Love is unconditional. Relationships are conditional. Discuss.....

[Yernasia Quorelios]

If a dumpee loves their dumper unconditionally chances of attempts at reconciliation increased. However the dumpee needs to be aware that, in order for any reconciliation to succeed, relationships are conditional.

[sedgwick]

I love mine unconditionally. He dumped me in July and still I love him more every day. I still think of him literally every minute and dream of him almost every night. But I don't talk to him, out of respect for the fact that, as the dumper, he doesn't want me in his life anymore. So how does it increase chances of reconciliation?

[RecordProducer]

I love mine unconditionally. He dumped me in July and still I love him more every day. I still think of him literally every minute and dream of him almost every night. But I don't talk to him, out of respect for the fact that, as the dumper, he doesn't want me in his life anymore. So how does it increase chances of reconciliation?

I think what she meant was that if he wants you back, you will take him back. Many dumpees won't take the dumpers back (if the love is not too strong).

 

It wasn't a useful thought anyway, beside that it was unclear.

[Trialbyfire]

Both love and relationships are conditional. It's not often that people give love and expect to receive nothing back. If so, why are so many people pining away for lost loves? You've given it and now you hurt because it's not received.

 

As for love not being strong enough, no, it's not always the case, whether dumpee or dumper (Gawd I hate those terms. They make me think of bowel movements.). Love is never enough.

[Trialbyfire]

How about branless and branful?

[Trimmer]

Both love and relationships are conditional.

I agree. Having lost my relationship innocence a while back, I now reserve the concept of "unconditional love" for the love parents have for children.

 

An interesting thought: does the idea of having "unconditional love" for a partner infantilize the partner, or perhaps onesself? You did say "discuss..."

 

How about branless and branful?

You know, some threads on LS get a little heated up and make me feel like I need to go take a cold shower. For some reason, this one is giving me a different urge....

[marlena]

I agree with Trimmer. The only true unconditional love is that of a parent to his childen. In all other cases, we expect to receive the love we give. When we are denied this love, we are overcome by negative emotions - grief, anger, resentment just to mention just a few.

 

I don't think we reconciliate with someone who has abandonned us because of unconditional love but rather because we still need and crave the love that was taken away from us.

 

If we return to someone who does not love us, then, clearly, this is not unconditional love but a lack of self- love. It is settling for less for fear of once again being shut out of that person's life.

[Yernasia Quorelios]

A relationship without love, under the right conditions, can be sustainable. A relationship with love and breached conditions is likely to fail.

 

There are plenty of parents (my dad is one of them) who love their kids but breach the conditions of the relationship with them resulting in estrangement.

[birdie]

yes unconditional love in families cannot be taken for granted either. it certainly wasn't the case in my family and I think it means I don't expect it in a relationship either. that can be a good thing.

[RecordProducer]

yes unconditional love in families cannot be taken for granted either. it certainly wasn't the case in my family and I think it means I don't expect it in a relationship either. that can be a good thing.

But that's unconditional lack of love! It's not like the child did something and therefore deserved to be abandoned. Even when a child disowns their parent, it's still because the parent never really invested enough love in the relationship.

[carrotgirl]

I love mine unconditionally. He dumped me in July and still I love him more every day. I still think of him literally every minute and dream of him almost every night. But I don't talk to him, out of respect for the fact that, as the dumper, he doesn't want me in his life anymore. So how does it increase chances of reconciliation?

Sedgwick!

 

Ahem,

"This is Sedgwick. I don't know if you have tried to contact me since the last time we spoke. I blocked all your contact info and ran off alone to Mexico for 2 months. Book is due Jan 15. Please don't contact me before then, but if you want to contact me after that date I would like to talk to you. I love you. Unconditionally, always. I told the truth."

You placed a condition on the man even contacting you!

 

I'm not trying to poke but that is not loving unconditionally eh?

