frd150 Posted November 30, 2007 Share Posted November 30, 2007 I'm listening here. So 6 months of limited contact is not enough? I went on with my life and she went on with hers. I have truely worked on myself, I worked on myself for myself not her. I go out all the time and meet and talk to other people. I've spent a lot of these 6 months thinking and helping myself get better, I'm no longer unhappy, sad or depressed anymore(as I have posted before). Just confused about getting her back. To me NC is a game on the other person . Not picking up when they try to reach you, not responding to them if for some reason they want to talk. That's not who I am, that's not what I do to show that I care. I have not forced or want to force her to come back. The only way I would do NC is for that fact that i'm moving on. Thanks for responding, maybe I am doing it all wrong. No contact is not a game (im pretty sure thats what your saying). My ex and I still talk but not about the relationship. Like you Im not that person, I care for her deeply in fact I love her and have come to realise that I want her to be happy regardless. When we talk occasionally things come up but I answer in short then I move on. I never question her as it is not my place. She owes me nothing as I do not owe her anything in return and I never question her and she never questions me. well there was a couple of times but nothing big. Im sorry I missed the six month thing but if your asking her about her what shes doing with other people then you still may have some work to do. Im going off the chat log thats all. Maybe Im missing something. Im in your shoes and Im not trying to come down on you. Im not going to throw stones. Im just trying to relay some info that might help you not to make the same mistakes that I have/am making. Hindsight is 20/20 and hopefully you might benifit from it. Link to post Share on other sites
thelegend Posted November 30, 2007 Share Posted November 30, 2007 Freddy you can't control her. You can't make her want you. And as silly as it sounds talking to her right now won't get her back. NC is not a game it's the only way you can control the situation for you. Right now she's holding all the cards and controlling you. If she calls you answer or you let it ring then call her back. Guess what she knows she can get in touch with you. You don't have that same security and it's eating you alive. If you call and she doesn't answer or call back right away it's driving you nuts. You have to put yourself in a position as to where you are not needy. You are not pressuring her. Women don't like that I've learned the hard way. Trust me I've been where you are. NC is the best thing I can do for me because if I don't talk to her I'm not pressuring I'm not needy and I'm not available thus she's wants to know what I'm doing. She's missing the fact I'm not handy anymore. Remember my anology with the car she doesn't want to drive you right now so drive off alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Surfer Girl Posted November 30, 2007 Share Posted November 30, 2007 FRD150- I am in the same place you are... We are in LC... and when we are together it is just about being compatable... No relationship talk... Just enjoy being with each other... Do I want him back... Yes, but for now.... Just being a friend is enough... As neither one of us have ever contacted ex's after it was over... For some the connection, is never broken... And I do understand.... All, I am saying is as perhaps FRD150 knows relationship talk may make one feel more pressure... A new and better relationship can be gained by just letting go.....and starting a new relationship on a more limited level... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Freddy Posted November 30, 2007 Author Share Posted November 30, 2007 Todays event only happened because the other post suggested I find out if she was seeing anybody. I would kept it on the low key level but I guess I asked her the question and got the answer. Then I didn't want to look like an idiot for asking so I had to continue our conversation so she would know I wasn't crazy. Mistake 1. I made myself look needy Mistake 2. I shouldn't have told her I was trying to get her back Lesson learned Link to post Share on other sites
Surfer Girl Posted November 30, 2007 Share Posted November 30, 2007 Freddy- I think we have all done the what you have done... It is never to late to learn from those mistakes... I have done them myself... Whatever I thought I did wrong... Once I took a stand for myself... it did not matter what happened in the past... This person, did not dwell on my mistakes... It was when I did not do what they expected me to do... that suddenly made them look at me in a more attractive way.... They had expectations of what they thought I would always do... Being unpredictable suddenly changed that... Link to post Share on other sites
