upset with me.

 

This morning I send her an email and asked her politely if she was seeing or talking to any guys. I get no response so 2 hrs later I email her again and ask her if she was mad at me. I also told her that I missed her last night( I don't know why I did that). She responds back that she is not mad and ask what made me miss her and she ask what I did last night. I email her back that I just missed her and didn't answer the other questions.

 

The reason I know her schedule is because we talk throughout the day, everyday and usually tell each other goodnight at the end of the night. That doesn't mean she's not calling, emailing, or text anybody else.

 

Ok I took this a little further and Imed her. She told me she is talking to someone one the phone. Ok now I'm crushed. She made it clear that they were just talking on the phone, so I don't know if this is the same person I saw on my computer.

[thelegend]

Sorry to hear that it's definitely hard to hear that kind of thing. But I think you are going to have to limit your contact with her the longer you stay doing these types of things she's got all the power. The fact that you are worried if she's mad because she's not responding right away shows her that you are hanging on to her every word. You're gonna have to love yourself more than you love her and pull away that's the only way you are gonna see progress trust me I'm going through as we speak.

[Freddy]

Here's the chat log if anybody wants to read it:

 

FreddyinBoise says:

hi

crystal says:

hi

FreddyinBoise says:

u able to chat?

crystal says:

kinda

crystal says:

gotta nuke my lunch, starving

crystal says:

so i can chat here and there

FreddyinBoise says:

ok

FreddyinBoise says:

you didn't text me back last night

crystal says:

i know

crystal says:

you said g night

crystal says:

so i figured you didn't want to talk to me and were busy

FreddyinBoise says:

well it had me thinking you were mad at me

FreddyinBoise says:

and I know you so that's what I picked up

crystal says:

oh

crystal says:

no

crystal says:

i wasn't

crystal says:

just figured you were busy or something

crystal says:

where did you go?

FreddyinBoise says:

um

FreddyinBoise says:

nowhere

crystal says:

whatever

crystal says:

you went to the bar

FreddyinBoise says:

what bar I don't drink anymore

crystal says:

hmm

crystal says:

well i believe maybe you didn't drink

FreddyinBoise says:

you didn't really answer my email from this morning

crystal says:

what

crystal says:

i've been busy

crystal says:

really busy

FreddyinBoise says:

i'm sure of that

crystal says:

i see

crystal says:

cool

crystal says:

have a good time?

FreddyinBoise says:

define good time

FreddyinBoise says:

I was thinking of you

FreddyinBoise says:

i just need to know the question I ask you so I can determine what I need to do

crystal says:

what did you ask me?

crystal says:

i didn't see a question

FreddyinBoise says:

if you are seeing or talking to somebody else?

crystal says:

all i saw was you asking if i was mad at you

crystal says:

oh, i didn't get that email

FreddyinBoise says:

i sent it at 9

FreddyinBoise says:

man

crystal says:

oh

crystal says:

weird

crystal says:

today?

FreddyinBoise says:

it said good morning too

FreddyinBoise says:

yes

crystal says:

sorry

crystal says:

i talk to someone now and again

crystal says:

not seeing anyone really though

crystal says:

why?

FreddyinBoise says:

i just need to know

crystal says:

so that you can move on?

FreddyinBoise says:

ya

crystal says:

or what?

crystal says:

well i just talk

crystal says:

and i don't have a lot of time as it is for stuff, you know that

crystal says:

so nothing serious

FreddyinBoise says:

so that's why were still not back together then

crystal says:

no

crystal says:

that's not why at all

crystal says:

why would that be a reason?

crystal says:

it wasn't the reason we broke up

crystal says:

so why would that be the reason we're not back together

crystal says:

?

crystal says:

Freddy we aren't together for a number of reasons and you know them all

crystal says:

so do I

crystal says:

we both weren't happy and we needed to get happy before we could be happy together

FreddyinBoise says:

as long as your talking to somebody else or have the desire for somebody else

FreddyinBoise says:

there is no us

crystal says:

why are you thinking of this now? after our talk on Sunday? I thought we were okay

FreddyinBoise says:

people keep asking if your seeing somebody else

FreddyinBoise says:

i keep defending that your not

FreddyinBoise says:

i guess i was wrong

crystal says:

i told you I knew you weren't happy and I felt like you depended on me for your happiness. I want you happy with YOU first, and vice versa for me

crystal says:

who's asking?

crystal says:

i'm not!

crystal says:

oh geez

crystal says:

you don't listen do you

crystal says:

i said talking

crystal says:

not seeing

crystal says:

on the phone

crystal says:

talking

crystal says:

who's asking?

