Author Freddy Posted December 9, 2007 Author Share Posted December 9, 2007 When Eddie has all his hair he gets all the ladies, trust me. You should get one! Ok it's my birthday today I find it really amusing I'm sitting with no girlfriend. I'm not sad but I do miss her! Link to post Share on other sites
frd150 Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 When Eddie has all his hair he gets all the ladies, trust me. You should get one! Ok it's my birthday today I find it really amusing I'm sitting with no girlfriend. I'm not sad but I do miss her! Thinking seriously about it. Cheers man,happy Birthday. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Freddy Posted December 9, 2007 Author Share Posted December 9, 2007 Frd150: At this moment screw the ex. Look at myspace page and click on the girl called "B" I going after her for my side project. Tell me what you think of her she's pretty HOT! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Freddy Posted December 11, 2007 Author Share Posted December 11, 2007 I give up, so I win right? What I learn is when you move on then U live. I can show you what I learn is because I love you and not her! Link to post Share on other sites
frd150 Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 I give up, so I win right? What I learn is when you move on then U live. I can show you what I learn is because I love you and not her! Hey Freddy, Not sure what you mean here. Help me out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Freddy Posted December 11, 2007 Author Share Posted December 11, 2007 Sorry for the confusion. It seems the more I try not to do something the more it hurts me inside. Like me trying not to talk to the ex has me more consumed than before. If I I just go with the flow I feel more at ease. I have talked her the last couple of days and I found out that I only talk to her when I feel bad. That is why she's so hesitant of why I haven't changed. I told her when I feel good I don't talk to her, shouldn't this be the opposite of what I'm doing? When I say I give up, I mean that I'm trying to still get her back by not talking to her. At this point I can't do it anymore the way this is going I'm just going to talk to her even If I don't get her back in the end. I'm going to focus my attentions to other girls even though I'm not really interested in dating anyone at this point in time. But if I talk to other girls then it will keep me occupied and not consumed by the ex. I am I wrong for giving up this easy? Link to post Share on other sites
frd150 Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 Ok , Your not giving up nor are you giving in. What you need to remember is that you need to take time for yourself to heal up and improve so that you can be happy most of the time. Let me ask you this,How do you feel after you talk to her? Probably a bit down. If so then do a bit of no contact if at all possible. This is not to spite her or play a games. But something tells me that you will keep talking to her. I know how it goes trust me. Your making no progress with her if your only calling her when your down. Whats worse is that your calling her and telling her that you only call her when your sad. Be aloof. Dont tell her everything and fake it. If you keep talking to her then be happy. Lets face it no one wants to be with a bump on the log. I think that if you tweak a couple of things you get a bit further ahead. As far as other girls well give yourself some time to re group and decide what you really want. Dont re-bound. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Freddy Posted December 11, 2007 Author Share Posted December 11, 2007 After I talk to her I always feel pretty good. What I have done too much is talking to her after a night of drinking. Otherwise my contact with her is still low. Maybe I am giving in, I just don't know anymore. She asked me yesterday if I spent the night at somebody's house(a girl) friday night. I told her no and she thought I was lying. I am still trying to be alooff. As far as taking time to heal, I think I gone past that stage. I am a happy person, I just haven't shown it to her, I'm dumb, what was I thinking! Link to post Share on other sites
frd150 Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 Ahh, the booze will get you every time. Dont be too hard on yourself. Man I cant tell you how many friggen mistakes Ive made/still making. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Freddy Posted December 12, 2007 Author Share Posted December 12, 2007 Frd150: What's the update with you and your ex? I can't seem to find your current story. Link to post Share on other sites
