Relapse

[imstunned]

oh dear - I hope to god there are some of you that see a new post started by me and dont roll your eyes. I just really need to offload and have you all kick my ass as I am going down the path of thinking my exmm is a nice guy again, and that in turn makes me want him badly.

 

It was prompted by a recent post by a MM on here - which gave an insight to how much a MM can loose even if the wife dosent leave. I had more or less settled on the fact that my exmm is a total looser then I read that and I have been feeling awful since. I have cried myself to sleep for the past couple of nights and cant sleep much for nightmares. I am doing well on focusing on other things generally - but the pain and upset is stil there and very very strong when it fights its way through. I still find it so upsetting to think that I am the affair that has woken him up to how much he loves his wife. I feel jelious of her all over again that she has him.

 

After I sent my last text last week he gave up pretty quickly on contacting me. If I'm honest - and I may as well be, I'm deeply dissapointed, though not suprised. I'm fighting the urge to text him something else to wind him up. I wont - but I do WANT TO.

 

I keep telling myself that he is a serial cheater and that he has dont this before - then I doubt myself as I dont really know. he said he isnt. But sure he is going to say that. I find it so much easier to deal with when I think of him as being a serial cheater rather than a man who made a one time mistake, who is now full of remorse. I dont cope with that very well.

 

The things that make me think he has done it before are -

 

-Fake name - with no hesitation when I asked his name

-His friend on the night we met not batting an eyelid at us kissing all night

-All the lies, lied about climbing mountians, lied about his dad dying, lied about where he lived, a WHOLE FAKE LIFE

-The fact that he got a new cell phone to enable him to conduct his affair with me (wouldnt that be very clever and insightful for a man who hasnt had an affair before?)

- Him replying "not many would go for that" when I asked if he would have an affair with somebody who knew he was married

-How easily he has thrown me under the bus

- That he said that if he was to come back that it would be just for the sex and its not necessarily that he wouldnt want that but that for now he needs to make it work with the wife

-The total fear I will tell the wife. I wonder if he has possibly been busted before.

 

Well - thats been cathartic - even reading that back makes me fell very silly to type what makes me think that he possibly hasnt done it before - and thats the fact that he was pretty nervous on our first night together. he wasnt particulaly smooth in his approach and took an age to pluck up the courgae to even kiss me. When we went to bed he was literally trembling. When I asked why he said he was nervous. Seems pretty insignificant alongside all the other stuff though - but I have never had a man do that before. . .it just kind of FEELS significant.

 

Please please if you reply dont say "what does it matter - its over" - if it didnt then i wouldnt post. This seems to be the last sticking point for me.

[Suny1]

Well here I am again .... feeling everything you say. I do however want to update you on whats going on with my MM. As you know, we didn't end it they way we always said we would, and I just needed a peaceful ending. After talking to his W, I knew he wanted to hate me, altho I didn't tell her anything to hurt her. It did some damage to his life and that is what he is mad about. She is putting him through hell and he still isn't admitting we were more than friends to her... but she knows better.

 

I have been in touch with his friend for the past few weeks and that is a bad thing too. I had decided that I wasn't going to talk to the friend anymore because that was making me hurt also. I don't really ask this friend information because I think he wants to help me thru this and for all the *wrong reasons... I have no interest in seeing the *friend of course! I had talked to the friend enough that he agrees we needed a closure. Yesterday morning... he texted me...asking if I could talk. All of a sudden, my heart dropped and I felt so sick. I knew what was coming.

 

Five minutes later, MM called. First time we had talked in 3 weeks. Of course, I was holding on to some hope that he would tell me that he was going to leave her...We talked for over an hr. He told me he was sorry that he had hurt everyone in this picture. He had no intentions of hurting me and tried to make it sound good. At first, he tried to say mean things.. we have never had a fight, so that didn't work. I told him all I wanted was a peaceful closure and if nothing else, I wanted to remember the good memories of us the way we left them. He did admit to me that he is feeling very guilty and is going to make this work with her since she is hurting so much. Told me that he wanted to be a better person and do the *right thing. I told him to do what he had to do. He told me that he would always miss me and would never smile the same way again. Told me that he is living a miserable life and it was his time to pay for what he has done. He wants me to be happy and move on with my life. That was the hardest thing I have EVER done in my LIFE!!!!! But it IS DONE!

