tashigirl Posted November 24, 2007 Share Posted November 24, 2007 The long and short of it is that I had sex with one of my good friends. We have known each other for 2 and a half years - we're students together at medical school so see quite a lot of each other. For the past year we've had a very flirty relationship, and I developed quite a crush on him - but he had a v serious girlfriend of 6 years who he lived with. It had got to the stage where I felt it wasn't really fair on me to keep flirting with me - he'd call me up, send me texts when he was drunk, lots of innuendo - considering the situation - because i was in a place where I am rejecting other men becuase of him (even tho i knew in my heart he wasn't really interested). Anyway, he broke up with his girlfriend, and about a week later i went out, and he was there, and we were flirting all night, and i ended up sleeping with him. i had to leave early in the morning - we had sex again and it all seemed rather nice. i wasn't really thinking about what he thought about me because it seemed like he liked me and after years of flirting this is where we'd got to. afterwards we exchanged some texts, i'm supposed to be being honest so I should say that I initiated them. I should also say, I know he was totally gutted to break up with the gf - I knew that before I slept with him, and I don't know why I didn't see this coming. I am really stupid, and prob a horrible person too. My best friend who I live with is away at the moment, and I needed to talk to someone else, so I told someone who is a mutual friend, and she promised not to tell any of our other friends. Well, she didn't do too well, and someone else started questioning him about it, at which point he asked me if I'd told anyone, and then proceeded to get really angry about it, saying that he didn't want people to gossip about him. I can't help interpreting this as him being totally ashamed of it. He said he had told his friends that nothing had happened. After a few angry exchanges, I left it, and planned to speak to him when we saw each other at lectures in a few days time. He didn't show up. Naturally I thought this might be something to do with me - he was still angry with me etc. so I messaged him and it turns out someone from his family died and he had to go home. So now I feel really bad. Not only am I unreasonably pestering someone who is meant to be my friend who just broke up with a serious gf, and I should be supporting but instead decide to sleep with, but now someone he loves has died. He sent me a message saying he thinks it was "not a good concept" (ie. a mistake), and lets just go back to the way things were. But I don't think I can! Go back to torturing myself persuading myself that he might like me back, when now i know he doesn't? Most of our friendship was based on flirting, how can I do that now? So I told him it wasn't that simple for me, and I don't think I can go back to the way things were, and now I just feel awful because he's at someone's funeral, and for god's sake what did i expect him to say just after he split from his gf. Horribly, I think he had sex with me because he wanted a f*ck - and I did it for a very different reason. But if he did only want sex, how could he do that to me as his friend? And how could he think things could just go back to normal? I feel used, but at the same time like i'm in the wrong. Does he like me AT ALL? Nearly all of our friends here are mutual, and I see him at least one day a week so I can't just try and forget about him. At the same time, I have my own issues about people just wanting to use me and not really being interested in me. Was he only friends with me in the first place because he thought I was easy? I don't want to speak to anyone else about it and have him get even more angry with me. Link to post Share on other sites
SuperFantastico Posted November 24, 2007 Share Posted November 24, 2007 heh, you're awesome. Ok first of all you are thinking WAY too much about this. Yes you ****ed up. And yes he had sex with you because he just broke up with his girlfriend and just wanted to clear his mind. The number one rule if you like someone and they just broke up with someone else is dont date or have sex with them for like at least3 months. Otherwise best case you are the rebound person. Had you just let it go after he gave you **** about talking to other people, then it would have been ok. No harm no foul. To keep pestering him about him is just going to build more and more resentment to you and make him really regret sleeping with you. Was he your friend because he thought you were easy? Well 2 and a half years isnt easy by any means. So no. He was your friend because he liked you and there was some sexual tension which was fun too. If you want things to get better, just step back(yes i know its retardedly hard) and let things settle down a bit more. Wait till he comes to you, or wait like 3 weeks then talk to him when you've both settled down a bit. Go out with your friends, get back to normality(whatever that is). DONT try to force it. It will only end badly. Ok the good of the situation. Hes attracted to you. He was your friend so you know you have two levels of compatibility. Those are good things. Just some bad timing and judgment got in the way is all. Will you be soulmates and grow old together. I dont know. What i do know is if there is any chance for this to work between the both of you, hes gonna need alot of time to deal with his baggage and get over his ex. BUT dont sit around waiting. This isnt good for you, and will make you appear desperate and easy(not that you are). Just like girls, guys like a challange. They love to chase. So make yourself less availible. Dont be cold or mean. Just be busy. Especially now with the death in his family, theres nothing you can really say or do that will put you in the right in that situation. So just be his friend. He needs you right now, and if you care about him, you will leave it be and support him. Anyways, my 2 cents. