When an affair is exposed to the entire nation and costs your job...

[Lizzie60]

This is totally ridiculous... what you do in your personal life..is just that... personal...

 

What if he is was a swinger.. that's okay as long as he is not betraying his wife... such baloney!

 

I bet he was an amazing man, good at what he was doing... but he preferred to resign so that his family would not be bashed...

 

What a bunch of hypocrits! If he would have screwed the company for thousand of dollars he would have lost his job just the same but his 'reputation' wouldn't be damaged as much...

 

Makes me sick...

[head.heart& hand]

My xMM works in a state and in a field where they are terminated on the spot for having "extramarital relations". )

 

In reading that, I couldn't help but think that the spouses of the men and women in this field might have felt some extra sense of security knowing the consequences of EMR's =instant termination.

 

--but your post just proves that this ins't the case at all.

hmm!

[Gwyneth]

My MM can Also get fired on the spot if the powers that be knew what we did at his place of work....

[child_of_isis]

Maybe the board was thinking if he had the ability to cheat and lie on his wife, he could do the same to the company.

 

I think it makes sense. If one would cheat and lie for sex, surely one would cheat and lie for money...and anything else they decide they want.

 

What a bunch of hypocrits! If he would have screwed the company for thousand of dollars he would have lost his job just the same but his 'reputation' wouldn't be damaged as much...

 

Makes me sick...

[Lizzie60]

Strange that president Clinton who was running a whole country wasn't 'fired' on the spot...

 

This is bullsh*t. It only depends who you are... I know a lot of ministers and deputies that have their little secrets in town.. while they're away from their families for weeks at a time...

[nadiaj2727]

HH&H I would love to talk about Carter and a lot of other things over wine with you! I completely agree with you that you should gracefully step aside and let things between him and his wife fall where they may. That way you won't think you caused his divorce, and your heart won't be waiting, waiting, waiting in the meantime for him to do it. You can start getting on with your life and hopefully he will join you when he's strong enough to do the same, and take care of his own issues.

 

I understand it's hard, I admire you for trying (are you in NC or attempting to get there? It took me a couple of weeks to go from "trying to break up with him" to deciding I need to do total NC.). I understand the "soulmate" feeling tugging at your heart. My only advice is to feel strong that you are conquering your emotions that can lead you astray with your head and your self-respect and your commn sense, which don't lead you astray.

 

I'm here for you, feel free to share anything with me. I was there and I know it's hard and I fell back several times before I was finally able to break free. I respect you too.

 

PS Thanks for the compliment about attorneys -- all I hear about attorneys is so negative... I guess another reason to make sure I have integrity and disprove the stereotype.

 

Cheers nadia! Too bad we can't grab a glass of wine and jam about the book---and other good finds. And yes, I read his book integrity as well! Wouldn't you just love to take a class from Stephen Carter at Yale--- I suppose revisiting the book should provide all the answers I need (perhaps for others too) and here I was searching on LS!-- But hey, everything is connected, so while reading a LS thread, I immediatley went to Carter, and to his article regarding privacy, and to his books -- and unfortunatley, to a very scary time where my story nearly hit the new stand. Phew, and Thank god for attorneys ( knowing you're in this arena you might just say, you're welcome). --more of that connection thing I guess.

 

Back to Carter: Lets see:

1. Discerning the right or wrong thing to do -- takes active moral reflection

2. ACTING upon what we believe to be right

 

I believe the right thing to do is to separate (nc) from the mm to let him resolve his marital issues one way or another, without interfering. Agree? Although the course in arriving at this point has been long and unsteady, this is where I currently am.

 

3. SAYING what we're doing and why. check ( although this will be my mm's part to tell his wife).

 

check, check, check--but who am I fooling --uncheck (with a red pen!) Although I'm trying to do the right thing now---after much anguish, ambivalence, disappointment (mostly in myself but yes, my mm too), and a heap of guilt, I can hardly pretend that what I am doing now is acting with integrity. I 'm struggling. I'm swollen. I miss my dearest friend terribly and I'm selfishly motivated to try to make right, what has never been right. As I write this, I'm still tilting at windmills with Carter books in hand-- Boy do I have a ways to go! I know what I have to do -- yet I so miss the soulful connection of this man.