frd150 Posted November 30, 2007 Share Posted November 30, 2007 FRD150- I am in the same place you are... We are in LC... and when we are together it is just about being compatable... No relationship talk... Just enjoy being with each other... Do I want him back... Yes, but for now.... Just being a friend is enough... As neither one of us have ever contacted ex's after it was over... For some the connection, is never broken... And I do understand.... All, I am saying is as perhaps FRD150 knows relationship talk may make one feel more pressure... A new and better relationship can be gained by just letting go.....and starting a new relationship on a more limited level... Exactly. Im a realist I expect nothing from her at all at this point but yes we do have a connection but thats all it is perhaps for now. So I just roll with it and take things as they come. I keep my options open. Freddy, do not think you cant redeem yourself or take back a little control. Not control over her but over the situation. You did what I did. I put me ex on the spot sorta, well totally and she reacted spontaniously with words she did not mean. Ill say it again...you just need to step back a bit. Trust me it helps. Relationship talks are very pressuring for sure I just thiought of something and that is when we were together she would try and start "you and me " talks. I think back to how I felt and man what a buzz kill. If I had only known the result of ignoring the talks. Of course the circumstances for you are a bit different but the pressure for her im sure is the same. Be a bit aloof. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Freddy Posted November 30, 2007 Author Share Posted November 30, 2007 Surfergirl and FRD150: Thanks for your comments. I'm feeling a little down today but I had time to think and I have truly pushed her away farther instead of closer. I have been keeping a low profile(be a little more scarce) lately and my ex has been contacting me more than I contact her, so again I will go that route and when we do talk, I won't bring up anything about our relationship. I will continue to live my life and concentrate on that. I don't think that I'm confused about wanting her I think she's still confused about her life. I will let her figure that out on her own and see what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Ssheena Posted November 30, 2007 Share Posted November 30, 2007 Yuck. Bad situation. a) you are over analysing everything. Easy, easy thing to do. Example...the chats. The texting. Everything. What does this mean? Why is she doing this? etc, etc. This is not about her, it is about you. b) What do you want? Are you getting it? If she asked you to a movie, would you say, maybe or would you say, sure what do you want to go see? Would you treat her like she is treating you? c) the way I see this is she is getting everything and you are getting treated like crap. She has the best of both worlds. She has you at her beck and call and as a "friend" and you have.... well.. what do you have? Someone who treats you with absolute no respect. Someone who plays you like a fish on a line.... you try and get away, she tightens down and reels you in a bit... I can tell you right now, without a doubt, this girl is not the one for you. She was having a relationship and still had one with you, eventually leaving him for you and I'm guessing, she was doing the same thing to you. What the heck is up with those pictures? Have you ever confronted her about them? On your computer? Pictures of her and another guy? WTF????? Do you not see how totally wrong that is? Do you not see how easy it has been for her to walk away from you? I wish Caliguy would give you a talking to. Is there anyway you can get complete custody of the dog? Would you be willing to give him to her? Do what is best for you and do not contact her. No daily emails, no texting, nada. Plain and simple. Tell her, this is what you want, this is how you want it to be and since she has made it clear she doesn't want the same thing, YOU have to do what is best for YOU and your future and stop contact. Everytime you see her, talk to her etc.. it's just bad for you. Post here instead but put yourself first. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Freddy Posted November 30, 2007 Author Share Posted November 30, 2007 Ssheena: I'm sure Caliguy would said exactly how you put it. Yes I over analyze, that's my job and it's hard to turn that off. She's my ex right now and I don't expect much. As far as the pictures goes, we were already broken up but I did tell her I know who she was seeing. She got defensive and I told her if she lies to me then she can pretty much kiss any friendship we have goodbye. I do deserve and want better. I'm really going have to think about you post. I know your right about everything. I know what you guys are thinking, why does he need to think about what's right and what's wrong? I just need to do what's in my heart and my gut feelings, even If I mess it up. Then I can only blame myself and not the advice I get here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Freddy Posted December 2, 