Update: Share password?

[Gyjin]

Ok, so did the key logger felt like crap, untill...........

Her password is her exes first and last name! although there were no messages because she erases them as they come in. In her calandar She made sure to remember his birthday, anniversary, umm... dog grooming day (not kidding).

But not my graduation from the University, birthday, our anniversary, NOT A DAMN THING! Feeling like just a way for her to pay bills

We have kids of our own and now one on the way. I don't even know what to think. I don't know what to even do when I'm around her now. I know he's always on her mind, I will be self concious that she is comparing me in every way to him. I'm already self conscious because she tries to correct the way I walk, talk, dress etc.

A lot of ?s about her past. Here's a slice- Her kid belongs to a XBF (password guy) lied to 1st H "he's yours".

Works with someone else she slept with (before we met). Was about to move in with a guy she was dating for a few weeks so she could live away from her folks.

advice? please, feeling like crap and feeling trapped

[Art_Critic]

With what you found out I would think you need to confront.. or wait and get some more ammo and then confront.

 

I would like you to remember that she does have a child with the guy who is on her calender.. it might be a case of her just never removing them rather than a case or her putting them on instead of yours..( not that that is okay.. just thought it might be what really happened ).

It sounds like she has had that email since they were together and she used his name as the password and also put their life in the calender ( dog grooming ).

 

You did not find out if she was cheating but you did find out that she is carrying a torch for her ex..

That has to hurt.. I'm sorry...

 

Maybe you should hash it out with her and get her to kill that email address and get new ones.

[Sweetcheripie]

Ok...for years I had my boyfriend from college birthday as my password for my atm. It was a great number, ez to remember and no one would ever guess it. It did not mean I was pining for my old bf or that I thought about him - maybe it meant I was lazy but honestly I'm horrible with passwords and I had had it for so long I just never changed it. Every once in a while I would think - oh that's so and so's bday but I ddin't keep the password because he still meant so much to me.

 

It took closing the account to change the password.

 

So don't jump to conclusions. It sounds like maybe your situation is a lot different but just wanted to let you know that sometimes we just forget or are too lazy or whatever - that it could be that.

[oppath]

I think the best thing to do is to mention "you seem to always minimize whatever you are doing on the computer when I enter the room, and I've noticed it happens a lot. You have a right to some privacy, but it disturbs me that it happens so frequently. What do you feel about that?"

 

Save the password, etc for later, in fact, don't bring it up unless you have more ammo, as it is not really evidence of anything, though I agree it would be hurtful to you. Simply inquire in a non-judgmental way, and it is ok to ask her: "what I need from you is a little more transparency. I am not accusing you of anything, I am simply saying that I feel a little uncomfortable, and I am requesting that you validate how I feel about it and are willing to be more transparent so I feel more comfortable. It happens so often, I can't help but notice."

[Cobra_X30]

Ok, so did the key logger felt like crap, untill...........

Her password is her exes first and last name! although there were no messages because she erases them as they come in. In her calandar She made sure to remember his birthday, anniversary, umm... dog grooming day (not kidding).

 

Well, you dont have anything on her at this time.

 

Yeah she seems to be way wrapped up in her ex... but that doesnt mean she is cheating on you.

 

Best to lay low for now. Try to improve communication with her. Try to cut off any $$$ she may be getting out of you. Start doing the limited liability thing. Also flirt with her as much as possible.

 

Seriously... her past is the part that gets me edgy... not what she is currently doing.

 

The fact that she deletes all incoming and outgoing emails... thats bloody fishy. But don't convict her based on nothing. This is time for you to dig down and fight for her. Don't act all super needy... Instead, be strong secure, and loving! If things are wrong you will find out soon enough.

[gonetildecember]

Not to touch on any of the other stuff, or her other behaviour.. but I know i still have part of my exs name as one of my passwords, just became so used to it, that I haven't gotten around to changing it...and trust me.. no lingering feelings or anything else going on there.

 

I have a friend who broke up with her ex years ago and still has their anniversary as a password, just because its become a habit.

 

I would not worry too much about that. The rest of the stuff (calendar issues) I would bring up...but then you would have to admit that you snooped.

[Gyjin]

AC- I know she has a child with him, but they have never met (child and bio father) and "suposedly" no one else knows, although honestly it's just the boy, his siblings, and the man she said is the real father that still don't know. Bio dad does not provide financially or emotionally. Yet she still laments down memory lane about how great he was and how she made the wrong choice and went with security over love. Ahhh yes hearing all that just warms my heart. Yeah it really does hurt, it also hurts that I can't win over memories, She'll keep pining away holding him up on a pedestal. No point in having her kill the address though, won't change how she feels. I am just going to keep my eyes open. And Re the calandar the dog grooming was two days ago, she updates it all the time. I wouldn't mind seeing him on there if the case was she hasn't touched it in forever or I was on there for AT Least the same things. But I'm not

 

Mon cheri- Yeah I thought about that. But the fact is she does talk about him and she had even mentioned "some people never get over their first love". Thing is fine, whatever, we all have memories but her past plus her acting like she is hiding something now worries me.

 

Oppath- I agree and tonight that is what I am going to say, ver batim. I have a tendency to get over emotional and say things that make me look like a jacka55 or get over emotional and can't find the words so I go quiet.

 

Cobra- I hear what you are saying but carrying a torch for this long. Plus I do flirt with her and make her laugh, constantly, it's just how I am and I love her reaction. But now I really feel like I don't want to do that because that is how I have been from day one, yet she still spends so much time on memory lane. Why bother? Instead, be strong secure, and loving! If things are wrong you will find out soon enough Honestly it's a little hard to be any of the above so that I can wait to see what happens, But, that is what I will have to do, I just have to stop wearing my heart on my sleeve and just put on a great performance. I don't think I should have to. But oh well.

 

Gone to 12- I am not going to bring it up, I am, as said by previous posts, going to get more ammo. and work on communication

[Cobra_X30]

Cobra- I hear what you are saying but carrying a torch for this long. Plus I do flirt with her and make her laugh, constantly, it's just how I am and I love her reaction. But now I really feel like I don't want to do that because that is how I have been from day one, yet she still spends so much time on memory lane. Why bother? Instead, be strong secure, and loving! If things are wrong you will find out soon enough Honestly it's a little hard to be any of the above so that I can wait to see what happens, But, that is what I will have to do, I just have to stop wearing my heart on my sleeve and just put on a great performance. I don't think I should have to. But oh well.

 

Well, if your the one doing all the work, then perhaps its time you let her know exactly where she stands.

 

Here is what I would do in your shoes.

 

I would tell her that the constant contact with her ex's is to the exclusion of me and thats not the kind of relationship I want. I would tell her that she is free to chase her ex without me. Game Over!

 

If she responds with change great, if not, your rid of her and her stupid games!

 

Thats what I would do... what you do.... well, thats up to you!