 

Thanks so much for being here Nadia, I respect you.

[Curmudgeon]

Strange that president Clinton who was running a whole country wasn't 'fired' on the spot...

 

Should have been but instead, his political party sycophants threw a support ralley outside the Capitol. Yet another sign of how the values of this country have degraded. Fifty years ago he would have been out on his ear as soon as it became newsworthy and wouldn't have been able to find government employment as a dog catcher, and rightly so.

 

This is bullsh*t. It only depends who you are... I know a lot of ministers and deputies that have their little secrets in town.. while they're away from their families for weeks at a time...

 

And that makes it right? I'm in upper management and because of my career field work around and with many attractive, desireable women every day. However, while I'm pleasant, friendly and even well liked and highly thought of, I'm also a consummate professional and wouldn't even think about fishing in the company pond.

 

My wife and I met at work and often worked together. Had that still been the case 11 years ago I would never have asked her out, nor would she have accepted. Fortunately, she promoted to another agency for which I provided consultation but by which I was not employed.

[OpenBook]

I'm pleasant, friendly and even well liked and highly thought of, I'm also a consummate professional

 

And modest too. I bet that really turns the ladies on.

[norajane]

Should have been but instead, his political party sycophants threw a support ralley outside the Capitol. Yet another sign of how the values of this country have degraded. Fifty years ago he would have been out on his ear as soon as it became newsworthy and wouldn't have been able to find government employment as a dog catcher, and rightly so.

 

Kennedy had lots of affairs, his most notable with Marilyn Monroe, and he wasn't fired. His 'people' and everyone else - including the media - just tried to keep that sort of thing hush-hush and out of the news - it wasn't fodder for the media like it is today.

 

Let's not romanticize the morality of the 50's and 60's. They just didn't talk about it, but it doesn't mean they didn't have affairs.

[Gwyneth]

My supervisor's mother-in-law told her daughter to expect to be cheated on. I believe the woman is right--go into a marriage expecting it to happen, because you have a 50/50 chance of that happening.

 

I choose not to marry for that reason. Why put yourself through all that embarassment? In today's society, being a single mother is more acceptable that it ever was. Interacial dating is more acceptable. Cheating will become more acceptable over time as more and more people are doing it. People have been cheating forever.

 

If you are in the public eye, expect every thing you do in your personal life (well almost every thing you do) to be exposed. The media makes the absolute worse out of Every thing.

 

Live life full of expectations and never a doubt.

[Curmudgeon]

And modest too. I bet that really turns the ladies on.

 

It's called realistic. It's also called confident (which can be a turn-on. Try it sometime but don't overdo). After as many years as I've been around I know myself pretty well. That means I also know my strengths as well as my limitations.

 

Turning the ladies on is not anything I'm interested in.

[Trialbyfire]

My supervisor's mother-in-law told her daughter to expect to be cheated on. I believe the woman is right--go into a marriage expecting it to happen, because you have a 50/50 chance of that happening.

 

I choose not to marry for that reason. Why put yourself through all that embarassment? In today's society, being a single mother is more acceptable that it ever was. Interacial dating is more acceptable. Cheating will become more acceptable over time as more and more people are doing it. People have been cheating forever.

 

If you are in the public eye, expect every thing you do in your personal life (well almost every thing you do) to be exposed. The media makes the absolute worse out of Every thing.

 

Live life full of expectations and never a doubt.

Gwyneth, you are one big ball of conflicting emotions. With one breath you say that people should expect to be cheated on, when they get married and with your last breath, you say to live your life full of expectations and never a doubt. Also, you sympathize with Clinton as the MM and detest Angelina Jolie for being an OW to Brad Pitt.

 

I don't understand how you can do this from one thought to another.

[Trialbyfire]

My supervisor's mother-in-law told her daughter to expect to be cheated on. I believe the woman is right--go into a marriage expecting it to happen, because you have a 50/50 chance of that happening.

 

I choose not to marry for that reason. Why put yourself through all that embarassment? In today's society, being a single mother is more acceptable that it ever was. Interacial dating is more acceptable. Cheating will become more acceptable over time as more and more people are doing it. People have been cheating forever.