FreddyinBoise says:

just people

crystal says:

why is it their business anyway?

crystal says:

i don't know why you're thinking of all this now

crystal says:

did you drink last night?

FreddyinBoise says:

no

crystal says:

promise?

FreddyinBoise says:

yes

FreddyinBoise says:

i better go for now

crystal says:

alright

crystal says:

you need to not worry about it, I don't even have time for myself let alone anyone else

crystal says:

if you let that stuff bother you it will consume you

crystal says:

i listened to you when you talked about maria and other girls

crystal says:

and i tried not to let it bother me

crystal says:

this isn't fair

FreddyinBoise says:

yah i was wrong to do that

crystal says:

no you're wrong now

crystal says:

to not give me the same courtesy or respect

crystal says:

you asked a question

crystal says:

i could have lied to you

crystal says:

so don't ask if you don't want to know

FreddyinBoise says:

i didn't bring it up before

FreddyinBoise says:

cause i already knew

crystal says:

well now you know

crystal says:

and it's not even a big deal is it

FreddyinBoise says:

well to me it's a big deal

crystal says:

i don't know what to do

crystal says:

one day you're fine

crystal says:

and the next it's like this

crystal says:

and i can't do that back and forth

FreddyinBoise says:

not trying to do anything, i just needed to know, so maybe know i can just move on

crystal says:

freddy

crystal says:

you say that every time

crystal says:

stop forcing yourself to feel a certain way one way or the other

FreddyinBoise says:

i'm not forcing anything

crystal says:

if I force myself to move on, it doesn't work. If I force myself not to move on, it doesn't work either. You have to let things happen. Let life happen. You of all people would be the first to tell me that.

 

and what did I tell you?

crystal says:

how did you interpret how I answered it?

FreddyinBoise says:

i don't know how to take it

crystal says:

just so we're both clear

FreddyinBoise says:

if you pouring your heart and feelings to somebody else

crystal says:

NO!!!

crystal says:

geez

crystal says:

you asked me

crystal says:

if i was talking to or seeing someone else

crystal says:

and i said talking to

crystal says:

i never said 'I pour my heart and soul out to this person'

crystal says:

i talk to someone, once in a while, and sometimes I don't

crystal says:

i talk to you more than i talk to anyone, except stacey

crystal says:

i don't talk about my deepest feelings and all that

 

OK I'M TOTALLY CONFUSED AGAIN

[thelegend]

Freddy you messing up. I've had that same convo with my ex. And looking at yours I see how foolish i really was. You have to regain control of your situation. Do you want her? If so listen to her she's giving you the keys to get her back. Whatever it was that took yall apart she feels is still there if you want her you need to pull back work on the issues before you can do anything else. Not only that she needs time to work on her issues. I think you are in a situation as to where you want what you can't have.

[Freddy]

Sorry heres the rest of the chat.

 

crystal says:

freddy i gotta go, i can't handle this right now

crystal says:

i'm confused now

crystal says:

and it's stressing me out

FreddyinBoise says:

ok

crystal says:

k

crystal says:

talk to u later

crystal says:

sorry, i just can't take it right now

FreddyinBoise says:

it's fine i'm not trying to stress you out, i just been trying to get you back I hope you see that

crystal says:

i know but i didn't know that was what you were trying to do

crystal says:

i thought we would have talked about it or agreed or something

crystal says:

we had to split for a reason, do you think much has changed since then to make it right now?

crystal says:

i dunno, i gotta go

crystal says:

talk to you later

crystal says:

bye

FreddyinBoise says:

yes much has changed for me

FreddyinBoise says:

bye

 

In her eyse she thinks we broke it off cause I was unhappy with myself. Yes I was unhappy and I have since change those things. I goto the gym almost everyday. I drank all summer long(I used to drink everyday) I have since change that behavior and only drink once in a while now. I have sought out information to make myself a better person. I have a different out look on life and I don't think poor me anymore.