 

I cried the rest of the day and I am up this morning hoping for a *NEW day and some way to move forward. I got what I wanted and I have to let it go. I am telling you this because I think maybe that is what you need to.

 

As far as the *wakening up to his wife. I am pretty sure that is what has happened. If they can make it work and he is happy there. That is what I want for him. He had said once before... "if it doesn't work out with her, I am coming to look for you". Well that was all good then, but NOW... I won't be here if that happens. I want the sweet memories and nothing else.

I hope someday, we will both be posting here, that we were crazy for the thinking the way we have about them. I hope you will get some closure somehow. Just know I am thinking about you Stunned!

[imstunned]

I knew everyone would say what does it matter. It just does. To me. In a BIG WAY.

[imstunned]

I didn't mean to minimize your feelings, I just meant that in the big picture, you and your healing are more important than whether or not the turd boy is a one time turd or a repeat turd.

 

I know you didnt - you have been really kind always responding to my posts. Its just that I feel that the way I look on it afffects how I heal. IF I think of him as one time cheat who is full of remorse etc it KILLS ME. PLUS it makes me think nice guy - feel jelious of his wife and what they have and want him back!!!! If I think of him as a serial cheat then it helps as I dont want somebody like that.

 

Suny 1 - thanks for your reply. So sorry that you too are going through such a hard time. Sounds like you had a difficult conversation with him too. I bet you and I will join the "dont do it" brigade soon when somebody new posts about entering an affair. Actually - I'm already in it!

 

I was just wondering what everyone thought about the cheating thing- one time or more. And it really does matter to me.

[Suny1]

The way I see it... they don't care about what lies they tell you... believable or not.. The lies I found out that he told me were totally unnecessary ones. He just lies. He thinks about only himself really. I don't believe the part that he is sorry for hurting me.. altho I want to believe that. I think he is just downright sorry that he GOT CAUGHT!

 

I know he had been with someone else before me. So, that makes me think he WILL do it again. I loved what he made me believe he was and I needed the *feeling that I had when we were together.

 

Point here is.... yes I think they are both serial cheaters. *shrug...thats not what I want to think... but why lie? I never told him one lie. I was the only person in his life that he never HAD to lie too, and still he did.

 

HEYYY!!! Does all this sound like I am healing???? I have never let someone *get to me this way and I am sooooo determined to move on from it. I really think if U could have one last meaningful (to you) conversation with him... knowing its your last... say what you want to say and end it..... would make it alot easier.

[LifesontheUp]

-Fake name - with no hesitation when I asked his name

-His friend on the night we met not batting an eyelid at us kissing all night

-All the lies, lied about climbing mountians, lied about his dad dying, lied about where he lived, a WHOLE FAKE LIFE

-The fact that he got a new cell phone to enable him to conduct his affair with me (wouldnt that be very clever and insightful for a man who hasnt had an affair before?)

- Him replying "not many would go for that" when I asked if he would have an affair with somebody who knew he was married

-How easily he has thrown me under the bus

- That he said that if he was to come back that it would be just for the sex and its not necessarily that he wouldnt want that but that for now he needs to make it work with the wife

-The total fear I will tell the wife. I wonder if he has possibly been busted before.

 

 

Ok so I really don't know your full story but I've cut the list you put together. Honestly, what you should be telling yourself over and over again is that "I've had a lucky escape from this guy".

 

All he did was lie lie and lie again to you so he isn't worth a damn.

 

You seem like a really nice person who was tricked by a calculating a***hole. I really do sympathise with you. Sorry but why would you even consider taking somone back like this. Yes its over but hell you've had a lucky escape.

