What Do I Do?

[josh1993]

Ok here is whats going on when i was 2 yr old my dad tried to kill my mom by beating her to death and when he started to do that my to older brothers ran up stairs i was to scared to move so i saw the whole thing. My dad didn't kill her because he was so drunk he left think she was dead and left to get more beer. My mom is always sick now anyway back to the story my mom called the cops and she got him arrested. My dad got the charges droped and they got a divorce.

 

A year later my mom got married to a guy named Phil he was nice when i met him but after they got married he got meaner and meaner. Jump a year later my mom had gave birth two twins 1 girl and 1 boy Phil was nice for about a year but after that became even meaner. He wasn't mean to my mom but he is mean to me and my brothers he says every day that my dad is a piece of crap and yells at me for an hr or so each day saying what my dad did to her.

 

I still love my dad (Phil hates that i do) because he had changed and he never hit us or yelled at us. I was around 10 and my oldest brother is starting to get yelled at by Phil and like pushed up against the wall and get hurt. So my brother moves away to live with my dad and than my older brother than started to get yelled at by Phil and i get acid reflex it stress make my stomach make to much acid and it hurts me.

 

So my brother moves away and this year my step dad is starting to do what he did to my brothers and every one sees it happing i used to be happy all the time and smile but now im mean to ppl and i don't talk to anyone because when i do Phil yells at me.

 

So im think about moving away but my mom told me that if i move away that she will divorce Phil which is a plus to me but than my little brother and sister is y i don't because each time my brother moved away my mom and little brother and sister got sadder and sadder and i think if i do than my mom will kill her self.

 

And if she docent she will get a devoice with Phil and i don't want my brother and sister to go though that it changes you in a bad way but if i don't leave Phil will keep hurting me and yelling at me making me more depressed also with all this on my shoulders my stomach is killing me every day

 

:lmao:WHAT DO I DO?

[Trialbyfire]

So im think about moving away but my mom told me that if i move away that she will divorce Phil which is a plus to me but than my little brother and sister is y i don't because each time my brother moved away my mom and little brother and sister got sadder and sadder and i think if i do than my mom will kill her self.

josh, honey, you're only 14. Your mother has put an unfair burden of guilt on you. As your mother, she should be protecting all of you. That she can't or won't, doesn't make her or the family, your responsibility. I think it speaks volumes about you, that you care. I think it sad, that you should have to be so concerned. ((hugs))

 

Get out before your stepfather gets more physical with you. I'm just concerned that your natural father won't be any better. Are you certain you don't want to look to the authorities or some form of crisis helpline, to help you out of an untenable domestic violence situation?

[Trialbyfire]

Bump. Any other member have any further insights or support?

[HarakIgia]

Hi Josh,

I'm really sorry this is happening to you. You shouldn't have to worry about your mom and siblings. You should be enjoying your childhood. I wish I could change things for you:( Have you tried talking to your mom? Does she know how you feel? Has she not seen the pattern with your brothers? You are not responsible for her or your siblings. You need to do what's best for you. If your dad has cleaned up his act and your brothers are happier and say it's a safe and healthy environment for you then that's where you should be. How about talking to a school counselor? You shouldn't be dealing with all this stuff on your own. Please try and talk to someone. How about your dad? I hope this helps. Sending you a big hug. I hope you find some resolution to this soon. Keep us posted. I don't like the emotional abuse your going through. I'll be thinking of you and sending you good thoughts.

[Trialbyfire]

I should expand on my comment about it speaking volumes about you. You're way ahead of your age. You've had to mature fast. You shouldn't have to be an adult though.

[josh1993]

thank you but it getting worse in the past few days my mom talk to my step dad and on the phone more than me and my sister and little brother and when i try to tlak to her she said that she is sick or im busy so i almost never get to talk to her but i still dont to leave because of my mom is so depressed i dont no what she would do and my brother and sister i dont want them to have to deal with phil because he might go after my little brother next maybe not because that is HIS kid but than the devorce that would hurt them both and i dont want to see it because i was just like my little brother and i dont want him to change but he will if i move it's so hard to wake up and live with it and every at school is still a kid i wish i could be like them care free but i cant anyway ill talk to some one soon or ill start going crazy

[HarakIgia]

Josh, I'm so sorry you feel trapped. But, really you aren't. Please try and talk to someone else to try and get some help. Your mom sounds like she may have her plate to full. But, perhaps if you talk to a counselor at school they may be able to help. I wish I could do or say more. Your being thought of and I'm so sorry that you've had to experience any of this. Hugs! To you. Try and stay away from your step father. Read, play with your siblings. Try and not be accessible to him. Please keep us posted on how you're coping.

[amaysngrace]

Your guidance counselor can help you or any teacher that you trust.

 

{{{HUG}}}

 

You're too young to have to deal with this crap. I'm sad for you. XO

[Trialbyfire]

You can't buffer your siblings. If your stepfather should choose to beat on you, what's to stop him from beating on his own children? Nothing because your mother doesn't appear to be in the frame of mind to help. Whether she can help this or not, is not for me to judge. I do know that whatever her issues, she can't/won't help, unless you take some form of definitive action.

[Rachel_0814p]

Josh, you need to do what is right for you and not make yourself responsible for your mother's welfare or happiness (or even your brothers' or sisters', though I know its hard to leave siblings in a bad situation.)

 

I know how horribly hard your life is right now, and how you feel like it's never going to get better. But if you work hard to keep yourself stable and on track, keep moving ahead towards a better life for yourself, then you will grow up and out of it and you will be able to find happiness as an adult.

 

Believe me because I did it. I had an alcoholic father, neglectful mother, and abusive step-father figure with no emotional support from anyone. I was even homeless during my junior year of high school. (I couch-hopped between friends with sympathetic parents and sometimes slept in friends' cars.) I had to work like a dog, but I held a steady job and earned enough to rent a room and buy a car.

 

I always struggled with the emotional baggage from my youth. But I still finished college and started working as a graphic artist. I worked hard and, despite the life I'd started from, I now have a good life and my terrible childhood doesn't hold me back.

 

My childhood haunted me for a long time. But I always worked on improving my situation, and somehow learned how to love and accept myself along the way. Healing myself took a very long time. Healing yourself is very important.

 

I was 25 before I realized that I was happy. I don't remember a day in my life before that when I could just relax and enjoy a moment. I suddenly didn't have to carry my parent's pain, guilt or anger anymore. I was free to be my own person of my own making.

 

You can do it, too! Just stay smart and keep your head afloat. Don't let yourself drown in it. Take care of yourself, focus on YOU, and you'll make it. Once you're ok, then you can try to take care of everyone else.