v stil love each other like nethin--i want him back

[kitkat289]

me n my bf broke up 4months ago but still doesnt feel like v r single cos v've started to talk almost every day now...he was d one who wanted 2 break up as he felt he cudnt live up2 my expectations (he was actually flirting arnd...n i had caught him many a times but still i kept on workin on our rel...all efforts being jus 1-sided)

He used 2 be a very committed guy n had told abt me 2 parents...he'd dream of our future every night n wud love 2 share wid me evthin dat he thot/imagines...it was a dream come true 2 have such a faithful guy in my life n i had never imagined in my weiedest dreams dat he cud think of quitting cos he used 2 love me more than i loed him n was really insecure in d beginnin cos of his average luks or wtever n he was soo open 2 me dat he'd discuss all his insecurities,fears wid me.

 

it was all so gr8 but dunno wt happened after 1 n half yr dat he started chattin n making online frns(gals) n wud ask 'em 2 meet...iam not guessin nethin as i had read his gmail chats wid all of 'em.he was flirtng badly n used 2 tell me dat he did all dat cos he had commitment-phobia...or excuses like he was frustread/depressed cos he cudnt get his VISA/got flunked in 1 sub...loads of excuses.But thn wen i used 2 stop talkin 2 him he'd try 2 talk 2 me n once wen heas drunk he booked an air ticket n actually came 2 my city 2 assure meof his love.

 

But after some brk-up n patch-ups he realised it wasnt goin newhr n finally broke up wid me.It hurt me a lot n took me 3-4months to finally accept it.

 

But d thing is dat now dat v talk almost every night i feel v r gettin closer.He keeps reminding me of all those things v did n all those spl moments spent 2gethr n like how much he misses me n every lil thing in me.He told me abt his date n said dat it was so dull...he realised dat he can never fall n love wid any othr gal n b lah blah...actually he's a sentimental person,if iam quiet or wen i keep crackin jokes he starts 2 miss me n gets vocal otherwise he hardlytells me these things which i love 2 hear.

[kitkat289]

i feel i'd b such a loser 2 n ot have him in my life cos im pretty sure i can never get such a thoughtful,romantic,understanding n intelligent guy (as he's in India's topmost instt).I think he messed it up n now he's utterly confused..one of d reasons is dat he knows dat i can never go away frm him n another is dat he tells me he's v guilty as he had never imagined he'd hurt me so bad.Wen I ask him if v have a future, he says one cant b sure.

I feel he's slowly gettin committed 2 me but doesnt wanna prove or smthn cos

1. Wen i tease him by askin abt his new gal frns,he gets a lil serious n starts tellin me abt d few dat he talks 2 n even sometimes tells me abt thr conversation....(like he wanna make me feel secure n wanna gain my faith in him....lol)

2. Things r changing slowly...now he informs me if he's busy n cant talk...I guess he's started 2 respect me(not sure though)

3.He told me last night dat he feels dat being 2 ppl shud remain 'frns' even if they love each other truly n thn they shud propose only a day b4 tyin d knot.(i felt he was giving me a hint abt our future...dat if after an yr or so, things r still like they r 2day thn v can get married mayb)

4. He still calls me by those names wen he feels mushy n teases me...while i respond wid sarcastic comments n v jus love it.He tells me v can never feel dis way 4 any other person n i feel d same way.feels like v've gone 2yrs back n dis time d bond is gettin stronger thn ever b4.(This is wt i feel......i dunno if he feels dis way or not but wt i always hear frm him is dat both of us cant love any1 else dis way...dunnowt he thinks abt d future)

[kitkat289]

Pls tell me guys wat u think of our relationship...sometimes i feel so depressed cos i cant stop thinkin if v'll b 2gether again or not n how wud it b like if v patch-up or how he'd learn not 2 take me 4 granted.....

 

One more thing....aftr our brk-up i had told him few ti mes dat he'll never get 2 c me again (im not sure if he got it but im adament on not meeting him or even showing my face)

He's comin here in december end n asked me 2 meet...i told him i cant.

