Should I tell him?

[unsurechick]

I have been dating my boyfriend for a little over three years. Lately, we've been having some problems. Earlier this year, He told me that he was interested in someone else and even admitted to attempting to get her to agree to date him so he could break up with me. I was devastated and crushed and angry, but we talked about it and decided to try to work things out. Later, I suggested seeing other people so that both of us could see if we are right for each other. He totally disagreed with this idea and would not even consider it. I agreed with him that it was probably not a good idea and dropped the issue.

 

A few weeks later, I ran into an old [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]acquaintance [/sIZE][/FONT]at work. We exchanged phone numbers and began spending some time with each other as friends. One afternoon we ended up sleeping together. At the time I convinced myself that it was not a big deal because my boyfriend had hurt me so badly by what he had done.

 

Now, every time I look at him, all I think is I cheated on you. I cheated on you. I'm not sure if I want to continue dating him, and he's aware that I am not as sure about our relationship as I once was. I also don't know if I should tell him what happened. I do love him, and I don't want to hurt him. If I tell him, I know he will leave me. But, that might be what's best for the both of us.

 

Any ideas?

[Bryanp]

If the roles were reversed, wouldn't you want to know? The bottom line is that you are still in a relationship with him which means you must tell him. Either you believe in honesty and respect or dishonesty and disrespect. You know what the correct answer is. Tell him.

[spooty]

you sound like this relationship is about done. if you're talking about dating other people then that's be beginning of the end. also if he tried to get a date with another girl, but was very opposed to the both of you dating other people, then he's got a double standard.

i would just break up, if you break up you don't really need to tell him, it would just make it messier and add insult to injury. do yourselves a favor and end it. do you want to be with him? or are you just comfortable and don't feel like starting over?

[unsurechick]

do you want to be with him? or are you just comfortable and don't feel like starting over?

 

This is my big dilemma. I have no idea. Part of me feels like I'm just hurt because everything we went through earlier this year; and another part of me feels like there might be someone better out there for me. However, he is the only person I've had a long term relationship with. So I have nothing to compare our current relationship too. This is why I suggested that we see other people. Not because I wanted a way to ease into a break up, but because I want to figure out if he is right for me.

 

Admittedly, back in august I had no doubt that he was the man I wanted to marry. But, now, all I think about are all the reasons that we shouldn't be together. And, I'm constantly paranoid that he's going to find someone that he likes better than me and move on. Because he had been looking for someone else behind my back.

 

I don't want to string him along, and I have told him about my concerns. I have even told him that I wanted to break up several times, but he always convinces me to stick around and work on our relationship. I have no idea what to do.

[bish]

I have been dating my boyfriend for a little over three years. Lately, we've been having some problems. Earlier this year, He told me that he was interested in someone else and even admitted to attempting to get her to agree to date him so he could break up with me. I was devastated and crushed and angry, but we talked about it and decided to try to work things out. Later, I suggested seeing other people so that both of us could see if we are right for each other. He totally disagreed with this idea and would not even consider it. I agreed with him that it was probably not a good idea and dropped the issue.

 

A few weeks later, I ran into an old [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]acquaintance [/sIZE][/FONT]at work. We exchanged phone numbers and began spending some time with each other as friends. One afternoon we ended up sleeping together. At the time I convinced myself that it was not a big deal because my boyfriend had hurt me so badly by what he had done.

 

Now, every time I look at him, all I think is I cheated on you. I cheated on you. I'm not sure if I want to continue dating him, and he's aware that I am not as sure about our relationship as I once was. I also don't know if I should tell him what happened. I do love him, and I don't want to hurt him. If I tell him, I know he will leave me. But, that might be what's best for the both of us.

 

Any ideas?

 

Yes, its easy....you two are not meant for each other....he wanted to cheat on you...you DID cheat on him.

 

Just go your separate ways.

[Trimmer]

And, I'm constantly paranoid that he's going to find someone that he likes better than me and move on. Because he had been looking for someone else behind my back.

It's easier to point the finger completely at him. It may be hard to acknowledge, but your fear stems not only from what he was doing, but also from your knowledge of what you did. You don't trust him, and you don't trust yourself, either.

 

I think you both have some growing to do. Whichever path you take: confess and stay, confess and leave, or just leave - I think that the option LEAST likely to result in you being in a healthy, mature relationship somewhere down the road is to stay and keep it a secret. Doing nothing and continuing on with the status quo will just allow the issues to fester, and the patterns to repeat.