no talking, no sex, kind of a rant

[spooty]

me and my bf haven't had sex in 2 weeks. we're college students and both live on campus so it's not like we can't reach each other!

we only have sex at his place because he's friends with my roommates and won't do anything in my apt. but he invites me over very rarely, and not to sleep over anymore. i like to sleep over but if i start dropping hints that i'd like to come over and it's after 11pm he'll get pissy and say i'm too needy.

he's like best friends with my roommate, and they're taking a skiing class together (6-10:30 pm 4 classes) next semester and i know it's going to kill me. i feel like he's making me a friend, he's talked to her about how we go through cycles of being just friends and being more, but he's the one that does it by putting too much distance between us. i like having TIME to myself, but he doesn't ever just take time, he creates emotional DISTANCE.

i've told him that i don't feel like we're really going out anymore, and his solution is for me to "be stronger and need less" but it's not about being needy, it's about showing that we're in a relationship! to him words are enough but i need some sort of action confirmation, like eating meals together, having sex, or just talking about more than school! but to him, emotional conversations are for other people.

 

guys, when you have an emotionally intimate friendship with a girl, is there an aspect of love or attraction? he constantly tells me he views this girl as "a dude" and she's not as good as me (like i have more potiential in life or something like that) but i read some chat logs and he's said he likes her voice (it's screechy!) and that she's pretty (these are very old ones that she saved from 3 years ago) and the more recent ones, he talks to her about all his insecurities about graduating and how he wants to be friends afterwards. of course he didn't tell me that he was even graduating this year! for us after graduation will be that 5 year break that he wants for us to become "stronger people"

 

if you love someone, do you send them off for 5 years (we've been together for 5) to grow up? i feel like he's just copping out on breaking up and getting rid of me that way. but when i say that he says i'm being stupid and immature. he wants me to not need him at all, and that any relationships in life are just bonus because you should make yourself happy. i want a relationship that grows, so this is a major conflict of wants/needs.

 

i hate when he calls me immature! my roommate is an immature princess that never learned to live without daddy's money and literally screams for attention and he doesn't think she's immature!!

[spooty]

he hasn't talked to me in 2 days, and he's offline which is unusual because he's always on AIM.

my roommate is missing too, she's been gone for a few hours. i keep thinking they are together, they do ride horses at the same place and i think he goes today, though i'm not sure since he hides it from me! he was angry when i brought it up, saying he didn't want to share that with me. but i told him i was upset because i thought he was cheating (he was being very sneaky after all!)

i don't know what to do, i'm freaking out here. he wants to have a party tomorrow and i don't want to be there if i get drunk i'm gonna wanna shout "you know you're in love with kelsey so just f*** her and get it over with!" or something like that. i usually have trouble letting loose and getting angry, and i don't pick fights unless it's something i feel very strongly about. though on the other hand i don't want to leave and have them both at my apt drunk and alone together!

 

the last time i tried to break up with him i was truly ready, but he held me in his room until i calmed down and agreed to his "plans" for us. basically he told me to "quit being a needy bitch and when we get back together in 5 years you need to be grown up" but he spun it in such a way that it sounded nice.

 

even if i break up with him he'll still come over (his TV and other stuff are here) and he'll get even closer with my roommate, and she'll probably let him come over!

 

a long time ago when a guy was getting friendly with me, i thought it was innocent but he said "there is no such thing as a platonic friendship between a guy and a girl" and i remember it now.

[zilverenvlinder]

I'm really sorry, sweety. This is a similar situation to mine and I hate to tell you, but it sounds like something is going on. Men are pigs, aren't they?

 

Keep this in mind: Men are not too creative with passwords, in case you want to try his email. Use his dog's name, his favorite sports team, et cetera, and I guarantee you will "hack" it within 15 or less tries. This is how I caught mine. If that fails, get a keylogger.

 

Yes, I DO condone snooping, because men ARE pigs. I actually wish mine would snoop on me for once.

 

I say that in general. I don't mean ALL men, of course. I just wish I could find one that WAS NOT a pig.

 

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I hope once you discover his filthy ways you will leave him. I know it's hard but if you make the wrong choice, like I did, you will regret it even more in six months. Best of luck to you, dear.

[spooty]

i do get his chat logs when i can! and once i posed as my roommate drunk to see what i could get him to say of course he said "i like when you talk like this" and it was me! damn! i didn't get him to say anything bad though, just that he wants to stay in contact after graduation and visit her at her house.

he's been more sneaky with his computer, like putting up a password when he's gone and not leaving it around me. his passwords are tough because he's paranoid, though it usually has something to do with captain america! or the bottom row if it's not important.

i don't keep a history on my computer because he liked to go on and find embarrassing sites i've been to and i don't want him to see where i go on youporn! i only protect my computer because of embarrassment, and i don't lock it with a password. he knows my email password and i haven't changed it.

also i did the close window thing when chatting because i was talking to other people about relationship stuff. so that got him a little suspicious, but i don't know if his protectiveness of this computer is because of that or because he has something else to hide.

[truckdriving]

You're right men in general are pigs. some of them are just pigs some of the time. I definitely think there is something going on. I always want to share my hobbies with my girl and the fact that your bf doesnt makes me very suspicious. And the things you have mentioned about him give you permission to snoop, in my mind anyways