[JamesM]

what makes me think that he possibly hasnt done it before - and thats the fact that he was pretty nervous on our first night together. he wasnt particulaly smooth in his approach and took an age to pluck up the courgae to even kiss me. When we went to bed he was literally trembling. When I asked why he said he was nervous. Seems pretty insignificant alongside all the other stuff though - but I have never had a man do that before. . .it just kind of FEELS significant.

 

Please please if you reply dont say "what does it matter - its over" - if it didnt then i wouldnt post. This seems to be the last sticking point for me.

 

 

Well, no one seems to have addressed the question yet or else I missed their answer. I will give it my perspective as a married man...who has not been a serial cheater, but who can understand his feelings.

 

It may simply be that you were/are the first since he was busted. His nerves were the result of the fear that he may get caught and the fear/uncertainty/guilt as he breaks the promise that he made to his wife..."I will never do it again." This was my first thought when I read about his nerves. Kissing you is one thing...bad enough I am sure for his wife, but crossing over the lines into a sexual intercourse/affair means that he cannot back out without the possibility of his marriage ending.

 

-Fake name -

-His friend on the night we met not batting an eyelid at us kissing all night

-All the lies... a WHOLE FAKE LIFE

-The fact that he got a new cell phone to enable him to conduct his affair with me (wouldnt that be very clever and insightful for a man who hasnt had an affair before?)

- Him replying "not many would go for that" when I asked if he would have an affair with somebody who knew he was married

-How easily he has thrown me under the bus

- That he said that if he was to come back that it would be just for the sex

-The total fear I will tell the wife. I wonder if he has possibly been busted before.

 

The ones that I highlighted are the ones that were the reddest flags to me. To me his friends not really seeming to notice indicates that he does this often. But the cell phone simply means that he has planned for an affair and not that he has had one before. The lies he told could also be that he planned for an affair by thinking of a story.

 

The rest on the list would be true for me having never conducted an affair. He got rid of you easily because he realized that he could be caught. And the fear of his wife being told could go either way, but if I had never had an affair before and didn't know my wife's reaction, then I would be very scared. If I had done it before and she had forgiven me, then I may think that she will forgive me again....unless she said the next time would be the last.

 

So, my personal opinion is that he was into you for the sex. As hard as that is to hear, I think this is reality. This explains why he could drop you easily, tell you all sorts of lies, and have a cell phone just for you. Whether he is a serial cheater of not, that is debatable. It seems likely.

 

I know all of these things matter. You are trying to analyze each detail to see what you could have done differently. I am guessing that you want to know why you were fooled so easily. And now you want to know how you can avoid it for the next time.

 

While it is true that you need to move on and forget about him, the closure needed requires answers to all of your questions...even if they seem insignificant to others.

 

You will survive.

[frannie]

oh dear - I hope to god there are some of you that see a new post started by me and dont roll your eyes.

 

It was prompted by a recent post by a MM on here - which gave an insight to how much a MM can loose even if the wife dosent leave... I still find it so upsetting to think that I am the affair that has woken him up to how much he loves his wife. I feel jelious of her all over again that she has him.

 

I keep telling myself that he is a serial cheater and that he has dont this before - then I doubt myself as I dont really know. he said he isnt. But sure he is going to say that......

 

Well - thats been cathartic - even reading that back makes me fell very silly to type what makes me think that he possibly hasnt done it before...

 

 

Just snipped a few things from your post that I wanted to address.

 

Firstly, just keep posting! What's wrong with using the board for its intended purpose vent away, thrash through your problems!

 

As you say at the end of your post, just writing it all out was cathartic and helped you get your mind in order about it! Of course he's done it before. But even if he hadn't he is NOT a 'great man who made a mistake'. Almost everything in your list is disgusting, deceptive, premeditated, or shows him to be the lowlife that he is. And anything that he's doing or saying to his W now, and everything that he said to you once he'd been found out is nothing more than damage limitation. Just what needs to be done after the event, as much as the things he did and said before and during it were also what he had to do to get his way with YOU. Lies.

