someone me here im so sad right now.

[kathy95]

ive been dating this guy for about 4 months, off and on. my first boyfriend. we broke up after the 1st week and got back together about a month later. hes nothing like me. im quiet and keep to myself. and hes into the fighting scene. but i fell for him so didnt care. everything was fine until i decided to have a little too much to drink one night. he was being a little shady all night. i was supposed to go to his house cause he was having a couple people over to drink. he was supposed to call. and didnt. im stubborn and wouldnt call him. and went out to my friends. started drinking, called him . he said he thought i was supposed to call him and to come over... i told him i was with 2 of my friends and asked if they could come. he doesnt like those two friends and said "i'll call you back in 5 mins." never did . me, being wasted, calls again. he hangs up on me.. i call again, and again. he unplugs his phone. i decide to go to his house. walk into his back door, its open so its not to crazy. but find him with his brother, his brothers girl, her friend and himself. because im drunk, this looks bad. acting obnoxious, i point to the girl i don't know and he tells me im making a fool of myself. i go upstiars to the bathroom. i hear the girl go... is that your girl .. she keeps looking at me im gonna leave." he goes "no thats not my girl" . which compelety shattered me. he told me he loved me the day beofre. we're not officially boyriend girlfriend again, but the fact he could say that about me hurt so bad. he comes upstairs. i tell him i heard it all. hes like "your not my girl" he tells me to leave and says im too drunk to talk to. i leave. my friend comes back in to defend me . flips out. they kick her out too. i went home, cried my eyes out. sent a huge apology email for walking into his house all wasted. and he never responded. im scared to call him because i know how mad hhe gets. i truly believe hes my frist love. i dont want to end like that. i cant i hate being in fights liek that , ones that are never resolved. maybe things wont work out. but i cant get over him if i dotn know its done for good. im sitting aroudn waiting for an answer and not getting one. is it crazy of me to call in a week or so after its all over, even though he never responded to my apology? was i completely in teh wrong? or did he have a lot to do with it? please someone write back. i need help in what to do. ive never felt this sad in my life before.

[quankanne]

based on what you've written, I'm guessing you're fairly young. Which would explain some of your decisions that you'd acted on that night. Which all point to a certain level of immaturity that your guy probably is not interested in putting up with.

 

you say he's a fighter and you hold it in. Not a very good way to settle issues, but then again, that all comes with experience – not being hard on you here, I'm married 15 years and *still* get stuck on this one from time to time! I guess the best rule of thumb for future reference is to remember to think outside yourself. Like when you described how "I was stubborn and decided not to call him" and then got upset when he admits confusion about you being the one to call him. Your best move was not to go with that first instinct of hurt, but to try your best to clear the lines of communication – i.e., call to see what's up, because that simple call would have cleared any miscommunication and prevented a lot of what actually did take place.

 

he should have just said outright, "no, I don't feel comfortable around your friends, I prefer that they didn't come with you," but I'm guessing he might not have wanted to start a fight – esp. if you'd been drinking. So he was guilty of bad communication.

 

you, on the other hand, should have known better than to go over when you were upset and drunk, because 99 percent of the time a situation like that leads to bad things happening. Especially when the person you're upset with has a certain level of BS they're going to put up with – you just end up the loser, you know? Again, it's that maturity factor that helps you understand when certain behavior will work against you.

 

My advice? Seriously think this through, about what you want from this relationship. And whether you're willing to apologize for showing your rear that night (figuratively) at his place when you showed up drunk and seemingly obnoxious. Because like I said before, that kind of behavior is something a person will refuse to accept from a friend, a family member or a significant other because it's insulting. Especially from someone who is supposed to care about you and respect you.

[truckdriving]

Sorry to do it but I have to agree with quankanne. You were clearly in the wrong. I think you are just gonna have to bite the bullet and beg for forgiveness. Just learn from your mistakes. Although I do find the fact that he said you werent his girl disturbing. It shouldnt matter if you guys are "official" or not. A few years ago my fiance and I seperated for three months and during that time I still considered her "my girl" and she considered me "her man". You may want to confront him about that, when you do it though remember to keep your cool. Nothing gets done when both parties are yelling.