2007 Author Share Posted December 2, 2007 Well me and the ex went to the movies tonight. We met up and when I saw her I gave her a little hug. The movie(August Rush) was a great feel good movie and we both agreed that was an excellent choice on my part. This was the same movie I wanted to go to last weekend when the ex became sick instead. I kept it on the down low and I didn't bring any relationship issues or anything and neither did she. Towards the end of the movie I moved my hand to her lap and she then grabbed my hand and we held hands till the end of the movie. I wasn't sure If I should of done that since I'm suppose to be holding back. At the end of the night she drove me back to my place and then gave each other a hug and a kiss on the cheek. I almost kissed her on the lips as she looked at me but I resisted the temptation and gave her anther kiss on the cheek and said goodnight. I was standing in the drive way to watch her leave and she rolled down the window and asked if I said something. I said "No" and she looked and me and said "good night, I love you." I hesitated for a brief second and said "I love you too" and she drove away and waved. I didn't want to ruin the night by not saying I love you back to her so I just did it anyways. She's leaving for Vegas for a week for work on Monday so I will have all that time to just be by myself. When she calls or text I'm going to make myself less available and see how that goes. The night is still young so I'm going to go out with my friends and hope I don't do anything stupid tomorrow. Link to post Share on other sites
thelegend Posted December 2, 2007 Share Posted December 2, 2007 There is nothing wrong with saying you love her if you really mean it. All in all I'd say that was pretty successful if you were not bringing up relationship then I would say that was a very good first step. You have to remember the Freddy you were before you were a couple. You didn't beat her up with relationships talks then she probably brought it up so let her do it again. But it looks like you are on the right track. I'll tell you this much she will call you to let you know she made it to Vegas answer that call. After that don't answer till she gets back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Freddy Posted December 4, 2007 Author Share Posted December 4, 2007 Ok Monday morning my Ex texted me and said she was at the airport and would give me a call later. She texted me again when she got to Vegas and said she was at the baggage claim and it felt weird cause Vegas wasn't the same without me. We been there a couple times together and I like to gamble so I'm sure it's bringing memories back to her. Later in the afternoon she texted again and said that a girl walked by and her perfume smell like my best friends(which is a girl). I kept it simple and told her to go win me some cash. Later that night around 9 she texted again and said she was in the elevator by herself with Mike Tysen. I'm thinking she better run but I didn't text her back. 1 hr later my phone rings and it's her, I don't pick up and she leaves a voicemail. The voicemails says "Hi it looks like your ignoring me, so I will talk to you tomorrow. See what I mean it's not just me it's her too, if I don't talk to her or text her back we get the same assumption that that we are not picking up on purpose. In this case she is right about me ignoring her. Tuesday about 1:30pm the phone rings and I'm not paying attention and I pick it up. It's her and she starts talking to me and I'm not saying much and saying things like whatever to keep it short. She says "well I know you have a lot on your mind right now and I have no reason to be upset with you and when you feel like talking instead of saying whatever, then you give me a call." In my confused state I said "don't be mad at me" and she responds back again and says "I know I can't be mad at you, I just wanted to tell you to have a good day and to keep your head up and call me when you feel like talking." I said "OK and bye." I just don't get her right now. I'm trying to keep it on the down low and she keeps wanting me to talk to her when she calls or texts. I broke down and called her 1 1/2 later and she didn't pick up and I didn't leave a voicemail. I do want to talk to her but I know It's in my best interest to keep her thinking about me and what i'm doing. That's it for now, I'm sure she going to call back sooner or later. Link to post Share on other sites