thelegend Posted December 12, 2007 Share Posted December 12, 2007 Freddy I know it's hard but you are going to have to put your foot in the ground and make a stand. Right now you are straddling the fence. Think of it like this you can't get her back trying to be neutral. Now you are trying to be a friend in hopes she will return that will backfire. Once a friend always a friend. You have to make a choice on what you want. If you want her tell her and let her be. Let her know friendship is not on your agenda. You will earn a lot of trust points with that. And then let her miss her good thing. Don't worry about loosing her you can't stop that anyway. The only person you control is Freddy. Love Freddy enough to let go and let God. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Freddy Posted December 12, 2007 Author Share Posted December 12, 2007 Legend: You always give the best insight. Crap Crap Crap I put myself in a pickle, I wish I would of found this site 6 months ago. What I told her when we went to work out a couple weeks ago, is that we remain friends and evaluate our relationship in 6 months and if that wasn't going to work out then we look at it again in 1yr. She basically agreed. That same day was the last day I kissed her on the lips. Then we go the movies and ended up holding hands, then she goes to Vegas and I practically ignore her most of the time. I wrote her an email today and she wrote back that she concerned about my drinking again. Ya it was birthday weekend and I did go overboard. I also told her again that I value her friendship and she agreed. I have just been so up and down and all around, I just need some normalcy back into my life and not wanting to worry about not picking up or not talking to her. I called her tonight and she picked up, later she calls me and I picked up. I text her after that and she texted back(i'm stating this because now that's normal for me and not a game). I might not have her as my girlfriend right now, but I also don't have a headache or heartbreak. Maybe I don't truely want her back right now, one day is yes and one day is no. All I know Is that I need a break from all this to regroup and rethink. I also don't think I'm fully done making myself a better person and our relationship would still fail. The reason we broke up in the first place is because I realize that she was making me unhappy. So right now she still be making unhappy if we got back together. I know in my heart she still needs to grow up(she's almost 26). Ok let me have it. Link to post Share on other sites
frd150 Posted December 12, 2007 Share Posted December 12, 2007 Frd150: What's the update with you and your ex? I can't seem to find your current story. You can p.m. me. I just figured that everyone was tired of hearing it so I stopped posting about it. There are people here with more pressing problems. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Freddy Posted December 12, 2007 Author Share Posted December 12, 2007 I'm not a subscriber, you can email though. [email protected] Link to post Share on other sites
frd150 Posted December 12, 2007 Share Posted December 12, 2007 I'm not a subscriber, you can email though. [email protected] Ok ill get to it as soon as I get done here with what im doing. Link to post Share on other sites
heartoutside Posted December 12, 2007 Share Posted December 12, 2007 you don't have to subscriber to do PM....just go to your profile and allow PMs.....it's under options on the left side of the profile screen. Link to post Share on other sites
thelegend Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 Well Freddy I'm on your side I want it to work for you that's why I'm trying to tell you what I would do I know it's not easy but letting go can be the best thing sometimes. I know letting go was hard for me but it was necessary. She was trying to get comfortable with being my friend and I put a stop to it. I let her know what I wanted and that I did not want to be her friend. And she told me she had more respect for me saying that than ever before and that she appreciated me not trying to manipulate her with friendship when that's not what I wanted. So you can very well try your way if you think that's what's best I'm just trying to show you how I got to where I'm at. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Freddy Posted December 14, 2007 Author Share Posted December 14, 2007 Grrrr I want to pull my hair out. Sorry I'm posting this to myself to vent. I email the ex the other day about going shopping. She said that she had a meeting with a woman about her business cards but would let me know. She called tonight and said she would drop Eddie off in the morning. She then tells me that her appointment on Sat is at 2 with a guy and she didn't know where there meeting. At that very point I'm thinking she's up to her old lies again is it a woman or is it a guy, why even lie about something so stupid like that. Then she tells me we can go after that for 1hr or 2hrs and again I get pissed again(in my head anyways) Why even say 1hr we minus well not go. She then ask me about how I am doing and I don't really say much and her reply was ok i'm going to go since your not talking much, I say ok and bye. 5mins later I text her back and I say cancel sat I don't think it's in my best interest. Guess what my phone rings and we get into a mini argument(no yelling). She says she can't do this anymore the ups and downs. One minute we are fine and one minute where not. She says if we not going sat then she's not dropping