How to strike up a good conversation?

[Neo]

There is a girl I have recently met, and have taken a liking to. She herself -- as well have others -- have told me she likes me as well, but so far neither of us have made any real moves to ask each other out. At my school (and I think just in general) it's up to the guy to do this, but I'm fairly shy when it comes to things like this so I don't know how to go about it...

 

My main question though, is how exactly can I keep conversation from dying? There have been a few times when we will be talking and then run out of things to say, and it just becomes awkward. I must stray away from this as much as possible without seeming too obvious, and while keeping her interested. I aprpeciate any help you all can offer,

 

-Neo

[cozmonort]

I hate it when that happens, sounds like your both shy, why don't you try asking her out when you reach that silent bit of the conferasations, if she agrees take down her number and then do whatever feels right.

 

ps

 

Matrix fan ?

 

 

coz

[Carly]

There is an old man, a psychologist named Phil Zimbardo, at Stanford University, who spent decades of his life just helping young people like you who are socially shy. He wrote a book just help people like you, and it is a classic:

 

Shyness: What it is, What to Do about it

 

You could find it at a public library, or buy it at a good bookstore or order it off the internet. Otherwise, there are many other great books on how to keep the conversational ball rolling, if you just start looking. I believe that if you look up "shyness" under google.com you'll find advice there too.

 

One thing to keep in mind is to set up just small goals for yourself. Don't look for a magic cure that will all lof a sudden allow you to be a great conversationalist. Developing a new skill takes time, and can only happen little steps at a time. For example, just set a goal of talking a little longer with this girl than you did the last time you were with her.

 

Here ia another tip:

 

How about saying something direct but light and airy to her about your shyness? Something like what Cozmonort says, "I hate when that happens! I'm a littel shy, in case you hadn't noticed. But I'm working on it."

 

Oh, and one more thing: Shyness in guys is very attractive to a lot of girls. There is an absolute CHARM to the guy who is reserved, and who stumbles a bit. A lot of girls are intimidated or turned off my guys who talk too much -- they come off as know-it-alls and full of themselves.

 

There ia an old song that is a favorite of mine, lyrics are something like this:

 

"He's so shy,

That sweet little guy who caught my eye.

And when I saw him standing there,

I wanted to speak,

but would not dare.

that's when I knew,

l(a, la, la)

That he's so shy."

 

I'll ask Tony if he remembers the (female) singer and title of this song (1980'ish?). Maybe you could play it on Casa, and it could become that special song between you.

 

Good luck with this girl. Please let us know how things go.

[Carly]

Hi again,

 

Tony came through for us, as I knew he would. Here is the site he found for the lyrics to the Pointer Sisters song about the sweet shy guy:

 

http://www.lyricsfreak.com/p/pointer-sisters/39370.htm

 

Thanks Tony!