I saw him with her...

[Ocean-Blue]

He is my favourite... I know I am not 'in love' with him... but I do love him. If he's not around for a few days... I don't 'daydream' about him. I know my feelings are sexual with a deep affection. If he tells me tomorrow that he can't see me anymore... I will feel a little twitch but nothing major...

 

He did tell me about 2 months ago (when he got busted) that it was over, that she knew..blablabla... she knows where I live, she drove by many times... I was sad for a few days... it hurt a little but within a few days I was over him...

 

I just don't know why I'm like that... I don't commit myself 100% probably cause I know they are taken... not sure ...because I could fall head over heels for some of them (some are really good looking) but I don't.

 

In some way, I am glad that I am like that... I don't get hurt...

 

So dating taken men is a defense mechanism of sorts, eh? It seems like you are especially taken with this one. There's a fine line between being "in love" and having great sex, feeling affection, getting "hurt a little bit" when he tells you it's over and actually falling for the guy.

[Owl]

Wow, you think You have it all figured out, huh? You must be a BS-its so freakin' obvious.

 

The wives and gf's of these men are Not our problem.

 

The husbands and bf's are not the OM's problem.

 

Why not???

 

What you're doing impacts their lives. What their spouse is doing impacts YOUR husband or bf's lives just as much.

 

Most OP's don't WANT to think about what the affair is doing to MM/MW's spouse, because they don't want to admit that what they're doing is wrong. Or that its being done at someone else's expense.

 

Agreed, the OP never made any promises to the betrayed spouse. That IS the MM/MW's area of guilt and responsibility. But, if an OP KNOWINGLY begins an affair with a married person, they're equally responsible for the pain and suffering that the BS is caused by that affair.

 

Aren't we all responsible for the results of our actions? If what we KNOWINGLY do DOES hurt someone...directly or indirectly...aren't we responsible for it?

[reboot]

Aren't we all responsible for the results of our actions? If what we KNOWINGLY do DOES hurt someone...directly or indirectly...aren't we responsible for it?

Apparently, in our brave, new world, we are only responsible for whatever makes us feel good at the moment.

[Virgo1982]

Apparently, in our brave, new world, we are only responsible for whatever makes us feel good at the moment.

 

I don't think that's always true. For instance, people aren't responsible for how their words affect others. Your emotional reaction is internal. You might tell Lizzie she's a whore and she may not care. You could call Gwyneth a whore and she could commit suicide, but you're not responsible for their reactions.

[2sunny]

Why not???

 

What you're doing impacts their lives. What their spouse is doing impacts YOUR husband or bf's lives just as much.

 

Most OP's don't WANT to think about what the affair is doing to MM/MW's spouse, because they don't want to admit that what they're doing is wrong. Or that its being done at someone else's expense.

 

Agreed, the OP never made any promises to the betrayed spouse. That IS the MM/MW's area of guilt and responsibility. But, if an OP KNOWINGLY begins an affair with a married person, they're equally responsible for the pain and suffering that the BS is caused by that affair.

 

Aren't we all responsible for the results of our actions? If what we KNOWINGLY do DOES hurt someone...directly or indirectly...aren't we responsible for it?

 

good to see you again - you wise one! oooohhh!

[Owl]

I don't think that's always true. For instance, people aren't responsible for how their words affect others. Your emotional reaction is internal. You might tell Lizzie she's a ***** and she may not care. You could call Gwyneth a ***** and she could commit suicide, but you're not responsible for their reactions.

 

No?

 

So that frees me from any moral obligation to use polite language when talking to anyone? Tells me that I have no responsibility for my language and how it might affect my kids...or someone else's? So, if I were to go to someone's house, and start calling them a ****** in front of their kids, I'm in no way responsible for their reaction, or their their kid's? I'm not responsible for what it might teach their kids?

 

By the same reasoning, verbal/emotional abuse doesn't exist. If I'm not responsible for how someone else reacts to my words, then how could I be charged with verbally/emotionally abusing someone? Its not MY fault that they felt the way they did when I called them a *****, right?

 

Of course we're responsible for what we say or do. Of course I'd be responsible for the results.

[Owl]

Oh...and the next person to call me wise will get a stern talking to. LOL!!

