she wanted a "break indefinitely", I'm hurt. first love

[blissfullyignorant]

Before you continue, I would just like you give you a heads up that this is first love. This summer, I went to a program for high schoolers on the east coast. We were living on campus at a university in dorms. On the first day there, she saw me on the elevator, and she must’ve felt attracted at first sight. Well, I didn’t notice her until the end of the first week at the program. We met again at the dance, and I happened to meet her because my floor mates were looking for everyone else who lived on the same floor. We started chatting and instantly clicked in various ways and I guess that’s how it started. We would chat for hours on everything, it just seemed like there was an endless array of things to talk to her about. I saw her as a friend, but it was quite obvious that she wanted something more. I was quite resilient towards it, but she pushed for it, everyone on the floor pushed for it. Anyways, it was my first everything, first kiss, first time holding hands and sharing moments intimately. I was head over heels with this girl after she made it clear to me one night that she wanted to go further than friends. The next four weeks encapsulated some of the happiest moments in my life. We did just about everything together while we were at the program, we went out, studied together, and started sleeping together (not in that way, I’m 16 and still a virgin thank god).

 

However, as the summer program came towards it’s demise, we had some serious talk about how far to go. We were sure that it wasn’t just a summer fling, as we had seen so many other high schoolers in the program do. We were serious about it. We decided on a long distance relationship, she lived somewhere in the east coast and I lived in the Midwest, we were seperated by about a thousand miles. We talked about it, it would be monogamous, no open dating or anything like that. We were committed to each other. It was very hard, having such a strong relationship with someone for seven weeks in such a short period of time, and then realizing the inevitability that comes with changing circumstances that happens often with young love. We were both scared of the inevitable goodbyes, of not being in each others arms again, or being able to do any of those simple cute things. Then it came, one of the hardest days up to this point in my life came up and we had to say goodbye. Up to that point, I had never shed so many tears in such a short amount of time. We sort of had a bad goodbye, as her parents were in front of us, we couldn’t kiss or anything, just hug. I came up to my dorm room and cried for 20 minutes. However, she came up later and wanted to give me a proper goodbye. We had one last kiss, she told me to smile and not be so sad, and said that we’d meet again. I promised her that I would see her one more time after this.

 

Well, it was everything I thought first love could be, the first kiss is just about the warmest thing you could feel in the world. Something as simple as taking a walk holds such strong meaning when you’re with someone you really care about. The dumbest topics in the world could actually be interesting when you talk with someone who clicks. Anyways, we’ve been doing the long distance relationship for 3 months. We’ve sent two letters so far, talk on the phone usually every night, if not then every other. However, it’s been getting horrible lately, just that our phone conversations have long silences, and our lives have been getting so busy. (Junior year in highschool is so hectic). It’s hard to connect and sometimes we just end up talking about our day. We were so strong the first month, but the last month was pretty bad. Eventually, she said she had all of this school related stuff to do, and her year was about to get much busier. She was going to work 12 hours on Saturday, and had all these extracirriculars along with sports after school. She came up to me 6 days ago on Tuesday, and said that she wanted to take a break. It was sort of surprising. I respected her decision, but then we got into a couple arguments about how the relationship wasn’t working so well. We had a few fights over text messaging, and we finally talked one last time on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. She started throwing all this crap on me, that I didn’t do enough for the relationship. Finally, she said this was one of the reasons that she wanted a break, because supposedly our phone conversations would be filled with these arguments and that she didn’t want to have to deal with it. Another thing was, when I asked her for how long we would take a break, she said indefinitely, just until “I think things through.”

 

I guess it’s sort of alright given that she has a lot of stuff to do, but we took a break on a bad note. We still had a lot of stuff to fix, and she wanted to just get space to think things through. However, I don’t believe that taking a break while things are sour is the best way to fix problems in the relationship. Especially since it’s long distance, leaving problems alone and not talking to the other person fixes nothing and only makes it worse. No matter how busy she is, if this relationship had some meaning to her, she would have wanted to sort things before taking the break, right?

 

I’m just confused right now, I’m pretty sure her feelings for me have gone into rubbish, any priority for this relationship has been thrown out the window. This sucks, because any kind of feedback that I try getting from her as to what her thoughts are have failed. She’s so unresponsive. When she said she wanted to take a break, she did not put any facts about the relationship down on the table. She was so defensive when I wanted to do a relationship check up (long distance relationships need that especially), she got mad and said why did I need to be reaffirmed of things.

 

I care for her and want to be with her (we planned it so that I would fly over spring break). However, just the fact that she’s vague with the relationship and her feelings is really hurting me. I want to keep myself busy, because thinking about this whole dilemma is quite time consuming. It would be nice if she offered some comforting words, but there was none of that. Just a sort of “I have my own things to do and I don’t want to deal with this” kind of bullcrap is the last that I got from her. I thought she was perfect, I’ve done everything that I could, but that was a real bitchful act she did. I guess it’s better not to force it, but I shouldn’t have to wait. The worse thing that I want is ending this with arguments and fighting over the phone, and being in the state where we can’t talk to each other. If she could give me a certain time frame, that would be great. If we could fix some things in the relationship, and then she wants a break for a certain period of time, that’s fine with me. All relationships may need breaks, but it shouldn’t just be used as an excuse or a form of escapism from the problems within the relationship. Just not talking to the person is the worse way to deal with it when it comes to this point.

 

This is torture, and it’s unfair. She frikin’ wants a break, the relationship is in ruins, and she doesn’t tell me anything about how she feels as far as the relationship itself goes. Here’s the plan: the last time I made any contact ( sending e cards, texting, messaging ), was yesterday. She seems unresponsive to any of these, so I plan to leave her alone for the rest of the week. This school week will be torture. Anyways, I plan to leave her alone until the weekend, then call her up, ask how she feels. If she’s not giving me any straightforward response, or still giving me a negative vibe, then I’ll be direct with her. I plan to say, “look, I want to be in this relationship, I don’t want to break up. But if you have any doubts or uncertainties in your mind whatsoever about this relationship that’s causing you to keep the break going, then I think it’s better if we just part ways.”

 

Any suggestions for how to handle this would be nice, or even better, different ways to look at it or think about it. If you read this far, applaud yourself, you deserve it. Thank you for your time and thoughts.

[MEL914]

if she needs time away from the relationship then let it be you have to give her time to think she will then return whens she's ready but untill then just do what you have to do to stop thinking about this so much and always remember to be nice to your self beating your self up wont help!