Rowen Posted December 5, 2007 Share Posted December 5, 2007 Just to add on to something on page two I believe. If you truly want her back, you have to stop doing as one poster said "the predictable" I know you have learned this.. so I aplologize for bringing this up. But it just gave me some thoughts on how I learned this lesson as well. Right after she broke up with me, I kept pressuring her and getting jealous. Infact the night I went to "get her back" i dressed up etc.. she was hanging out with some people from a class eh had.. and idiotic me.. within 5 minutes I asked her about the guys she was with... then later asked about them again, that started the night off terrible and most likley ruined it as she put her guard on and was just expecnting me to try and lull her back to me. Jealously was the biggest issue for our relationship ending. THe other week I finally learned my lesson. We were texting back and forth nicely, and she mentioned something about living half with her mom and half somewhere else. I asked here where.. she didnt answer, then I asked where her cat would stay... she didnt answer, again I asked later and she finally (possibly out of frustration) said "at my boyfriends apartment." I was shaken up and was angry.. but I bit my lip.. didn't reply that night, she texted a couple times asking if I was ok... I didn't reply... LUCKILY THAT NIGHT I LEFT MY CELL phone on the floor of an eatery! I couldn't respond! Then the next morning I just responded and said "sorry i left my cell on the floor of a restaurent.... brilliant me eh?" Then she texted back immediately and asked if she could call to tell me a story about one of my old friends. So i'm hoping she saw my restraint from my jealously as a positive step for me. Link to post Share on other sites
thelegend Posted December 6, 2007 Share Posted December 6, 2007 Brothers brothers you guys have got to pull back completely. I know the little cute texts back and forth seem harmless but it's really putting the noose around your necks. That's a form of control. See as long as she texts and you respond she doesn't worry like you two are worrying about who they are with where they are staying etc... I know it's hard I've been there but you have to pull back completely. Who cares where she is staying and all that? I know you do but you have reprogram your self not to even care at this moment. Make her worry and wonder about you that will bring you to her. You can not keep answering and texting. If you have to respond to her text be short and to the point. No more than 4-5 texts in 1 setting. But at this moment you have to pull yourself back. Think about it this way you can call her right now you don't know if she's going to answer and it doesn't stop you from thinking about her it makes you think about her more right?? The same goes for you if she calls you or text you and you don't respond she's going to be thinking about you more. They are not going to forget you if they were they wouldn't call you at all. The mere fact that they do should let you know you are on the right track Link to post Share on other sites
Author Freddy Posted December 8, 2007 Author Share Posted December 8, 2007 Ok Legend: your not going to like my update, then again ladies you might not like this post either. Tuesday night the Ex texted me at midnight and says she's tired and hopes tomorrow brings great things for me and says "I really do." I laying in bed but I don't text her back. The next morning I texted her back and said " I hope you slept well." and we kept it short and that was it. Well that night I went out drinking with my brothers and when I got home at 1am I texted her "Later slut." OK I don't recommend this approach to anyone but I was crazy at the moment. I get a text back from her almost immediately and it says "WTF." I laughed to myself and was thinking OH **** and went to sleep. Thursday morning I texted her that I sent that to the wrong person. She texted me back "Whatever holmes" and then my phone rang. We talked for a couple minutes and she wasn't mad or anything. We didn't even bring it up and she said she might go gamble with some guy tonight after the golf event. I didn't let it bother me and just went on with the day. Thurs night comes by and no text or phone call which is pretty unusual, then friday comes and nothing all day. I finally texted her at 5pm and tell her welcome back to which she replies she's got a 1 hr delay. Friday night passes by and no word for her. I'm only telling you this because it's unusual for her or for me not to really say much. This morning saturday she calls and I don't pick up and she leaves a voicemail. The voicemail says she was calling to check in and to say good morning(she hasn't checked in since we were together). She sounded really down though. I didn't call her back and going to go to the gym. This is just a pretty big step for me, I know you guys would disagree. Link to post Share on other sites
frd150 Posted December 8, 2007 Share Posted December 8, 2007 Freddy, My ex and I played this game with all the texting and It got us nowhere. Cute but not effective And the slut thing???? Huh? Dont think shes not thinking about that whole deal. My ex and I are still spreaking but on the phone only and shes calling me 90% of the time. Listen I know very well that no contact is hard so maybe start with cutting out the texting and stick to the phonecalls. Think of it this way If the both of you are to busy to call then your two busy to text. Pull back, start with this. you want what we want and we have been where your at. Trust me your chances of getting anywhere like this are slim. But what do I know?? We wanna see this work for you but you need to pull back. Link to post Share on other sites