 

Carrot

[cant let go]

The only true unconditional love is that of a parent to his childen. In all other cases, we expect to receive the love we give. When we are denied this love, we are overcome by negative emotions - grief, anger, resentment just to mention just a few.

 

I have to disagree here. It is quite possible to feel unconditional love for more than just children or family in general. However, I will say that when you are able to love someone unconditionally it is probably also true that you would consider them to be family or want them to be your family. I love my ex without condition. I would spend the rest of my life with him just the way he is. I would stand by his side through everything and support him in anything he wanted to do.

 

He left me because he felt there was something better out there for each of us. It kills me that he doesn't return the same kind of love for me that I feel for him. I am sad that the future I once saw with him has been ripped from me. I am not angry or resentful. Sad and hurt, yes. But not angry because he is who he is. If this is what he needs, I must allow him to be happy without me.

 

True love is unconditional. Unconditional love is a mature love. Relationships are most definitely conditional. Without an agreement on conditions, two people who unconditionally love each other may be unhappy. It is the compromise and faith of unconditional love that makes relationships work. A lack of unconditional, mature love will make someone unwilling to do the work required to meet the conditions of a relationship.

[Trialbyfire]

It kills me that he doesn't return the same kind of love for me that I feel for him.

This is conditional.

[cant let go]

how so? I love him just the same as I did when I thought that he saw a future for us. My love for him is unchanged. My situation is changed and that makes me sad. I want him to be happy. It is the fact that I would do anything for him and love him regardless of the fact that he doesn't want to be with me even though I miss the way things were that tells me that I love him unconditionally.

 

If a mother said that it killed her that her son couldn't accept her lifestyle (lets just make it general) would that mean that her love for him had changed or was conditional? She would love him the same. It is his love that is conditional. My unconditional love accepts that he doesn't feel that way for me, but that doesn't change the fact that it makes me sad inside. I am not acting out my sadness towards him. I don't push him away from me because he doesn't feel the same. Being sad that someone doesn't want to spend their life with you does not mean that your love for them is conditional. It is just part of the coping process of losing something that you thought would always be there.

[Trialbyfire]

Unconditional love is expecting nothing from them. Your sadness speaks volumes in that you pine for the return of your love.

[MattyTee]

Personally I think unconditional love is perfectly possible both within and without a family environment. To say that you can only love a family member unconditionally is a bit silly because they are no different than anyone else.

 

Love and the emotions we experience when perhaps it doesn't go our way are two entirely separate entities. The emotional side is related to ego and pride and perhaps years of social conditioning. I believe the love can fully exist just as is even if we don't realise. This is just my experience though.

[cant let go]

haha

 

ok. well, thanks for all your thoughtful insight, tbf. you really seem to have it all figured out. i guess anyone who is ever sad to see a person that they care about leave their life never truly loved them unconditionally. i guess the fact that i was sad when my dad died means that i never loved him unconditionally either. you are brilliant. thanks for putting everything into perspective for me. so does unconditional love also come laden with your thick layer of pessimism and cynicism? i'm done here, i need to get ready to go out tonight.

[Trialbyfire]

You're welcome to fool yourself into believing that your love is unconditional, if it makes you happy, thus believe you're a better person.

 

I prefer a more realistic approach. My love and relationships are conditional. If you don't give, you don't receive.

[MattyTee]

Well, that's a little antagonistic. I accepted your point of view just as readily as you could have accepted mine, even if they are different.

 

I said absolutely nothing about being superior. I think that everyone is capable of unconditional love and may well actually hold it without realising. I am not someone who doesn't suffer from the emotion of it all and loving someone isn't guaranteed to make you happy - neither is receiving love. Do you simply stop loving someone because they don't love you back? I very much doubt it. Perhaps over time you might feel that love wane. Regardless of whether you want to feel something back or not you still love, therefore it is unconditional.

 

A 'realistic approach' just translates to someone who is afraid (in my humble opinion) but if you don't feel that way then whatever works for you works.