 

The "owl" thing has nothing to do with wise...if I were that wise, I would have never had reason to come here in the first place, now would I?

[Lizzie60]

No?

 

So that frees me from any moral obligation to use polite language when talking to anyone? Tells me that I have no responsibility for my language and how it might affect my kids...or someone else's? So, if I were to go to someone's house, and start calling them a ****** in front of their kids, I'm in no way responsible for their reaction, or their their kid's? I'm not responsible for what it might teach their kids?

 

By the same reasoning, verbal/emotional abuse doesn't exist. If I'm not responsible for how someone else reacts to my words, then how could I be charged with verbally/emotionally abusing someone? Its not MY fault that they felt the way they did when I called them a *****, right?

 

Of course we're responsible for what we say or do. Of course I'd be responsible for the results.

 

I respectfully disagree... in an anonymous forum like this one.. you can't tell in what state people are... it's very different than RL... IMO...

 

I know what you're saying but it only applies to people you know well... Of course if you to someone's house and start calling names, first you'd be out the door on your head, secondly that only happens in 'redneck' families not with civilized people...

 

Even if I was raging against someone, I would never EVER call them names in front of their kids.. I am not stupid to the point of hurting innoncent kids.

 

I doubt very much that you can be charged on this forum if you call someone a bit*ch or a wh*re..or whatever.

 

So this is anonymity vs RL... and IMO it's very different.

[Owl]

Lizzie-

 

Granted. You don't have enough information about the other person's mind at the time to be COMPLETELY responsible for how they respond to what you say.

 

But actually, I was referring to real life. And I was using this as a context to counter the idea that the OP isn't responsible for how the BS feels, nor should the BS care about the OP's significant other. Take a look at my post prior to where we started on the 'speech' thing, and you'll see the context of what I was getting to.

[NoIDidn't]

This thread is way off topic, so forgive me for continuing the trend.

 

I agree with Owl about the existence of verbal/emotional abuse. I disagree that it only applies to people you know well. What about people that go shopping and berate the store associates and cashiers? They are not likely known well by their assailant, yet their feelings do get hurt by what is said/done.

 

Verbal abuse is just speaking to another in ways that do not respect them or their feelings. Why does it matter if you know the person or not?

[Virgo1982]

No?

 

So that frees me from any moral obligation to use polite language when talking to anyone? Tells me that I have no responsibility for my language and how it might affect my kids...or someone else's? So, if I were to go to someone's house, and start calling them a ****** in front of their kids, I'm in no way responsible for their reaction, or their their kid's? I'm not responsible for what it might teach their kids?

 

By the same reasoning, verbal/emotional abuse doesn't exist. If I'm not responsible for how someone else reacts to my words, then how could I be charged with verbally/emotionally abusing someone? Its not MY fault that they felt the way they did when I called them a *****, right?

 

Of course we're responsible for what we say or do. Of course I'd be responsible for the results.

 

You get my point. We can not see everything in black and white. Every situation has to be examined separately. I agree with you-You can not go around saying whatever you want, but many people don't. Some might say you wouldn't tell your loved ones about your affair. I don't think most married couples go spreading their business around either. We all come here to feel comfortable and welcome to talk about issues we are concerned about.

 

I gave up my affair and I get attacked all the time. Like Lizzie, I simply shut down or ignore those people who jump in a thread to attack. Gwyneth will get used to the personalities and address the right people in the right way.

[Virgo1982]

This thread is way off topic, so forgive me for continuing the trend.

 

I agree with Owl about the existence of verbal/emotional abuse. I disagree that it only applies to people you know well. What about people that go shopping and berate the store associates and cashiers? They are not likely known well by their assailant, yet their feelings do get hurt by what is said/done.

 

Verbal abuse is just speaking to another in ways that do not respect them or their feelings. Why does it matter if you know the person or not?

 

The internet gives people balls to say and do what they would not in real life.

[reboot]

The internet gives people balls to say and do what they would not in real life.

I dunno... I'm often much nicer on the internet...

[Lizzie60]

I dunno... I'm often much nicer on the internet...

 

That's easy to say on a forum like this... No one knows you..

[Owl]

Its all good. I'm a jerk in real life too.

[Lizzie60]

Its all good. I'm a jerk in real life too.

 

 

Good as long as you know about it...

