Trust, Insecurity and loss of interest ?

[gordon_gc]

Met a girl via myspace. At first, we just had real good conversations and really enjoyed getting to know eachothers with no fuss no bull (using msn, or phone text).

 

We also been talking of seeing eachothers. I've had a good feeling about it.

 

During the last 2 years, i've been on and off with girls but never anything serious and strangely, girls in these cases have always been hooked on while i wasnt.

 

Here i am now, hooked on that girl and i have to admit i have a problem i wanna learn to solve. Everytime i find something slightly different in her behaviour, it tends to make me sorta 'insecure' ,wondering, and over analysing details in behavioural changes. It's like i don't trust no more, trying to know something that might not even be happening (but in my head). I feel like she has lost interest from time to time.

 

It tends to make me real clingy (things im usually not) and in a quest to make her talk which obviously backfire on me. Obviously, it only tends to upset her when i keep saying or asking "are you ok?" "something bothering you?"

 

Anyway, what to do in such cases. I've had it before and it's coming back. I hate being like that !!!

 

Thanks for your insights.

[kitkat289]

loss of interest--2 solutions:

1.move on from within so that in future you are not hurt but that could create a bigger gap between you and her.I know you dont want it but at the same ti me you cant risk your heart for someone who's not really worth all efforts.

2. Make her laugh,do things to keep her interested but never ever over-do and see if you are going too far to lure her attention.Set a time limit and show her that she is not the priority and you have other things to do.You be the one who says 'bye' most of the times because of other imp. things.

 

Now frankly speaking, things are good b/w me and my LDR ex bf but I want him to be the one who contacts (atleast equally).Iam keeping him interested in me by my funny,cute talks and the memories that he loves to talk about.Now Iam just scared of my own self.I seriously want to know how can I detach my feelings from him and at the same time get him hooked to me like anything.(Iam very serious for him ,that's why Iam scared of not being able to move on.)

[MEL914]

man i have the same feelings as you guys its stressful!

[amerikajin]

Met a girl via myspace. At first, we just had real good conversations and really enjoyed getting to know eachothers with no fuss no bull (using msn, or phone text).

 

We also been talking of seeing eachothers. I've had a good feeling about it.

 

During the last 2 years, i've been on and off with girls but never anything serious and strangely, girls in these cases have always been hooked on while i wasnt.

 

Here i am now, hooked on that girl and i have to admit i have a problem i wanna learn to solve. Everytime i find something slightly different in her behaviour, it tends to make me sorta 'insecure' ,wondering, and over analysing details in behavioural changes. It's like i don't trust no more, trying to know something that might not even be happening (but in my head). I feel like she has lost interest from time to time.

 

It tends to make me real clingy (things im usually not) and in a quest to make her talk which obviously backfire on me. Obviously, it only tends to upset her when i keep saying or asking "are you ok?" "something bothering you?"

 

Anyway, what to do in such cases. I've had it before and it's coming back. I hate being like that !!!

 

Thanks for your insights.

 

I've had a long distance relationship (actually two now that I think about it), and I wonder why I even considered it in the first place. They might work out, but the odds are against it. On average, LDR's that work are the ones where you have a temporary separation during a relationship that began in person. I know that there are exceptions, so save the success stories -- they're not the norm. Seriously, it makes a lot more sense to actually see the person you're dating on a regular basis; otherwise it's a part-time relationship and nothing more, and neither party really has any right to get worked up if that's the case. I think the way to approach part-time/LDR relationships is to just sit back, enjoy that person's company, and wait til someone else comes along who's more date-able. If either of you develop feelings, then you need to talk and somebody has to move. Otherwise, things get really, really messed up after that.

[lonelybird]

I had several LDRs, only one last, seems there is something special and comfortable and familiar and safe, he is the only one that I don't experience dramas. Yes, LDR is difficult, well, at the beginning, but now I learned to spend time alone and not to be clingy to him, I spend lots of time with God. I don't know if it will succeed, but every time he contacts I feel it is wonderful and natural. I think LDR isn't so much different from face-to-face Relationship, well in courting stage, and learning mind is the most important thing for me. then the rest will fall into places. anyway, LDR will nuture your PATIENCE, TRUST, SELF-CONTROL and endurance:p....maybe not for some other people, depends on what you want

 

Oh, I do want to feel close to him, but my belief is that sex before marriage is not an option anyway

[amerikajin]

I had several LDRs, only one last, seems there is something special and comfortable and familiar and safe, he is the only one that I don't experience dramas. Yes, LDR is difficult, well, at the beginning, but now I learned to spend time alone and not to be clingy to him, I spend lots of time with God. I don't know if it will succeed, but every time he contacts I feel it is wonderful and natural. I think LDR isn't so much different from face-to-face Relationship, well in courting stage, and learning mind is the most important thing for me. then the rest will fall into places. anyway, LDR will nuture your PATIENCE, TRUST, SELF-CONTROL and endurance:p....maybe not for some other people, depends on what you want

 

Oh, I do want to feel close to him, but my belief is that sex before marriage is not an option anyway

 

ロンリバードさん、

 

しんぱいしないで、とっても　きれいだよ。；）

[lonelybird]

ロンリバードさん、

 

しんぱいしないで、とっても　きれいだよ。；）

どうもありがとう

 

OP, maybe use "laid-back-approach"? try not to analyse too much, that will drive you crazy. and trust in God guided me through many tough times, I am getting better now, and friendship between he and me became stronger. I can say this "today is much better than yesterday", and God did many healing to me during these times, revealed to me many things that shouldn't in my life

 

ok, I am such amateurish, but I wish all the best of you and your relationship. now you do need faith to help you. faith in yourself, in her, and in God. everything happens for a good reason

[dancinggal]

I have to agree with amerikajin. Long distance is HARD! It should only be attempted by those who either are naturally independant and don't need to be constantly around their loved one, or those who have so much strength and trust in their relationship that no amount of loneliness or bickering or questioning about the point of doing this can force them to break up. Not too many people can do it.

 

Trust me, small things like thinking that the other person isn't into you, or overanalysing behaviour and every little message is stressful. And particularly stressful in this situation.