 

I think it's important to be able to accept other views without trashing them. Why not simply say "Okay, but I don't agree with what you say?". Instead you are insinuating that anyone that disagrees must be delusional and therefore both fooling themselves and also believing they are somehow better than you.

[Trialbyfire]

While you weren't part of that exchange Mattytee, you are now...

 

I think people want to romanticize themselves and their feelings. In applying this to the same members, it's also the same people who have difficulty letting go of their exes and pine away forever.

[MattyTee]

I agree. Having lost my relationship innocence a while back, I now reserve the concept of "unconditional love" for the love parents have for children.

 

An interesting thought: does the idea of having "unconditional love" for a partner infantilize the partner, or perhaps onesself? You did say "discuss..."

 

In which case love becomes nature's way of protecting the young? Perhaps it is simply a biological response?

 

Is it possible to love yourself unconditionally? If the answer is yes then unconditional love must exist. If it exists, and as you say only for a parent for a child, then it is possible for one being to unconditionally love another.

There are statistics that show there are plenty of parents who are looking after children that are not their own (through affairs), without being aware of this fact. Is their love therefore false or somehow fake? If they found out at some point would they then no longer love the child? Or is it simply that their pride and ego are hurt? If unconditional love can exist between one being and another, why is it that those beings must be related via genetics? Perhaps unconditional love isn't as 'fake' as it seems.

 

Just putting some thoughts out there

[Yernasia Quorelios]

Unconditional love is pure, caring and nurturing. It means always loving someone, but not necessarily tolerating the love being taken for granted, bad behaviour or being treated badly. Unconditional love is not about being a doormat, it is not manipulative and it is not dominating.

 

It gives the strength to avoid walking on egg-shells and instead deal with conflicts as they arise within conditional relationships. It also gives the strength to forgive a break-up, leaving the bitterness behind and the way open to reconciliation if that's the path. As with any rejection, betrayal or loss, a break-up initiates, in both parties, an unavoidable process involving searing emotions such as grief, anger, pining, bitterness, guilt, pain and disappointment. Unconditional love helps a person accelerate through this process to end up in a place where acceptance and forgiveness happens. Thus paving the way to a willingness to negotiate conditions of a new relationship should a reconciliation be sought.

[MattyTee]

While you weren't part of that exchange Mattytee, you are now...

 

I think people want to romanticize themselves and their feelings. In applying this to the same members, it's also the same people who have difficulty letting go of their exes and pine away forever.

 

My apologies, I am posting at work and when I started writing CLG's post wasn't there.

 

Of course your belief is exactly as valid as either CLG's or my own, I was simply objecting to the way in which you said it.

 

My own belief is that unconditional love is entirely possible and is all around us. Oops damn ... got to go serve customers ... well my other post argues it a bit too

 

There is nothing wrong with believing in fairy tales and true love and all that. Live life with a sense of vigor, drop the fear, deal with the emotions.

 

Just my two pennies ... worth exactly the same as two of your pennies (accounting for exchange rates and all).

[Trialbyfire]

My apologies, I am posting at work and when I started writing CLG's post wasn't there.

 

Of course your belief is exactly as valid as either CLG's or my own, I was simply objecting to the way in which you said it.

 

My own belief is that unconditional love is entirely possible and is all around us. Oops damn ... got to go serve customers ... well my other post argues it a bit too

 

There is nothing wrong with believing in fairy tales and true love and all that. Live life with a sense of vigor, drop the fear, deal with the emotions.

 

Just my two pennies ... worth exactly the same as two of your pennies (accounting for exchange rates and all).

Everyone has a way of expressing themselves. You also don't have to agree or disagree with points raised. That's the beauty of an open forum.

[MattyTee]

Absolutely!

 

But I was just suggesting that in order to disagree you don't have to insinuate that another person is fooling themselves, but that's semantic. I'm sure that CLG can cope