Iam not v sure but I wud never want 2 c him atleast dis time...iam so afraid thinkin dat if i meet him,it will feel like b4 n as he loves me a lot he might wanna do things like kissin ,cuddlin....n wt if i get emotional n become vulnerable....afterall he keeps givin me confusing hints or might even ask me 2 patch-up dis time....im quite sure he wont b able 2 resist doin dat bt then i'll feel really miserable if after spending a wonderful time he leaves me all confused n restless.

 

Y shud I give him my time,b'ful moments...things he loves wen he can never gimme "commitment" or wen he can never 'sincerely' want 2 work on things.If he says its better 2 b frns as he's afraid n things cud get messed up again...he's so unsure but still he wants 2 live his life wid me (if things go fine)....y shud i b d one doin things 4 him...wen he cant.Y shud I only worry wen he;s content wid how things r at d moment?

 

I jus want him not 2 take me 4 granted..how can i make him feel at loss or want him 2 do some efforts n make things work?

PLZ HELP ME OUT....

[kitkat289]

pls give me ur point of view on my situation...i keep thinkin abt us all d time.

[vivrantflo]

From what I understand, this is a long distance relationship.. and those types of relationships are challenging enough when there are two comitted people involved. It is next to impossible to maintain, if one of the parties is not giving in their 100% effort.

 

It sounds like he's not appreciating you as much as he should. If he really wanted you, and really cared about you.. he wouldnt be talking to other women, and asking to meet them.

 

You don't deserve to be treated in the way that he has been treating you. You want a man to focus on making you happy.. a man that is contect being with you, and only you.. and doesn't have the need or desire to speak with other women online. Besides, you caught him emotionally cheating on you over the computer.. how do you know he's not physically cheating on you as well? Especially if you live far apart?

 

I personally think that you deserve better than that. There are plenty of men that would love to be with one woman. Get out of this situation, and allow yourself to let a real man appreciate you for whom you are. Good luck

[kitkat289]

that's right but few days ago he was telling me about the new friends that he made and told me that he has only 1-2 gal friends who call him some times and he cancels rest of the calls(like he wanted to assure me of something) and also he tells me that he doesnt feel like dating anyone after experiencing a dull date which only made him realise how different it was when we had first met.It just clicked on day-1 itself.He to ld me while coming back he was only thinking of us being together and realised that nobody can replace the kind of chemistry we had.

All these things make me think that it can be great once we are together.His placements are starting from dec and most probably he'll get a job in my city as its the capital and for other reasons.I guess once he starts to live here he'd want to start seeing me again.I know this for sure because he's not too strong or detached when he's near me and I can see a better relationship for us(as it wont be a long-distance relationship anymore atleast for 5-6months)

 

Though I should still keep a distance from him I just cant stop dreaming about us being together...also because he's my 1st bf and the only guy who shares such chemistry with me and same is the case with him.When we are together ther's never a dull moment and even the silence speaks volumes...everything is so wonderful and he's always so crazy about everything in me when we are together from the way I eat,my eyes,the way I say some words blah blah...I never noticed such lil things in him but he alwayd did and still cherishes.Do you think he can be such a great lover like he's been for last 1 and a half year?

[kitkat289]

pleaseee reply!!

[vivrantflo]

Alright, so he tells you that he only accepts calls from one or two women, but turns down the rest.. I don't understand how you find that encouraging! You want a man to appreciate you, and only have a desire to be with you.

 

He gives you hope, cause he wants to keep you interested in him, but how fair is that to you? When he's around you, he wants you, but when he's gone, he's talking to other women? He came right out and told you that he's not interested in dating cause he had a boring date.. That should be telling you that he is TRYING to look for someone else!! What's going to happen when he goes out on a date with a woman local to him, and he actually likes her?? You'll be pushed aside.. and you don't want to go through that pain.

 

I advise that you walk away from this man.. and date someone who is only interested in dating you. Chasing this guy will surely lead to heartbreak. Spare yourself that pain

[sedgwick]

okay, seriously, what does this even say? i'd be happy to help you if you wrote in actual english, but i don't even know what you're talking about with all the internet slang.