off Eddie tomorrow. I said maybe we should stop talking tonight and to drop Eddie off. She says maybe and I don't know and we say goodbye. I went back and wrote her email, telling her that I don't want the ups and down and hope she understands. This is what she wrote back: It does make sense. Perfect sense. I just see us going up and down still. When it's good it's really good and when it's not it's ugly and painful, and we're not even together. That concerns me and I don't know what to do about it. So I try to be careful about how much and when we hang out because I honestly don't know if that makes it any better. I still get so frustrated with you sometimes and I KNOW you do with me too, which is weird to me because we broke up almost 7 months ago. So what now? That's what I'm asking myself and you. What the hell do we do now if things are so up and down and we frustrate each other every other day we talk? I can't be up and down like this all the time and you can't either. I just want you to be able to focus on yourself and I worry you let me get to you so I pull away in order to help you, because in some odd way I feel like maybe, just maybe, not seeing me will help you. I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY. We were emotionally exhausted back in June and I don't want the emotional rollercoaster to continue. I'm thinking NC is coming sooner than later. Link to post Share on other sites
heartoutside Posted December 14, 2007 Share Posted December 14, 2007 Did you send that email? Let me just say you are putting a lot of pressure on her in that email. Count how many times you say "you" in your email. I just want you to be able to focus on yourself and I worry you let me get to you so I pull away in order to help you, because in some odd way I feel like maybe, just maybe, not seeing me will help you. Man I hate to say it but you need to take your own advice and focus on YOU, not her...I mean think about what you are saying to her in this email, you want her to focus on herself, yet you are almost guilting her into reacting to you and your statement. You need to think about your actions before you actually act on them because it seems like you are getting really caught up your emotions at the moment. NC would be a very good idea right now, for both of you. Let her keep the dog over the holidays, and go NC....collect yourself and your thoughts and then come back to the table maybe.... But if you do reply or talk to her, just keep an eye on what you are saying...try not to make statements that are about you, or about her. You're both in this (I would hope) so your statements should be about "us." Such as your reply text saying cancel sat I don't think it's in my best interest. See what I'm saying? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Freddy Posted December 14, 2007 Author Share Posted December 14, 2007 Heart: I sent her another email. The bold one is what she sent back. Why can't I control my emotions. Stupid text message. I did exactly what I didn't want to do with going with the ups and downs and I did it again. Link to post Share on other sites
heartoutside Posted December 15, 2007 Share Posted December 15, 2007 OH, my bad, I didn't see that was the email she wrote. Here's the deal man, just keep it chill. Be that friendly laid back, cool, collected, fun and relaxed dude she knew when you guys were first dating. The real trick is to actually get to a place where you can be like that without actually faking it. No more texts saying anything about how you feel, or replying to how she feels.....let her be, she's thinking, her gears are moving and she's got questions. Let her figure them out for herself. She needs to and so do you. Space, it does a body (and a mind) good! I was telling FDR150 that I did NC not to play games, or to trick her into coming back. I really did it to get some space, to figure ME out and to try and move on. It also let me be who I really am in front of her the other night when we went out for drinks. I was in a good place, I took our having a drink for what it was, 2 people having a drink and having a good time, nothing more and nothing less. It wasn't until the next day that I started to thinking about everything and start to examine everything again (Which gets you know where). Sure there were moments where I wanted it to be more then that, but they didn't last long because I was more focused on just enjoying it.....just like when she and I went on our first date way back when, no expectations. So, stay away from the emails and the texts. If you guys want to talk, USE A PHONE....texts don't work, you can't tell what a person is saying, and same goes for email (although it can be easier to convey the emotion, you still can't be totally sure). Now I don't mean call her up and pour your heart out.....but if she calls, sure maybe pick up the phone, but if your busy don't, your busy.....But be sure to return her call at some point..... I guess what I'm saying is she is frustrated, try not to add to it, just pull back and let her breath. And if she does contact you, be a relaxed and calming force in her life, not a turbulent one. And again, try to get to a place where you can be that person without faking it, because if you do get back together it's important to realize that you should be that person for her and for yourself and for the relationship. And if you don't get back together, well then you can be that person for someone who I'm sure will appreciate it..... Link to post Share on other sites