 

But I think you've got that.

 

I'm not surprised that that other thread threw you into a wobbler, imstunned. You know, the repentant MM who has found new closeness with his W. Even if it is true, it has nothing whatever to do with your MM and you. FM is claiming that his OW came on to him... not that he lied like mad making up a fantasy life to entrap her..?

 

Just keep on doing what you're doing, thinking it through... you have enough evidence based on what your xMM did to know what the score is.

 

Hope you're feeling better today.

[marlena]

Stun,

 

Lying is a fine honed art. You don't suddenly become a liar and such an adept one too. It means he has mastered the art over the years and can spin yarns without batting an eyelash. This, together with the red flags James bolded, makes me believe that he is not only a good liar but an expert con man as well. Don't ignore what is boldly staring at you right in the face. You can never get closure from this lying, twisted man. Give yourself closure by constantly reminding yourself of just how much of a lying, twisted man he is.

 

If he were a good man who happened to fall for another woman, he would not have disappeared off the face of the Earth under a false identity like he did. He would have doubts, relapses, emotional turmoil, want to see you again, want to explain, yes, and even see you again secretly. He did none of these things. He simply vanished off the face of the Earth hoping you wouldn't find him. This does not sound like a man with a moral dilemma. It sounds like a man who got caught and ran!

 

I am so sorry, Stun. I am only telling you these things because you need to stop deifying this man and see him for who or what he really was.

 

No, Stun, he was not a good man. Never will be. Hold onto that thought.

[Ariadne]

Hi,

 

Your guy is a true psychopath.

 

The reason he was trembling in bed was for the excitement to have you hooked on him. That's all.

 

You were his pray.

 

And the reason he didn't kiss you right away was to mess with you to make you want him more.

 

He didn't wake up to how much he loves his wife. He is a player that doesn't give a sht. He's done it thousands of times let me ensure you.

 

You think he is "oh so nice" as a product of his messing with your head, you don't even know where you are standing now.

 

Ariadne

[frannie]

You think he is "oh so nice" as a product of his messing with your head.

 

Very true.

[Love is Tragic]

oh dear - I hope to god there are some of you that see a new post started by me and dont roll your eyes. I just really need to offload and have you all kick my ass as I am going down the path of thinking my exmm is a nice guy again, and that in turn makes me want him badly.

 

It was prompted by a recent post by a MM on here - which gave an insight to how much a MM can loose even if the wife dosent leave. I had more or less settled on the fact that my exmm is a total looser then I read that and I have been feeling awful since. I have cried myself to sleep for the past couple of nights and cant sleep much for nightmares. I am doing well on focusing on other things generally - but the pain and upset is stil there and very very strong when it fights its way through. I still find it so upsetting to think that I am the affair that has woken him up to how much he loves his wife. I feel jelious of her all over again that she has him.

 

After I sent my last text last week he gave up pretty quickly on contacting me. If I'm honest - and I may as well be, I'm deeply dissapointed, though not suprised. I'm fighting the urge to text him something else to wind him up. I wont - but I do WANT TO.

 

I keep telling myself that he is a serial cheater and that he has dont this before - then I doubt myself as I dont really know. he said he isnt. But sure he is going to say that. I find it so much easier to deal with when I think of him as being a serial cheater rather than a man who made a one time mistake, who is now full of remorse. I dont cope with that very well.

 

The things that make me think he has done it before are -

 

-Fake name - with no hesitation when I asked his name

-His friend on the night we met not batting an eyelid at us kissing all night

-All the lies, lied about climbing mountians, lied about his dad dying, lied about where he lived, a WHOLE FAKE LIFE

-The fact that he got a new cell phone to enable him to conduct his affair with me (wouldnt that be very clever and insightful for a man who hasnt had an affair before?)

- Him replying "not many would go for that" when I asked if he would have an affair with somebody who knew he was married

-How easily he has thrown me under the bus

- That he said that if he was to come back that it would be just for the sex and its not necessarily that he wouldnt want that but that for now he needs to make it work with the wife

-The total fear I will tell the wife. I wonder if he has possibly been busted before.