thelegend Posted December 8, 2007 Share Posted December 8, 2007 Freddy, Freddy, Freddy my man. Freddy you know you messing up at this point so I don't have to tell you. Frd150 is absolutely correct if you are too busy to talk then texting should be a no no cuz it takes longer to text. Secondly you can take a text how you want it. She could be mad and say Hi and you take it as Hi Freddy I still love you. So you have to stop that texting and stop calling. If she texts you it's ok to respond but just respond. Don't keep calling don't keep texting you are getting no where. If you want to see where you at take a week away from her no text no calls not responding to her at all then watch her chase you. But I know you won't so I tell you what put yourself in her shoes. If a female you don't want is calling and texting you does that make you want her more? Hell no it doesn't it makes her more unattractive that's what you are doing to yourself my brother you have got to pull back or you are going to keep posting the same stuff over and over and over. The truth of the matter is Freddy and it's basically for all of us I could call your ex right now and get a better convo than you two would have because right now you are not interesting you are not intriguing at all. Trust us we wouldn't lead you wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Freddy Posted December 8, 2007 Author Share Posted December 8, 2007 Weird I only called her once this week and she didn't pick up and I didn't leave a voicemail. This week was only 7% of what we normally do as far as texting and phone calls go. The reason why I text is that I can keep it short and I don't have to tell her what I'm doing and I don't ask her what she is doing. If I talk to her on the phone she always ask what I been doing. I can tell you this for sure that she's definitely chasing me right now(or at least trying to figure out why I'm not talking to her), it might not be much but it's a lot more than what I've been getting the last couple months. This summer I manage 4 days of no contact with her and she was pratically begging me to pick up, I felt soo bad. I'll keep trying to pull back even more but I'm telling you by Tuesday she's going come over here and give me her 2 cents worth. Sorry If It was a clear path I probably wouldn't post here, I'm only human. Link to post Share on other sites
thelegend Posted December 8, 2007 Share Posted December 8, 2007 Well keep doing what you feel is right for you. If you think it's working by all means keep doing what works for you. But in my experience I can tell you, you are probably setting yourself up for a big let down. Women are masters at this thing any sign or hint of a weakness they will go for it. You think you are getting ahead one day then the next she'll say something that will have you puzzled for days. Have you noticed this much about yourself. Every little thing she says or does you remember it like you said it. I bet you when you first met her you weren't hanging on to every little thing she said but now you are what does that say about your psyche right now? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Freddy Posted December 9, 2007 Author Share Posted December 9, 2007 Those of you that are interested, you can check myspace page. http://www.myspace.com/freddylite Link to post Share on other sites
frd150 Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 Eddies hilarious. What kind of dog is that? So, has she tried to get ahold of you this weekend? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Freddy Posted December 9, 2007 Author Share Posted December 9, 2007 Eddies a golden retriever and poodle otherwise known as a golden doodle(stars dog) he doesn't shed and hypo-allergenic good if you allergic to dogs. Ya she called me and she's fishing with her family. She said "your alive" and ask me what I was doing and I said nothing and kept it short. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Freddy Posted December 9, 2007 Author Share Posted December 9, 2007 Sorry I'm reposting this. I'm getting drunk as we speak. I deserve this today. Myspace page: http://www.myspace.com/freddylite Link to post Share on other sites
frd150 Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 Never Heard of it before. My buddie has a sharpei that gets him alot of attention from the ladies. Two different girls that i know said that I should get a dog...maybe like Freddie. Well, its good you kept it short. Its like I said, be a bit aloof. Your a "busy guy". Oh and if your getting drunk dont answer if she calls,you never know what the booze might say. Link to post Share on other sites
frd150 Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 Oh, and always be doing something if she asks...for real. Link to post Share on other sites
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