 

The reason I became unhappy is because the first year we were together I find a text from her ex(5yr boyfriend) saying I love you on her phone. He would also send flowers to her throught out our relationship. I also caught her trying to fly to New York(1 year ago) to see him. She didn't actually go but I found a plane ticket to New York instead of Chicago where she said she had to goto work. In March of this year I get into her email and find out she was still talking to her ex. I email him and tell him to leave her alone and she's with me now. Everything explodes and her family finds out she's been lying to all of us, she never really broke it off with him(he lives in New York long distant relationship) In April she says she going to the bank at 9:30 at night, I checked her cell and she called the guy from my laptop for 40 mins. I confront her and she tells me he's a friend from work and he was helping her look at houses(we were looking at houses to buy) Ya right. Every single time I took her back because I still loved her. When she wasnt' talking to other people she was just so perfect in every other way. She was the most kind caring person I know.

 

Ok I didn't really paint a nice picture of her and you guys are probably wondering why I would put up with that crap. I just love her and see her flaws as something to work on. Well I'm not an angel either, 2 years ago I got drunk and went to her friends bed instead of ours. She took me back. I also was getting insecure and jealous all the time. I didn't do much with out her and she was feeling suffocated. I have since change all that.

 

I think I have fixed myself and made myself a better person. I just don't think she's fixed herself. I can't decide do I really want her back or move on. I have to at least try and If it doesn't work out this time and it doesn't work out.

[frd150]

Freddy I mean this with all due respect so please do not take it the wrong way. You are messing up more than you know.

 

Let me start by saying that Im not the best at no contact but what ive realized is you cannot force the impossible and change does not happen overnight. Fixing yourself out of desperation to fix one problem like a breakup is not the same as learning from a situation and working on becoming a better all around person. You may or may not get your ex back but if not then youll be in a better place.

 

You need to stop what you are doing right now,its obviously not working and Ill bet that its pissing her off. Your pushing her away. I suggest that you lay low and truley "fix"yourself for a while. Let her see what lifes like without you,let her miss you. But thats not the ultimate goal here its so you can take the time and reflect on whats happened,re-group so that you may re-coop. Sorry , but that sounds sorta like Johnny Cochrane. What I mean is you need this time and on the other end you may find that its not your job to fix her flaws and that you are only responsible for yourself.

 

 

The other thing is that she has a tendency to want to stray (not that she has). That concerns me and should really concern you. Do you always want to live with that doubt?

 

Right now all you are showing her its that you are living on the end of her rope. I know Ive done it and some may say that i still am. Just pull away alittle. Human nature is to want what we cant have.

[Surfer Girl]

I agree with FRD150... You are all over the place when it comes to her... Wanting her to feel jealous with you going out, when she doesn/t respond, wanting her to respond... It is all about how she reacts to you... With those e-mails, personally if it was me I would feel pressure, urgency and neediness.... You need to back off some what... and listen to what she is saying.... You might believe that you have changed... but your actions say you haven't.... You tell her one minuete you are fine and having a good time and the next you want her back... She is most likely confused.... I can tell you... once I backed off from my ex... and he knew I was confident, happy, and living my own life.... is when he noticed the difference... This just does not fix itself in a short time... Until you have a certain amount of seperation... neither one of you will notice any difference... It is very hard not to have contact... but with some kind of NC... You both get to concentrate on yourselfs... You have not given yourself that opportunity or her.... It doesn't mean you and her won't think of each other... but it gives each of you time to recognize what you both want without the distractions of each other....

[Freddy]

I'm listening here. So 6 months of limited contact is not enough? I went on with my life and she went on with hers. I have truely worked on myself, I worked on myself for myself not her. I go out all the time and meet and talk to other people. I've spent a lot of these 6 months thinking and helping myself get better, I'm no longer unhappy, sad or depressed anymore(as I have posted before). Just confused about getting her back.

 

To me NC is a game on the other person. Not picking up when they try to reach you, not responding to them if for some reason they want to talk. That's not who I am, that's not what I do to show that I care.

 

I have not forced or want to force her to come back. The only way I would do NC is for that fact that i'm moving on.

 

Thanks for responding, maybe I am doing it all wrong.

[Surfer Girl]

I am not saying you have not changed for the better.... From the e-mails you and her have wrote, from an outside opinion... It seems she is still questioning your happiness? She is still unsure... Why do you think she feels that way? Is she saying... I want you back? It seems she is still wrestling with her feelings... You both have a connection.... Yet, from her posts she still does not see it the way you do.... So what do you think it will take to have her realize the difference... What you are doing now... Is it working for you? All I am saying perhaps a different approach...