 

Well - thats been cathartic - even reading that back makes me fell very silly to type what makes me think that he possibly hasnt done it before - and thats the fact that he was pretty nervous on our first night together. he wasnt particulaly smooth in his approach and took an age to pluck up the courgae to even kiss me. When we went to bed he was literally trembling. When I asked why he said he was nervous. Seems pretty insignificant alongside all the other stuff though - but I have never had a man do that before. . .it just kind of FEELS significant.

 

Please please if you reply dont say "what does it matter - its over" - if it didnt then i wouldnt post. This seems to be the last sticking point for me.

 

I am in the same shoes as you! I feel like, crap-why did i have to be the one that made him wake up and realize he wanted to be with his b*tch wife? why??? arrrrgggggg..... They are all scared to death their wives will find out, but it sure doesnt stop them from getting a piece on the side now does it? I sure havent been an angel myself, but ill be damned if i throw someone under a bus that i care about and love so deeply, no matter the cost. Ive had people tell me that he probably does this all the time, but in my heart i really dont think so-he told me hes been unfaithful before, but it was just messing around and not actual sex except for one one-night stand that he didnt even enjoy.

 

It just feels like going back to square one, where you dont even know where the truth started and the lies picked up. hugs though!!!

[imstunned]

Thanks so much for the replies. Just the responses that I was looking for. I cant be allowing myself to believe that my exm is a nice guy. And thankfully though a couple of months ago your words would have probably had me sobbing - today they help me keep seeing things clearly.

 

I KNOW that it dosent really matter if he has done it before or not - the outcome is the same - I'm under the bus and its over, but it does help me move on. I find it so so hard thinking that he is full of remorse and guilt and all that stuff and so so in love with his wife. That would suggest that he is capable of real feelings, and I think he must be a bit of an emotional retard to do what he has done!!

 

I think he has done it before- James - thanks for replying, even to hear a male perspective on things helps - just wanted to point out that him trembling was the first time we were ever intimate - 8 months or so before the wife called me.

 

Thanks to everyone for your replies- I'm literally just in from work, and I skim read them, but I will read them all properly - and no doubt OVER and OVER again, just to keep reminding myself that my exmm is a first class A** hole!!

[child_of_isis]

Most likely IS's exMM will tell his BS the same if he gets busted.

 

Usually if the MM portrays OW as chasing him, OW was fixing to bust him out. MM pulls first punch and admits the A, then goes into psycho OW mode.

 

These guys are so freaking predictable it's pathetic.

 

 

You know, the repentant MM who has found new closeness with his W. Even if it is true, it has nothing whatever to do with your MM and you. FM is claiming that his OW came on to him... not that he lied like mad making up a fantasy life to entrap her..?

 

.

[marlena]

These guys are so freaking predictable it's pathetic.

 

 

Exactly!!!!

[imstunned]

Hi - me AGAIN! I have read and re-read your replies. Thankfully my self esteem seems to have come from out of the gutter- I find myself thinking- "how CAN he not want me - whats wrong with him" (more fogginess??) but I'm still so so upset.

 

I have laid awake for the past TWO nights for hours just unable to get to sleep. I keep thinking of everything he said, all the climbing tales, the tales of the men on his expeditions that died, of him dead or dying, and then finally DEAD - and I just cant seem to get over it. When I say get over it I mean kind of get my head around it. Its like a new fresh wonder everytime I remember everything that he lied about. Its like - WOW! WTF - all over again. The only progress is that it dosent reduce me to a sobbing wreck everytime.

 

I just feel so sad, and empty. And dare I even admit it - I MISS THE HELL OUT OF HIM! Or the him I thought he was.

 

Its been hepful to have your responses to whether he is a serial cheater or not - one thing I forgot to put on the list was that there was only one friend on the night I met him - he said to me "you dont want to get involved with X" when he had popped to get drinks. I cant figure if that is good or bad. Also - his friends knew about me for sure - he spoke to them from my house - and to others when he was on the phone to me!! Maybe they all have affairs?? Funny though - now I'm not so sure that he does. Really not so sure.