 

If you are in the public eye, expect every thing you do in your personal life (well almost every thing you do) to be exposed. The media makes the absolute worse out of Every thing.

 

Live life full of expectations and never a doubt.

Gwyneth, you are one big ball of conflicting emotions. With one breath you say that people should expect to be cheated on, when they get married and with your last breath, you say to live your life full of expectations and never a doubt. Also, you sympathize with Clinton as the MM and detest Angelina Jolie for being an OW to Brad Pitt.

 

I don't understand how you can do this from one thought to another.

[Curmudgeon]

Let's not romanticize the morality of the 50's and 60's. They just didn't talk about it, but it doesn't mean they didn't have affairs.

 

Not romanticizing the 50s at all. Having been born in the 40s I remember them well, the good as well as the bad. However, it was a far more civil society back then and public figures were held to a higher standard of public deportment.

 

Had the media then been what it is now and with the same capabilities, the results would have been far different and more like the laissez faire attitude prevalent in current society.

[Curmudgeon]

My supervisor's mother-in-law told her daughter to expect to be cheated on. I believe the woman is right--go into a marriage expecting it to happen, because you have a 50/50 chance of that happening.

 

I choose not to marry for that reason. Why put yourself through all that embarassment? In today's society, being a single mother is more acceptable that it ever was. Interacial dating is more acceptable. Cheating will become more acceptable over time as more and more people are doing it. People have been cheating forever.

 

If you are in the public eye, expect every thing you do in your personal life (well almost every thing you do) to be exposed. The media makes the absolute worse out of Every thing.

 

Live life full of expectations and never a doubt.

 

Lemme see here. Methinks you also have a 50-50 chance of not being cheated on.

 

How sad you limit yourself because of perceived notions about what will be. I truly feel sorry for you. Seems like self-fulfilling prophesies.

 

While not an elected official I have lived very much in the public eye to include a number of television appearances, radio, many, many print media interviews and quotes, many of those national, as well as more speaking engagements than I can count, a large number at national conferences for major organizations.

 

So far, so good!

 

By the way, if you have no expectations you can never be disapppointed.

[Woggle]

FDR had tons of affairs and his wife probably had affairs with women

JFK had tons of affairs. The guy was like Hugh Heffner in the Whitehouse

J Edger Hoover liked to dress up like a woman

 

Stop acting like what Clinton did is anything new.

[Chrome Barracuda]

FDR had tons of affairs and his wife probably had affairs with women

JFK had tons of affairs. The guy was like Hugh Heffner in the Whitehouse

J Edger Hoover liked to dress up like a woman

 

Stop acting like what Clinton did is anything new.

 

I know right. I F-ing hate the way Replubicans always point their fingers at clinton like he's the worst, yet everytime we've had a republican president america is always ready to be B-Fuc*ed!!!!

 

George W Bush anyone!!?!?

 

Please I'd rather take adultery in the oval office than an Illegal and useless Iraq war anyday of the F-ing week!

[Woggle]

Republicans are not exactly moral men themselves. Ronald Reagan cheated on his first wife with Nancy. Also if Rudy gets the nomination republicans will have no room to call democrats immoral.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Republicans are not exactly moral men themselves. Ronald Reagan cheated on his first wife with Nancy. Also if Rudy gets the nomination republicans will have no room to call democrats immoral.

 

Exactly!

 

Lord I hate rudy with a passion. I'm a new yorker and he ruined it all in his time as mayor here!

 

Let's look at his track redorc. As a lawyer he was impeccable but he has no legs to stand on moral ground he's already campaigning as a replubican.

 

Now let's check it out. His first wife was his cousin! Banged her for a while had that marriage annuled and contents sealed.

 

Second wife, nice lady, he dumped her and his two children for his mistress who's a serial cheater herself and Married her!

 

So if ever a republican talks about morals in america? Ask them who represents them?

[Woggle]

William Braton is the one who is mostly responsible for the drop in crime but Rudy gets all the credit. I was living in New York during his time as mayor and I couldn't stand him. He was like a dictator. I remember when he tried to shut down the street vendors over quality of life issues when they are just making an honest living and are part of the New York flavor. A lot of people might call me crazy but in some ways I miss the old New York.

