Girlfriend troubles.

[masbirgelreturns]

I am currently with my girlfriend for 3 years and over these three years have been great. We have had many good times and shared alot of moments that I will never find with anyone ever again. I have always seen has as the love of my life and never want to leave her. But recently I had found out that she had cheated on me from a very reliable source, which when i questioned her about it she confesed everything. I was able to forgive her because the love I have for her is overwhelming and told her that I cant do it again if she cheats on me. Its been about 1 month now since I found that out and I recently just bumped into one of her good friends which is also one of my good friends while I was out and she told me that she had that knows about how my girlfriend cheated on me and how bad she feels and that she felt that she had to tell me about another time when she had cheated on me. When she told me this I could recall it, but my girlfriend said she was almost "raped" and forced into it and insists that she didnt do anything, but her friend told me otherwise, I got it out of her that she did lie and it wasnt a "rape" but that she was "drunk" which doesnt really mean anything to me.

 

Soo My question is what to do? I am really devoted to this girl but im feeling as though its a waste of my time and she cant just be with me the rest of her life. any suggestions?

[Bryanp]

You judge a person by their actions and not by their words. She has now cheated on you twice and had sex with two different guys while in this relationship with you. Do you really need to have a piano fall on your head to see it for what it is.

[Carmen87]

Not only did she cheat on you twice, she never fessed up to it and lied about the other one. It doesn't sound as though she is as dedicated to the relationship as you are.

[sally4sara]

Kinda sucks all the wonderful-ness out of those wonderful moments, huh?

 

Sorry you are dealing with this. I'd bail because she was so able to do these things and lie undetectably. It points to a lack of conscious. Maybe she has no sense of guilt over her actions - ever. You'll never be able to take her word for anything in the future.

[Heartbroken_07]

We are all human and I beleive we all make mistakes....but you've given your GF the benefit of the doubt once, You forgave her and she did again. Apparently she didnt learn from her mistake. Maybe because there was no consequence for her actions. I think I would certainly forgive once. Every one is entitled to a momentary weakness right. But she's had her's and continued with that behavior! So... I think its time to let her go!

[truckdriving]

If it were me I would give her the boot. Who knows what else she is lying about.

[Harpe]

I signed up to this site specifically to reply to your post because I hope you listen to me and everyone else in this thread.

 

Whether you realize it right now or not, your relationship with this girl is over. Done. No more.

Your “girlfriend” does not love you. SHE DOES NOT RESPECT YOU AS A MAN. If you go back to her, she will respect you even less. As hard as this is to hear, she will probably cheat on you again and again. Once you take so much disrespect, it will only continue and get worse.

 

What you have to realize is that women (and men) of worth do not do this to other people. Your girlfriend is NOT A GOOD WOMAN. A person like this does not appreciate your love and affection and probably never will. She probably will never appreciate love and affection from ANYBODY. When you detach yourself from her (physically and emotionally), and get out of the fantasy world you are living in, you will realize what a weak individual you are dealing with, and that you deserve a whole lot better.

 

BUT, you also have to recognize that you have been weak as well. Instead of being a MAN and standing up for yourself, for YOUR WORTH as a human being, you took the “easy” way out, and got back together with her. But, as I’m sure you are realizing now, it has not been easy. Your mind has probably been consumed by these other, faceless guys, wondering what it is they have that you don’t. You will NEVER trust her again, and if you say you do you are only kidding yourself. Somewhere in the back of your mind when she is away from you, you will wonder what (or who) she is doing…and it will eat away at you.

 

The problem with getting back together with a woman after she has cheated on you (and especially if she has multiple times and didn’t tell you about it), is that SHE WILL NO LONGER SEE YOU AS A MAN, for men know their own worth and will not put up with that kind of behavior from a woman.

 

She will tell you that she is sorry, that she loves you, that it meant nothing, that it was bad sex, that you are the ONE for her….ANYTHING to get you to come back to her, because she is a weak individual…The problem is that she is testing you…testing to see whether you are a MAN (because, believe it or not, all woman want REAL MEN, who know their worth). If you dump her, you will pass her test and she will RESPECT you for it. She will realize that she can no longer manipulate you and will probably try all the harder to get you back, to get you under HER POWER. And if you fail her test, f you do go back to her, she will probably be good for a while, but then the whole cycle will start all over again.

 

You probably will see this as a lose-lose situation right now: pass the test but lose the girl, or fail the test and get the girl….but only for a short while and then it is back to her cheating on you. However, what you will (hopefully) come to realize (and this will only come with time and getting on with your life), is that her cheating on you yet again was a good thing…it will allow you to make an active decision to be a MAN, to STAND UP FOR YOURSELF, and to take control of your life and actively weed out the destructive forces in it.

 

If you can’t tell, I have been cheated on twice in my life, both with girlfriends of about a year and a half. The first time I did exactly what you did and took her back a second time...and felt like crap for two months while the “relationship” continued, never trusting her, knowing that I deserved to be treated better, knowing that there was someone out that would appreciate my love. She finally dumped me in the end, retaining all the power, and I felt terrible for another month until I finally struggled out of my depression and got on with my life.

 

The second time I chose to keep my self respect, and to be a MAN. It sucked for a couple of weeks, especially when she would call and beg me to take her back….it sucked knowing that she would be with other men (though she would have been anyway had our relationship continued). But at the same time I KNEW that I was doing the right thing. And after that two weeks I felt fantastic. I was over her and was moving on with my life, no regrets. And guess what? She still calls me every so often, leaving me messages and asking to “hang out”….My first cheating ex never does….

 

Dumping her and moving on with your life no matter how hard it may seem at the time, no matter how much you don’t want her to be with anyone else, no matter what, will make you feel like a MAN. It will make you feel like a person of WORTH. It will give you CONFIDENCE. It will give you PRIDE. You will have the POWER. And these feelings will all help you immensely in finding meaning in your life and attracting other women who, believe it or not, will most likely be far better for you. The problem is in recognizing this early on, before you get too attached…. But that is another topic…..

 

So, please take some time and think about what people here have said. Read up on the internet different people’s stories about cheating and how they have dealt with it. A lot of what I have written I have read on other forums, but I am reiterating it here because I now recognize these relationship dynamics to be the truth as I have experienced this stuff first hand. I wish I had taken all the advice I was given the first time, but I didn’t and I ended up wasting more of my time and energy on something hopeless.

 

So, take some time for yourself, getting away (as much as possible) from your “girlfriend” to clear your head and allow yourself to think about this situation, but then more importantly, take ACTION in your own life and do what you know needs to be done.

[vcrandom42]

I just had to say, great post. You really seem like somebody who has learned from their past hurts and moved on in a strong, healthy way. Kudos!

 

And for the OP, I echo everything that was said above, and what was said about going based on actions, not words. I've had to learn that myself the hard way. Give people time to show you their true colors... you've given this girl plenty of time, and all she has done is abuse you and hide things from you.

 

You will be much better off without her!