[kathy95]

I agree. I was being extremely immature. The whole situation makes me sick that I had it in me to act like that. I'm the least dramatic person (which is hard to believe after hearing that story) and I absolutely hate girls who act the way I did. Thanks for the honest advice though. So I should give him a call? I just don't want to be annoying. He never responded to my long apology e-mail even though it says it has been read. Of course I'll have to accept it if he wants to end it all together, but I don't want to call and have him either ignore my calls and refuse to talk to me, or be mean and hurt me more.

[colorfulbutterfly]

Hi there Kathy,

 

I just don't get the feeling that he really cares about you. Yes, being drunk was probably not a good idea, still his reaction doesn't indicate he cares about you the way you care about him. In fact, he acted like a jerk! Someone that cares about you will be concerned about your well being even if you are making a fool out of yourself... they'll be inclined to protect you!

 

You already sent an apology email and he hasn't bothered to call you or respond to it. The ball is in his court. It's about self-respect Kathy, think about it...how many times he hung up on you, unplugged the phone and on and on...

 

Also, why would you want to date someone you are afraid of? This is not the kind of relationship you want to be in. Work on yourself and let this one go, wait for the right person to come along. I get the strong feeling that this guy is going to bring you a lot of heartaches. I understand that this is easier said than done...such is life...you have a lot of years ahead of you and rest assured that this is not the end of the world.

[ICallsEmAsISeesEm]

Quite honestly, this guy sounds like a little thug, punk, and loser.

 

You sound incredibly young and guess what? We all do stupid things when we're young. It's a fact of life.

 

Believe me, you WILL one day "feel this way again" about someone else. And hopfully THAT person won't be a little punk a*ss like this little creep is. He sounds like the type that will never be more than a minimum wage worker. Surely you can aim higher?

 

Big deal, you got drunk. Big deal, you made a scene at home-boy's crib. OOooh, it's the end of the world.

 

Not.

 

Consider this creep a mistake you made and aim higher next time.

[kathy95]

And now I'm confused. Thanks for responses but I'm still unsure of where to go next. I guess that relationship wasn't going anywhere. If I go back, I'm sure to get hurt again soon enough. I shouldn't go back to someone who I know I need to move on from anyway. He's known as "bad news." Going back with him will only make it more difficult in the long run. I might as well go through the pain of it now then drag it out and make it worse. Calling won't do good, I don't think. It probably will only make me look desperate since I never got a response from a long letter of apology. If he cares like he says he does, he would call soon? Wouldn't he?

[colorfulbutterfly]

Don't call him, AND If he calls you I would seriously consider not taking the call.

 

I agree with ICallsEmAsISeesEm, this guy is bad news. You are better off

 

going to N/C and moving on. You'll be glad you did.

[RecordProducer]

he doesnt like those two friends and said "i'll call you back in 5 mins." never did . me, being wasted, calls again. he hangs up on me.. i call again, and again. he unplugs his phone.

Just this one detail shows how disrespectful he is. He also told the girl that you're not his girlfriend, which is also disrespectful. You were drunk, but your behavior was not a result of drunkenness only; it was a result of how he treated you, you felt rejected, because you WERE rejected.

Don't act so needy with men; they don't appreciate it. Always be a lady. And if a guy makes you behave like a non-lady, he ain't worth your love. Trust me!

[kathy95]

yeah.. i know..i think its bothering me so much because i still want to just talk to him. i'm so unsure of everything right now. i want to just talk to him, i know I shouldn't because he never answered my apology. i certainly do not want to be needy. my entire life i always said i would refuse to be a girl who is so needy about boys. yet i'm sitting here putting off papers and studying trying to decide what to do about this. i feel if i called, knew it was over, id be more easy to move on with things and wouldn't sit here contemplating it so much. i just dont get it right now. one week ago, he was telling me how much he loved me, he brought flowers to my work, told me how much he cared about me and now its like he wants me out of his life. i just want to resolve everything. right now, i know i cant be with someone who messes with my emotions this much. maybe it was all fake, i don't know. all i know right now is that i have never been this sad over a guy before and its killing me. i wait all day for a phone call, an e-mail, anything. i seriously think just a call saying its not working would make me feel better. people say "dont waste your time, hes not worth it", "you can do better", "he's an *******".... none of that makes me feel better. it only makes me feel worse that i know all this, and still would kill to talk to him. i know i was wrong for going in his house wasted and upset, i know i was wrong for calling his house phone repeatedly, i shouldnt have gotten that upset about the other girl that was there. i know that wasnt anything. she was only one of his brothers girl's close friends and he told me to come over.......before i told him who i was with. but HE should have just told me he didnt want my friends there, HE should not have said im not his girl, HE should not have kicked me out of his house like that, and HE should have at least had enough respect to at least respond to my email and just let me know he doesnt think its working out. everything is so unsolved right now and it makes me nuts. sorry this is long i just need to get everything out. i appreciate it if anyone takes the time to read through it.

