Am I making too much of this?

[peridot]

Sorry this is a bit drawn out. I have been seeing my boyfriend for a yr, having met via a dating site. I recently found out that he is still on a number of sites although he says he is no longer active on them when I have asked. The other night when I came into the room he quickly hid his emails, my suspisions raised I checked them the next morning, i know I shouldn't have and have never had an inclination to do this in any relationships I have been in. There is an email with a women in the states which is clearly suggestive. I don't beleive for one minute he is pyhsically seeing any one else but this email has really unsettled me. He has shared fantasies about threesoms with an other woman. I don't mind the fantasy but it is not something I feel I could do. Is this woman part of an other fantasy, should I say something, do I admit I read his email?? The time we spend together is great. His marriage broke up a few yrs ago when his wife had an affair. I have had a conversation about my doubts about his feelings towards me. I was clear that i loved him but if he didn't feel the same way we should finish, he after much thought said this relationship was what he wanted.

[cj1988]

Hello, I am sorry, but that is not acceptable in a relationship. He should not be talking to any other woman that way at all no matter what.....he should be sharing those with you, even if you do not agree with them.

 

You need to tell him that you will not put up with such behavior and if it continues, you will have to do some thinking about your life with him.

 

 

Ask him how he would feel if you were doing that behind his back with another man !

[peridot]

I get what you are saying but hate having to admit I read his emails. I feel crap that I did that.

[Tripper]

I get what you are saying but hate having to admit I read his emails. I feel crap that I did that.

 

 

Ah, jeez... you are now smack dab in the middle of a moral dilemma.

 

There are two issues that you need to deal with. One is his inappropriate behaviour of being in contact with the women from dating sites while in a relationship with you. The other is the fact you pried by reading his email which will open up a huge trust issue. Unfortunately you can't deal with one without dealing with the other.

 

If you are going to confront him, you will have to state that you pried into his email and why you were suspicious while at the same time admitting that this is not justification or reason enough. Very tough.

 

I think you will need to have a serious discussion about both issues, ie: his contacting women and the whole trust thing and if you are going to want to continue in this relationship.

 

Good Luck

[ICallsEmAsISeesEm]

I say you were given a SIGN from above.

 

Don't ignore it.

 

I've done that and lived to deeply regret it.

 

You were given knowledge, and knowledge is power. It grants you the ability to make informed choices that benefit YOU, not compromise you or your belief system.

 

Sounds like he's still trawling the dating sites and that ain't about to stop any time soon. In fact, you claim he's on NUMEROUS sites. What the he*ll is wrong with this guy? I guess he's always shopping for a better deal, is that it?

 

I'd kick his ass out so fast his mother would feel it.

 

And please, STOP feeling bad about 'invading' his privacy. You didn't invade his 'privacy,' you invaded his LYING and SNEAKINESS. Tough cookies. He'll get over it. You were drawn to that email for a REASON. Don't ignore it.

[truckdriving]

You were drawn to that email for a REASON. Don't ignore it.

 

Amen to that. I believe that things happen for a reason. you should definetely pay attention to what it means

[peridot]

Well i went for it and told him what i had done and how i felt about what he was doing. After much frank talking on both sides the air feels clearer. He say's he has been stupid and just carried on doing what he had been doing before he met me. He knew I was quite prepared to finish the relationship and think it shocked him into thinking about what he really wanted. Hay he even said he loves me which is something he has always struggled with. So will see how it goes and no I won't be looking at his emails again! I don't have rose tinted glass's on but sometimes we all do stupid things and willing to give him a chance, one time only offer!!! Thanks for your replies they did help me to just be honest about stuff, cheers me dears.