 

ps I thought you were a female..

[Virgo1982]

WHY AREN'T YOU PEOPLE POSTING IN THE JERK FORUM???:mad: I don't understand.:confused: Your problems can't be solved here!!!! Get out immediately!!!!:lmao:

[Lizzie60]

WHY AREN'T YOU PEOPLE POSTING IN THE JERK FORUM???:mad: I don't understand.:confused: Your problems can't be solved here!!!! Get out immediately!!!!:lmao:

 

 

 

:lmao:

[NoIDidn't]

The internet gives people balls to say and do what they would not in real life.

 

I am far more selective of my words here (have to be) than IRL. I am far from vulgar, but the ability to read my facial expressions and hear the inflections in my speech definitely make me much more formidable (if you will) in person than IRL.

 

The internet gives me no such "balls". The internet can be used as proof of something. My actual verbal words to someone as "hearsay" and may be interpretted differently by different people hearing them, and knowing me vs. not knowing me. On the 'net, my words can be printed out and used against me in a court of law should it ever come to that.

 

But I am a person that is never rude to retail workers, whether I felt respected or not. I figure the complaint line or store management is much more capable of solving any issue I have with salespeople than acting like an idiot would.

[Virgo1982]

I am far more selective of my words here (have to be) than IRL. I am far from vulgar, but the ability to read my facial expressions and hear the inflections in my speech definitely make me much more formidable (if you will) in person than IRL.

 

The internet gives me no such "balls". The internet can be used as proof of something. My actual verbal words to someone as "hearsay" and may be interpretted differently by different people hearing them, and knowing me vs. not knowing me. On the 'net, my words can be printed out and used against me in a court of law should it ever come to that.

 

But I am a person that is never rude to retail workers, whether I felt respected or not. I figure the complaint line or store management is much more capable of solving any issue I have with salespeople than acting like an idiot would.

 

So everyone's jumping on this statement but you don't know that people communicate differently on the internet in general? It's been on Dateline. I mean that's common knowledge. I didn't say everyone. Of course there are many exceptions. But I see people say kind things on the internet I don't think they would say in person. I see people are nasty here but wouldn't dare talk to someone in the street that way. Hello? When is the last time you really LOL'ed before you typed LOL? C'mon man.

[Gwyneth]

I can be a jerk too, especially when you ask me if I want my food wrapped--my plate half filled with yummy fetuchini in creamy alfredo and garlic sauce, and I say YES, and you go and throw it away because you never heard me say yes. GRRRRRR. That calls for NO TIP! I can be difficult--in the real world AND online, LOL. Proud of it too!!!

[White Flower]

Do you seriously think any "nice young guy" is going to be interested in a relationship with a much older woman who is sleeping with 4 other men and gives "massages" for a living?

 

Keep dreaming Lizzie...you provide a service, nothing more.

I think that is the goal, right Lizzie? Only you also get the service you desire...

 

I didn't know you give massages. Next time I go to Canada I'll look you up:)

[White Flower]

he just wants the sex part from lizzie and she isn't seeing it!

I think she does see it and likes it that way.

[norajane]

I didn't know you give massages. Next time I go to Canada I'll look you up:)

 

Er, I don't think you're quite her kind of customer. Her specialty is 'happy endings'.

[White Flower]

So everyone's jumping on this statement but you don't know that people communicate differently on the internet in general? It's been on Dateline. I mean that's common knowledge. I didn't say everyone. Of course there are many exceptions. But I see people say kind things on the internet I don't think they would say in person. I see people are nasty here but wouldn't dare talk to someone in the street that way. Hello? When is the last time you really LOL'ed before you typed LOL? C'mon man.

This is a great point and I think it can go in all kinds of directions. I for example tend to write better than I speak. I'll write something quickly and think to myself, "wow, that was really harsh", and rewrite it. Or, I'll actually verify the meaning of a word before I type it so I don't look like a fool. But God knows how many times I put my foot in my mouth while speaking out loud because I didn't have a dictionary handy!

 

If you remember when the internet first came out there were all kinds of marriages that ended in divorce from people who met in chat rooms. Once they moved across the country or to a different country altogether, they found that the person who wrote such romantic and beautiful letters were not the same people in person. Writing is different than speaking and hiding behind our monitors makes us braver.