[RecordProducer]

It's good that you see your mistakes, but realizing that he is not the right guy for you SHOULD make you feel better. It's only been four months and the right time to forget him is now, not in four years. His behavior is one of a controlling, rude, merciless, and cold person. I've seen it before. You didn't deserve it. He is just not responding; how awful and cruel! He could have told you "I am sorry, your demeanor was unacceptable and I don't wish to communicate with you anymore. Please don't try to contact me." Instead, he acts like a hooligan and enjoys putting you down. He is bad news, trust me. If you reconcile, he will do this emotional abuse to you many more times. Be prepared. And every time you will feel guilty and apologize, and he will put you down. Ignore him. If he calls, don't answer; if he emails, don't send a reply. You will see that then he will chase after you, but you really don't need him.

[kathy95]

I just want to feel better! I wonder if he even got my apology. I sent in through myspace. He doesn't have one. I sent it to his brother. I apologized to his brother as well because it was his house too. And he was there at the time. I asked him to show my ex or whatever you would like to call me the letter i wrote. I know it was read. But I can't help to wonder if his brother even bothered to show it to him. I feel so extremely rejected right now. I think I'm letting this bother me way too much. I don't know. It's bothering me so much how someone can say how strongly they feel about someone day, but be so quick to shut them out of their life the very next day. I keep thinking...was he just using me? And lying about his feeling all along? But we never even had sex! Ah i just don't get it.

[colorfulbutterfly]

 

I just want to feel better!

 

Stop thinking about him and get busy...Move on and you'll start feeling better

 

I wonder if he even got my apology.

 

Irrelevant...he continues to ignore you...Move on (for future relationships, neediness just pushes them away from you)

 

But I can't help to wonder if his brother even bothered to show it to him.

 

Maybe, maybe not. Move on and soon enough it won't matter

 

I feel so extremely rejected right now.

 

It's tough, but it happens to all of us

 

I think I'm letting this bother me way too much.

 

Yep!

 

I don't know. It's bothering me so much how someone can say how strongly they feel about someone day, but be so quick to shut them out of their life the very next day.

 

We humans are complex people. I sometimes don't even understand myself. Why try to figure it out?, he would be the only one who can give you the reason why BUT he doesn't really care one way or another. Just move on

 

I keep thinking...was he just using me? And lying about his feeling all along? But we never even had sex! Ah i just don't get it.

 

Probably...who knows? Just move on!

 

Kathy, step outside your world for a moment and take a peek to see what else is out there

 

I know that you CAN do it! You CAN move on!

 

Keep posting and let us know how you're doing

[kathy95]

well thank you for the advice in the last post. i know there is a lot more out there. its just hard for me right now. don't think im pathetic. hes the first person i ever had these feelings for and for someone who i feel so strongly about, to reject me like this, makes me very upset. yes , i know hes an *******. and i have been going out. between work and classes and my friends, ive been very busy. but this has been in teh back of my mind no matter what im doing . he did actually call me on sunday night.. from a random number, his friends phone. i planned not to answer his calls, because of all he has put me through this past week. but i answered the call, and he claimed that he was waiting for me to call all week. he said he was surprised i never called. he said after a week he gave in and had to call me. ok. that pissed me off. i told him how dumb that was. why should he be surprised i had not called when he never answered my apology? we talked for a little while. he told me he has never seem me that angry as i was the one night. and i looked "possessed." he did admit he felt bad about saying i was not his girl and said he does think of me like that. i dont think i should let things go. i know where i was wrong, but i know where he was wrong too. hes called me a few times this week also. ive been trying to keep my distance though. as strong as my feelings still are for him, i just get the feeling that something will happen with him again. and i don't want to ever go through this again.

[colorfulbutterfly]

well thank you for the advice in the last post. i know there is a lot more out there. its just hard for me right now. don't think im pathetic. hes the first person i ever had these feelings for and for someone who i feel so strongly about, to reject me like this, makes me very upset.

 

Your feelings are normal and no I don't think you're pathetic. Hang in there girl and do what's best for you and, you already know what that is.