Ssheena Posted December 15, 2007 Share Posted December 15, 2007 I went back and read my original post to you. I'd say it to you all over. Get this - she is willing to be friends with you. You want more than to be friends. It's not going to work because you are always going to want more and she doesn't. Stay away from her. You are wasting your time and are stuck. Make a decision and stick with it and either let her have sole possession of the dog or have her give you sole possession. Read her email and really see what she is saying to you. Stick a fork in it, cause this thing is DONE. (tough love but you need it dude) Link to post Share on other sites
CalamitousJane Posted December 15, 2007 Share Posted December 15, 2007 What heart said, exactly. Time and space between you brings incredible clarity. When you're all trapped in the details you can't step away and have a look at the whole picture. A friend of mine had struggled in her marriage for a decade, bogged down in details and unhappiness and arguments. Finally her husband left her. The moment she understood that it might all really end, she told me she felt like she floated through the ceiling of her house and up away from the world. She looked down and saw her house and her husband and daughters and the life they had together as this amazing, beautiful little entity, sitting down there on the surface of the planet. Stepping away from it, feeling its loss, suddenly changed everything for her. Something very similar happened to me when my ex told me he was seeing someone else. I think NC has the effect of giving everyone in the situation the chance to see the big picture and to really feel the meaning of the relationship. It hurts like hell, but if you do it lovingly and honestly, I think it can be an amazing gift for both of you. Good luck Freddy, you seem like a really great guy. Link to post Share on other sites
thelegend Posted December 17, 2007 Share Posted December 17, 2007 Freddy brother that email she sent had to be devastating I'm sorry. She is extremely frustrated and fed up with you. She wants to love you but for some reason you are messing things up for the both of you. You are going to have to find that place that heart was saying that you are cool with being friends or lovers. Right now you can't handle friendship so the best thing for you is to take a few steps back cool down. Let some time pass. Trust me we all know how hard it is but you have to pull away let Eddie go or take Eddie completely and let time heal the both of you. I think when you finally get over her you'll be best friends and then out of that maybe you could try to make another move or something but what you doing ain't working period. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Freddy Posted December 17, 2007 Author Share Posted December 17, 2007 I know what you guys are saying. I just can't determine myself yet when I need to do it. I just wish I could convey the intertwining web I have with her but I just can't. Hopefully I can get my head together before the New Year starts. Ok this is what's happen since the last update. She called me Friday morning and asked if I still wanted Eddie for the day. I told her yes and she brought him over and then went to work. She calls me later in the afternoon because she was upset over a bill she got. I let her vent and gave her some advice. She emailed my later to thank me. She got off work and we hung out for a bit. I rented 2 movies and then she went home(watched the movies by myself). Do not rent The Hotest State movie. This movie is about a young guy that falls in love with a girl and they have a great time until she breaks up with him. He desperately tries to get her back but in the end he fails. I had to turn this movie off and watched the rest later. Saturday we did go shopping and we had a good time. Nothing big came up and I was happy the way it ended. Sunday my internet had been down all day. I called her and told her to bring my internet to me and a jacket I still had at her place. She kinda frustrated cause she was busy but brought the stuff over. Yes my internet that I pay for is still at her place, cause I pick up free wireless where I live. This morning I told her I got home at 7am. When she stopped by she tried get more details of who I spent the night with. I told her it was nothing and she didn't dig in any further. She actually let me kiss her on the lips a couple of times. Yes I know she's trying to real me back in. I appreciate your guys comments I just need to figure it out when I will have the guts to do what I need to do. Link to post Share on other sites
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