 

Regardless he was horrible to me - and the truest indicator of his level of feelings to me has been the way he has ditched me after his wife caught onto my existence. I texted to him weeks ago that I feel like I am dead to him, and I am and it KILLS ME!!

 

Any way - thank god for you all.

[Sammy75]

(((hugs))) You can't help how you feel. It doesn't help to say time heals, even though it probably does.

[marlena]

It doesn't help to say time heals, even though it probably does.

 

It does. Time and distance will dull the sharp edges. Trauma is like a scar that heals but never disappears entirely. You will carry it within you for life but in time it will cease to cause you any pain. One day, you look at the scars and smile....Like wrinkles, they all have a very poignant story to tell.

[imstunned]

This relapse has lasted longer than I thought it would. I'm back in no mans land - missing him like crazy - jelious of the wife, thinking he must be a nice guy as he evidently loves his wife as he has totally cut me off. Imagining happy families etc. Made no easier by all the families I see out and about christmas shopping etc. its like some from of torture!! And I get so angry as I never ever thought I'd be in this situation.

 

I was out last night but it all just feels like a total facade. Like the hugest front I am putting on, and it takes so much energy. But it was go out or spend another night browsing through this forum, which of late I have found difficult due to all the kind of fights that seem to be going on. Unfortunately I still very much need to post here so dont feel I cant take a break or anything.

 

I'm beginning to feel like infidelity - or affairs are just normal and to be excpected. I am surrounded by people who are sleeping around on their SO's back, and last night my old friend who I have recently caught up with told me that he has just started an affair with a married woman. Its two weeks in. She has two kids. I told him that the chances of her leaving her husband of years and years was slim to nothing. He told me that his situation was different to mine as she has never lied to him like my exmm did me. He says its ok as he knows she is married. I pointed out that though she may not be lying to him she is lying to her HUSBAND for sure. The one she took her vows to!!!!! He showed me the texts from her. He said it wasnt just about sex. I thought that with my ex mm too. I dont want to see him going through what I am going through but he wouldnt listen. Who does??

 

I just feel like its in my face a bit at the moment and the silliest thing about it is that I am so jelious because my relationship is OVER.

 

He never cared about me and never will. I find it so hard to take. And its even harder with all the wars going on here at the moment. I'm trying to move on, really really am trying very hard, but I feel like I am stuck again.

[LucreziaBorgia]

I feel bad for your friend. Its like watching a trainwreck happen when you just survived one yourself. I would wager that nearly everyone who gets themselves into an affair thinks theirs is 'different'. People probably wouldn't get into them otherwise. Who on earth would willingly walk into a relationship with someone if they knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that they were liars and cheats with sociopathic emotional tendencies? Our hearts betray us by blinding us to those things, and so our minds follow by saying "my MM/MW is different. My MM/MW would never lie to me like." and so on. Love is a wonderful thing - it can lead you to beautiful places. It can also lead you right off the edge of a cliff to emotional death.

 

How many are really different? How many MM/MW would delay an affair, divorce properly, date appropriately after the divorce, and then start a meaningful honest and open relationship after everything is said and done? Heck, how many do the decent thing, period - much less do it in a healthy timeline? Not many.

 

So, why the self delusion? Because our hearts can't take the alternative, and our heads rationalize things in such a way as to save the most amount of pain. Instead of the enlightenment necessary to see MM/MW for what they really are and what the apocalyptic outcome will be - our minds give us false hope, wishful thinking, and worse of all denial.

 

You are still hurting. You will be up and down for a while yet. Just focus on your up times, and get yourself through the down ones.

[woe_is_me]

hey Stunned..even i cried just two mornings ago because i suppose of how scarred ive been left.

I was really tired though .. i knew that. I've been spending a lil bit too much time online..talking to this guy... he has my cell phone number and i have his home number... i also have his cell phone number..