[Curmudgeon]

I never said it was new. However, dallying with an aide (Read: Employee) who's young enough to be your daughter and doing it in and besmnirching the Oval Office then outright lying about it nationally ("I did NOT have sexual relations with that woman...") should make any citizen angry to have this piece of dreck as the "Leader" of our country and represent us internationally.

[OpenBook]

I never said it was new. However, dallying with an aide (Read: Employee) who's young enough to be your daughter and doing it in and besmnirching the Oval Office then outright lying about it nationally ("I did NOT have sexual relations with that woman...") should make any citizen angry to have this piece of dreck as the "Leader" of our country and represent us internationally.

 

The weird irony is, the rest of the international community is snickering at us for making such a big deal out of it.

[Gwyneth]

Gwyneth, you are one big ball of conflicting emotions. With one breath you say that people should expect to be cheated on, when they get married and with your last breath, you say to live your life full of expectations and never a doubt. Also, you sympathize with Clinton as the MM and detest Angelina Jolie for being an OW to Brad Pitt.

 

I don't understand how you can do this from one thought to another.

 

Yes, having expectations would mean to expect to be cheated on. What did you not understand? Yes, Clinton cheated as the MM, and I don't feel it was the country's business what he did. Yes, Brad might have cheated on Jen with Angie, and no, no one's business, but it was just another reason for me not to like Angie. That's besides the point.

 

What do you not understand about me having expectations?

[NoIDidn't]

Exactly!

 

Lord I hate rudy with a passion. I'm a new yorker and he ruined it all in his time as mayor here!

 

Let's look at his track redorc. As a lawyer he was impeccable but he has no legs to stand on moral ground he's already campaigning as a replubican.

 

Now let's check it out. His first wife was his cousin! Banged her for a while had that marriage annuled and contents sealed.

 

Second wife, nice lady, he dumped her and his two children for his mistress who's a serial cheater herself and Married her!

 

So if ever a republican talks about morals in america? Ask them who represents them?

 

William Braton is the one who is mostly responsible for the drop in crime but Rudy gets all the credit. I was living in New York during his time as mayor and I couldn't stand him. He was like a dictator. I remember when he tried to shut down the street vendors over quality of life issues when they are just making an honest living and are part of the New York flavor. A lot of people might call me crazy but in some ways I miss the old New York.

 

 

I lived there during the Rudy Reign, too! Hated it!!!!

 

I was watching the news when he had his W and kids kicked out of the Mayor's City Home (mansion, I guess). This guy has absolutely no business trying to run around like he promotes family values when he obviously has none.

 

He was also on the news talking about tough punishments for jay-walkers and the reporter and he were in the middle of jay-walking at the time. Then when it was pointed out by the reporter said it wasn't jay-walking when he did it. I was incredulous.

 

He is a first class hypocrite. But that's the last thing I will say about a public official. LOL.

 

On topic, I don't think public officials have private lives. And if working for such a prominent entity, he should have been chosen for someone outside of his company. Dating within your own company when you are at the top of it (implying that you are dating subordinates) is just a bad idea, whether married or not.

[Chrome Barracuda]

I lived there during the Rudy Reign, too! Hated it!!!!

 

I was watching the news when he had his W and kids kicked out of the Mayor's City Home (mansion, I guess). This guy has absolutely no business trying to run around like he promotes family values when he obviously has none.

 

He was also on the news talking about tough punishments for jay-walkers and the reporter and he were in the middle of jay-walking at the time. Then when it was pointed out by the reporter said it wasn't jay-walking when he did it. I was incredulous.

 

He is a first class hypocrite. But that's the last thing I will say about a public official. LOL.

 

On topic, I don't think public officials have private lives. And if working for such a prominent entity, he should have been chosen for someone outside of his company. Dating within your own company when you are at the top of it (implying that you are dating subordinates) is just a bad idea, whether married or not.

 

 

Rudy didnt do Garbage on 9/11 and they portrayed him as this hero / savior! He wasnt anyone of the firemen or volunteers that went into tower 1 or 2 to pull people out!!!

 

All he did was calm down an alarmed city on tv. That's it, end of story. This guy is gonna be a really bad president. If he gets elected.