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tashigirl Posted November 24, 2007 Author Share Posted November 24, 2007 You are so right. what do i do now? the last message i sent him was decidedly nasty and regrettable, considering he'd just said he'd gone home because someone had died... do i apologise for this and explain and say i want to support him rather than dump all my craziness on him, or do i just totally leave it? if i leave it he might think i'm a total bitch, or he might be upset seeing as i said i'm not sure we can be friends anymore. but i don't want him to think i'm any more a)crazy b)in love with him than he already does...i think i have already sent him TOO MANY messages. Link to post Share on other sites
SuperFantastico Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 I think what you should do now is wait perhaps a couple of days, then email him an appology. Not about having sex with him or anything, just say you are sorry for freaking out on him, and offer him any support he needs to get through the death in the family. Now heres the trick though. If he accepts(he probably will) go there offer the support, then leave. Dont hang around with him more then in neccissary. Keep in friendly, but not OVERLY friendly. Like as in you are the best friend ever. You dont want him to put you back in the friends only catagory. And for your own piece of mind, go out with your other girlfriends and chat about all this and possibly flirt with other guys in the process. You want to open your mind to the possiblility that there ARE other guys out there. Kinda give your heart a colonic....er....well you know what i mean. This will settle you into a more normal place. Just my 2 cents. Link to post Share on other sites
heatherd1201 Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 I think what you should do now is wait perhaps a couple of days, then email him an appology. Not about having sex with him or anything, just say you are sorry for freaking out on him, and offer him any support he needs to get through the death in the family. Now heres the trick though. If he accepts(he probably will) go there offer the support, then leave. Dont hang around with him more then in neccissary. Keep in friendly, but not OVERLY friendly. Like as in you are the best friend ever. You dont want him to put you back in the friends only catagory. And for your own piece of mind, go out with your other girlfriends and chat about all this and possibly flirt with other guys in the process. You want to open your mind to the possiblility that there ARE other guys out there. Kinda give your heart a colonic....er....well you know what i mean. This will settle you into a more normal place. Just my 2 cents. I think that that was really good advice. You sound like youve been through this before! tashigirl- seriously. Even if it IS bothering you, dont let it look like its bothering you. Try to have fun and just be you. Especially around him- then he'll see that youre not the girl that gets obsessed after he sleeps with you. If you guys are meant to be together (after he deals with the end of a long 6 years...) then it will happen. Link to post Share on other sites
mcgintygirl Posted December 10, 2007 Share Posted December 10, 2007 Hi tashgirl, How is the friendship going? I had a similar experience and I know the stress and anxiety that accompanies those feelings. Best wishes! Link to post Share on other sites
Author tashigirl Posted December 11, 2007 Author Share Posted December 11, 2007 well, since then i left it until i saw him about a week later - i was with lots of other friends so i was talking to them and i didn't approach him, but he started speaking to me, just normal friendly stuff, so i reciprocated. he told me he'd been feeling really depressed the last couple of weeks and i felt pretty bad. anyway, i messaged him later on as i didn't want to say it while everyone else was there and said i wanted to be a good friend and supportive so lets just go back to the way it was before, and he sent a message back saying how lovely he thought that was and he enjoyed my company and yes lets just go back to the way it was before. so...i'm feeling a bit bummed out that he doesn't seem to like me apart from as a friend, but at least i feel good for having been a good friend in the end. i know he has been seeing other girls (like as rebound girls) as other friends (who don't know) were talking about it but i guess i just have to get past it as there is no point in longing after him and making a fool out of myself! Link to post Share on other sites
Author tashigirl Posted December 11, 2007 Author Share Posted December 11, 2007 And just to say thanks to everyone who posted - it really helped! And just getting out there how i feel and being honest! Link to post Share on other sites
SpanksTheMonkey Posted December 12, 2007 Share Posted December 12, 2007 Sorry but I think he had his fun chaseing you and then got it and now its boreing the thrill is gone. You saw possible love he saw a ego boost after a hard break up. Move on realy med school isent that important is it? lol Link to post Share on other sites
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