I called it and a girl answered ...LOL Gee i know how to pick them ..

 

Anyway ill be back to wish u all the best for chrissy and the new year...

 

Tc everyone....

[marlena]

As always, amazing post LB!

 

Stun,

Like LB said, one day your mind will stop rationalizing this in a way that suits your aching heart and you will see this man in all his true colours. He will no longer be the imposter that he is. When that day comes, you will feel like a great burden has been magically lifted off your weary shoulders.

 

Your relapses are part of the process of healing. Soon they will occur less and less frequently as slowly but surely the fog will start to lift.

 

Christmas will be difficult for you so lean on friends and family as much as you can. Try to concentrate on giving your child the best Christmas ever. It will keep your mind off your woes for a while. Make a concsious decision and a Herculean effort not to be miserable for the sake of that child. I know that my daughter (eight at the time of my divorce and 4 when we separated for a year) was my inspiration and my sustaining influence. Children can be a great source of strength.

[frannie]

This relapse has lasted longer than I thought it would. I'm back in no mans land - missing him like crazy - jelious of the wife, thinking he must be a nice guy as he evidently loves his wife as he has totally cut me off. Imagining happy families etc.

 

He never cared about me and never will.

 

imstunned, how can he possibly be a "nice guy" after what he did to you? Or do you not count as a human being worthy of respect and good treatment? What he did to you was disgusting. Even his friend warned you against him, which shows that his friends even disapprove of his behaviour.

 

You're right, he didn't care about you. He used to and tossed you aside. So how does that make him a "nice guy"? There's something illogical going on here, imstunned. A man who does that to another person is not, and never can be considered a "nice guy".

[imstunned]

I know - I know it dosent make anysense - but he treated me like that as he dosent care about ME. I bet he is being lovely and full of remorse to his wife as he LOVES HER.

 

I just find the whole thing so horrible. I was right about what I said about how it speaks volumes that he hasnt contacted me at all (apart from on the back of me cotnacting him). Thats partly why I'm thinking he must be decent - ditch me so he can re-build his marriage. If he was a scum bag wouldnt he come back? I'm so confused about it all, all over again. I just want to go to bed at night and not know that I will wake in a few hours and not be able to get back to sleep for thinking about the whole thing. How could somebody have a relationship with somebody for 8 months and not give a toss about them? How can men have sex with a woman over that period of time and not develop ANY feeling towards them whatsoever? Why all the 2 hour long phone converstations? i dont get it.

 

Friends last night told me that the best way to get over a man is to get under another. But its just not me. I'm hopeless at causal sex.

[imstunned]

me again. I'm upset. I'm crying. I need to offload.

 

I'm trying to move on. I'm going out more than I ever have in the past 8 months. A while ago I got an e-mail from a male friend at the same time as I found out that ex was married. We went outfor a drink. We ended up kissing - I had had a bit to drink but I'm sure the conversation from him went a little like "I'm not looking for anything at the moment, but lets see what happens" etc. I went home rather than go back to his with him. It felt too soon. I texted saying we shouldnt ruin our friend ship by having sex. We had kept in touch.

 

I had wondered if I had made a mistake with him, I have known him for years but not very well, but I think he is a really decent guy. I know I sound very confused, and I am currently really upset as last week I aksed him if he fancied meeting up tomorrow night. He said to play it by ear as things are hectic for him. So I texted tonight asking how he is fixed for that drink after the exhibition openening we are both going to (though I doubt I now will). he texted saying he will be at the opening but after is meeting his "new chick".

 

I feel like I have been slapped in the face and rejected all over again. Yet another man choosing another woman over me. What the hell is wrong with me that this keeps happening. Am I over reacting. I hope I am over reacting. Is this normal to be so upset? I cant think straight. Should I just stear clear from all men. Am I not seeing things straight?

 

Sorry to post such a garbled and confused post - I just feel so upset and I dont know why. I try to move on - even "date" and i think its a bad idea.