[kitkat289]

thanks so much vivrantflo.

You know last night when we were talking I was telling him that every guy I show my pics to gets interested in the girls who are with me in those pictures and ask me their numbers and I feel like crap.I was just kidding with him and didnt realise that I hadnt told him about my email address.Actually some weeks ago I had told him that I had deleted all my accounts on the internet and now nobody can contact me through web.I wanted to do the same things that he did to me (like making a new ID and not disclosing about it to him).He was shocked hearing that I showed my pictures to those online firends of mine but didnt show to him.I said sharply "I told you, you will never see me..."

And he started to taunt me and said "You lied to me.....and if you are seeing someone you could have told me straight away....I dont want this anymore...Its better not to contact each other blah blah"

He was furious for few seconds and I kept silent..I was actually weeping feeling that he still wants to have a control on me,my life.How could he say such things.He talks to me just because he believes Iam not at all seeing anyone and if that is the case he would want to stop all contacts?

I just said "Iam not a slave...." and nothing more.I just couldnt speak and then he realised his fault and said "Iam sorry...I know I dont have any right to say all this.I just couldnt take it."

He kept apologising while I just kept quiet and then he said "Please speak up...I told you Iam really sorry for all that.I know you were up because of your work and I spoiled your mood.Please dont feel bad....Lets talk tomorrow."

I said "ya...goodnight" and then I messaged him "never call me" and switched off my phone.

 

I also wonder as to what kind of relationship we are in right now and I also feel insecure like him.Only today he felt so jealous that he wanted to ask me what I was actually upto but I told him Iam also in the same situation and I also have the same questions.How can he expect something which he cannot give me?When he was telling about a phone friend, he said that his friend was commited and things like "Dont worry Iam not going to see anyone...."

I took this seriously and asked him "are you committed to me?? why do you always say such things when there is no need at all?I didnt ask you that." He said "Just to let you know and now dont think too much about it."

 

How can he keep me hanging like that and still feel content?I feel good now that I made him feel the same way.I think he deserves such kicks and I would never want to talk to him unless he learns that I have a life and he is nobody to question me.Apologising does not mean he actually felt it.

[kitkat289]

please tell me what do you think of my situation?Why does he leave things like that and never takes the initiative to clear the problems/misunderstandings?

Why cant he see that if both of us cant do without each other and still feel like we are together then we should name this relationship...does he need time to learn things or what.He's been reminding me of all those sweet moments when he was here with me and we are so much in love still...he keeps assuring me that there's nobody in his life and keeps checking about the same.

He cannot commit at the moment but why doesnt he see that not talking to each other isnt the best thing and that sometimes he can make the effort?

[vivrantflo]

I've told you over and over hun.. he doesnt want a relationship with you. If he did, he would come right out and ask you to be his woman. He doesn't.. He reminds you of your past with him, so he cank eep you around. He wants to talk to women when he's at home, and have you when he comes to see you.

 

You need to understand that you're not in a relationship with him. If you two are not committed to each other, then you're not in a relationship. He made it clear that he doesnt want a relationship. You do.. so since the two of you are not meeting halfway, you have to walk, and leave this man alone. He's not giving you what you want, or deserve. So walk away. If you keep talking to him, and hanging on, you're just prolonging your pain, and he's not worth it. Get this in your head.. if he's not saying that he wants to get back together, then you don't want to hear what he has to say. He's stringing you along! Tell him that it's best that you two don't talk now, and don't answer his calls, texts, or emails. Take time away to get over him and heal..

[kitkat289]

thanks so much vivrantflo.I know he doesnt want it right now.Its my 2nd day of NC, I keep my phone off in the night since he used to call me that time.I just wish things turn upside down one day.I feel we will get back together some day but dont know how long it would take.Iam going to disappear totally...for months though i havent continued NC for more than 3 weeks till now.Its so hard, how do people handle it when their ex calls after a month or 3months of NC?

 

I can avoid his call but then I will keep thinking about it I know and then most probably I'd message him.I do not want to do all this ever again.Please share your experiences people.

thanks!