Timing of L-word

[aya]

I have been dating with a nice sensible guy for over 5 months now and we came into major crisis.

 

The other day, when I was falling asleep, I, by accident (don't know what else to describe) I said the L-word. I immediately woke up by the thing I said and I freaked out, and I asked him whether he heard something. He said he did not hear anything.

When I asked him again whether he heard something when both of us are awake, he once again said he did not hear a thing.

 

A couple of days later, I brought this up again and he said he did hear it. But he did not want to react to that because I was freaking out and he wasn't sure whether I meant it or not. He said he feels in the same way, but it looked to me that he is hesitant to say the word.

 

He could just say it was too early for him, but he gets really angry when I say, "you know, if it was too early for you to feel comfortable, you can just say so". But it looks like all things became awkward, and I am very frustrated but I don't know whehter it is frustration towards him or myself.

 

I guess one reason I am freaking out is I have been always feeling that I am not equal to him.

 

He is very successful researcher, and he is not shy to describe how successful he is -- he says things like how his idea is something nobody had thoght about, how he is better than his colleagues, how he's smart, how he overcame difficulties, and I have been always feeling a bit intimidated. May be he's just describing the facts, but I am from Asia and in my country people tend to downplay their achievement. When I say to him I feel intimdated, he thinks I am paranoid.

 

I don't know how to sort things out right now. Obviously this "L" word came at the very wrong timing -- I never wanted to be the first one to say it, and even if I did, I thought he'd say the same thing right away. Now I feel like I pushed him saying so and I feel terrible. He says he wanted to say it a few weeks earlier, and he also said he did not want to say 'I love you' in response to me saying ' i love you' to him. that does not make too much sense to me, though... Please let me know how you'd think.

[Baldy]

I personally agree with what your boyfriend said. If my girlfriend started freaking out about the fact she had just said the 'L' word I would keep quite too. I would be confused to why she started freaking out, and would need time to asses the situation.

 

When it comes to YOU saying the 'L' word and not wanting to say it first, I don't understand why?! What's wrong with you saying it first?

 

I also understand about not saying it straight back when someone says it to you. I once said it to a girlfriend and she didn't say it straight back. This upset me until she explained that she wanted to see if she felt the same way instead of just saying it back because she felt she had to. This made it more special when she finally said it to me out of the blue a few days later.

 

Lastly, you will never know if he was planning on saying it to you first a few weeks earlier, as you have made such a big deal of it. You may always think you pushed him into it when actually he could of been wanting to say it!

 

My advice is to move on. If he says the 'L' word to you again then take it as if he means it, don't try and double guess him.

[Dragonflys]

I'd advise you to drop it, stop analysing and let it go. I think you are confusing everyone here.

 

Just go on as if nothing happened and the words will come at the right time.

 

No damage done.

 

 

Oliver

[Frenchie]

I agree with Oliver... let it go. It's no big deal. Love is a good thing right? All good things come in time.If he heard you and If feels the same way, he'll let you know when the time is right. If he didn't than you can be happy by playing the "I won't tell you first game" & perhaps you'll win. Word of advise...don't play those kind of games!

 

Good luck!